One Crappy Weekend

Hmmm...where do I start after the pile of crap that was last weekend? I suppose I should start with the game that angered me the most, which, ironically, was the only game the Cubs won in their series against the White Sox. You see, I seriously thought I was headed for a "Teddy KGB when he realized that Mike had figured out that Oreos were his tell" moment as I drove home from work last Friday, listening to Pat and Ron call the 8th and 9th innings. And, while I was happy that the Cubs won, the performance of the team in the late innnings is precisely why this team has about as much chance of winning the World Series as Bernie Madoff has of being asked to teach an ethics course at the Harvard School of Business.

What was your favorite part of the last two innings, Cubs fans? Was it Thome's line drive that Derrek Lee lost in the sun? Was it the leadoff walk to Gordon Beckham? The subsequent walk to Alexei Ramirez? Perhaps Jermaine's high fly ball that dropped for a hit after Soriano and Andres Blanco ran into each other as if they were starring in a Three Stooges remake? Was it Kevin Gregg's two-out, ninth-inning walk to a guy hitting .233- -a walk which undoubtedly ensured that those Cubs fans who actually survived the 8th without having to grab a defibulator would also need a visit to Dr. John Carter (Yes, I know that it was the 3-2-3 double play that Sean Marshall induced A.J. Pierzynski to grounded into perserving the win. Let me have my sarcasm, please).

You see, even though I am thrilled that the Cubs won, I have to admit that it may actually have been better if they had lost the game. While the team escaped with a win, what happened in the late innings simply cannot be ignored. Yet, in my opinion it largely has been. It was BAD baseball, the kind that the team plays on essentially a daily basis, the type that already has me counting the days until Patrick Kane and his teammates lace up the skates, and the type that makes me angrier than Joanna Krupa after spending a couple of days with Terrell Owens.

(Yes, I know the Bears start before the Blackhawks. Show me a receiver who will not make me long for Brian Baschnagel and Kenny Margerum and maybe I will join you in drinking the orange and blue kool-aid).

* Of course, the media had bigger fish to fry following the game, given Lou and Hasbro Suckstein's "conversation." I simply do not know what to say about Hasbro anymore. It suppose that then-Arizona Cardinals coach Dennis Green said it best at least when it comes to his behavior and disruptive tendencies... Hasbro is who we thought he was.

It really is as simple as this... if you buy a Red Rider Carbon Action 200-Shot Model Air Rifle and your son shoots his eye out, you should not be surprised. If you pay Mike Tyson to entertain at your child's birthday party, you have to assume that one of the kids is going to go home without his left ear. And, if you sign a guy who has had more incidents than all-star appearances, eventually there is going to be trouble. Of course, from a on-field perspective, you probably would have thought that he would have more RBI than Juan Pierre and Stephen Hawking Hairston, which he does not. Heck, he has fewer RBI and the same number of home runs as Khalil Greene who has spent considerable time on the DL thanks to the fact that apparently makes Alton Benes seem like a social extrovert.

* Even after Marmol's adventure on Friday, there he was again on Saturday, taking his 1.67 WHIP (walks and hits per innnings pitched) to the mound in the bottom of the 8th. And, wait...are you sitting down... there he was giving up another lead. Now despite the fact that prior to an admittedly well-pitched inning last night versus the Pirates, Marmol had given up 20 walks in his last 13 innings and I, therefore, want to see him enter a game about as much as I want to clean a Taste of Chicago porta-potty with my tongue, I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that Lou really does not have much of a choice. Smack dab in the middle of my Teddy KGB impersonation on Friday, I screamed "Why does he keep bringing him in?!?" Well, RT reader and occasional commenter AllInOnTheFirstHand, just happened to be the unfortunate soul with whom I was on the phone when I lost my mind and hit the nail on the head when he asked "Who in the heck else are they going to put in?"

Consider the options... Aaron Heilman and his 1.62 WHIP? Jose Ascanio and his 1.76? Wade Miller and his 86 home runs given up in eleven games as a member of the Scranton Paper Kings Semi-Pro team? Joe Borowski and his 72,000 Quarter Pounders With Cheese made in the last six months? Roberto Novoa? The sad truth is that Marmol is the best he can throw out there. Let's hope his inning of walkess and hitless relief last night is a sign of better things to come.

* What has become evident is that, while the Cubs certainly miss and need Aramis, with Jake Fox continuing to hit, right now they may need Angel Guzman even more. That said, I, for one, am wondering whether Ramirez can throw a slider. Perhaps Fox has a knuckler that nobody has mentioned.

* My favorite moment of Saturday's game had to be Scott Podsednik's "discussion" with the second base umpire after being called out for oversliding second base. Pods was incredulous that the umpire actually had the gall to call him out, continuously asking "Are you really going to call that?" The ump's reaction was perfect, saying "That's why I am out here," and "What do you think I am going to do, ignore it?"

Um...how long has Pods been in the major leagues? Look Scotty, maybe Mrs. Podsednik looks the other way when you wash her panties in warm water instead of cold and violate other house rules, but the ump has a job and he needs to do it. If you missed it, it truly was a priceless exchange.

* Now, I trust that nobody who reads the Random Thoughts is going to buy me a ticket to San Pedro de Macoris so I can visit the childhood home of Alfonso Soriano for my birthday, unless thet want to receive a donation to the Human Fund in return. The bottom line is that I like Soriano only slightly more than Hawk Harrelson and Adam Morrison.

And on Sunday, I was reminded of why. Soriano led off the game with a sharp line drive that did not quite split the left and center fielders, but that made it all the way to the warning track. Soriano lollygagged his way to first base and, as result, was held to a single. An inning and one-half later, Paul Konerko hit a ball in the exact same spot, but hustled all the way and, as a result, ended up with a double. Now, remember that Konerko once lost a footrace to Roseanne Barr and she was carrying John Goodman on her back at the time. So let's see here... Soriano can't hit for power anymore, whiffs at pitches that are so bad that even Stevie Wonder would not take a swing, plays left field about as well as Bobby Brady played the drums, and can't even bother to play hard. Nice.

* If you missed Sunday's game, all you really have to know is that Ryan Freel was the Cubs WGN Player of the Game, celebrating his bloop single, his drawing of a walk, and the fact that he "brushed off" getting hit in the shoulder by a John Danks' retaliation pitch. Freel's "honor" reminds me of possibly the worst game the Indiana Hoosiers played during my four years in Bloomington when they lost at Minnesota by fifty points. The player of the game was Pat Knight who was given the designation in appreciation of his six points, four rebounds, and seven father/ coach inflicted bruises.

Naming Freel as the player of the game is like being named the best juggler in a room full of one-armed clowns.

Have a great day!!

**Sports Trivia Question of the Day: Great question on Fox's Saturday broadcast of the Cubs-Sox. What opposing player has hit the most home runs at U.S. Comiskular?