Last night, after watching James Posey do his best Mike Singletary impersonation, I headed down to my local "Why Hawk Harrelson is a Pompous Jerk" meeting and had the opportunity to share drinks and swap stories with ex-White Sox Frank Thomas. A few beers into our conversation, the Big Hurt agreed to spill the beans about his sixteen seasons with the south siders. He talked in frightening detail about Jack McDowell and his unwavering preference for blondes, including the infamous night in Anaheim when Jack and Wilson Alvarez met up with Sharon Stone and tried to reenact scenes from Basic Instinct (poor Alvarez ended up on the DL for three weeks and Black Jack has gone sans panties ever since). He was bursting with priceless information and I proved to be just the man onto whom he elected to unload the White Sox' deepest, darket secrets (To read more of this story, including the story of what really happened at The Manhole on that fateful July night, assuring that Ozzie will never -- and I mean never -- fire Joey Cora, please subscribe to be a RT Sucker, er, I mean, Insider by clicking on the $$$ link).
I was also successful in reaching Bears' General Manager Jerry Angelo on the telephone early this morning. Trust me when I say that tomorrow's draft day is going to be a BIG day for the Bears. Let's just say that if I'm Brian Urlacher, I'm not getting too comfortable in my Chicago digs and I'm strongly considering heading to my local Borders to buy a city guide to Detroit (first page: Come see the Automotive Hall of Fame! Come see the studio where The Temptations recorded "My Girl!" Come drive by Jerome Bettis' childhood house!!!!). Prepare Chicago for a full-scale Joey Harrington invasion! For in-depth information on the Bears' plans, $$$ please become a RT Insider.
I have also found Stephen Hawking Hairston Jr.'s brain. To find out up whose ass it was wedged, please subscribe to our new RT Insider service $$$.
Kid Corey rewarded Orioles' manager Sam Perlozzo for including him in the lineup Thursday. Want to find out what happened? Become an RT Insider today! $$$
Jessica Alba has the nicest set of... To read the rest of this sentence, subscribe to be an RT Insider!!!
Look, if you don't become an RT Insider, you're access to my Random Thoughts is going to be severely curtailed. In fact, my daily free post is likely going to look something like this...
"Cubs...dumb baseball. Walks! Aaargh. Sox. Uh huh. Some guy did something. I like sports. Dee Brown. Dee Brown. Dee Brown. Meaningless reference to the CHiPS or Beverly Hills Ninja."
It will be exactly like listening to Chris Singleton call a Sox game.
Obviously I am trying to make a point and I trust that those of you who are frequent visitors to ESPN's website will have no trouble figuring out what it is. Want to read the details of Ricky Williams and Rashaan Salaam debate over the best place to but pot in Milwaukee? Pay! Want to see what excuse Mark Buerhle is using for his Wednesday loss to Seattle? Pay! Want to see whether the Bulls have a legitimate chance of signing Slava Medvedenko? Pay! (Wait a minute, on second thought, don't pay on that last one...)
By the way, I'm guessing that Buerhle is claiming that the Mariners had Bigfoot perched on the top of the Space Needle and were stealing signs...
I understand the phenomenon. I really do. And frankly, I suppose I cannot blame ESPN and others from charging people for access to their web content. Hey, it's a business and the objective remains to make as much cash as you can. But, that does not meant that it is not incredibly frustrating. I remember a day, not too long ago, when you could visit espn.com and all the information was there for you. Want to read Jerry Krause's explanation for why trading Elton Brand for Tyson Chandler and (don't forget) the legendary Brian Skinner was such a fabulous idea? Want a psychiological explanation on why peeing on your hands makes Moises Alou a better hitter? Want a review of the current sanitary condition of all the holding cells in the Chicagoland area? Just click on the link and read precisely what Alonzo Spellman has to say.
Things sure have changed since the good ol' days. It seems as though the only complimentary resources on ESPN.com, CBSSportsline.com and their bretheren these days are raw statistics and profiles of NBDL players (check for the Dee Brow...Oh, I just can't do it! After all, I've made promises). Yes, it makes sense but I will let my dear friend Eric Cartman sum it up... (all together now) "It's a bunch of tree-hugging, hippie crap!"
Anyway, what a terrific game the Bulls played last night! Yes, Miami was bad and, no, I have no idea when Shaquille O'Neal turned into Dickie Simpkins, but let's not take anything away from the Bulls. They were agressive, made key shots and played solid, team basketball. I truly believe that if this team had a little more maturity and a solid post presence on both ends of the floor, they would be a legitimate title contender.
Speaking of lacking maturity, in the first line of this post I mentioned James Posey's impersonation of Mike Singletary. For those of you who missed it, Posey slammed his shoulder into Kirk Hinrich and was immediately ejected from the game. Those who were close by, including most notably the NBA's Senior Vice President of Basketball Operations Stu Jackson, claim that Posey seemed to be sizing up Hinrich as the two headed up the floor. I don't know if the act was planned long in advance, but it is clear that it was intentional and I suspect that Mr. Posey will be watching Game 4 from his downtown Chicago hotel room.
Posey's ejection was followed by a full scale meltdown by the Heat. In the next six seconds, Antoine Walker and Udonis Haslem were also given technical fouls. The problem is that, as a Bulls fan, I'm not so sure that this is a good thing. I tend to agree with Scott Skiles' assessment that the Heat are going to be one angry bunch of basketball players on Sunday. If the Bulls can weather the inevitable punch that Miami is going to deliver in the first six minutes of the game, they may actually be able to win the game, place a seed of doubt in the Heat players' head and take the series to the limit. That said, I'm sticking with my original prediction of Heat in 5.
Other notes from the Bulls game:
- Steve Kerr is, not suprisingly, a terrific television commentator. He is genuinely funny and adds great insight to the broadcast. His best line came after TNT put a graphic up showing that with last night's win the Bulls are now 8-0 at home in the playoffs versus the Heat. Steve deadpanned, "yeah but seven of those wins came during the Bill Wennigton/ Jud Buechler years."
- I watched the game on TNT instead of Comcast Sportsnet for three reasons: (1) Comcast stinks; (2) TNT is available in Hi-Def on DirecTV; and (3) as I mentioned, on Tuesday, the incessant whining about the officiating of Tom Dore, Red Kerr and Stacey "Where's the Buffet" King is way over the top.
- Give TNT a lot of credit for poking fun at the "sell everything" mentality of television. The segment "Steve Kerr's Keys" (or something like that) included the tag line "Still No Sponsorship!!!"
- I don't know why, but it was nice to see Michael Jordan at the game and cheering for the Bulls like he actually cares.
- Luke Schenscher is not good.
- I'd still strongly consider trading Ben Gordon for the right package of players.
Moving on from the Bulls, reports indicate that a number of White Sox players spent their off day hanging out with Hef at the Playboy Mansion. Hey, Jose Contreras, bet you'd extra happy that you floated on over on that bedpost raft now, aren't you? Havana can have the Copacabana and Lola and Rico and all that, I'll take the Girls Next Door. It will be interesting to see whether Tail Chaser Anderson makes it to the game tonight and whether he has a permanent smile on his face. Nice to be in the big leagues, eh kid?
It must also be nice to be the defending World Champions. I suspect the Cubs don't get invited to the Playboy Mansion on their off-days. Heck, the pitching staff spends the day at the Southern California Shoulder Clinic, youngsters Weasley, Marshall, Guzman and Cedeno probably head over to ride the teacups at Disneyland, and Stephen Hawking Hairston Jr. probably heads over the television lots to catch a taping of the new Fox reality special "World's Dumbest Athletes."
Interesting Playboy Mansion Fact of the Day (Because I'm about more than sports): The original Mansion, located on State Street (that great street) in Chicago, had a sign on the door with the words "Si Non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare" on a brass plate. Translation: "If you don't swing, don't ring."
Interesting Playboy Mansion Fact of the Day II: Tired of your children playing ultra-violent video games? Tired of seeing them hoot and holler at the sight of video blood streaming out of a guy's head? Perhaps you may wish to consider buying them "Playboy: The Mansion" available for your Playstation 2 game system. Similar to The Sims (which suprisingly has nothing to do with Jon), in the game, players take on the role of Hef and try to build an pornography empire while facing conservative do-gooders around every corner. You hire staff, hold parties, ogle topless beauties. I'm not making this stuff up people...
What ever happened to the days of Pac-Man, Pitfall and Space Invaders?
Corey-o-Meter: Boy, that Lenny Bruce DVD sure did the trick. Starting and batting seventh in the order, Kid Corey went 3-4 with 1 run scored, 2 RBI and 2 stolen bases. Perhaps an Andy Kaufmann video is in order for tonight. Season: .222 average, 1 HR, 6RBI, 6 SB
Yes, tomorrow is the NFL draft. So, who are the Bears going to select? I have no clue, but with the draft only one day away, we only have to put up with Mel Kiper Jr. for another 24 hours or so. Quick question that has been bothering me for years: if Kiper is such a tremendous judge of talent and is truly an expert on the draft, then why doesn't he, I don't know, have a job in player personnel with an actual NFL team?
The truth is that player evaluation is an in-exact science and the "experts" often know little more than old Mrs. Rosenberg who lives on the corner and owns 63 cats. Most of you know that I do not like to give Bob Knight accolades, but I can't help but think about the famous prank that he pulled in the early 1990's. Upset with the so called recruiting "experts" (and with the sports media in general), Knight announced that Iniana had gotten a commitment from Ivan Renko, a 6'10 freak-of-nature from Eastern Europe. Within a day, numerous recruiting services published recruit profiles of Renko, describing his shooting ability, rebounding and other characteristics. The problem? Renko was completely made up by Knight. I'm secretly hoping that we find out that the same is true about that thing Freddie Bynum.
New Orleans seems to hold one of the keys to the draft and their "dilemma" is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Reggie Bush is going to go to Houston with the #1 pick and, having signed quarterback Drew Brees as a free agent, the Saints are unlikely to take either Matt Leinart or Vince Young. That leaves them with either D'Brickashaw Ferguson or Mario Williams. The problem with Ferguson is that the team does not seem sold on him as a cornerstone offensive lineman and the problem with DE Williams is that the Saints already have two solid, young defensive ends.
Apparently, the player that New Orleans really likes is erstwhile Ohio State Linebacker A.J. Hawk and the Saints certainly could use a talented LB. But almost all draft experts agree that the Saints will draft Williams and Hawk will go to Green Bay with the #5 pick. Why, you ask? Because all the experts agree that the second pick is "too high" for Hawk. Excuse me? Does this make any sense to anyone? Yes, Williams may have more talent, but shouldn't you take the player who fits your most pressing need. I mean, it's not like they are looking to draft Jim Morrissey with the #2 pick. This whole situation makes about as much sense as the fact that Mark Bellhorn is still collecting a major league paycheck.
Finally, if you have not seen the video of bonus-baby Delmon Young throwing his bat at the umpire, be sure to check it out. Young, the #1 overall draft pick in the 2003 ameteur draft and the 2005 Baseball America Minor League Player of the Year, was upset with a called third strike and responded as any level-headed male would, by tossing his bat at the ump. Now, obviously Young is going to be suspended and I have seen 60-days and the full season thrown around as possible penalties. I, however, have some other ideas in mind. Should Young...
A. Be forced to watch the entire Season 2 DVD of Joanie Loves Chachi (was there a Season 2?)
B. Have to get in the ring with former Knicks and nut cases Anthony Mason and Xavier McDaniel in the return episode of Celebrity Boxing
C. Be forced to listen to Fran Drescher read the New York City phone book
D. None of the Above
Post your idea for the best punishment!
And you don't even have to be a Random Thoughts Insider to do it...
** The answer to yesterday's trivia question was Vida Blue, who won the MVP as a member of the Oakland A's in 1971.
*!*!*: Please be sure to actually click on the $$$ link that appears throughout the top-half of this post!!!!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
What? No Mention of The Joker's Wild?
So, Roger Favre has announced that he will be returning to Green Bay for a 15th and final season. You really can't blame him can you? I mean...no...playing for the Packers in not likely to let him add many wins to his current career total of 139. And...no...it is not guaranteed that Favre throws the 25 touchdown passes that he needs to surpass Dan Marino as the all-time leader. And I also suspect that Favre's comment that "football is in my blood" is not the main reason that he is returning. So why come back to get the crap knocked out of you week after week? Did John Madden promise to stop leaving his panties on the couple's bathroom floor? Nah, Favre is returning because of two little words...free painkillers. I mean, have you seen the current retail price of Vicodin these days?
Did you know? Favre is the only three-time winner of the MVP in the history of the NFL. Better memorize that if you're going to impress Meredith Viera and win the big money on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?.
Speaking of aging all-time greats, Brett Clemens has still not made up his mind regarding whether he will play this season. Primarily interested in restoring his a prisitine image, maybe he's waiting to see whether Major League Baseball will adopt a new rule that erases all memory of events in which players (1) get kicked out of ALCS games in the second inning for cursing at umpires (see 1990 ALCS Game 2); (2) throw jagged pieces of bat at opposing players (see Game 2 of the 2000 World Series); and (3) respond to giving up a home run to your son, by throwing a 95-mph fastball at his head. Or maybe he is still just waiting to get his dry cleaning back.
Going back to Clemens' unique brand of child abuse...is it really that suprising that he would we willing to hit his own son? I mean this is a guy who once said about recognized humanitarian and gentle-giant Hank Aaron "I wish he were still playing. I'd probably crack his head open to show him how valuable I was" in response to comments Aaron made regarding whether pitchers should be eligible to win the MVP.** Nice guy. Makes Buddy Hinton, the blond guy from The Karate Kid and the Alpha Betas at Adams College seem like nice guys.
Despite a stellar career at the University of Texas, I'm sorry to announce that Clemens is not among the five players who will make up the first class of enshrinees in the college baseball Hall of Fame. There is certainly no shame in losing out to famous Bird-Killer Dave Winfield, former Cub-Killer Will Clark, former grand slam home run-killer Robin Ventura (I believe he is the only player in history to have officially hit a "grand slam single" in the NLCS), and former Japanese league pitcher-killer Bob Horner. But former-Cub Brooks Kieschnick? Heck, with his career .214 average in a Cubs uniform, some may argue that he joins the aforementioned Will Clark as a Cub-killer (of course, 70% of the National League from 1980-2005 qualifies...Jeff Blauser... Carlos Beltran... Rob Mackowiak... pretty much any backup catcher).
Who are your most memorable Cub killers? You know what to do... Well, most of you, anyway.
Interesting notes of the day on the first class of college baseball Hall of Fame inductees: Bob Horner once held the major league record for most home runs without hitting a grand slam (or a grand slam single) to start a career (210). That record ws broken by Steroid Sammy when his 248th career home run cleared the bases (no confirmation regarding whether Matt Mieske was one of the runners who scored on Sammy's blast). Brooks Kieschnick remains the only two-time winner of the Dick Howser Trophy, given to the college baseball player of the year. You'll thank me when such crucial knowledge helps you Stump the Schwaub.
Look, you all know how I feel about bases on balls, so I am not going to waste yout time with another diatribe on the importance of throwing the ball over the plate (no, instead I'm going to waste your time by pointing out the obscure accomplishments of Brooks Kieschnick). I'll just point out that the Florida Toddlers scored seven runs in yesterday's victory over the Cubs and six of the seven runners who crossed the plate had reached base as the result of a walk. Uggggggly.
Of course, the Toddlers' big three-run eighth was highlighted by three Scott Williamson walks, a balk, a wild pitch, and a double that right fielder John Mabry lost in the sun. That is soooooo Cubs and may be the ugliest inning since El Pulpo Antonio Alfonseca was toeing the rubber.
At least there weren't any passed balls in the inning, or in the game for that matter. I'd be willing to bet that Red Sox catcher Josh Bard wishes that he could say the same thing. "Catching knuckleball specialist Tim Wakefield, yesterday, Bard was charged with four passed balls, bringing his season total to 10 in only six games. Now, we know why regular Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek comes down with a severe case of Wakefielditis every fifth game and has to sit the game out. That said, Bard has a long way to go to catch Geno Petralli who set the record for passed balls in a season (post-1900) in 1987 with 35 in 63 games (important information should Chuck Woolery reenter the ranks of the employed as a result of Greed making its glorious return to the non-Game Show Network airwaves).
Anyone catch the fact that former Cub Mike Harkey is the bullpen coach for the Toddlers? Think of the scenario...Harkey responsible for teaching Florida pitchers Sergio Mitre and Todd Wellemeyer. This can't be good. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Why not invite Rod Beck to South Florida to teach the Florida youngsters how to take care of one's body?
So Kerry Wood threw three innnings (39 pitches) in a Rookie League game in Arizona without tweaking his back while bending over the pick up the rosin bag, without getting hit by a screaming line drive, and without having a pack of wild coyotes attack him on the mound. Wood gave up one hit, walked only one batter (although that's one too many in my eyes), and struck out five. Looks like he is moving up the rehabilitation ladder. First, a simulated game. Second, a game against a Rookie League team. So, next comes a turn at All-Star Baseball 2006 on X-Box, right? And I suppose, if he can get through that without straining the ligaments in his thumb, he's off to Iowa...oh, never mind. Somebody better call a thumb doctor.
Through ten games this season, Rangers' outfielder Kevin Mench was batting .282 with zero home runs and zero RBI. In his last seven games, he has raised his average to .343 and now has six home runs and twenty RBI (including HRs in six straight games heading into tomorrow's game at Cleveland). So why the turnaround? Well, it turns out that Spike Lee was right after all. It is the shoes. After complaining of soreness in his toe and missing five games, it was discovered that Mench was wearing the wrong shoe size. After switching from a size 12 to a 12 1/2, Mench has gone on his tear with 11 hits in his last 24 at bats, including the six home runs and 20 rbi. Most importantly, Ranger management has allowed Kevin to change his name back to Mench, after introducing the big outfielder as "Kevin Schmuck" for the first two weeks of the season.
Corey-o-Meter: Spent nine excruciating innings trying to figure out all the words to "It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)." Kept wondering what in the heck "Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height" means. Considered asking Orioles' pitcher Kris Benson to come over tomorrow to watch a Lenny Bruce restrospective DVD. Secretly hoped the Anna would come to. Season: See yesterday.
Well, that's all for today. I've got to find my Brooks Kieschnick baseball cards. I hear he may be in line for a job at the Lombard Burger King. I'm gettin' me an autograph!
**Back to sports for today's tough trivia question (but look, you may have to know this stuff if you are going to be a big winner on Jeopardy. I mean, you can't completely rely on "Foods That Start With the Letter Q" coming up as a category, can you?): Roger Clemens is one of only two starting pitchers to win the MVP since 1970. Who was the other?
And while you're at it, punch that swarmy know-it-all Alex Trebek in the nose, will you?
Did you know? Favre is the only three-time winner of the MVP in the history of the NFL. Better memorize that if you're going to impress Meredith Viera and win the big money on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?.
Speaking of aging all-time greats, Brett Clemens has still not made up his mind regarding whether he will play this season. Primarily interested in restoring his a prisitine image, maybe he's waiting to see whether Major League Baseball will adopt a new rule that erases all memory of events in which players (1) get kicked out of ALCS games in the second inning for cursing at umpires (see 1990 ALCS Game 2); (2) throw jagged pieces of bat at opposing players (see Game 2 of the 2000 World Series); and (3) respond to giving up a home run to your son, by throwing a 95-mph fastball at his head. Or maybe he is still just waiting to get his dry cleaning back.
Going back to Clemens' unique brand of child abuse...is it really that suprising that he would we willing to hit his own son? I mean this is a guy who once said about recognized humanitarian and gentle-giant Hank Aaron "I wish he were still playing. I'd probably crack his head open to show him how valuable I was" in response to comments Aaron made regarding whether pitchers should be eligible to win the MVP.** Nice guy. Makes Buddy Hinton, the blond guy from The Karate Kid and the Alpha Betas at Adams College seem like nice guys.
Despite a stellar career at the University of Texas, I'm sorry to announce that Clemens is not among the five players who will make up the first class of enshrinees in the college baseball Hall of Fame. There is certainly no shame in losing out to famous Bird-Killer Dave Winfield, former Cub-Killer Will Clark, former grand slam home run-killer Robin Ventura (I believe he is the only player in history to have officially hit a "grand slam single" in the NLCS), and former Japanese league pitcher-killer Bob Horner. But former-Cub Brooks Kieschnick? Heck, with his career .214 average in a Cubs uniform, some may argue that he joins the aforementioned Will Clark as a Cub-killer (of course, 70% of the National League from 1980-2005 qualifies...Jeff Blauser... Carlos Beltran... Rob Mackowiak... pretty much any backup catcher).
Who are your most memorable Cub killers? You know what to do... Well, most of you, anyway.
Interesting notes of the day on the first class of college baseball Hall of Fame inductees: Bob Horner once held the major league record for most home runs without hitting a grand slam (or a grand slam single) to start a career (210). That record ws broken by Steroid Sammy when his 248th career home run cleared the bases (no confirmation regarding whether Matt Mieske was one of the runners who scored on Sammy's blast). Brooks Kieschnick remains the only two-time winner of the Dick Howser Trophy, given to the college baseball player of the year. You'll thank me when such crucial knowledge helps you Stump the Schwaub.
Look, you all know how I feel about bases on balls, so I am not going to waste yout time with another diatribe on the importance of throwing the ball over the plate (no, instead I'm going to waste your time by pointing out the obscure accomplishments of Brooks Kieschnick). I'll just point out that the Florida Toddlers scored seven runs in yesterday's victory over the Cubs and six of the seven runners who crossed the plate had reached base as the result of a walk. Uggggggly.
Of course, the Toddlers' big three-run eighth was highlighted by three Scott Williamson walks, a balk, a wild pitch, and a double that right fielder John Mabry lost in the sun. That is soooooo Cubs and may be the ugliest inning since El Pulpo Antonio Alfonseca was toeing the rubber.
At least there weren't any passed balls in the inning, or in the game for that matter. I'd be willing to bet that Red Sox catcher Josh Bard wishes that he could say the same thing. "Catching knuckleball specialist Tim Wakefield, yesterday, Bard was charged with four passed balls, bringing his season total to 10 in only six games. Now, we know why regular Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek comes down with a severe case of Wakefielditis every fifth game and has to sit the game out. That said, Bard has a long way to go to catch Geno Petralli who set the record for passed balls in a season (post-1900) in 1987 with 35 in 63 games (important information should Chuck Woolery reenter the ranks of the employed as a result of Greed making its glorious return to the non-Game Show Network airwaves).
Anyone catch the fact that former Cub Mike Harkey is the bullpen coach for the Toddlers? Think of the scenario...Harkey responsible for teaching Florida pitchers Sergio Mitre and Todd Wellemeyer. This can't be good. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Why not invite Rod Beck to South Florida to teach the Florida youngsters how to take care of one's body?
So Kerry Wood threw three innnings (39 pitches) in a Rookie League game in Arizona without tweaking his back while bending over the pick up the rosin bag, without getting hit by a screaming line drive, and without having a pack of wild coyotes attack him on the mound. Wood gave up one hit, walked only one batter (although that's one too many in my eyes), and struck out five. Looks like he is moving up the rehabilitation ladder. First, a simulated game. Second, a game against a Rookie League team. So, next comes a turn at All-Star Baseball 2006 on X-Box, right? And I suppose, if he can get through that without straining the ligaments in his thumb, he's off to Iowa...oh, never mind. Somebody better call a thumb doctor.
Through ten games this season, Rangers' outfielder Kevin Mench was batting .282 with zero home runs and zero RBI. In his last seven games, he has raised his average to .343 and now has six home runs and twenty RBI (including HRs in six straight games heading into tomorrow's game at Cleveland). So why the turnaround? Well, it turns out that Spike Lee was right after all. It is the shoes. After complaining of soreness in his toe and missing five games, it was discovered that Mench was wearing the wrong shoe size. After switching from a size 12 to a 12 1/2, Mench has gone on his tear with 11 hits in his last 24 at bats, including the six home runs and 20 rbi. Most importantly, Ranger management has allowed Kevin to change his name back to Mench, after introducing the big outfielder as "Kevin Schmuck" for the first two weeks of the season.
Corey-o-Meter: Spent nine excruciating innings trying to figure out all the words to "It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)." Kept wondering what in the heck "Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height" means. Considered asking Orioles' pitcher Kris Benson to come over tomorrow to watch a Lenny Bruce restrospective DVD. Secretly hoped the Anna would come to. Season: See yesterday.
Well, that's all for today. I've got to find my Brooks Kieschnick baseball cards. I hear he may be in line for a job at the Lombard Burger King. I'm gettin' me an autograph!
**Back to sports for today's tough trivia question (but look, you may have to know this stuff if you are going to be a big winner on Jeopardy. I mean, you can't completely rely on "Foods That Start With the Letter Q" coming up as a category, can you?): Roger Clemens is one of only two starting pitchers to win the MVP since 1970. Who was the other?
And while you're at it, punch that swarmy know-it-all Alex Trebek in the nose, will you?
Is That A Draft I Feel?
Late last Sunday afternoon, I flipped on ESPN News hoping to catch highlights of the Cubs' big win over the Cardinals. No luck. Instead I was greeted with a story about how former Maryland tight end Vernon Davis runs a 4.3 forty-yard dash and can leap tall buildings in a single bound. On Tuesday morning, I tuned my car radio to Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio hoping for a dose of hardcore baseball talk with Peter Gammons, but was forced to listen top some guy named Todd McShay talk about whether Vince Young is more likely to be the next Donovan McNabb or the next Akili Smith. Last night, I turned on ESPN (yes, the original) hoping to see how many cows Magnus Van Magnussen can lift over his head in the World's Strongest Man competition. Disappointed in finding football experts John Clayton and Ron Jaworski arguing whether Haloti Ngata is the name of an island in the South Pacific, was one of the bounty hunters in the Empire Strikes Back, or is actually a defensive tackle prospect from Oregon, I turned to the Deuce hoping to see whether Phil Ivey's wired 8's will hold up against Gus Hansen's A-Q suited, but found Mel Kiper ranting and raving about how Matt Leinart would look better in panty hose than Broadway Joe.
Can I please see or hear some baseball please? Some NBA or NHL playoff coverage? Heck, I'll even take a report on the Chinese Dwarf throwing championships...
Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit, but the coverage of the NFL draft continues to amaze me. I understand that this is the time of the year when every football fan can dream that his or her favorite team is just one good draft away from being a legitimate Super Bowl candidate. I understand that Rocco in Jersey can't wait to see whether he will be naming his new born son D'Brickashaw after the Jets' new left tackle of the same name. I know that Bears' fans can't wait to learn the name of the guy who will sit out most, if not all, of training camp in a bitter contract dispute. I know that Packer fans can't wait to see which 6th round draft pick of the Bears will accientally step on Rex the Wonder Dog's foot in the Olivet Nazarene mess hall, sending Rex to the IR with torn ligaments in his paw. I understand the attraction to the draft, but isn't the coverage going a bit overboard this year?
(By the way, if you boarded a bus and saw both Rex the Wonder Dog and Mark Prior seated side by side, would you sit near them? Would you get the heck off the bus before the driver announced that if the bus decreased its speed to below 50 mph it would blow up? Would you be afraid of a freak run-in with a low flying duck?)
There is a presently a lot happening on the sports landscape. Ron Artest is throwing indiscriminate elbows at unsuspecting San Antonio Spur players, new Bear cornerback Ricky Manning Jr. is beating the crap out of patrons at Denny's, Ricky Williams is heading back to his tent in Tibet with a sack full of Cypress Hill albums, a box of rolling papers and an autographed photo of Bob Marley. Yet, eighty-five percent of the current sports coverage is on the draft. Is NFL draft day an exciting day in the world of sports? Yes. Is it worthy of the wall-to-wall coverage? In my mind...no.
There is, however, no apparent truth to the rumor that ESPN is soon to divide its programming year into five clear cut segments:
November-April: Duke Basketball
April-May: NFL Draft Coverage
May-October: Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankees games
October 1: Jeanette Lee Women's Billiards Marathon
October 2-31: Replays of Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankee Games, preview of Duke's upcoming season, and unintelligable blather from Chris Berman.
Speaking of TV programming, it appears as though ESPN Classic has headed down the same road as MTV. Remember the good ol' days when you could flip on MTV and see Alan Hunter or Martha Quinn** introduce the newest Culture Club and Duran Duran video instead of watching some ridiculous reality show in which a 16-year old girl's parents get to pick which horny dude she is going to sleep with next? Well, I remember the good ol' days when I could flip on ESPN Classic and actually see the replay of a game and not an introspective look at the career of Dan Marino or some stupid show with two dorks who talk about spelling bees and rodeos. Give me the famous Cal-Stanford game when the band runs on the field. Give me the great games of the 2006 madness. Give me any college football game in which Notre Dame loses. Bring back replays of classic games!!!
Corey-o-Meter: Last Night: Another game, another nine innings glued to the bench. Please disperse. Nothing to see here. Season: .156 average. One home run less than Bronson Arroyo.
Finally, WrigleyBill and Mrs. WrigleyBill attended the Wrigley Field "yard sale" last Saturday and bought three bricks for $25 each (please, nodody break the news to them that you can buy bricks at Home Depot for like 30 cents each). Upon hearing about their purchase, I began to wonder what else was for sale at the Wrigley Field yard sale. How much was Brant Brown's left fielder glove (complete with the hole)? What about Kyle Farnsworth's clubhouse pillow? Big Z's personal computer mouse that was used all those nights to talk with his relatives in Venezuela? Sure, you can go to any yard sale and buy a Lawrence Welk album or a broken telescope, but where else can you find the shattered remains of Steroid Sammy's boom box?
What else do you think you could have bought at the Wrigley Field yard sale? Post your responses below...
By the way, the Cubs are currently tied 3-3 with the Florida Toddlers in the bottom of the seventh and it appears as though Jerry Hairston Jr. is sharing Einstein Jones' brain. With the team down 3-1 in the bottom of the 4th, Ronny Cedeno lead off the inning with a walk. Todd Walker then struck out, which was followed by walks to Aramis (on five pitches) and Weasley (on four pitches). With the bases loaded, Steven Hawking Hairston then swung at the first pitch thrown to him (a pitch which, according to Pat and Ron was off the plate). How stupid can this frickin' guy be?
Of course, after Hairston ended up on second base with two outs (thanks to shoddy Florida defense). Representing the go-ahead run, he then tried to steal third base. Okay, this guy officially makes Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne look like they belong in Mensa.
Gotta go...I hear that ESPN News is going to have a draft update and I sure as heck can't miss that!
**Today's trivia: Alan Hunter and Martha Quinn were two of the original five MTV veejays. Who were the other three?
***Yesterday's trivia answers: Bravo! The faithful readers of the Random Thoughts successfully identified five of the six fictional diseases identified in yesterday's post. You all got Dragon Pox (Harry Potter), Boneius Eruptus (Simpsons), the Cordilla Virus (24), Uromysitisis (Seinfeld), and Conjoined Twin Myslexia (South Park). None of you, however, recognized Tumorsyphilisitisosis, a fictional disease from the TV show Family Guy which causes the growth of extra nipples that look remarkably like pepperoni. Conceived by Peter Griffin as part of a brilliant scheme to get a canceled television program back on the air. No, the TV show was not The Chevy Chase Show...
Can I please see or hear some baseball please? Some NBA or NHL playoff coverage? Heck, I'll even take a report on the Chinese Dwarf throwing championships...
Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit, but the coverage of the NFL draft continues to amaze me. I understand that this is the time of the year when every football fan can dream that his or her favorite team is just one good draft away from being a legitimate Super Bowl candidate. I understand that Rocco in Jersey can't wait to see whether he will be naming his new born son D'Brickashaw after the Jets' new left tackle of the same name. I know that Bears' fans can't wait to learn the name of the guy who will sit out most, if not all, of training camp in a bitter contract dispute. I know that Packer fans can't wait to see which 6th round draft pick of the Bears will accientally step on Rex the Wonder Dog's foot in the Olivet Nazarene mess hall, sending Rex to the IR with torn ligaments in his paw. I understand the attraction to the draft, but isn't the coverage going a bit overboard this year?
(By the way, if you boarded a bus and saw both Rex the Wonder Dog and Mark Prior seated side by side, would you sit near them? Would you get the heck off the bus before the driver announced that if the bus decreased its speed to below 50 mph it would blow up? Would you be afraid of a freak run-in with a low flying duck?)
There is a presently a lot happening on the sports landscape. Ron Artest is throwing indiscriminate elbows at unsuspecting San Antonio Spur players, new Bear cornerback Ricky Manning Jr. is beating the crap out of patrons at Denny's, Ricky Williams is heading back to his tent in Tibet with a sack full of Cypress Hill albums, a box of rolling papers and an autographed photo of Bob Marley. Yet, eighty-five percent of the current sports coverage is on the draft. Is NFL draft day an exciting day in the world of sports? Yes. Is it worthy of the wall-to-wall coverage? In my mind...no.
There is, however, no apparent truth to the rumor that ESPN is soon to divide its programming year into five clear cut segments:
November-April: Duke Basketball
April-May: NFL Draft Coverage
May-October: Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankees games
October 1: Jeanette Lee Women's Billiards Marathon
October 2-31: Replays of Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankee Games, preview of Duke's upcoming season, and unintelligable blather from Chris Berman.
Speaking of TV programming, it appears as though ESPN Classic has headed down the same road as MTV. Remember the good ol' days when you could flip on MTV and see Alan Hunter or Martha Quinn** introduce the newest Culture Club and Duran Duran video instead of watching some ridiculous reality show in which a 16-year old girl's parents get to pick which horny dude she is going to sleep with next? Well, I remember the good ol' days when I could flip on ESPN Classic and actually see the replay of a game and not an introspective look at the career of Dan Marino or some stupid show with two dorks who talk about spelling bees and rodeos. Give me the famous Cal-Stanford game when the band runs on the field. Give me the great games of the 2006 madness. Give me any college football game in which Notre Dame loses. Bring back replays of classic games!!!
Corey-o-Meter: Last Night: Another game, another nine innings glued to the bench. Please disperse. Nothing to see here. Season: .156 average. One home run less than Bronson Arroyo.
Finally, WrigleyBill and Mrs. WrigleyBill attended the Wrigley Field "yard sale" last Saturday and bought three bricks for $25 each (please, nodody break the news to them that you can buy bricks at Home Depot for like 30 cents each). Upon hearing about their purchase, I began to wonder what else was for sale at the Wrigley Field yard sale. How much was Brant Brown's left fielder glove (complete with the hole)? What about Kyle Farnsworth's clubhouse pillow? Big Z's personal computer mouse that was used all those nights to talk with his relatives in Venezuela? Sure, you can go to any yard sale and buy a Lawrence Welk album or a broken telescope, but where else can you find the shattered remains of Steroid Sammy's boom box?
What else do you think you could have bought at the Wrigley Field yard sale? Post your responses below...
By the way, the Cubs are currently tied 3-3 with the Florida Toddlers in the bottom of the seventh and it appears as though Jerry Hairston Jr. is sharing Einstein Jones' brain. With the team down 3-1 in the bottom of the 4th, Ronny Cedeno lead off the inning with a walk. Todd Walker then struck out, which was followed by walks to Aramis (on five pitches) and Weasley (on four pitches). With the bases loaded, Steven Hawking Hairston then swung at the first pitch thrown to him (a pitch which, according to Pat and Ron was off the plate). How stupid can this frickin' guy be?
Of course, after Hairston ended up on second base with two outs (thanks to shoddy Florida defense). Representing the go-ahead run, he then tried to steal third base. Okay, this guy officially makes Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne look like they belong in Mensa.
Gotta go...I hear that ESPN News is going to have a draft update and I sure as heck can't miss that!
**Today's trivia: Alan Hunter and Martha Quinn were two of the original five MTV veejays. Who were the other three?
***Yesterday's trivia answers: Bravo! The faithful readers of the Random Thoughts successfully identified five of the six fictional diseases identified in yesterday's post. You all got Dragon Pox (Harry Potter), Boneius Eruptus (Simpsons), the Cordilla Virus (24), Uromysitisis (Seinfeld), and Conjoined Twin Myslexia (South Park). None of you, however, recognized Tumorsyphilisitisosis, a fictional disease from the TV show Family Guy which causes the growth of extra nipples that look remarkably like pepperoni. Conceived by Peter Griffin as part of a brilliant scheme to get a canceled television program back on the air. No, the TV show was not The Chevy Chase Show...
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
At Least I Do Not Have Tumorsyphilisitisosis
I have finally come to grips with how my life is most likely to end. Oh, it's not going to be a heart attack that kills me. It's not going to be cancer or a stroke or SARS or Avian Flu. And it certainly is not going to be Dragon Pox, Uromysitisis, Boneius Eruptus, the Cordilla Virus or Conjoined Twin Myslexia**. One day, I am simply going to be sitting in front of the TV watching the Cubs and my body will stop functioning out of a lethal mixture of frustration, annoyance and stress. The only real question is will it be Dusty, Big Z or a player to be named who finally does me in.
Look, I can't explain why I care so dang much. But, almost 34 years later, I have come to the conclusion that it is too late to change. I am who I am and I'm going to continue to live and die with every Iniana jumper, every Bears' pathetic wide receiver screen, and, certainly, every pitch, hit and catch by the Chicago Cubs.
And, at this rate, this year is likely to be my last.
Now don't get me wrong, when it comes to the first eighteen games of the 2006 Cubs season, there is undoubtedly a lot to be excited about. Four games over .500 with Kerry, Mark, Wade and D.L(ee) on the shelf is more than respectable. Greg Maddux is pitching as if it is still 1991 and Terminator 2, Silence of the Lambs and Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead have the nation flooding movie theatres. Juan Pierre is the leadoff hitter Cubs' fans have dreamed of since Ivan DeJesus. The bullpen is as good as I can ever remember. Ronny Cedeno and Weasley have brought energy, enthusiasm and an exciting brand of baseball to the North Side.
But, and I have said this before, I not quite ready to force the kids to get jobs so I can afford 2006 World Series Tickets. And I'm not selling my prized collection of Steve Trout baseball cards either.
The truth, in my mind, is that the Cubs continue to play mind-numbingly stupid baseball. Yes, they have proven that they are actually capable of manufacturing runs this year. Yes, they are exciting and aggressive on the bases (and not in a bad-Wendell Kim sort of way, either). And, yes, they lead the majors in batting average with runners in scoring position. All good things, no doubt. But, with the good, we have to take the bad.
It all starts at the top. Now, I have never been a Dusty-basher and I think that a lot of Cubs fans seem to forget that Dusty has lead the team to more success over the last four years than any other manager likely could have. Anyone remember Bruce Kimm? Tom Trebelhorn? Jim Essian? But, lately Dusty has been managing as if he is letting Darren make decisions for him. His idiotic double-switch of Todd Walker on Saturday was the dumbest decision since Uncle Jessie's ill-fated choice to go sky diving on the morning of his wedding. Other decisions have been almost as questionable.
Speaking of Saturday, that will likely go down as one of the most agonizing games of the year. The Cubs collect six hits and four walks in five innings but are only able to puch one run across the plate. Meanwhile, in the bottom of the fifth, Rusch walks the #8 hitter (the always dangerous Ted Williams, I mean, So Taguchi) to clear the pitcher's spot in the inning (idiotic move #1). He then proceeds to walk pinch hitter John Rodriguez (idiotic move #2). And then, after giving up a single to 8-year old David Eckstein, he walks Hector Luna to load the bases with Albert Pujols on deck. Let me repeat that...HE WALKS HECTOR LUNA TO LOAD THE BASES WITH ALBERT PUJOLS ON DECK!!! (super-ultra-mega idiotic move of the year #1).
Final score: Cardinals 4, Cubs 1. Sigh.
The bottom line is that the little things will kill you. You can't walk the #8 hitter with two outs and no one on in an inning and expect to win games. The baseball gods will get you every time.
Heck, walks in general will kill you. Not only are you giving your opponent a free base (hey, calm down there Doc Gooden...that is not what I meant) but the pitcher ends up having to throw a 85-mph meatball that is inevitably crushed. Jerome Williams could not find the plate Friday night and paid for his troubles by receiving a (one-way?) ticket to Iowa (be sure to say hello to Kerry and Mark when they get there). Big Z had trouble with the strike zone last night and gave up three runs as a result to the Florida Toddlers. To quote Crash Davis...David Aardsma couldn't hit water if he fell out of a f*cking boat.
On the other side of the coin, the inability to take a walk can kill you. Jacque Jones is hailed as a hero this morning for his game-winning three-run home run and, with his early season struggles, it is nice to see him get a big hit. That said, I keep harkening back to the bottom of the sixth inning when Jacque proved to have the baseball intelligence of a peanut. And not just any ol' peanut...a mentally challenged peanut. With the Cubs down 3-0, Weasley led off the inning by drawing a four-pitch walk. Einstein Jones then swung at the first pitch, which was a good five inches off the plate, and popped out. What in the name of Nomah is going on here? (BTW, if you want to see who the major league leaders in fewest walks per plate appearance is, I do not recommend using the search terms "free swingers." Of course, if you want to see pictures of Ty and Judy Wilson of Scranton, PA, learn their likes and dislikes, and find out what happened the night their neighbors brought over a copy of "Masochistic Maidens"...)
11-7? I couldn't be more delighted, but I still feel like the roof is likely cave in at any moment.
On the other side of town, the White Sox keeping winning. Last year, I marveled as the Sox seemed to get break after break and, so far, this year things are no different. Toronto's Roy Halladay, undeniably one of the AL's best pitchers, misses a single start as a precaution and it just so happens to come during the weekend that the Jays are in Chicago. Twins' leadoff hitter (.333 avg) and sparkplug Shannon Stewart misses the entire series to be with his wife as the couple welcomed a child (the anti-Tyson Chandler if you will). Second baseman Luis Castillo tweaks a knee and misses the series. The team has now enjoyed a full 12 months of beneficial breaks. That said, the Sox are one heck of a team and the the fact that they have the best record in baseball is not a fluke.
Anyone want to guess what injury Aramis will suffer during the May 16-18 series against the Nationals?
You constantly hear that Aramis and a few others need to "step it up" in the absence of Derrek Lee. I know that I am not the first person to ask this, but what exactly does that mean? Is Aramis sitting around thinking "Oh great, before when D. L(ee) was playing I could loaf and lollygag and put forth a half-ass effort, but now I actually have to try to do well?" Does Neifi Perez suddenly have to turn into a .310 hitter? Does that thing Freddie Bynum actually have to hit the ball? I don't get it...
So, New York Met broadcaster Keith Hernandez said a few silly things about the fact that San Diego Padres' massage therapist Kelly Calabrese was in the Padres' dugout. Things that were deemed "inappropriate" by Hernandez's employer SportsNet New York. Things that were called a "little shocking" and a "discredit to women" by Calabrese, herself. C'mon people. Were his comments really that bad? After all, isn't this a guy who has become as famous for his "Just For Men" hair color commercials as he is for his 17-year career? Isn't this the same guy who couldn't get to second base with Elaine?
Personally, I find absolutely nothing offensive in Hernandez's remarks that women do not belong in the dugout. It's the same as if Meredith Viera said that men have no place watching The View. I don't necessarily agree with Keith. After all, someone needs to clean up all the empty Powerade cups and discarded sunflower seeds. And that bat rack sure could use a good scrubbing.
It is a really good thing that nobody except me, Mike Myers and the province of Sasketchewan is paying attention to the NHL playoffs. Otherwise, I have to suspect that the Outdoor Life Network (OLN) would be a heck of a lot more embarrased over their Comcast-impersonation on Friday night. OLN lost the signal to the Red Wings-Oilers game with 1:20 to play in the third period. The game was tied at 2-2 at the time.
Give the Bulls a lot of credit. They continue to fight hard and are laying an excellent foundation for the future. They simply are not as experienced or talented as the Heat and, as a result, have trouble making the big play in the closing minutes of games.
They are also hampered by officials that seem intent on keeping Shaq and Dwyane Wade in the playoffs for as long as possible. In my opinion, the officiating has been very poor with the Heat getting practically every call. That said, would somebody please tell Tom Dore, Red Kerr and Stacey King to stop whining on every single possession. Pretty soon, Ernest and Julio Gallo is going to be an unofficial sponsor of the telecasts. Heck, I have not heard that much whining since Bill Laimbeer was in the NBA.
Corey-o-Meter: Rough couple of days for our favorite Oriole since last week's explosion. Zero hits in his last eight at-bats, lowering his season average to .156.
See you all tomorrow...
**Today's pop culture trivia: All five of these maladies are fictional. Without googling the answer, what the the five references from? What about the one in the title?
Look, I can't explain why I care so dang much. But, almost 34 years later, I have come to the conclusion that it is too late to change. I am who I am and I'm going to continue to live and die with every Iniana jumper, every Bears' pathetic wide receiver screen, and, certainly, every pitch, hit and catch by the Chicago Cubs.
And, at this rate, this year is likely to be my last.
Now don't get me wrong, when it comes to the first eighteen games of the 2006 Cubs season, there is undoubtedly a lot to be excited about. Four games over .500 with Kerry, Mark, Wade and D.L(ee) on the shelf is more than respectable. Greg Maddux is pitching as if it is still 1991 and Terminator 2, Silence of the Lambs and Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead have the nation flooding movie theatres. Juan Pierre is the leadoff hitter Cubs' fans have dreamed of since Ivan DeJesus. The bullpen is as good as I can ever remember. Ronny Cedeno and Weasley have brought energy, enthusiasm and an exciting brand of baseball to the North Side.
But, and I have said this before, I not quite ready to force the kids to get jobs so I can afford 2006 World Series Tickets. And I'm not selling my prized collection of Steve Trout baseball cards either.
The truth, in my mind, is that the Cubs continue to play mind-numbingly stupid baseball. Yes, they have proven that they are actually capable of manufacturing runs this year. Yes, they are exciting and aggressive on the bases (and not in a bad-Wendell Kim sort of way, either). And, yes, they lead the majors in batting average with runners in scoring position. All good things, no doubt. But, with the good, we have to take the bad.
It all starts at the top. Now, I have never been a Dusty-basher and I think that a lot of Cubs fans seem to forget that Dusty has lead the team to more success over the last four years than any other manager likely could have. Anyone remember Bruce Kimm? Tom Trebelhorn? Jim Essian? But, lately Dusty has been managing as if he is letting Darren make decisions for him. His idiotic double-switch of Todd Walker on Saturday was the dumbest decision since Uncle Jessie's ill-fated choice to go sky diving on the morning of his wedding. Other decisions have been almost as questionable.
Speaking of Saturday, that will likely go down as one of the most agonizing games of the year. The Cubs collect six hits and four walks in five innings but are only able to puch one run across the plate. Meanwhile, in the bottom of the fifth, Rusch walks the #8 hitter (the always dangerous Ted Williams, I mean, So Taguchi) to clear the pitcher's spot in the inning (idiotic move #1). He then proceeds to walk pinch hitter John Rodriguez (idiotic move #2). And then, after giving up a single to 8-year old David Eckstein, he walks Hector Luna to load the bases with Albert Pujols on deck. Let me repeat that...HE WALKS HECTOR LUNA TO LOAD THE BASES WITH ALBERT PUJOLS ON DECK!!! (super-ultra-mega idiotic move of the year #1).
Final score: Cardinals 4, Cubs 1. Sigh.
The bottom line is that the little things will kill you. You can't walk the #8 hitter with two outs and no one on in an inning and expect to win games. The baseball gods will get you every time.
Heck, walks in general will kill you. Not only are you giving your opponent a free base (hey, calm down there Doc Gooden...that is not what I meant) but the pitcher ends up having to throw a 85-mph meatball that is inevitably crushed. Jerome Williams could not find the plate Friday night and paid for his troubles by receiving a (one-way?) ticket to Iowa (be sure to say hello to Kerry and Mark when they get there). Big Z had trouble with the strike zone last night and gave up three runs as a result to the Florida Toddlers. To quote Crash Davis...David Aardsma couldn't hit water if he fell out of a f*cking boat.
On the other side of the coin, the inability to take a walk can kill you. Jacque Jones is hailed as a hero this morning for his game-winning three-run home run and, with his early season struggles, it is nice to see him get a big hit. That said, I keep harkening back to the bottom of the sixth inning when Jacque proved to have the baseball intelligence of a peanut. And not just any ol' peanut...a mentally challenged peanut. With the Cubs down 3-0, Weasley led off the inning by drawing a four-pitch walk. Einstein Jones then swung at the first pitch, which was a good five inches off the plate, and popped out. What in the name of Nomah is going on here? (BTW, if you want to see who the major league leaders in fewest walks per plate appearance is, I do not recommend using the search terms "free swingers." Of course, if you want to see pictures of Ty and Judy Wilson of Scranton, PA, learn their likes and dislikes, and find out what happened the night their neighbors brought over a copy of "Masochistic Maidens"...)
11-7? I couldn't be more delighted, but I still feel like the roof is likely cave in at any moment.
On the other side of town, the White Sox keeping winning. Last year, I marveled as the Sox seemed to get break after break and, so far, this year things are no different. Toronto's Roy Halladay, undeniably one of the AL's best pitchers, misses a single start as a precaution and it just so happens to come during the weekend that the Jays are in Chicago. Twins' leadoff hitter (.333 avg) and sparkplug Shannon Stewart misses the entire series to be with his wife as the couple welcomed a child (the anti-Tyson Chandler if you will). Second baseman Luis Castillo tweaks a knee and misses the series. The team has now enjoyed a full 12 months of beneficial breaks. That said, the Sox are one heck of a team and the the fact that they have the best record in baseball is not a fluke.
Anyone want to guess what injury Aramis will suffer during the May 16-18 series against the Nationals?
You constantly hear that Aramis and a few others need to "step it up" in the absence of Derrek Lee. I know that I am not the first person to ask this, but what exactly does that mean? Is Aramis sitting around thinking "Oh great, before when D. L(ee) was playing I could loaf and lollygag and put forth a half-ass effort, but now I actually have to try to do well?" Does Neifi Perez suddenly have to turn into a .310 hitter? Does that thing Freddie Bynum actually have to hit the ball? I don't get it...
So, New York Met broadcaster Keith Hernandez said a few silly things about the fact that San Diego Padres' massage therapist Kelly Calabrese was in the Padres' dugout. Things that were deemed "inappropriate" by Hernandez's employer SportsNet New York. Things that were called a "little shocking" and a "discredit to women" by Calabrese, herself. C'mon people. Were his comments really that bad? After all, isn't this a guy who has become as famous for his "Just For Men" hair color commercials as he is for his 17-year career? Isn't this the same guy who couldn't get to second base with Elaine?
Personally, I find absolutely nothing offensive in Hernandez's remarks that women do not belong in the dugout. It's the same as if Meredith Viera said that men have no place watching The View. I don't necessarily agree with Keith. After all, someone needs to clean up all the empty Powerade cups and discarded sunflower seeds. And that bat rack sure could use a good scrubbing.
It is a really good thing that nobody except me, Mike Myers and the province of Sasketchewan is paying attention to the NHL playoffs. Otherwise, I have to suspect that the Outdoor Life Network (OLN) would be a heck of a lot more embarrased over their Comcast-impersonation on Friday night. OLN lost the signal to the Red Wings-Oilers game with 1:20 to play in the third period. The game was tied at 2-2 at the time.
Give the Bulls a lot of credit. They continue to fight hard and are laying an excellent foundation for the future. They simply are not as experienced or talented as the Heat and, as a result, have trouble making the big play in the closing minutes of games.
They are also hampered by officials that seem intent on keeping Shaq and Dwyane Wade in the playoffs for as long as possible. In my opinion, the officiating has been very poor with the Heat getting practically every call. That said, would somebody please tell Tom Dore, Red Kerr and Stacey King to stop whining on every single possession. Pretty soon, Ernest and Julio Gallo is going to be an unofficial sponsor of the telecasts. Heck, I have not heard that much whining since Bill Laimbeer was in the NBA.
Corey-o-Meter: Rough couple of days for our favorite Oriole since last week's explosion. Zero hits in his last eight at-bats, lowering his season average to .156.
See you all tomorrow...
**Today's pop culture trivia: All five of these maladies are fictional. Without googling the answer, what the the five references from? What about the one in the title?
Friday, April 21, 2006
I Gotta Get Me An Albert Pujols Voodoo Doll
All hail Marie Laveau! There really is something to this voodoo stuff, isn't there? Evidently, Kid Corey's use of a Nick Markakis voodoo doll has worked. For no readily apparent reason, Orioles' manager Sam Perlozzo elected to sit Markakis in favor of Kid Corey the last two days. And how did Kid Corey respond? Touch 'em all, Corey, touch em' all.
Corey rewarded Perlozzo's faith on Wednesday (or lack of faith in the aforementioned Markakis, as the case may be) by collecting two hits in five at-bats, with 3 runs scored, 2 RBIs and, get this, his first first home run of the season. He followed up Wednesday's imitation of Stan Musial by going 2-4 with a run scored, an RBI and a stolen base on Thursday. You're on your way, kid! Reach for the stars!
I elected to start today's post with such a heartwarming story to remind everyone that not all is as bad as it may seem (cue: funeral dirge). So, Derrek Lee has broken his wrist in two places and will be sidelined for upwards of three months. Yes, the north side MVP-candidate has lost his "e's" and gone from D. Lee to just D.L. (no, the D. Lee to D. L. comment is not very creative. In fact, its easy, it's cheesy, and the very thought of it makes me quesy -- although not as quesy as I was on Monday when watching the rear camera shot of the blood streaming down Audrey Raines' left arm).
So, what effect will this have on the Cubs? Well, unlike most fans, I am not definitively claiming that D.L. now stands for "Display the L" (as in flag). In fact, I plan on keeping my "W" flag right where it is, ready to be proudly hung as the Cubs rip off victory after victory. This coming from someone who, even despite their hot start, has been probably the single most pessimistic fan since the beginning of the year. There is no doubt that Lee's absence will do tremendous damage to the Cubs' offensive production. But there are options out there...you just have to know where to look.
If I'm Jim Hendry, I'm not checking the waiver wire or minor league rosters or even calling my general manager colleagues looking for a trade. Oh no, what I'm doing is taking a trip on a Friday (or Thursday or Tuesday or Sunday) night to any of a number of Lincoln Park and Wrigleyville establishments. Keep looking Jim, Mark Grace has got to be in there somewhere. Hey, there's an attractive brunette. Gracie can't be that far behind, can he? Look for the never-ending cloud of cigarette smoke.
Then I'm sending a 1979 throwback powder blue jersey to Boise, Idaho to the retirement home of Bill Buckner (what better place to settle, not be recognized and teased for 1986 World Series Game 6, and do nothing but eat potatoes all day than Boise). Do you doubt that Billy Buck can't still hit? Especially when that Freddie Bynum thing is getting pinch-hitting opportunities and Willie Harris still has a major league job.
I'm also combing the television lots in Hollywood in an attempt to find Pedro Cerrano. Ever since his alter-ago was killed by the cronies of Christopher Henderson, he's probably been looking for something fun to do. Yeah, I know he is on that new show, but a little Tribune company cash can go a long way and I figure that he has got to be getting tired of pitching Allstate insurance. Further, I have no doubt that his little intracacies can be dealt with. Greg Maddux isn't about to drink Jo-Boo's rum. Freddie Bynum can go on daily chicken runs. It all makes sense.
Finally, and this necessitates only three words...Hee Sop Choi.
So, are you ready for the John Mabry / Michael Restovich era to begin, too? Let the Juan Pierre bidding begin now.
Hey, since Cubs fans have had to edure heartbreak year after year (after year after year after year...) maybe the baseball gods will finally smile on the poor Cubs. Seventy-five consecutive rain outs is not too much to ask, is it?
Who do you think should be the Cubs' firstbaseman for the next three months (of course, hat is the Cubs' timetable which ought to mean that Lee should be back in the lineup sometime in September...of 2011). Post your comment!
Lee's absence also likely means that Weasley will be moved to the number three spot in the batting order and I have full faith that he will step up. His brother Ron sure did when the whole school thought that he couldn't save a single ring.
Switching gears, I cannot believe that I failed to take note of the fact that Wednesday night's Cubs-Dodgers game was the Laverne and Shirley Special, featuring a "Penny-Marshall" pitching matchup. Thanks to WrigleyBill for further pointing out that David "Squiggy" Lander was in attendance. Helllllo (boy that sure does not translate well to the written word). Squiggy has apparently quit his job as a beer company truck driver and taken a job as an associate scout with the Seattle Mariners. No report on whether he still collects moths or whether he has asked Mariner management to have the first initial of each player's first name embroidered on the left shoulder of their jerseys.
I did hear, however, that he stole Shirley's Boo-Boo-Kitty, but refuses to let Richie Sexson sleep with it on the road.
From the "When You're Hot, You're Hot and When You're Not, You Suck" files: On Tuesday ,I reported that Astro outfielder Preston Wilson had broken a string of seven straight strikeouts when he grounded into a fielder's choice in the 4th innning of Houston's game against Milwaukee. Wilson singled in his next two at-bats Tuesday night, but returned to his Sosa-esque form on Wednesday by striking out four straight times. That's 11 strikeouts in his last 14 at-bats for those of you scoring at home.
From the "Maybe You Ought to Quit While You Are Ahead" file: Kaz Matsui, the Mets' overpriced, under-talented infielder has quite a streak going. After hitting an inside-the-park home run in his first at-bat of the season Thursday, Matsui has now homered in his first at-bat of the season in each of his three years in the major leagues. Looks like Kaz has his first at bat in his first game of the season down pat. Now Met fans just wish that he would work on his other 450-or so times at the plate (career home runs in two + seasons: 11).
Hey Dusty, I guess David Aardsma is not the answer.
I'd like to follow up on last Friday's post, in which I asked everyone to predict how Mark Prior will suffer his next injury. I think I know the real answer. I had this terrible dream that other night that an opposing player laid down a nice bunt. Hee Seop Choi went to field it, fell down trying to make a spectacular play, but was able to "glove" the ball in the direction of Prior who was covering first base. Alas, the "throw" was off target and Prior collided with the runner (Marcus Giles?) breaking his wrist in two places. It was a truly terrifying dream...
A round of applause for the 41-41 Chicago Bulls. clap clap clap clap. Do they have a realistic shot to survive the Heat? Well, no. But in a season that could have collapsed completely, the team showed a tremendous amount of heart. I'm proud of the team for fighting back from the dead and giving Chicago basketball fans someone to cheer for at least four more games. We all know where the weaknesses lie, but this looks like a team with a terrific future. That said, my prediction: Heat in 5.
Speaking of the Bulls, Tyson Chandler announced that he will not miss any of the team's upcoming playoff games despite the fact that his wife is about to give birth to the couple's first child. Tyson stated that should a conflict occur, he will simply miss the birth of the child. In related news, Steve Garvey, Shawn Kemp, Randy Johnson and the aforementioned Mark Grace have all announced that they are prepared to be present at the birth.
Finally, anyone else suprised by the news that Randy Johnson is suing the mother of his "little secret?" Not so much that he is suing her, but the very fact that a sane woman was willing to sleep with Randy Johnson? I know the dude is a great pitcher and makes a ton of dough, but let's be honest, look at the guy. Tell me if Randy wasn't able to throw a 98 mph fastball, you wouldn't see him on an episode of "Cops," wearing a cut-off Iron Maiden tee shirt and explaining why he felt the need to kick his sister out of the couple's trailer. Don't tell me that didn't cross your mind.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
***Super, super tough baseball trivia question (even for ParrotMama): In the famous video of Hank Aaron's 715th home run, who is the Dodgers' left fielder seen climbing the wall in a futile attempt to make a catch?
If you need a hint (and I suspect you will), read this backwards:
-- .tsop siht ni decnerefer si rewsna ehT
Corey rewarded Perlozzo's faith on Wednesday (or lack of faith in the aforementioned Markakis, as the case may be) by collecting two hits in five at-bats, with 3 runs scored, 2 RBIs and, get this, his first first home run of the season. He followed up Wednesday's imitation of Stan Musial by going 2-4 with a run scored, an RBI and a stolen base on Thursday. You're on your way, kid! Reach for the stars!
I elected to start today's post with such a heartwarming story to remind everyone that not all is as bad as it may seem (cue: funeral dirge). So, Derrek Lee has broken his wrist in two places and will be sidelined for upwards of three months. Yes, the north side MVP-candidate has lost his "e's" and gone from D. Lee to just D.L. (no, the D. Lee to D. L. comment is not very creative. In fact, its easy, it's cheesy, and the very thought of it makes me quesy -- although not as quesy as I was on Monday when watching the rear camera shot of the blood streaming down Audrey Raines' left arm).
So, what effect will this have on the Cubs? Well, unlike most fans, I am not definitively claiming that D.L. now stands for "Display the L" (as in flag). In fact, I plan on keeping my "W" flag right where it is, ready to be proudly hung as the Cubs rip off victory after victory. This coming from someone who, even despite their hot start, has been probably the single most pessimistic fan since the beginning of the year. There is no doubt that Lee's absence will do tremendous damage to the Cubs' offensive production. But there are options out there...you just have to know where to look.
If I'm Jim Hendry, I'm not checking the waiver wire or minor league rosters or even calling my general manager colleagues looking for a trade. Oh no, what I'm doing is taking a trip on a Friday (or Thursday or Tuesday or Sunday) night to any of a number of Lincoln Park and Wrigleyville establishments. Keep looking Jim, Mark Grace has got to be in there somewhere. Hey, there's an attractive brunette. Gracie can't be that far behind, can he? Look for the never-ending cloud of cigarette smoke.
Then I'm sending a 1979 throwback powder blue jersey to Boise, Idaho to the retirement home of Bill Buckner (what better place to settle, not be recognized and teased for 1986 World Series Game 6, and do nothing but eat potatoes all day than Boise). Do you doubt that Billy Buck can't still hit? Especially when that Freddie Bynum thing is getting pinch-hitting opportunities and Willie Harris still has a major league job.
I'm also combing the television lots in Hollywood in an attempt to find Pedro Cerrano. Ever since his alter-ago was killed by the cronies of Christopher Henderson, he's probably been looking for something fun to do. Yeah, I know he is on that new show, but a little Tribune company cash can go a long way and I figure that he has got to be getting tired of pitching Allstate insurance. Further, I have no doubt that his little intracacies can be dealt with. Greg Maddux isn't about to drink Jo-Boo's rum. Freddie Bynum can go on daily chicken runs. It all makes sense.
Finally, and this necessitates only three words...Hee Sop Choi.
So, are you ready for the John Mabry / Michael Restovich era to begin, too? Let the Juan Pierre bidding begin now.
Hey, since Cubs fans have had to edure heartbreak year after year (after year after year after year...) maybe the baseball gods will finally smile on the poor Cubs. Seventy-five consecutive rain outs is not too much to ask, is it?
Who do you think should be the Cubs' firstbaseman for the next three months (of course, hat is the Cubs' timetable which ought to mean that Lee should be back in the lineup sometime in September...of 2011). Post your comment!
Lee's absence also likely means that Weasley will be moved to the number three spot in the batting order and I have full faith that he will step up. His brother Ron sure did when the whole school thought that he couldn't save a single ring.
Switching gears, I cannot believe that I failed to take note of the fact that Wednesday night's Cubs-Dodgers game was the Laverne and Shirley Special, featuring a "Penny-Marshall" pitching matchup. Thanks to WrigleyBill for further pointing out that David "Squiggy" Lander was in attendance. Helllllo (boy that sure does not translate well to the written word). Squiggy has apparently quit his job as a beer company truck driver and taken a job as an associate scout with the Seattle Mariners. No report on whether he still collects moths or whether he has asked Mariner management to have the first initial of each player's first name embroidered on the left shoulder of their jerseys.
I did hear, however, that he stole Shirley's Boo-Boo-Kitty, but refuses to let Richie Sexson sleep with it on the road.
From the "When You're Hot, You're Hot and When You're Not, You Suck" files: On Tuesday ,I reported that Astro outfielder Preston Wilson had broken a string of seven straight strikeouts when he grounded into a fielder's choice in the 4th innning of Houston's game against Milwaukee. Wilson singled in his next two at-bats Tuesday night, but returned to his Sosa-esque form on Wednesday by striking out four straight times. That's 11 strikeouts in his last 14 at-bats for those of you scoring at home.
From the "Maybe You Ought to Quit While You Are Ahead" file: Kaz Matsui, the Mets' overpriced, under-talented infielder has quite a streak going. After hitting an inside-the-park home run in his first at-bat of the season Thursday, Matsui has now homered in his first at-bat of the season in each of his three years in the major leagues. Looks like Kaz has his first at bat in his first game of the season down pat. Now Met fans just wish that he would work on his other 450-or so times at the plate (career home runs in two + seasons: 11).
Hey Dusty, I guess David Aardsma is not the answer.
I'd like to follow up on last Friday's post, in which I asked everyone to predict how Mark Prior will suffer his next injury. I think I know the real answer. I had this terrible dream that other night that an opposing player laid down a nice bunt. Hee Seop Choi went to field it, fell down trying to make a spectacular play, but was able to "glove" the ball in the direction of Prior who was covering first base. Alas, the "throw" was off target and Prior collided with the runner (Marcus Giles?) breaking his wrist in two places. It was a truly terrifying dream...
A round of applause for the 41-41 Chicago Bulls. clap clap clap clap. Do they have a realistic shot to survive the Heat? Well, no. But in a season that could have collapsed completely, the team showed a tremendous amount of heart. I'm proud of the team for fighting back from the dead and giving Chicago basketball fans someone to cheer for at least four more games. We all know where the weaknesses lie, but this looks like a team with a terrific future. That said, my prediction: Heat in 5.
Speaking of the Bulls, Tyson Chandler announced that he will not miss any of the team's upcoming playoff games despite the fact that his wife is about to give birth to the couple's first child. Tyson stated that should a conflict occur, he will simply miss the birth of the child. In related news, Steve Garvey, Shawn Kemp, Randy Johnson and the aforementioned Mark Grace have all announced that they are prepared to be present at the birth.
Finally, anyone else suprised by the news that Randy Johnson is suing the mother of his "little secret?" Not so much that he is suing her, but the very fact that a sane woman was willing to sleep with Randy Johnson? I know the dude is a great pitcher and makes a ton of dough, but let's be honest, look at the guy. Tell me if Randy wasn't able to throw a 98 mph fastball, you wouldn't see him on an episode of "Cops," wearing a cut-off Iron Maiden tee shirt and explaining why he felt the need to kick his sister out of the couple's trailer. Don't tell me that didn't cross your mind.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
***Super, super tough baseball trivia question (even for ParrotMama): In the famous video of Hank Aaron's 715th home run, who is the Dodgers' left fielder seen climbing the wall in a futile attempt to make a catch?
If you need a hint (and I suspect you will), read this backwards:
-- .tsop siht ni decnerefer si rewsna ehT
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Brown Out
Nick Markakis? Nick frickin' Markakis? This is who is now starting in place of the injured David Newhan in the Orioles' outfield? Why not just throw Dee Brownberg out there? Look, Corey Patterson fans, I thought that the injury to Newhan was going to be Corey's big break. I thought that Newhan would be Corey's Wally Pipp. I thought that Corey would prove to Andy McPhail, Jim Hendry and Dusty Baker that they had traded the next Lou Brock for two guys who are probably as likely to ever reach the majors as Luke Perry is to win an Academy Award (man, did he get screwed for his powerful role in the legendary bull riding movie "8 Seconds). I thought that horrific memories of Ernie Broligio would haunt Cubs fans for the next twelve years, as Corey put up a .330-30-120 season year-after-year. Looks like I thought wrong.
In fact, it looks more and more as though the Cubs simply traded the next Tom Goodwin.
Okay, let's just get it out of the way early today...Corey-o-Meter: Last night: One at-bat, one line-out. Season: 1-15 t the plate. Three stolen bases. Eighty-six pins stuck in homemade Markakis voodoo doll since manager Sam Perlozzo posted yesterday's lineup card.
I follow up such horribly disturbing news with a bit of good news! It's safe to pick on Juan Cruz once again! Facing raised expectations thanks to his mention in the Random Thoughts, Cruz proved that he handles pressure about as well as Greg Norman and Jean Van de Velde by getting lit up for three runs on three hits and three walks in 2.2 innings in his first appearance since being lauded. It's nice to know that you can go home again.
I also have not seen that many threes posted in such rapid succession since Ben Gordon single-handedly won last Friday's game versus Washington. And let's not forget people that I am not advocating trading him for Trenton Hassell.
I just want everyone to know that, in honor of the conclusion of the Blackhawks season and in recognition of my abhorrent judgement in referencing what, in my mind, is the most overrated television show in history (Friends) I am sending myself to the penalty box for two minutes.
Can I say that? Is that okay? I don't have any members of the Matt LeBlanc Fan Club reading this do I?
There. (Yes, I know that was not quite two minutes. Just assume that whoever the Blackhawks were playing scored in the first 12 seconds of the power play. It's really not much of a reach, is it?).
I doubt that many of you have been paying much attention to the NHL, but what happened yesterday (the final day of the regular season) in the Atlantic Division is really quite remarkable. In a span of under 75 minutes, three different teams were the "if the season ended right now" champions of the division and the #3 seed in the playoffs. The fun started with the New York Rangers in first place. A short time and a Ranger loss to Ottawa later, the Philadelphia Flyers leaped past the New York, courtesy of their win over the Islanders. Finally, twenty minutes later, the New Jersey Devils moved past the Flyers by overcoming a 3-0 deficit and defeating Montreal (their 11th consecutive win to close out the season). That said, the Devils win the division and get the #3 seed, the Flyers get seed #5 and the Rangers, who started the fray division champions and #3, fell all the way to #6. You may not care, but I'm fairly certain that, somewhere in Newark, David Puddy is screaming at the top of his lungs and scaring old ladies.
High five...
Speaking of playoff seeding, looks like the Memphis Grizzlies lost although they won. With a 101-95 victory over the Clippers, the Grizzlies have secured the #5 seed and a date in the playoffs with Mark Cuban's Dallas Mavericks. No report on whether Cuban will take the Grizzlies out for a consolation prize of tasty Dairy Queen Blizzards should the Mavs sweep Memphis in four straight.
So, how much effort did each team put forth and should the NBA be concerned? Well, let's start with the fact that (a) Boniface N'Dong is not a figment of my imagination and (b) the big Senagalese center logged eleven minutes and scored a career high-tying six points (he averages six minutes per game). Let's also consider that the Clippers starting lineup included James Singleton, who played 45 minutes (he averages 12) and Vin Baker (playing in only his tenth game in two years). Further, raise an eyebrow at the fact that Sam Cassell (34 mpg; 17.2 ppg), Chris Kaman (33 mpg; 12 ppg), and Vladimir Radmanovich (29.5 mpg; 11 ppg) all failed to take their warm-ups off.
Of course, Memphis countered by sitting Damon Stoudamire (32 mpg; 12 ppg) and, amazingly, leading scorer Pau Gasol (20.4 ppg in 39 mpg) magically came down with, er...a, uh, uh, hmmm, uh, foot injury, yeah, foot injury, and spent the game imitating Jack Haley by sitting at the end of the bench in street clothes (although, as far as I know, Gasol did not express an inhuman attraction to Dennis Rodman).
Congratulations on your win...I mean loss...Clippers.
Hofstra. Whew. That's better. After a February and March of typing the name of the little school in Hempstead, New York's over and over, I was beginning to suffer from withdrawal.
Congratulations to Astro outfielder Preston Wilson are also in order for grounding into a fielder's choice in the bottom of the 4th inning in yesterday's Houston win over the Brewers. While we usually save congratulations for actually making contact with the ball for all-time strikeout kings like Steroid Sammy, Kid Corey and that thing named Freddie Bynum, Wilson definitely deserves a hearty pat on he back. His ground ball ended a string of seven consecutive strikeouts, a figure that recalls the glory days of Gary Matthews Jr. and Michael Tucker.
I've often wondered why Dodger fans believe it is cool to come to the late and leave "fashionably" early. My guess is that it kinda backfired Monday night as the Cubs won 4-1 in a game that lasted less than two hours. With a Maddux on the hill piching like its still 1994 (let me go put on my Ace of Base CD), by the time they showed up, the game was already in the sixth inning. Since they insist on leaving in the seventh to beat traffic, they must have barely had enough time to put sprouts on their tofu dog and locate Alyssa Milano in the crowd.
Maybe Maddux and Mark Buerhle will match-up this summer at Wrigley. A weekday game featuring those two that starts at 1:20 ought to get you home in time to catch the start of General Hospital at 2:00.
Hold on...did I really just admit that I have an Ace of Base CD?
Congratulations to Random Thoughts commenter ParrotMama for correctly answering yesterday's trivia question. I suspect that she is also the only Random Thoughts reader who can accurately state from personal experience whether Juan Marichal acted out of character when he clubbed John Roseboro over the head with his bat. Of course, had the story been about pinch hitter extradonaire Lenny Harris we could have relied on RT commenter Tom. Had it been about Damon Bailey we likely could have relied on RT non-commenter Liz, and, get this, had it been about the official RT hottie we could have checked in with Bearister's baby brother, Dan, who stood only feet away from Jessica at an Oscar post-party this year.
That said, the story of Marichal and Roseboro is worth knowing if you fancy yourself a true-baseball fan. Please take a seat on the rug, boys and girls, as I tell you the story of Juan and John (I'd better trademark that before the WB uses it as the name of their new ethnic buddy comedy. "John is a non-nonsense stock broker from Glencoe. Juan is a street smart store clerk from the west side. What happens when they are forced to live together in a Lincoln Park apartment?" Co-starring Bea Arthur as the crotchety old woman who lives downstairs and Susan Olsen as the woman they both fall in love with...)
Now, it goes without saying that the Giants and Dodgers have always been bitter rivals, but never in the history of their rivalry did a melee occur like that which occurred on August 22, 1965. In the top of the third inning, Giant hurler Juan Marichal knocked down both Maury Wills and Ron Fairly with high, tight fastballs. When the Dodgers took the field in the bottom of the inning, LA catcher John Roseboro signaled to pitcher Sandy Koufax that retailiation was in order. Koufax, being the greatest gentleman of the game this side of Jim Thome, refused to throw at a Giant batter (that indicates the team, not the relative size of the batter. Neither Hagrid nor Grawp played for the Giants at the time), as Roseboro later said "Koufax was constitutionally incapable of throwing at anyone's head."
Of course, the quote goes on to read "so I took matters into my own hands." With Marichal at the plate, Roseboro's return throw to the pitcher whistled past Marichal's head, barely missing cracking him in the ear. Marichal apparently said a few choice words, Roseboro assumed a fighting stance, and Marichal hammered him over the head with his bat, setting off a 14-minute brawl.
As I mentioned yesterday, understandably Roseboro wound up with a tremendous gash on the top of his head and needed 14 stiches to close the wound and stop the ungoing rush of blood that was pouring out of his noggin. The brawl stopped when San Francisco's Willie Mays crossed enemy lines and escorted a dazed Roseboro to the dugout. Marichal was suspended by major league baseball for nine games and fined $1,750.
But that was not the end of his punishment. A sure fire hall-of-famer, Marichal did not receive enough votes for induction his first two times on the ballot. In fact, most baseball historians believe that Marichal never would have received enough votes for election, had it not been for the arrival of a hero on a white horse...a hero named John Roseboro, who openly campaigned for Juan's induction.
When Roseboro passed away in 2002, talk of Marichal and his effect on John's life once again took center stage. You see, Marichal was an honorary pallbearer and was chosen to be a memorial speaker at the funeral. It turns out that the two men who will forever be part of baseball lore had became close friends. Marichal stated at the funeral that Roseboro's "forgiving me is one of the best thing that happened in my life."
Maybe someone can make it into a movie. I could see it going down as one of the classic heart-warming sports flicks of all time. Right up there with Brian's Song, Bang the Drum Slowly and Air Bud: Golden Retriever.
Hey, Orange Whip...just wondering, did Dee Brown donate a kidney to you or something?
Because you asked (and only because you asked)...the folks doing the rating are the fine folks who vote for the AP All-American Team and those who voted for the Bob Cousy Award (best point guard in the nation). Brown, as you are no doubt aware was voted a second-team All-American and the winner of the Cousy Award. Subjective awards? Absolutely. So, let's look at the objective numbers and compare Brown to UConn's Marcus Williams...
Points Per Game: Brown 14.2 Williams 12.3
FG %: Williams 41% Brown 36% (who does he think he is? Tyson Chandler?)
3 Pt FG%: Williams 40% Brown 32%
FT %: Williamsn 86% Brown 76%
Reb Per Game: Williams 3.9 Brown 3.1
Assists Per Game: Williams 8.6 Brown 5.8
Assist/Turnover Ration: Williams 2.33 Brown 2.0
Time Sprinting Out of Apartment While Carrying Laptops: Williams 6 seconds Brown N/A
Price Per Laptop Able to Get on Open Market: Williams $500 Brown N/A
Sheesh, make an effort Dee!!!!
Look, I'm not saying that the guy is not a talented player. I'll admit that he clearly is (and I am able to maintain my sense of humor regarding the situation). There were just too many games when (in my opinion) I saw him hurt the team with poor shot selection. I also believe that because of his undeaniable charisma and god-given talents (read: speed), he got too much pub. I have never meant my criticism to be malicious and have always hoped that readers would take it as it was meant... in good humor. That said, I am not backing down from my opinion that he is overrated and won post season awards that he did not deserve, but, since I seem to have hit a nerve (and when you only have 8 or 9 readers, the loss of one represents a substantial percentage of your readership) I am officially declaring a moratorium on all mentions in the Random Thoughts of Dee. You can (and should) feel free to my arguments by commenting, but I'm done with Mr. Brown. Okay?
Can we at least all agree that Rick Mirer was overrated?
***There will be no post tomorrow and Friday is extremely doubtful. I'm going to be tied up at work. I'll talk to you all Monday. Have a great weekend.
In fact, it looks more and more as though the Cubs simply traded the next Tom Goodwin.
Okay, let's just get it out of the way early today...Corey-o-Meter: Last night: One at-bat, one line-out. Season: 1-15 t the plate. Three stolen bases. Eighty-six pins stuck in homemade Markakis voodoo doll since manager Sam Perlozzo posted yesterday's lineup card.
I follow up such horribly disturbing news with a bit of good news! It's safe to pick on Juan Cruz once again! Facing raised expectations thanks to his mention in the Random Thoughts, Cruz proved that he handles pressure about as well as Greg Norman and Jean Van de Velde by getting lit up for three runs on three hits and three walks in 2.2 innings in his first appearance since being lauded. It's nice to know that you can go home again.
I also have not seen that many threes posted in such rapid succession since Ben Gordon single-handedly won last Friday's game versus Washington. And let's not forget people that I am not advocating trading him for Trenton Hassell.
I just want everyone to know that, in honor of the conclusion of the Blackhawks season and in recognition of my abhorrent judgement in referencing what, in my mind, is the most overrated television show in history (Friends) I am sending myself to the penalty box for two minutes.
Can I say that? Is that okay? I don't have any members of the Matt LeBlanc Fan Club reading this do I?
There. (Yes, I know that was not quite two minutes. Just assume that whoever the Blackhawks were playing scored in the first 12 seconds of the power play. It's really not much of a reach, is it?).
I doubt that many of you have been paying much attention to the NHL, but what happened yesterday (the final day of the regular season) in the Atlantic Division is really quite remarkable. In a span of under 75 minutes, three different teams were the "if the season ended right now" champions of the division and the #3 seed in the playoffs. The fun started with the New York Rangers in first place. A short time and a Ranger loss to Ottawa later, the Philadelphia Flyers leaped past the New York, courtesy of their win over the Islanders. Finally, twenty minutes later, the New Jersey Devils moved past the Flyers by overcoming a 3-0 deficit and defeating Montreal (their 11th consecutive win to close out the season). That said, the Devils win the division and get the #3 seed, the Flyers get seed #5 and the Rangers, who started the fray division champions and #3, fell all the way to #6. You may not care, but I'm fairly certain that, somewhere in Newark, David Puddy is screaming at the top of his lungs and scaring old ladies.
High five...
Speaking of playoff seeding, looks like the Memphis Grizzlies lost although they won. With a 101-95 victory over the Clippers, the Grizzlies have secured the #5 seed and a date in the playoffs with Mark Cuban's Dallas Mavericks. No report on whether Cuban will take the Grizzlies out for a consolation prize of tasty Dairy Queen Blizzards should the Mavs sweep Memphis in four straight.
So, how much effort did each team put forth and should the NBA be concerned? Well, let's start with the fact that (a) Boniface N'Dong is not a figment of my imagination and (b) the big Senagalese center logged eleven minutes and scored a career high-tying six points (he averages six minutes per game). Let's also consider that the Clippers starting lineup included James Singleton, who played 45 minutes (he averages 12) and Vin Baker (playing in only his tenth game in two years). Further, raise an eyebrow at the fact that Sam Cassell (34 mpg; 17.2 ppg), Chris Kaman (33 mpg; 12 ppg), and Vladimir Radmanovich (29.5 mpg; 11 ppg) all failed to take their warm-ups off.
Of course, Memphis countered by sitting Damon Stoudamire (32 mpg; 12 ppg) and, amazingly, leading scorer Pau Gasol (20.4 ppg in 39 mpg) magically came down with, er...a, uh, uh, hmmm, uh, foot injury, yeah, foot injury, and spent the game imitating Jack Haley by sitting at the end of the bench in street clothes (although, as far as I know, Gasol did not express an inhuman attraction to Dennis Rodman).
Congratulations on your win...I mean loss...Clippers.
Hofstra. Whew. That's better. After a February and March of typing the name of the little school in Hempstead, New York's over and over, I was beginning to suffer from withdrawal.
Congratulations to Astro outfielder Preston Wilson are also in order for grounding into a fielder's choice in the bottom of the 4th inning in yesterday's Houston win over the Brewers. While we usually save congratulations for actually making contact with the ball for all-time strikeout kings like Steroid Sammy, Kid Corey and that thing named Freddie Bynum, Wilson definitely deserves a hearty pat on he back. His ground ball ended a string of seven consecutive strikeouts, a figure that recalls the glory days of Gary Matthews Jr. and Michael Tucker.
I've often wondered why Dodger fans believe it is cool to come to the late and leave "fashionably" early. My guess is that it kinda backfired Monday night as the Cubs won 4-1 in a game that lasted less than two hours. With a Maddux on the hill piching like its still 1994 (let me go put on my Ace of Base CD), by the time they showed up, the game was already in the sixth inning. Since they insist on leaving in the seventh to beat traffic, they must have barely had enough time to put sprouts on their tofu dog and locate Alyssa Milano in the crowd.
Maybe Maddux and Mark Buerhle will match-up this summer at Wrigley. A weekday game featuring those two that starts at 1:20 ought to get you home in time to catch the start of General Hospital at 2:00.
Hold on...did I really just admit that I have an Ace of Base CD?
Congratulations to Random Thoughts commenter ParrotMama for correctly answering yesterday's trivia question. I suspect that she is also the only Random Thoughts reader who can accurately state from personal experience whether Juan Marichal acted out of character when he clubbed John Roseboro over the head with his bat. Of course, had the story been about pinch hitter extradonaire Lenny Harris we could have relied on RT commenter Tom. Had it been about Damon Bailey we likely could have relied on RT non-commenter Liz, and, get this, had it been about the official RT hottie we could have checked in with Bearister's baby brother, Dan, who stood only feet away from Jessica at an Oscar post-party this year.
That said, the story of Marichal and Roseboro is worth knowing if you fancy yourself a true-baseball fan. Please take a seat on the rug, boys and girls, as I tell you the story of Juan and John (I'd better trademark that before the WB uses it as the name of their new ethnic buddy comedy. "John is a non-nonsense stock broker from Glencoe. Juan is a street smart store clerk from the west side. What happens when they are forced to live together in a Lincoln Park apartment?" Co-starring Bea Arthur as the crotchety old woman who lives downstairs and Susan Olsen as the woman they both fall in love with...)
Now, it goes without saying that the Giants and Dodgers have always been bitter rivals, but never in the history of their rivalry did a melee occur like that which occurred on August 22, 1965. In the top of the third inning, Giant hurler Juan Marichal knocked down both Maury Wills and Ron Fairly with high, tight fastballs. When the Dodgers took the field in the bottom of the inning, LA catcher John Roseboro signaled to pitcher Sandy Koufax that retailiation was in order. Koufax, being the greatest gentleman of the game this side of Jim Thome, refused to throw at a Giant batter (that indicates the team, not the relative size of the batter. Neither Hagrid nor Grawp played for the Giants at the time), as Roseboro later said "Koufax was constitutionally incapable of throwing at anyone's head."
Of course, the quote goes on to read "so I took matters into my own hands." With Marichal at the plate, Roseboro's return throw to the pitcher whistled past Marichal's head, barely missing cracking him in the ear. Marichal apparently said a few choice words, Roseboro assumed a fighting stance, and Marichal hammered him over the head with his bat, setting off a 14-minute brawl.
As I mentioned yesterday, understandably Roseboro wound up with a tremendous gash on the top of his head and needed 14 stiches to close the wound and stop the ungoing rush of blood that was pouring out of his noggin. The brawl stopped when San Francisco's Willie Mays crossed enemy lines and escorted a dazed Roseboro to the dugout. Marichal was suspended by major league baseball for nine games and fined $1,750.
But that was not the end of his punishment. A sure fire hall-of-famer, Marichal did not receive enough votes for induction his first two times on the ballot. In fact, most baseball historians believe that Marichal never would have received enough votes for election, had it not been for the arrival of a hero on a white horse...a hero named John Roseboro, who openly campaigned for Juan's induction.
When Roseboro passed away in 2002, talk of Marichal and his effect on John's life once again took center stage. You see, Marichal was an honorary pallbearer and was chosen to be a memorial speaker at the funeral. It turns out that the two men who will forever be part of baseball lore had became close friends. Marichal stated at the funeral that Roseboro's "forgiving me is one of the best thing that happened in my life."
Maybe someone can make it into a movie. I could see it going down as one of the classic heart-warming sports flicks of all time. Right up there with Brian's Song, Bang the Drum Slowly and Air Bud: Golden Retriever.
Hey, Orange Whip...just wondering, did Dee Brown donate a kidney to you or something?
Because you asked (and only because you asked)...the folks doing the rating are the fine folks who vote for the AP All-American Team and those who voted for the Bob Cousy Award (best point guard in the nation). Brown, as you are no doubt aware was voted a second-team All-American and the winner of the Cousy Award. Subjective awards? Absolutely. So, let's look at the objective numbers and compare Brown to UConn's Marcus Williams...
Points Per Game: Brown 14.2 Williams 12.3
FG %: Williams 41% Brown 36% (who does he think he is? Tyson Chandler?)
3 Pt FG%: Williams 40% Brown 32%
FT %: Williamsn 86% Brown 76%
Reb Per Game: Williams 3.9 Brown 3.1
Assists Per Game: Williams 8.6 Brown 5.8
Assist/Turnover Ration: Williams 2.33 Brown 2.0
Time Sprinting Out of Apartment While Carrying Laptops: Williams 6 seconds Brown N/A
Price Per Laptop Able to Get on Open Market: Williams $500 Brown N/A
Sheesh, make an effort Dee!!!!
Look, I'm not saying that the guy is not a talented player. I'll admit that he clearly is (and I am able to maintain my sense of humor regarding the situation). There were just too many games when (in my opinion) I saw him hurt the team with poor shot selection. I also believe that because of his undeaniable charisma and god-given talents (read: speed), he got too much pub. I have never meant my criticism to be malicious and have always hoped that readers would take it as it was meant... in good humor. That said, I am not backing down from my opinion that he is overrated and won post season awards that he did not deserve, but, since I seem to have hit a nerve (and when you only have 8 or 9 readers, the loss of one represents a substantial percentage of your readership) I am officially declaring a moratorium on all mentions in the Random Thoughts of Dee. You can (and should) feel free to my arguments by commenting, but I'm done with Mr. Brown. Okay?
Can we at least all agree that Rick Mirer was overrated?
***There will be no post tomorrow and Friday is extremely doubtful. I'm going to be tied up at work. I'll talk to you all Monday. Have a great weekend.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
All Hail Dee Brownberg!!!!
Watching Sunday night baseball on ESPN, I was reminded of a quote I once heard attributed to hall-of-famer Fergie Jenkins. Something along the lines of... "When I threw a pitch, I always knew where the ball was going."
I was reminded of the quote when, upon hitting Barry Bonds in the armor with a pitch, Dodgers' relief pitcher Tim Hamulack was immediately ejected from the game by home plate umpire Lance Barksdale. For those of you too sickened by the sound of Joe Morgan's voice to watch ESPN's Sunday night baseball (feel free to use that as your excuse when your wife is making you watch Crossing Jordan), Bonds' beaning came a half-inning after Dodger slugger Jeff Kent was struck in the helmet by a 70-something mph change-up. Barksdale judged that Hamulack had thrown at Bonds on purpose and took, what in his mind, was the appropriate action in tossing him from the game.
We hear all the time about the "way baseball used to be." How if your pitcher plunked the opposing team's star, the first batter up in the next inning would be earning a free, albeit painful, trip to first base (if he can stand that is). How if you hit a home run off Don Drysdale, during your next trip to the plate, you'd be best served bringing a shield and wearing a football helmet. How if you made Bob Gibson angry, he was abt to fire a 97-mph fastball at your head, laugh at your lifeless body and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Every now and then I think about how amazing it is that sports can warp our view of what is right and what is wrong. I think we lose sight of the fact that a baseball is hard and it is absolutely no fun to get struck by a ball travelling at such great speeds. I know that it is likely not a particularily popular opinion, but I don't think that it should ever be appropriate to intentionally throw at a batter. Give the pitcher the right to throw at a batter on purpose and the hitter should be well within his rights to rush the mound with his bat (or club the catcher over the head with your bat if your name just happens to be Juan Marichal**).
Just my two cents on the issue, which is worth...well, two cents.
Please remember that the above opinion does not apply if the batter is named Todd Hundley or LaTroy Hawkins. In such case, fire away!
Interesting situation in Memphis tonight, where the Grizzlies match up against the LA Clippers. Interesting because it would probably be in both teams interest to lose the game (and, no, not to improve there chances of being able to draft Dee Brownberg). You see, both teams are currently fighting for the #5 and #6 seed in the western conference playoffs and both would almost undoubtedly rather be seeded #6. Get seeded sixth and you get to face a struggling Denver Nuggets team that has lost 5 of 8 games (including a home loss last night to Houston. How in the heck do you lose to Houston? Isn't the whole town focusing solely on Brett Clemens?) but will still win the Northwest Division and get the #3 seed. "Fall" to seed #5 and you face Dirk Nowitzi and the 60-win Dallas Mavericks, who own the third best record in the NBA. Reportedly, the NBA has sent a letter to both teams warning them that they will be watching the game very closely. Bottom line, if Boniface N'Dong gets more than two minutes for the Clippers, David Stern is not going to be happy.
No truth to the report that both teams tried to trade for Luke Schenscher and Eddy Curry in time for the game.
Who's Dee Brownberg, you ask? I think he plays for the Temple Beth El junior team in Highland Park. Look, there ain't no way I'm mentioning another player with a similar name anymore, now that the Random Thoughts has apparently welcomed his mother to the roll of commenters.
That said, maybe the Bulls will draft James Augustine...
Kerry Wood joined the Cubs in Los Angeles last night and threw off the mound. In what may seem like an overly extreme move to everyone but Cubs' fans, the team has asked that the rider restrictions for all Disneyland rides be amended to include all children under 42 inches in height, all pregnant women, all adults with heart conditions, and all once-promising pitchers who have now turned into $10 million per year bullpen mound jockeys.
Kerry Wood and Mark Prior and their assorted injuries are to the Random Thoughts what having Joey or Ross or Chandler or phoebe or Rachel or the girl from the Dancing in the Dark video date one another was to Friends. Completely out of fresh, new ideas? Well, you can always go back to the old standby.
Yesterday, I forgot to mention Tadahito Iguichi's sensational play last weekend, throwing out Bengie Molina with his face planted in the U.S. Comiscular infield. It was truly an amazing play, but shouldn't someone tell Molina that he should not fill his pockets with rocks before running to first base? That guy makes Paul Konerko look like Carl Lewis. Heck, that guy makes Ron Santo look like Carl Lewis.
Molina should be getting to first base on that play about.................................now. I think even Sally Struthers could beat him in a footrace... while eating a box of Tasty Cakes.
I caught highlights of the Indians-Tigers game yesterday. Holy moly, have you seen Pudge Rodriguez since the steroid crackdown began? I haven't seen that dramatic of a body transformation since Britney Spears was seen coming out of Dr. Leon Forrester Tcheupdjian's office (believe it or not, that is actually spelled correctly!). You can now fit eight of him in Frank Thomas' pants.
So Sox management has asked Joe Crede and A.J. Pierzynski to cut there hair. You would think that it would be so the team can maintain a professional look, right? Well, that's what the Sox are saying, but I'm not so sure. Last year Sox fans were given the opportunity to throw out the first pitch at a game for a price. Pony up enough cash and you could carry the official game balls to the home plate umpire. Offer to pay Damaso Marte's salary for the season and you could actually pinch hit for Jose Uribe. Now, comes the great Hair Caper. Hmmm...
How about selling the right to wax Jim Thome's back, too?
What else should the Sox sell for a price to the minions of "What?-the-Sox-won-World-Series?- You've-got-to-be-kidding-me-I-haven't-followed-the-team-since-Greg-Luzinski-played-left-field-but-now-I-love-them" fans? Post a comment below.
Fred "The Mayor" Hoiberg announced his retirement. Immediately before making the announcement, he asked to be traded to the Bears so he can get the proper sendoff that his long and illustrious career has earned him. Jerry Azumah declined an offer to plan his retirement party.
Finally, what a great day for Corey Patterson! The kind of day that a young man dreams of while playing catch in the backyard with the old man. No, Corey did not get any hits (although to his credit he did score a run and have a stolen base while going 0-3 at the plate), but the Orioles' announced that left fielder David Newhan broke his leg and will be out for a considerable period of time. Looks like the Orioles' options are play Corey or bring back Steroid Sammy. You're on your way, kid!
Oh yeah, you can feel free to throw at his frickin' head too.
** Difficult baseball trivia question of the day: What was the name of the Dodgers' catcher who Juan Marichal bashed over the head with his bat, opening a wound that required 14 stitches?
I was reminded of the quote when, upon hitting Barry Bonds in the armor with a pitch, Dodgers' relief pitcher Tim Hamulack was immediately ejected from the game by home plate umpire Lance Barksdale. For those of you too sickened by the sound of Joe Morgan's voice to watch ESPN's Sunday night baseball (feel free to use that as your excuse when your wife is making you watch Crossing Jordan), Bonds' beaning came a half-inning after Dodger slugger Jeff Kent was struck in the helmet by a 70-something mph change-up. Barksdale judged that Hamulack had thrown at Bonds on purpose and took, what in his mind, was the appropriate action in tossing him from the game.
We hear all the time about the "way baseball used to be." How if your pitcher plunked the opposing team's star, the first batter up in the next inning would be earning a free, albeit painful, trip to first base (if he can stand that is). How if you hit a home run off Don Drysdale, during your next trip to the plate, you'd be best served bringing a shield and wearing a football helmet. How if you made Bob Gibson angry, he was abt to fire a 97-mph fastball at your head, laugh at your lifeless body and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Every now and then I think about how amazing it is that sports can warp our view of what is right and what is wrong. I think we lose sight of the fact that a baseball is hard and it is absolutely no fun to get struck by a ball travelling at such great speeds. I know that it is likely not a particularily popular opinion, but I don't think that it should ever be appropriate to intentionally throw at a batter. Give the pitcher the right to throw at a batter on purpose and the hitter should be well within his rights to rush the mound with his bat (or club the catcher over the head with your bat if your name just happens to be Juan Marichal**).
Just my two cents on the issue, which is worth...well, two cents.
Please remember that the above opinion does not apply if the batter is named Todd Hundley or LaTroy Hawkins. In such case, fire away!
Interesting situation in Memphis tonight, where the Grizzlies match up against the LA Clippers. Interesting because it would probably be in both teams interest to lose the game (and, no, not to improve there chances of being able to draft Dee Brownberg). You see, both teams are currently fighting for the #5 and #6 seed in the western conference playoffs and both would almost undoubtedly rather be seeded #6. Get seeded sixth and you get to face a struggling Denver Nuggets team that has lost 5 of 8 games (including a home loss last night to Houston. How in the heck do you lose to Houston? Isn't the whole town focusing solely on Brett Clemens?) but will still win the Northwest Division and get the #3 seed. "Fall" to seed #5 and you face Dirk Nowitzi and the 60-win Dallas Mavericks, who own the third best record in the NBA. Reportedly, the NBA has sent a letter to both teams warning them that they will be watching the game very closely. Bottom line, if Boniface N'Dong gets more than two minutes for the Clippers, David Stern is not going to be happy.
No truth to the report that both teams tried to trade for Luke Schenscher and Eddy Curry in time for the game.
Who's Dee Brownberg, you ask? I think he plays for the Temple Beth El junior team in Highland Park. Look, there ain't no way I'm mentioning another player with a similar name anymore, now that the Random Thoughts has apparently welcomed his mother to the roll of commenters.
That said, maybe the Bulls will draft James Augustine...
Kerry Wood joined the Cubs in Los Angeles last night and threw off the mound. In what may seem like an overly extreme move to everyone but Cubs' fans, the team has asked that the rider restrictions for all Disneyland rides be amended to include all children under 42 inches in height, all pregnant women, all adults with heart conditions, and all once-promising pitchers who have now turned into $10 million per year bullpen mound jockeys.
Kerry Wood and Mark Prior and their assorted injuries are to the Random Thoughts what having Joey or Ross or Chandler or phoebe or Rachel or the girl from the Dancing in the Dark video date one another was to Friends. Completely out of fresh, new ideas? Well, you can always go back to the old standby.
Yesterday, I forgot to mention Tadahito Iguichi's sensational play last weekend, throwing out Bengie Molina with his face planted in the U.S. Comiscular infield. It was truly an amazing play, but shouldn't someone tell Molina that he should not fill his pockets with rocks before running to first base? That guy makes Paul Konerko look like Carl Lewis. Heck, that guy makes Ron Santo look like Carl Lewis.
Molina should be getting to first base on that play about.................................now. I think even Sally Struthers could beat him in a footrace... while eating a box of Tasty Cakes.
I caught highlights of the Indians-Tigers game yesterday. Holy moly, have you seen Pudge Rodriguez since the steroid crackdown began? I haven't seen that dramatic of a body transformation since Britney Spears was seen coming out of Dr. Leon Forrester Tcheupdjian's office (believe it or not, that is actually spelled correctly!). You can now fit eight of him in Frank Thomas' pants.
So Sox management has asked Joe Crede and A.J. Pierzynski to cut there hair. You would think that it would be so the team can maintain a professional look, right? Well, that's what the Sox are saying, but I'm not so sure. Last year Sox fans were given the opportunity to throw out the first pitch at a game for a price. Pony up enough cash and you could carry the official game balls to the home plate umpire. Offer to pay Damaso Marte's salary for the season and you could actually pinch hit for Jose Uribe. Now, comes the great Hair Caper. Hmmm...
How about selling the right to wax Jim Thome's back, too?
What else should the Sox sell for a price to the minions of "What?-the-Sox-won-World-Series?- You've-got-to-be-kidding-me-I-haven't-followed-the-team-since-Greg-Luzinski-played-left-field-but-now-I-love-them" fans? Post a comment below.
Fred "The Mayor" Hoiberg announced his retirement. Immediately before making the announcement, he asked to be traded to the Bears so he can get the proper sendoff that his long and illustrious career has earned him. Jerry Azumah declined an offer to plan his retirement party.
Finally, what a great day for Corey Patterson! The kind of day that a young man dreams of while playing catch in the backyard with the old man. No, Corey did not get any hits (although to his credit he did score a run and have a stolen base while going 0-3 at the plate), but the Orioles' announced that left fielder David Newhan broke his leg and will be out for a considerable period of time. Looks like the Orioles' options are play Corey or bring back Steroid Sammy. You're on your way, kid!
Oh yeah, you can feel free to throw at his frickin' head too.
** Difficult baseball trivia question of the day: What was the name of the Dodgers' catcher who Juan Marichal bashed over the head with his bat, opening a wound that required 14 stitches?
Monday, April 17, 2006
Cruz Control
Quick hits today...
* Who was it again who "predicted" that Craig Wilson would hit a home run off of Glendon Rusch? Yes, I did see the Simpsons episode when Mr. Burns reminds Smithers that "I told you so's" younger brother is "shut the hell up." So noted.
* Happy to see Rusch pitch a decent game yesterday . He's certainly better than he showed in his first two outings. That said, anyone else interested in seeing whether Angel Guzman is the next Pedro Martinez or the next Juan Cruz?
* Pehaps Cruz is a crappy example. Anyone else noticed that he has faced 24 batters so far this year, given up only one hit, walked four and ten (of his 19 outs) are via strikeout? By the way, he is pitching out of the Diamondbacks' bullpen these days. Looks like I should have gone to the Felix Heredia well again.
* FYI, Cruz is pitching on the same staff as former White Sox hurlers Jose Vizcaino and El Duque, former Cub Terry Mulholland, and Jennie Finch's husband Casey Daigle.
* You are waaaaay too big of a sports fan, if your first reaction to the last quick hit was "Terry Mulholland is still in the major leagues?" Either that or you have no idea who the Chicago Bandits are.
* By the way...yes, Mulholland is still in the league. I hate to age the man, but Mulholland was a 17-year old and groovin' to Air Supply when Jennie was born. He is currently on the 15-day DL with an injured elbow, although I'm thinking it's more likely Alzheimer's.
* I know it is early, but Orioles' catcher Ramon Hernandez is hitting a whopping .526 this year. He has 20 hits in 38 at bats. I doubt that any of you really care, but I'm pretty amazed.
* Yeah, but he hasn't hit off Juan Cruz yet.
* Explain to me again why Dusty has not named Todd Walker the everyday second baseman. Heck, if Hairston has pictures of Dusty in drag, I'd play Walk in right field when Jerry is collecting on his blackmail.
* I can't criticize Ronny Cedeno for his offense so far this year. He has been a tremendous surprise. Yes, I also realize that he is still awfully young and probably still a little nervous, but where is the phenomenol defense that Jim Hendry and his scouting staff have been raving about? Look, I've seen Omar Vizquel play shortstop and Ronny Cedeno is no Omar Vizquel.
* Unless his defense improves significantly, Chicago sports fans will have to admit that we haven't been sold such an inaccurate bag of goods since Gary Scott was labeled as the next great Cub third baseman.
* Wait, I forgot about Joe Borchard and David Kelton and Curtis Enis.
* And Dmitri Nabokov...and Marcus Fizer...and Felix Diaz.
* Oh yeah, and Juan Cruz.
* Holy moly, this town has had a lot of overrated saps. Maybe the Bulls will draft Dee Brown.
* I just can't help myself, can I?
* Pirate minor-league outfielder (and former Cub) Jody Gerut was suspended by the team after having knee surgery that the team judged unnecessary. Maybe he took a trip to Itchy and Scratchy Land before the season started and was intrigued by the different sections of the park (c'mon Simpsons fans, you know what the heck I'm talking about!). I'm just happy he got out of Explosion Land unscathed. Mmmmm...brain burger with extra pus.
* Last year the Cubs had three primary left fielders, before finding their gem at the Burrow (now it's your trun Harry Potter fans!). Jason DuBois is now out of the league. Matt Lawton spent the first ten days of the season in exile after being suspended for spending too much time with Jose Canseco. Gerut's plight is described above. Whoever is scouting left field for the Cubs needs a new job.
* Last week I asked: "who or what is a Freddie Bynum?" I still don't know, but whatever the heck it is, it can't hit.
* At least now we know how Todd thinks Prior is going to get hurt.
* I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rumor has it that Prior is spending his nights sending e-mails to Carlos Zambrano's family in Venezuela
* Great responses on Friday from all Random Thoughts readers! Who knew Jay Edwards had escaped from prison?
* I drank some orange juice this morning and I can definitively say that Diet Dr. Pepper does taste more like Dr. Pepper. Tomorrow, I may put it to the test versus apple juice. We shall see.
And with that... time willing, I will see you all tomorrow.
* Who was it again who "predicted" that Craig Wilson would hit a home run off of Glendon Rusch? Yes, I did see the Simpsons episode when Mr. Burns reminds Smithers that "I told you so's" younger brother is "shut the hell up." So noted.
* Happy to see Rusch pitch a decent game yesterday . He's certainly better than he showed in his first two outings. That said, anyone else interested in seeing whether Angel Guzman is the next Pedro Martinez or the next Juan Cruz?
* Pehaps Cruz is a crappy example. Anyone else noticed that he has faced 24 batters so far this year, given up only one hit, walked four and ten (of his 19 outs) are via strikeout? By the way, he is pitching out of the Diamondbacks' bullpen these days. Looks like I should have gone to the Felix Heredia well again.
* FYI, Cruz is pitching on the same staff as former White Sox hurlers Jose Vizcaino and El Duque, former Cub Terry Mulholland, and Jennie Finch's husband Casey Daigle.
* You are waaaaay too big of a sports fan, if your first reaction to the last quick hit was "Terry Mulholland is still in the major leagues?" Either that or you have no idea who the Chicago Bandits are.
* By the way...yes, Mulholland is still in the league. I hate to age the man, but Mulholland was a 17-year old and groovin' to Air Supply when Jennie was born. He is currently on the 15-day DL with an injured elbow, although I'm thinking it's more likely Alzheimer's.
* I know it is early, but Orioles' catcher Ramon Hernandez is hitting a whopping .526 this year. He has 20 hits in 38 at bats. I doubt that any of you really care, but I'm pretty amazed.
* Yeah, but he hasn't hit off Juan Cruz yet.
* Explain to me again why Dusty has not named Todd Walker the everyday second baseman. Heck, if Hairston has pictures of Dusty in drag, I'd play Walk in right field when Jerry is collecting on his blackmail.
* I can't criticize Ronny Cedeno for his offense so far this year. He has been a tremendous surprise. Yes, I also realize that he is still awfully young and probably still a little nervous, but where is the phenomenol defense that Jim Hendry and his scouting staff have been raving about? Look, I've seen Omar Vizquel play shortstop and Ronny Cedeno is no Omar Vizquel.
* Unless his defense improves significantly, Chicago sports fans will have to admit that we haven't been sold such an inaccurate bag of goods since Gary Scott was labeled as the next great Cub third baseman.
* Wait, I forgot about Joe Borchard and David Kelton and Curtis Enis.
* And Dmitri Nabokov...and Marcus Fizer...and Felix Diaz.
* Oh yeah, and Juan Cruz.
* Holy moly, this town has had a lot of overrated saps. Maybe the Bulls will draft Dee Brown.
* I just can't help myself, can I?
* Pirate minor-league outfielder (and former Cub) Jody Gerut was suspended by the team after having knee surgery that the team judged unnecessary. Maybe he took a trip to Itchy and Scratchy Land before the season started and was intrigued by the different sections of the park (c'mon Simpsons fans, you know what the heck I'm talking about!). I'm just happy he got out of Explosion Land unscathed. Mmmmm...brain burger with extra pus.
* Last year the Cubs had three primary left fielders, before finding their gem at the Burrow (now it's your trun Harry Potter fans!). Jason DuBois is now out of the league. Matt Lawton spent the first ten days of the season in exile after being suspended for spending too much time with Jose Canseco. Gerut's plight is described above. Whoever is scouting left field for the Cubs needs a new job.
* Last week I asked: "who or what is a Freddie Bynum?" I still don't know, but whatever the heck it is, it can't hit.
* At least now we know how Todd thinks Prior is going to get hurt.
* I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rumor has it that Prior is spending his nights sending e-mails to Carlos Zambrano's family in Venezuela
* Great responses on Friday from all Random Thoughts readers! Who knew Jay Edwards had escaped from prison?
* I drank some orange juice this morning and I can definitively say that Diet Dr. Pepper does taste more like Dr. Pepper. Tomorrow, I may put it to the test versus apple juice. We shall see.
And with that... time willing, I will see you all tomorrow.
Friday, April 14, 2006
A Cub Looks At 40
Aaron Rowand certainly seemed like a nice enough guy. Decent bat. Very good glove. Made some really nice running catches at Yankee Stadium last year. Seemed like a positive clubhouse presence and, I'm told, has an unrivaled zest for action sports. I'm sure the Phillies' fans will love him.
That said, Aaron Rowand is no Jim Thome.
After homering in yesterday's 13-9 victory over the Detroit Tigers, Thome now has six home runs in nine games this season, including having gone deep in four straight games. He is now hitting a healthy .379 and sports a robust .561 on-base-percentage. Couple those numbers with the generally recognized fact that he is perhaps the nicest guy in the league, and Rowand for Thome looks like a steal. Should the big man stay healthy, he is the type of guy who can carry a struggling offense for a week or so, ensuring that the White Sox stay likely stay in contention (despite Jon Garland's current imitation of Shawn Estes). Think Sammy Sosa, circa 1998, minus the crates of cork, and clubhouse-dividing boom box, and hypodermic needles, er...I mean the Flintstone vitamins.
Thome is not the only major leaguer who is launching home runs at an alarming rate so far this season. Some guy on the Tigers named Chris Shelton has seven in nine games, putting him on pace for a season total of 126 (a former 33rd round draft pick, Shelton hit 17 HR in 107 games last year). Khalil Greene of the Padres (a native Conch, by the way) has four in 32 at bats after hitting only 15 each of the last two seasons. Colorado Rockies' outfielder Brad Hawpe has four after setting a career high last year with nine. Pirate Craig Wilson has four in only 24 at bats and he hasn't even gotten to face Glendon Rusch yet (although he gets his opportunity this weekend). What in the name of Victor Conte is going on here?
Ask Hawk Harrelson and he will tell you that it is clear that the ball is juiced this year. As Darrin Jackson and he will just echo "yesssss." If true, that's an interesting move by major league baseball. Just take the steroids out of the players and put them in the ball. After all, weren't we once told that chicks dig the long ball.
I worry about the affect that this obvious ball juicing is going to have on the younger generation of balls. Don't you think that they are going to want to improve their chances of making it to the big leagues? Do you think they are happy being thrown around by Crash Davis, rather than Jody Davis? I mean, it's got got to be better to be caught by some drunk slob in the Bud Light Bleachers, than be caught by the patriarch of the Martin family from Woodstock, Illinois, enjoying their picnic on the grassy knoll at Elfstrom Stadium, isn't it?
We really need to clean this game up. To heck with Bonds, Palmeiro and Sheffield. Think about the poor defenseless ball. And thank you for your time.
At least the ball doesn't have much concern, when Scotty Pods approaches the plate. The Sox had 17 hits yesterday but nary a one by the career minor leaguer (whose average is now done to a .059). Pods is 2006's answer to Jerome Walton.
I admit that the last couple of days, I have been hard on Greg Maddux and have not exactly presented a rosy picture of his 2006 future. That said, the future Hall-of-Famer turns 40 years old today and that gives us an excellent opportunity to look back at his career accomplishments and truly marvel at how terrific he has been. Random Thoughts commenter "Bearister" noted that Maddux has the most wins by any pitcher by the age of 40 in the modern era of baseball (boy, today's headline would have been perfect, if we lived in Pittsburgh and were talking about the career achievements of John Candelaria). I believe there are nine pitchers who had more wins than Greg's 320 but they all played at a time when it was common to pitch both ends of a doubleheader, spend all night drunk in a ditch somewhere, and still pitch in relief the next day. As far as I know, the only pitcher capable of such a feat today is David Wells.
Don't get me wrong, Mad Dog certainly gets respect, but, in my mind, not as much as he deserves. Ask a casual baseball fan who the greatest pitchers of the 90's (and into the new century) were/ are and you are likely to get a Randy Johnson. Perhaps a Pedro Martinez. Curt Schilling may get a mention. And, of course, Roger Clemens.
Why Clemens and not Maddux, I ask? In two more seasons, Clemens certainly has a lot more strikeouts (4502 - 3060), a better career win percentage (.665 - .627), more shutouts (46-35), and has won seven Cy Young Awards to Mad Dog's four. Maddux, on the other hand, has fifteen Gold Gloves, 21 total less wins in two less seasons, a lot less walks (907 - 1520), a better walks and hits per innings pitched ratio (1.13 - 1.17), and, most importantly, a lower ERA (3.01 - 3.12). So, why is Clemens automatically mentioned as perhaps the greatest right handed pitcher of the last 50 years, but Maddux is, by comparison, infrequently mentioned? Why, of course, ... chicks dig the strikeout too.
So, who is the greatest right handed pitcher of the last twenty years? I can't definitively say it's Maddux over Clemens but it's equally foolish to automatically say Roger over Greg. Both have been true all-time greats, especially at a time when one was more likely to find a bottle of Winstrol in a major league ballplayer's locker than the phone number of Heidi Fleiss.
Anyway, happy birthday Greg!
And, while we are talking about the greatest right hander of the last twenty years, we better not neglect to review the statistics of Kevin Tapani...
Speaking of Clemens, his inability to make up his mind regarding his future is getting awfully annoying. Who else wishes that Clemens would just make up his dang mind already regarding whether he will return to quarterback the Green Bay Packers next year?
All kidding aside, it's got to be extremely frustrating to be a Houston Astro or Green Bay Packer fan these days. Poor Billy Bob, nursing his Lone Star Beer, wondering whether the Astros will have to rely on the likes of Wandy Rodriguez and Taylor Buchholz this year or whether the team will have to coax Jim Deshaies or Shane Reynolds out of retirement. Poor Buddy, sitting in his orange hunting gear at a Green Bay greasy diner, trying to figure out a way to stuff an elk burger into his toothless, tar-stained mouth, contemplating whether #4 will be back for another 4-12 season. Poor, poor John Madden wondering what in the heck he is going to talk about for three plus hours if Brett Favre is not in the league. A Madden broadcast without Favre is like Eddie Murphy's Raw or Delirious video without the curses. A bunch of prepositions, a few references to toilets and a whole lot of dead air.
Billy Bob...Buddy...put the shotgun down. It's going to be okay. After all, Cubs' fans feel your pain. After all, we continue to wait for the glorious return of our injured hero, Mark Prior. Aaaahhh...good ol' Prior. Look, even the most pessimistic Cubs' fan (read: me), even a fan who truly believes that the Cubs are likely to become the first team in history to lose a game after having a sure-game-winning run not score due to the untimely actions of a bird flu-inflicted goat, must admit that Prior will return sometime. Of course, this begs the question, exactly what horrible afflication, injury or illness will befall Mark Prior once he does return and precisely what will happen to cause Prior to spend an additional 60 days, er...60 months on the DL? These are precisely the questions already considered by Random Thoughts commentor WrigleyBill.
In fact, after hallucinating that he read an article in yesterday's Chicago newspaper, that Prior was going blind from using too much Bausch and Lomb ReNu eye solution with MoistureLoc, WrigleyBill began to question what will happen to our golden boy next. I leave it to you, the readers of the Random Thoughts, to determine what Prior should expect to happen next. I ask you, will Prior be sidelined next as the result of:
A. Having gotten run over by a tricylce being ridden by a dwarf (WrigleyBill's prediction)
B. Having been mistaken for Todd Wellemeyer and having, therefore, been run over by a tricycle ridden by WrigleyBill
C. A terrible, terrible circus accident involving a schizophrenic elephant, a clown, and a flaming hoop.
D. Spontaneously combusting, after choking on vomit (somebody else's vomit), after suffering through a bizarre gardening accident***
or
E. __________________ (Fill in the blank)
Y'all (hey, I'm comiserating with my buddies in Houston) weren't interested in coming up with a nickname for Dee Brown, perhaps this will get your creative juices flowing. Pleeze (now I'm comiserating with my friends in Green Bay) feel free to let us know what will happen next...
(I know you've been waiting for it)....Corey-o-Meter: Pinch ran in Baltimore's loss to the Devil Rays. Reportedly did not trip and did not have to ask first base coach directions to second base. Season: Remains one for ten. Hasn't had an at-bat since last Sunday. No confirmation that his teammates have actually hidden his bats.
Finally, I know that I have thanked many of you loyal readers of the Random Thoughts in person, but I, once again, wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your continued support and for passing the word along. The Random Thoughts is a lot of fun to write, but can be time consuming and I appreciate everyone's good words, readership and comments (and those of you who aren't commenting...why?)
That said, while I will certainly try to post on a daily basis and encourage you to take 30 seconds away from looking up pictures of Jessica Alba (that's not really her body on www.nakedpicturesofjessicaalbaIsweartheyarereal.com, Todd) to check the Random Thoughts each and every weekday, my upcoming work schedule may preclude me from writing on a daily basis. I'm certainly not going anywhere, however, and hope that you will be along for the ride.
Finally (finally), I would like to officially recommend two pages that are worth your time and the eventual eye strain associated with staring at the internet all day long. First, our own Bearister's "The Bearister Report" (http://thebearisterreport.blogspot.com) is usually a quick read, especially given that Adam updates it about once a month (sheesh, you'd think he has a new baby in the house or something). Second, new Random Thoughts reader and commentator "Cub fan kev" offers his own (extremely) warped look at the world at http://www.kalspals.com. Check them out.
Have a terrific weekend and best of luck in all Easter egg hunts this weekend. Remember, if faced with any moral dilemmas when charging for a nice lilac egg with a big bunny on it, always think WWADD. You can bet Al Davis would knock that little snot-nosed brat halfway to tomorrow. Heck, there's candy inside!!!
*** Today's trivia: Who was a victim of all three of these unfortunate events?
That said, Aaron Rowand is no Jim Thome.
After homering in yesterday's 13-9 victory over the Detroit Tigers, Thome now has six home runs in nine games this season, including having gone deep in four straight games. He is now hitting a healthy .379 and sports a robust .561 on-base-percentage. Couple those numbers with the generally recognized fact that he is perhaps the nicest guy in the league, and Rowand for Thome looks like a steal. Should the big man stay healthy, he is the type of guy who can carry a struggling offense for a week or so, ensuring that the White Sox stay likely stay in contention (despite Jon Garland's current imitation of Shawn Estes). Think Sammy Sosa, circa 1998, minus the crates of cork, and clubhouse-dividing boom box, and hypodermic needles, er...I mean the Flintstone vitamins.
Thome is not the only major leaguer who is launching home runs at an alarming rate so far this season. Some guy on the Tigers named Chris Shelton has seven in nine games, putting him on pace for a season total of 126 (a former 33rd round draft pick, Shelton hit 17 HR in 107 games last year). Khalil Greene of the Padres (a native Conch, by the way) has four in 32 at bats after hitting only 15 each of the last two seasons. Colorado Rockies' outfielder Brad Hawpe has four after setting a career high last year with nine. Pirate Craig Wilson has four in only 24 at bats and he hasn't even gotten to face Glendon Rusch yet (although he gets his opportunity this weekend). What in the name of Victor Conte is going on here?
Ask Hawk Harrelson and he will tell you that it is clear that the ball is juiced this year. As Darrin Jackson and he will just echo "yesssss." If true, that's an interesting move by major league baseball. Just take the steroids out of the players and put them in the ball. After all, weren't we once told that chicks dig the long ball.
I worry about the affect that this obvious ball juicing is going to have on the younger generation of balls. Don't you think that they are going to want to improve their chances of making it to the big leagues? Do you think they are happy being thrown around by Crash Davis, rather than Jody Davis? I mean, it's got got to be better to be caught by some drunk slob in the Bud Light Bleachers, than be caught by the patriarch of the Martin family from Woodstock, Illinois, enjoying their picnic on the grassy knoll at Elfstrom Stadium, isn't it?
We really need to clean this game up. To heck with Bonds, Palmeiro and Sheffield. Think about the poor defenseless ball. And thank you for your time.
At least the ball doesn't have much concern, when Scotty Pods approaches the plate. The Sox had 17 hits yesterday but nary a one by the career minor leaguer (whose average is now done to a .059). Pods is 2006's answer to Jerome Walton.
I admit that the last couple of days, I have been hard on Greg Maddux and have not exactly presented a rosy picture of his 2006 future. That said, the future Hall-of-Famer turns 40 years old today and that gives us an excellent opportunity to look back at his career accomplishments and truly marvel at how terrific he has been. Random Thoughts commenter "Bearister" noted that Maddux has the most wins by any pitcher by the age of 40 in the modern era of baseball (boy, today's headline would have been perfect, if we lived in Pittsburgh and were talking about the career achievements of John Candelaria). I believe there are nine pitchers who had more wins than Greg's 320 but they all played at a time when it was common to pitch both ends of a doubleheader, spend all night drunk in a ditch somewhere, and still pitch in relief the next day. As far as I know, the only pitcher capable of such a feat today is David Wells.
Don't get me wrong, Mad Dog certainly gets respect, but, in my mind, not as much as he deserves. Ask a casual baseball fan who the greatest pitchers of the 90's (and into the new century) were/ are and you are likely to get a Randy Johnson. Perhaps a Pedro Martinez. Curt Schilling may get a mention. And, of course, Roger Clemens.
Why Clemens and not Maddux, I ask? In two more seasons, Clemens certainly has a lot more strikeouts (4502 - 3060), a better career win percentage (.665 - .627), more shutouts (46-35), and has won seven Cy Young Awards to Mad Dog's four. Maddux, on the other hand, has fifteen Gold Gloves, 21 total less wins in two less seasons, a lot less walks (907 - 1520), a better walks and hits per innings pitched ratio (1.13 - 1.17), and, most importantly, a lower ERA (3.01 - 3.12). So, why is Clemens automatically mentioned as perhaps the greatest right handed pitcher of the last 50 years, but Maddux is, by comparison, infrequently mentioned? Why, of course, ... chicks dig the strikeout too.
So, who is the greatest right handed pitcher of the last twenty years? I can't definitively say it's Maddux over Clemens but it's equally foolish to automatically say Roger over Greg. Both have been true all-time greats, especially at a time when one was more likely to find a bottle of Winstrol in a major league ballplayer's locker than the phone number of Heidi Fleiss.
Anyway, happy birthday Greg!
And, while we are talking about the greatest right hander of the last twenty years, we better not neglect to review the statistics of Kevin Tapani...
Speaking of Clemens, his inability to make up his mind regarding his future is getting awfully annoying. Who else wishes that Clemens would just make up his dang mind already regarding whether he will return to quarterback the Green Bay Packers next year?
All kidding aside, it's got to be extremely frustrating to be a Houston Astro or Green Bay Packer fan these days. Poor Billy Bob, nursing his Lone Star Beer, wondering whether the Astros will have to rely on the likes of Wandy Rodriguez and Taylor Buchholz this year or whether the team will have to coax Jim Deshaies or Shane Reynolds out of retirement. Poor Buddy, sitting in his orange hunting gear at a Green Bay greasy diner, trying to figure out a way to stuff an elk burger into his toothless, tar-stained mouth, contemplating whether #4 will be back for another 4-12 season. Poor, poor John Madden wondering what in the heck he is going to talk about for three plus hours if Brett Favre is not in the league. A Madden broadcast without Favre is like Eddie Murphy's Raw or Delirious video without the curses. A bunch of prepositions, a few references to toilets and a whole lot of dead air.
Billy Bob...Buddy...put the shotgun down. It's going to be okay. After all, Cubs' fans feel your pain. After all, we continue to wait for the glorious return of our injured hero, Mark Prior. Aaaahhh...good ol' Prior. Look, even the most pessimistic Cubs' fan (read: me), even a fan who truly believes that the Cubs are likely to become the first team in history to lose a game after having a sure-game-winning run not score due to the untimely actions of a bird flu-inflicted goat, must admit that Prior will return sometime. Of course, this begs the question, exactly what horrible afflication, injury or illness will befall Mark Prior once he does return and precisely what will happen to cause Prior to spend an additional 60 days, er...60 months on the DL? These are precisely the questions already considered by Random Thoughts commentor WrigleyBill.
In fact, after hallucinating that he read an article in yesterday's Chicago newspaper, that Prior was going blind from using too much Bausch and Lomb ReNu eye solution with MoistureLoc, WrigleyBill began to question what will happen to our golden boy next. I leave it to you, the readers of the Random Thoughts, to determine what Prior should expect to happen next. I ask you, will Prior be sidelined next as the result of:
A. Having gotten run over by a tricylce being ridden by a dwarf (WrigleyBill's prediction)
B. Having been mistaken for Todd Wellemeyer and having, therefore, been run over by a tricycle ridden by WrigleyBill
C. A terrible, terrible circus accident involving a schizophrenic elephant, a clown, and a flaming hoop.
D. Spontaneously combusting, after choking on vomit (somebody else's vomit), after suffering through a bizarre gardening accident***
or
E. __________________ (Fill in the blank)
Y'all (hey, I'm comiserating with my buddies in Houston) weren't interested in coming up with a nickname for Dee Brown, perhaps this will get your creative juices flowing. Pleeze (now I'm comiserating with my friends in Green Bay) feel free to let us know what will happen next...
(I know you've been waiting for it)....Corey-o-Meter: Pinch ran in Baltimore's loss to the Devil Rays. Reportedly did not trip and did not have to ask first base coach directions to second base. Season: Remains one for ten. Hasn't had an at-bat since last Sunday. No confirmation that his teammates have actually hidden his bats.
Finally, I know that I have thanked many of you loyal readers of the Random Thoughts in person, but I, once again, wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your continued support and for passing the word along. The Random Thoughts is a lot of fun to write, but can be time consuming and I appreciate everyone's good words, readership and comments (and those of you who aren't commenting...why?)
That said, while I will certainly try to post on a daily basis and encourage you to take 30 seconds away from looking up pictures of Jessica Alba (that's not really her body on www.nakedpicturesofjessicaalbaIsweartheyarereal.com, Todd) to check the Random Thoughts each and every weekday, my upcoming work schedule may preclude me from writing on a daily basis. I'm certainly not going anywhere, however, and hope that you will be along for the ride.
Finally (finally), I would like to officially recommend two pages that are worth your time and the eventual eye strain associated with staring at the internet all day long. First, our own Bearister's "The Bearister Report" (http://thebearisterreport.blogspot.com) is usually a quick read, especially given that Adam updates it about once a month (sheesh, you'd think he has a new baby in the house or something). Second, new Random Thoughts reader and commentator "Cub fan kev" offers his own (extremely) warped look at the world at http://www.kalspals.com. Check them out.
Have a terrific weekend and best of luck in all Easter egg hunts this weekend. Remember, if faced with any moral dilemmas when charging for a nice lilac egg with a big bunny on it, always think WWADD. You can bet Al Davis would knock that little snot-nosed brat halfway to tomorrow. Heck, there's candy inside!!!
*** Today's trivia: Who was a victim of all three of these unfortunate events?
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
"The Daddy Mac Will Make Ya..."
Reader Alert: In recognition of Passover, today's post will not include any references to donuts, delicious or otherwise. It will also not include a discussion of Cornbread Maxwell's blossoming radio career and will not analyze former New York Jets wide receiver Craig Yeast's chance to reclaim a spot on an NFL roster. Thank you. Enjoy your matzo.
Today's post will also be relatively short. I have lunch plans and can't wait to chow down on some yummy breadsticks, er...some kosher macaroons.
I simply cannot deny it...Random Thoughts commentor "Cub fan kev" was right. I sure hope you all took the under in yesterday's Cubs game. Setting the over-under for Reds' home runs at four was the worst set line since the career longevity over -under for those two little kids who wore their clothes backwards and sang the song "Jump" was set at three years.
By the way, any guesses what the members of Kriss Kross are doing today? Any truth to the rumor that one of them grew up to be R.W. McQuarters?
I also fear that I owe Greg Maddux an apology. He was terrific yesterday, limiting the Reds to three hits in six innings. His performance was a true testament to the value of changing speeds and location. There are so many young pitchers who need to learn that trying to throw every pitch as hard as possible simply doesn't work against big league hitters. Ask Kyle Farnsworth. If you can't find him, I'd look for the 6'7 frame slumped behind the bar.
I won't, however, back away from my general statement that Cubs fans should prepare to see a lot of opposing hitters trotting around the bases when Maddux is on the hill. Eventually, hitters are going to sit on his 22-mph changup and adjust to the fastball. To bottom line is that Maddux will have his good days, but will also have a few outings where he hands the ball over to Michael Wuertz in the fourth inning.
Look, as a Cubs fan, I will certainly take the win, but yesterday's game was far from a masterpiece. In fact, if I were Cubs management, I just might add Edwin Encarnacion to my holiday card list. Of course, I might want to cancel my subscription to the Moises Alou Baserunning for Idiots newsletter, as well.
Every win that the Cubs are able to get in April and May is crucial as we wait for Kerry Wood and Mark Prior to ride in and take us to the promised land. Of course, whether the ride will include a stop at the MRI clinic remains the key question. I personally believe that the return of off season signee Wade Miller will be just as crucial.
I know that many people like to criticize Ron Santo for his inability to put a full sentence together, but you will not count me as one of them. After all, I firmly believe that "Darghhh!" and "Murumpf!" qualify as sentences. I mean, how many times have you uttered those exact same "sentences" after watching Glendon Rusch groove another fastball or, or, or (sheesh, it's kind of hard to find negative things to say and players to pick on so far this season) Glendon Rusch groove another curveball. Further, nothing says summer to me like the good ol' Pat and Ron show. But, and I know many have wondered this in the past, why is WGN so insistent on giving Andy Mazur his daily 10 minutes of fame? Is Pat really that regular and how in the world did he get his intestinal track to run on baseball time?
I figure that the Cubs are grooming Andy for an eventual full-time announcing opportunity by including the "Andy Mazur Half Inning" as a daily feature of the Pat and Ron show. Heck, it certainly worked for that innocent, little animated program that started off as a short during the Tracy Ullman Show. But should Andy wish to become the next Vin Scully or Harry Doyle, he better take lessons from Pat on the ability to immediately determine whether a long fly ball is going to be a home run. Pat is truly remarkable at it and almost never miscalls a home run or long out. Andy, on the other hand, needs a little work. Witness his call in the bottom of the seventh yesterday with Derrek Lee at the plate:
"If it's fair, it's out of here.................well, it's off the wall and it's fair and it looks like it is going to be a double."
Poor? Undeniably yes. Of course, across town the call from new White Sox voice Chris Singleton would have sounded something like this:
"That ball is hit with a bat. It's flying. That guy is running. Lee has a double. I like baseball. I can't believe I got this gig. Back to you Farmeo."
Brutal.
Corey-o-Meter: Sat on the bench during the Orioles' entire game at Tampa Bay wondering what in the heck major league baseball was thinking allowing Tampa to have a team and play their games at Tropicana Field. Figure they must have owed a favor to George Steinbrenner. Season: Still one for ten with two stolen bases. Eighteen splinters acquired and removed by team physician.
Yesterday, I commented how incredibly young the Marlins are. Well, not only are the young...they are not particularily well paid either. Florida entered the season with a team payroll below $15 million. There are twelve players in the major leagues who earn more than the entire Marlins' team, including Chan Ho Park and Magglio Ordonez! In fact, there are five players on the Evil Empire who are paid more (the Yankees' total payroll is a shade under $195 million). It is so bad that the median player salary is only $27,000 more than Shaquille O'Neal just spent on his birthday party. How are they ever going to afford that shiny, new indoor swingset for the clubhouse on that chump change?
Marlins' management has also announced that they will be switching to generic graham crackers at snack time until attendance picks up (beating a dead horse on this issue alert!)
Jim Thome hit another home run yesterday, his fifth in eight games! Scott Podesdnik got a hit! Jose Contreras pitched well! Bobby Jenks got the save, despite giving up a two-run home run! Jenks didn't let any chicken nuggets fall out of his pocket while he was on the mound! Ozzie Guillen probably cursed and blamed the Cubs for the injury to Dustin Hermanson!
Hey, I didn't want Sox fans to feel left out!
Yes, despite your World Series Championship, not only are you behind the Cubs now, you are behind Corey Patterson and the Florida Toddlers as well.
Finally, the Bulls followed up Tuesday's win over the Nets, with a victory over the Atlanta Hawks last night. It was a classic trap game, but the Bulls did not let Joe Johnson and company pull off he upset. It was also a much-needed win, given Philadelphia's surprising win at New Jersey and victories by both Indiana and Milwaukee. This team will be lucky to win a single playoff game, let alone a series, but let's give them credit for fighting hard and closing the season by coming on strong.
Gotta go to lunch... Here's hoping that the Cubs hit well, pitch well and field well, today. And, if not, maybe Edwin Encarnacion can make another six errors or so...
***The Jury of the Damned consisted of John Dillinger, John Wilkes Booth, Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Blackbeard the Pirate, Richard Nixon, and the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.
Today's post will also be relatively short. I have lunch plans and can't wait to chow down on some yummy breadsticks, er...some kosher macaroons.
I simply cannot deny it...Random Thoughts commentor "Cub fan kev" was right. I sure hope you all took the under in yesterday's Cubs game. Setting the over-under for Reds' home runs at four was the worst set line since the career longevity over -under for those two little kids who wore their clothes backwards and sang the song "Jump" was set at three years.
By the way, any guesses what the members of Kriss Kross are doing today? Any truth to the rumor that one of them grew up to be R.W. McQuarters?
I also fear that I owe Greg Maddux an apology. He was terrific yesterday, limiting the Reds to three hits in six innings. His performance was a true testament to the value of changing speeds and location. There are so many young pitchers who need to learn that trying to throw every pitch as hard as possible simply doesn't work against big league hitters. Ask Kyle Farnsworth. If you can't find him, I'd look for the 6'7 frame slumped behind the bar.
I won't, however, back away from my general statement that Cubs fans should prepare to see a lot of opposing hitters trotting around the bases when Maddux is on the hill. Eventually, hitters are going to sit on his 22-mph changup and adjust to the fastball. To bottom line is that Maddux will have his good days, but will also have a few outings where he hands the ball over to Michael Wuertz in the fourth inning.
Look, as a Cubs fan, I will certainly take the win, but yesterday's game was far from a masterpiece. In fact, if I were Cubs management, I just might add Edwin Encarnacion to my holiday card list. Of course, I might want to cancel my subscription to the Moises Alou Baserunning for Idiots newsletter, as well.
Every win that the Cubs are able to get in April and May is crucial as we wait for Kerry Wood and Mark Prior to ride in and take us to the promised land. Of course, whether the ride will include a stop at the MRI clinic remains the key question. I personally believe that the return of off season signee Wade Miller will be just as crucial.
I know that many people like to criticize Ron Santo for his inability to put a full sentence together, but you will not count me as one of them. After all, I firmly believe that "Darghhh!" and "Murumpf!" qualify as sentences. I mean, how many times have you uttered those exact same "sentences" after watching Glendon Rusch groove another fastball or, or, or (sheesh, it's kind of hard to find negative things to say and players to pick on so far this season) Glendon Rusch groove another curveball. Further, nothing says summer to me like the good ol' Pat and Ron show. But, and I know many have wondered this in the past, why is WGN so insistent on giving Andy Mazur his daily 10 minutes of fame? Is Pat really that regular and how in the world did he get his intestinal track to run on baseball time?
I figure that the Cubs are grooming Andy for an eventual full-time announcing opportunity by including the "Andy Mazur Half Inning" as a daily feature of the Pat and Ron show. Heck, it certainly worked for that innocent, little animated program that started off as a short during the Tracy Ullman Show. But should Andy wish to become the next Vin Scully or Harry Doyle, he better take lessons from Pat on the ability to immediately determine whether a long fly ball is going to be a home run. Pat is truly remarkable at it and almost never miscalls a home run or long out. Andy, on the other hand, needs a little work. Witness his call in the bottom of the seventh yesterday with Derrek Lee at the plate:
"If it's fair, it's out of here.................well, it's off the wall and it's fair and it looks like it is going to be a double."
Poor? Undeniably yes. Of course, across town the call from new White Sox voice Chris Singleton would have sounded something like this:
"That ball is hit with a bat. It's flying. That guy is running. Lee has a double. I like baseball. I can't believe I got this gig. Back to you Farmeo."
Brutal.
Corey-o-Meter: Sat on the bench during the Orioles' entire game at Tampa Bay wondering what in the heck major league baseball was thinking allowing Tampa to have a team and play their games at Tropicana Field. Figure they must have owed a favor to George Steinbrenner. Season: Still one for ten with two stolen bases. Eighteen splinters acquired and removed by team physician.
Yesterday, I commented how incredibly young the Marlins are. Well, not only are the young...they are not particularily well paid either. Florida entered the season with a team payroll below $15 million. There are twelve players in the major leagues who earn more than the entire Marlins' team, including Chan Ho Park and Magglio Ordonez! In fact, there are five players on the Evil Empire who are paid more (the Yankees' total payroll is a shade under $195 million). It is so bad that the median player salary is only $27,000 more than Shaquille O'Neal just spent on his birthday party. How are they ever going to afford that shiny, new indoor swingset for the clubhouse on that chump change?
Marlins' management has also announced that they will be switching to generic graham crackers at snack time until attendance picks up (beating a dead horse on this issue alert!)
Jim Thome hit another home run yesterday, his fifth in eight games! Scott Podesdnik got a hit! Jose Contreras pitched well! Bobby Jenks got the save, despite giving up a two-run home run! Jenks didn't let any chicken nuggets fall out of his pocket while he was on the mound! Ozzie Guillen probably cursed and blamed the Cubs for the injury to Dustin Hermanson!
Hey, I didn't want Sox fans to feel left out!
Yes, despite your World Series Championship, not only are you behind the Cubs now, you are behind Corey Patterson and the Florida Toddlers as well.
Finally, the Bulls followed up Tuesday's win over the Nets, with a victory over the Atlanta Hawks last night. It was a classic trap game, but the Bulls did not let Joe Johnson and company pull off he upset. It was also a much-needed win, given Philadelphia's surprising win at New Jersey and victories by both Indiana and Milwaukee. This team will be lucky to win a single playoff game, let alone a series, but let's give them credit for fighting hard and closing the season by coming on strong.
Gotta go to lunch... Here's hoping that the Cubs hit well, pitch well and field well, today. And, if not, maybe Edwin Encarnacion can make another six errors or so...
***The Jury of the Damned consisted of John Dillinger, John Wilkes Booth, Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Blackbeard the Pirate, Richard Nixon, and the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.
Mmmmmm...Donuts.
Alright, just calm down. Come back in off the ledge. Try to remember that it's only one game. Just as I was not ready to suggest that we replace the Harry Caray statue with one of Michael Barrett after the Cubs got off to a 4 and 1 start, I'm also not ready to trade Glendon Rusch for Bobby Jenks' half-eaten donut. Unless, of course, it's the colossal donut that Homer stole causing an army of advertising mascots to run amok throughout Springfield.
I also will not be advocating the unconditional release of Greg Maddux (and letting the Braves have him for nothing) once the north side recognizes that he has very little left in his tank and really did not pitch that that well last Friday against the Cardinals. We already tried that and look how it turned out (although to General Manager Larry Himes' credit, Jose Guzman was cheaper).
Simply stated...it's a long season. Yes, the Reds hit more home runs in yesterday's game than the Florida Marlins have hit all season. Yes, Bronson Arroyo now has more home runs on the season than Barry Bonds, Manny Ramirez, and Paul Konerko combined. Yes, Will Oh-Man! (thanks JEB Fins for the clever nickname) brought back unpleasant memories of Dave Veres. But, it's only one game. Get too upset about a single 9-2 loss to the Cincinnati Red Stockings and you will be hanging with Mike Tyson in a rubber room before you know it.
Now, it will come as no surprise to most of you that I think that yesterday's discouraging loss is more illustrative of the "real" 2006 Chicago Cubs than their three-game sweep against St. Louis. Truth be told, Maddux didn't pitch that well last Friday. Give the man credit for understanding the conditions and for ultimately getting the job done, but the majority of his pitches had little movement and were over the heart of the plate. Come mid-July, the only people who will be fielding last Friday's long fly outs will be the kids and jobless adults who hang out on Waveland Avenue.
In fact, with the wind blowing out to right field today, I'll set the over/under on Reds' home runs at four.
Further, before Sunday night, I was going to suggest that Jacque Jones change his number to 20. I hadn't seen that many bad swings from the left side of the plate since...well...since last year when Corey was flailing wildly at pitch after pitch. And now comes word that he may be out for a while after pulling his hamstring. Any chance Henry Rodriguez is available?
Also injured is Aramis Ramirez, who apparently hurt his butt. Now, I like Aramis as a player. When he is locked in there isn't another player on the team who I would rather have at the plate in a clutch situation (including D Lee), but let me be the first to come out and question his toughness. The seemingly most-innocent mention of a tweak or a twinge and you can bet that Aramis will spend a few days with Henry Blanco on the bench. As soon as they announced his "minor" injury yesterday, you just knew that Ramirez wouldn't be in the lineup today. Of course, given the Cubs' track record, the report of Ramirez's "minor" butt strain could actually mean that his left arm fell off. After all, Mark Prior ought to be back any day now.
Corey-o-Meter: Last night: Pinch ran, stole a base and scored a run in the Orioles' 8-4 win over the Devil Rays. Season: One hit in ten at-bats.
Speaking of oufielders who can steal and occasional base, but can't hit...Scotty Pods entered today's game against the Tigers with the same number of hits as Corey, but in sixteen more at-bats. Looks like the career minor-leaguer's deal with the devil may have only had a three-year term. Hopefully, he got more than a soul donut and won't have to face the Jury of the Damned***
The Yankees announced a promotion with Johnnie Walker Whiskey, under which $100 will be donated to an anti-drunk driving campaign every time a Yankee player draws a walk at Yankee Stadium during the 2006 season. The promotion was originally supposed to run in 2005 but was cancelled after the fine folks at Johnnie Walker discovered that the Cubs pitching staff was scheduled for a three-game series at the House that Ruth Built. Now that they have decided to go ahead with the promotion, they have asked that Commissioner Selig pass a rule that Jerome Williams may not be traded to any American League team.
One cannot deny that, occasionally, it is in a professional sport's franchise's best interest to institute a youth movement. That said, the situation in South Florida with the Marlins is bordering on ridiculous. Last Friday night, the Marlins played a game in New York against the Mets. The entire starting lineup had amassed 534 games of experience in a Florida uniform (including 417 by Miguel Cabrera) in their careers. How bad is that? Well, Mets' starting left-fielder in the game Cliff Floyd had started 637 games for the Marlins.
In other news, Kool-Aid has announced that they will donate $100 to the Children's Museum of Miami every time a Marlins' player learns how to walk.
Speaking of young teams, the Bulls won a huge game last night against the Nets, keeping themselves in good position to make the playoffs. Give the team a ton of credit. Winning a game while short-handed (without Deng, Duhon and Piatkowski) against one of the hottest teams in the league is quite an accomplishment. Of course, lose tonight to the Hawks and all the positives that come out of yesterday's win will be quickly erased.
Despite his 21-point fourth quarter last night, I am still not convinced that the Bulls should not consider trading Ben Gordon. Last week, I mentioned Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce as possible options, but how about Indiana's Jermaine O'Neal, who the Pacers' apparently wish to unload? One player, I would not trade, under almost circumstances, is Andres Nocioni. Gordon will get all the headlines, but I give Nocioni credit for the win. Every time the team needed a big rebound or defensive play, Andres got the job done. He's only going to grow as a player as he becomes more accustomed to the NBA. Dirk Nowitzki he is not. But he ain't Kornel David either.
Finally, I'd like to officially make a plea for the return of SportsVision. Chicago Sports Fans have lived through Sports Channel, Fox Sports Chicago and, now, Comcast Sports Net. Although the others certainly will not be winning any awards for production or content, Comcast Sports Net takes the cake as the worst sports network in history. Rock bottom had to be Saturday, when the network lost its signal during the top of the 9th inning of the Cubs 3-2 win over the Cardinals and were unable to recover the signal until the game was over.
The problems with Comcast reminds me of this one time when I was in college, some buddies and I went to Las Vegas. While drinking at the casino bar in the Mirage, a group of six San Diego Charger cheerleaders, wearing their uniforms, came up to us and asked us if we wanted to attend a private party in their suite. Being the adventurous sorts, we decided to head up with the women. Let's just say that there is no doubt that we made the right choice. Let me provide you with the incredible details. Right after Marissa tied Candy to the bed, Misty began removing her...
and then we left the suite with mightly big smiles on our faces.
***After last week's easy trivia question, I present you with an extremely difficult question. Who did the Jury of the Damned consist of?
I also will not be advocating the unconditional release of Greg Maddux (and letting the Braves have him for nothing) once the north side recognizes that he has very little left in his tank and really did not pitch that that well last Friday against the Cardinals. We already tried that and look how it turned out (although to General Manager Larry Himes' credit, Jose Guzman was cheaper).
Simply stated...it's a long season. Yes, the Reds hit more home runs in yesterday's game than the Florida Marlins have hit all season. Yes, Bronson Arroyo now has more home runs on the season than Barry Bonds, Manny Ramirez, and Paul Konerko combined. Yes, Will Oh-Man! (thanks JEB Fins for the clever nickname) brought back unpleasant memories of Dave Veres. But, it's only one game. Get too upset about a single 9-2 loss to the Cincinnati Red Stockings and you will be hanging with Mike Tyson in a rubber room before you know it.
Now, it will come as no surprise to most of you that I think that yesterday's discouraging loss is more illustrative of the "real" 2006 Chicago Cubs than their three-game sweep against St. Louis. Truth be told, Maddux didn't pitch that well last Friday. Give the man credit for understanding the conditions and for ultimately getting the job done, but the majority of his pitches had little movement and were over the heart of the plate. Come mid-July, the only people who will be fielding last Friday's long fly outs will be the kids and jobless adults who hang out on Waveland Avenue.
In fact, with the wind blowing out to right field today, I'll set the over/under on Reds' home runs at four.
Further, before Sunday night, I was going to suggest that Jacque Jones change his number to 20. I hadn't seen that many bad swings from the left side of the plate since...well...since last year when Corey was flailing wildly at pitch after pitch. And now comes word that he may be out for a while after pulling his hamstring. Any chance Henry Rodriguez is available?
Also injured is Aramis Ramirez, who apparently hurt his butt. Now, I like Aramis as a player. When he is locked in there isn't another player on the team who I would rather have at the plate in a clutch situation (including D Lee), but let me be the first to come out and question his toughness. The seemingly most-innocent mention of a tweak or a twinge and you can bet that Aramis will spend a few days with Henry Blanco on the bench. As soon as they announced his "minor" injury yesterday, you just knew that Ramirez wouldn't be in the lineup today. Of course, given the Cubs' track record, the report of Ramirez's "minor" butt strain could actually mean that his left arm fell off. After all, Mark Prior ought to be back any day now.
Corey-o-Meter: Last night: Pinch ran, stole a base and scored a run in the Orioles' 8-4 win over the Devil Rays. Season: One hit in ten at-bats.
Speaking of oufielders who can steal and occasional base, but can't hit...Scotty Pods entered today's game against the Tigers with the same number of hits as Corey, but in sixteen more at-bats. Looks like the career minor-leaguer's deal with the devil may have only had a three-year term. Hopefully, he got more than a soul donut and won't have to face the Jury of the Damned***
The Yankees announced a promotion with Johnnie Walker Whiskey, under which $100 will be donated to an anti-drunk driving campaign every time a Yankee player draws a walk at Yankee Stadium during the 2006 season. The promotion was originally supposed to run in 2005 but was cancelled after the fine folks at Johnnie Walker discovered that the Cubs pitching staff was scheduled for a three-game series at the House that Ruth Built. Now that they have decided to go ahead with the promotion, they have asked that Commissioner Selig pass a rule that Jerome Williams may not be traded to any American League team.
One cannot deny that, occasionally, it is in a professional sport's franchise's best interest to institute a youth movement. That said, the situation in South Florida with the Marlins is bordering on ridiculous. Last Friday night, the Marlins played a game in New York against the Mets. The entire starting lineup had amassed 534 games of experience in a Florida uniform (including 417 by Miguel Cabrera) in their careers. How bad is that? Well, Mets' starting left-fielder in the game Cliff Floyd had started 637 games for the Marlins.
In other news, Kool-Aid has announced that they will donate $100 to the Children's Museum of Miami every time a Marlins' player learns how to walk.
Speaking of young teams, the Bulls won a huge game last night against the Nets, keeping themselves in good position to make the playoffs. Give the team a ton of credit. Winning a game while short-handed (without Deng, Duhon and Piatkowski) against one of the hottest teams in the league is quite an accomplishment. Of course, lose tonight to the Hawks and all the positives that come out of yesterday's win will be quickly erased.
Despite his 21-point fourth quarter last night, I am still not convinced that the Bulls should not consider trading Ben Gordon. Last week, I mentioned Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce as possible options, but how about Indiana's Jermaine O'Neal, who the Pacers' apparently wish to unload? One player, I would not trade, under almost circumstances, is Andres Nocioni. Gordon will get all the headlines, but I give Nocioni credit for the win. Every time the team needed a big rebound or defensive play, Andres got the job done. He's only going to grow as a player as he becomes more accustomed to the NBA. Dirk Nowitzki he is not. But he ain't Kornel David either.
Finally, I'd like to officially make a plea for the return of SportsVision. Chicago Sports Fans have lived through Sports Channel, Fox Sports Chicago and, now, Comcast Sports Net. Although the others certainly will not be winning any awards for production or content, Comcast Sports Net takes the cake as the worst sports network in history. Rock bottom had to be Saturday, when the network lost its signal during the top of the 9th inning of the Cubs 3-2 win over the Cardinals and were unable to recover the signal until the game was over.
The problems with Comcast reminds me of this one time when I was in college, some buddies and I went to Las Vegas. While drinking at the casino bar in the Mirage, a group of six San Diego Charger cheerleaders, wearing their uniforms, came up to us and asked us if we wanted to attend a private party in their suite. Being the adventurous sorts, we decided to head up with the women. Let's just say that there is no doubt that we made the right choice. Let me provide you with the incredible details. Right after Marissa tied Candy to the bed, Misty began removing her...
and then we left the suite with mightly big smiles on our faces.
***After last week's easy trivia question, I present you with an extremely difficult question. Who did the Jury of the Damned consist of?
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