Emptying My Brain

After yesterday's rather in-depth and, at times serious, discussion of the steroid issue and cheating in general, I figured that today we would take a step back and talk about a number of considerably smaller issues, news items and random facts that have recently been floating around in my head. By the way, thanks to everyone who posted their comments on the cheating issue...I'm happy that I was able to get an intelligent conversation started.

* Interesting to see a White Sox fan actually admit that A.J. Pierzynski's "steal" of first base during last year's ALCS should be considered cheating. Of course, Random Thoughts commenter "My Wife" seems to think that practically everything is cheating. After reading her truly-passionate comments, it looks as though I am going to have to permanently cancel my plans to discuss the possibility of including an "Andrei Kirilenko provision" in our marriage

* And what timing...just when Anna Benson has filed for divorce from hubby Kris.

* Okay, okay...I promise. If I ever get to play euchre with Jessica Alba I won't renege. And I'll remind her that it is cheating to put on extra layers of clothing before starting any other card games.

* Heard an excellent interview with White Sox pitcher Brandon McCarthy on the radio the other day (McCarthy, by the way, is one baseball player that, testing or no-testing, we know definitively has never tried steroids). Seems like a truly genuine, good guy. McCarthy was asked all the usual bullcrap questions, inlcuding "what is the best part about being in the major leagues" (to which he replied financial security) and eventually the topic turned to new centerfielder Brian Anderson. Apparently, Anderson marches to the beat of his own drummer and fashions himself the 2006 version of all-Chicago womanizer Mark Grace. McCarthy stated that he likes to hang out with Anderson because he is bound to get "splashback." You see, Anderson, apparently was asked the same "best part about the major leagues" question, and instead of a cliched answer like "financial security" or "achieving your dream," the ultra-honest Anderson replied that the best part is all the tail that he now gets. It is nice to know that baseball's answer to Colin Farrell resides in the south side.

* Something tells me that on the north side, Weasley is not having quite as much luck.

* Insiders report that Ozzie and Sox management are really concerned about closer Bobby Jenks' inability to put down the Krispy Kremes. In fact, rumor has it, that the uniforms department is trying to dig up a couple of old Carlos Castillo jerseys for him to wear.

* Why in the heck am I referencing Carlos Castillo when no White Sox fans (except "my wife") read this? I'd have better luck getting a nod of understanding by mentioning Mike Harkey.

* If Jenks' binge continues, Ozzie is going to need to grow longer arms for his traditional call-to-the-pen.

* Aramis hit another home run yesterday, a three-run shot in the 1st inning. Alas, his recent two game stretch during which he went a combined 3-7 from the plate has lowered his batting average to .538.

* Yes, I did see that the Cubs has officially renamed the overrated bench seats that lie just outside the outfield walls as the "Bud Light Bleachers." Why not just go ahead and sell everything? How about the Cusb offense brought to you by the Youth Hockey Association of America, where there is no hitting?

* Hey, I just heard that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.

* From the "you probably missed it" category...Buffalo Grove High School alum and current Notre Dame safety Tom Zbikowski has been granted permission by Notre Dame and the NCAA to make his professional boxing debut on June 10 at Madison Square Garden. Now before you question how Zbikowski can accept money as a professional boxer, but the NCAA flatly denied professional snow boarder Jeremy Bloom's request to be allowed to play football at the University of Colorado, let me remind you that the NCAA allows athletes to make money professionally in other sports as long as they do not accept endorsements. Looks like the Cubs will have to rethink their plans for the Tom Zbikowski sponsored "drunk frat guys who really do not care about the Cubs and just want to fight" section in the "Bud Light Bleachers."

* The Bulls play the Bobcats tonight in a crucial game should Scott Skiles' club wish to earn the right to get swept by the Pistons in the first round of the playoffs. Wait a minute, why in the heck am I wasting valuable blog space writing about this?

*Since the NBA is complaining about equal time rights in the Random Thoughts, I offer you this statistic...Kobe Bryant has missed at least 20 shots in a game 12 times this year (including missing 24 shots three different times). He has missed at least 17 shots in a game, 25 times!!! Nice to see Phil Jackson sticking to the team concept. What would the Sioux chieftains say?

* Aren't you delighted that I am willing to do all this one-of-a-kind research for you?

* Wierd, wierd, but true, coincidence: I'm currently reading the outstanding book "The Last Dance" by well-known author John Feinstein (author of Bob Knight's book, Season on the Brink). In the first chapter, Feinstein talks about how Roy Williams angered Carolina fans by refusing to take the job in 2000. He then labels Williams as the "Coach-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." Williams, of course, was, at the time, the coach of the school that plays its home games at Phog Allen Field House in Lawrence, Kansas. Completely true. That's kinda spooky, eh budday?

* Sorry, I just went Canadian on you for a second there. Hey, I just can't get enough of the exciting NHL right now!!!! I'm hugging my Barry Melrose bobble head doll as we speak.

* ESPN presented its "All Time NCAA Basketball Tournament" on Wednesday night. I still can't figure out whether it was the biggest waste of three hours of television programming since the six unforgettable episodes of Saved By the Bell: The College Years, or whether it was actually kind of cool. For those of you who missed it (and I suspect that includes all seven of you), 65 teams were seeded and bracketed and fans got to vote on who would win each game, up until the 1982 North Carolina Tar Heels were pronounced champions. What was really odd was that ESPN assembled quite a group of experts (Jay Bilas, Nolan Richardson, Jim Calhoun, etc) who commented on the winners like the games had actually been played. They would announce that the 1985 Georgetown Hoyas defeated the 1980 Louisville Cardinals and then someone would say something like "well, Georgetown's pressure defense really caused havoc with the flow of Louisville's offense and the Cardinals' bench played poorly in the loss." Huh? What they should have said is "looks like there are more dorks in Washington D.C. on their computers tonight," "or looks like all the folks in Louisville are too busy marrying their cousins to vote."

* ESPN's grand graphic for the tournament, consisted of a number of floating individual team logos. There was the Carolina ram, the blue Duke 'D," the IU candlesticks, and the UK symbolizing Kentucky. Can somebody please explain to me, however, what the Illinois 'I' was doing in there?

* I am happy to report that Air Force did not make the field of 65.

* By the way, '82 Carolina winning over the last team to go undefeated throughout an entire season in the final of the tournament is a load of crap. The General's Hoosiers whould crush the Heels. Looks like the fine folks of Southern Indiana have to graduate from their VIC 20's and technologically enter the 21st century. It's called the in-ter-net.

* As loing as I am ripping on commenter Jeff C's favorite school, can somebody please tell me what type of pictures Dee Brown has of the various members of the national sports media? Last year, he was named the player of the year, by some foolish publication and, this year, he is the top vote-getter on the All-American second team? It may surprise you to learn that I actually like Dee, but saying he is overrated is like saying that Rex the Wonder Dog will get hurt at some point next season. Both are points that you really do not want to argue with.

* This morning on Mike & Mike, Bill Walton went on an uninterrupted, 12-minute, stream-of-consciousness discourse about UCLA's return to the Final Four. Somehow he managed to get Jerry Garcia, mexican food, and the military establishment into the dissertation, ultimately concluding that UCLA's trip to the Final Four this year is evidence that the "curse of March 23" has finally been broken and that UCLA can now rightfully reclaim its standing as college basketball royalty (apparently, UCLA lost a heart-breaker on that date that he has not gotten over) (and talk about a stream of consciousness run-on). Uh Bill, I don't want to rain on your parade, but didn't UCLA win the championship in 1995? I mean, who can forget George Zidek?

* Bill also compared Gonezaga coach Mark Few to John Wooden which begs the question...does he take his morning coffee with LSD or PCP?

* Speaking of John Wooden, recent comments by the Wizard of Westwood truly help illustrate the importance of high-school basketball in Wooden's home state of Indiana. Before taking the reigns at UCLA, Wooden was a high-school coach at South Bend Central. Wooden now says that he would trade at least three of his NCAA championships at UCLA for just one Indiana HS title.

* So South Carolina won the NIT for a second consecutive year. Great. Talk about a victory that means absolutely nothing. Kind of like Cubs' games in August.

* Sheesh, we are still more than two days from the opener and already I am about as optimistic as a live cat in a Shanghai market.

* May I remind you that Ronny Cedeno is the Cubs' shortstop, Glendon Rusch is the #2 starter and a trade for Vladimir Guerrero is not imminent. Although, I hear that Sammy Sosa is not doing anything right now.

* Aren't we all just delighted that Tony Skinn gets his opportunity to play in the Final Four. I'm not going to once again go over my distaste for the way that the media has handled Skinn's "lack of judgement," but I do want to remind everyone that there is a right way to handle a kid who intentionally attempts to injure another player. As some of you are aware, Oregon's Aaron Brooks threw a vicious forearm directly into the nose of Washington's Ryan Appleby in a Pac 10 tournament game. He was immediately thrown out of the game and automatically suspended for the next game. The Pac 10 has now also suspended Brooks for the first game of next season. Believing that the punishment is still not severe enough, Oregon has suspended Brooks for the Ducks' game at Washington next year, to be played in Seattle. Oh yeah, did I mention that Brooks hails from the Emerald City? Bravo Oregon!

* UCLA backup center Lorenzo Mata reportedly broke his nose during practice yesterday. This means, and I say this with absolutely no malice in my heart, that the ugliest guy to take the court in Indianapolis on Saturday will now have to wear a mask. Now you know why I said "reportedly."

* LSU 62, UCLA 59

* George Mason 78, Florida 77 (Thanks to "My Wife" and her dropping of the hammer, its not like the Erin Andrews effect means anything anymore)

* Mason ain't really gonna win the game. Reverse the teams, please (and then watch me delete this sentence should Gunston's guys pull off another upset)

* Finally, the WWE has invaded Rosemont for Sunday night's Wrestlemania!!! Free HGH to the first 10,000 through the turnstiles. Oh crap, looks like Sammy Sosa is busy after all.

Have a great weekend!!!!

The Plague Upon the House of Baseball

Well, I do believe that you have been patient long enough. A few of you have asked me to write about the black cloud that continues to hover not only over the glorious sport of baseball, but over all of the sporting world. No, I am not talking about the truly-frightening possibility that Chris Berman could, at any minute, come down and kill us all. I am, of course, talking about the plague upon the house of baseball. I am, of course, talking about steroids.

I have put this off for long enough. I have beaten the Gunston joke to death. I have probably bored you all to tears with incessant chatter about Iniana, their inability to play defense and their coaching search that only myself, Lori and Tiffany probably truly care about. I have typed the word Hofstra more times than I ever imagined possible. You have suffered and you shall be rewarded.

With today's announcement that former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell will head up an investigation into the use of steriods in baseball, the time has come. The time for the Random Thoughts to tackle THE issue that has been simmering, if not directly at the surface, then just slightly below. Steroids.

And will it come as any real suprise that my inital reaction to the controversy is "whatever." Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize the disturbing impact that steroid use by our sports heroes can have on all the little kiddies out there. I know that I should be concerned with the health and well being of the athletes that we grew up idolizing. I appreciate that the purity of the game has been compromised to some degree.

Look, it's too late to go back and change history. Until Dr. Emmett Brown comes along with his DeLoren and a pocketful of plutonium, there is really nothing we can do.

In my opinion (hey, I'm a lawyer. Gotta include that in there), Mark McGwire did steroids. Gary Sheffield did steroids. Brady Anderson did steroids. Sammy Sosa did steroids. Miguel Tejada did steroids. Barry Bonds did steroids. Lots and lots of steroids. Heck, for all I know Keith Moreland may have done steroids.

Shoot, I do not even need the legal disclaimer to talk about Jason Giambi and Rafael Palmeiro.

So, the big question now is...what are we going to do about it? Put an asterisk next to the records? Suspend those players who are still playing? Send them to their bedrooms without any supper? Tell them they can't have the sleepover that they were soooo looking forward to?*** (see below)

Here's what we should do...nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Okay, maybe nothing is a tad too strong. But let's not get carried away. Let's just admit that there has been a problem, put an intense, strict testing system in place with a penalty structure that would qualify anyone who risks their careers by continuing to use as a certifiable candidate for the nut farm, and concentrate on educating America's youth on the dangers of steroids. Asterisks? Suspensions? No supper? Please...

First of all, most of the performance enhancing substances that we suspect our ballfield heroes of having gotten involved with were NOT illegal when they were taken. "Yes, Mr. Zarling. I know that you were only going 35 miles an hour when you 'accidentally' ran over a drunk Todd Wellemeyer with your car and the posted speed limit was 65, but we have now lowered the speed limit to 15 mph, so it's off to the slammer with you. Be sure to say hi to Bryan Robinson and Alonzo Spellman for me."

Second, how can we be sure that steroids or HGH were responsible for Sammy's or Mark's or Augie's home runs. Maybe it was the Flintstone vitamins. Maybe it was Pepsi. Maybe he ate a funky bean burrito at Taco Bell. Who in the heck knows the true impact of performance enhancing drugs? Do we say that all home runs that cleared the wall by less than 15 feet are illegitimate, but all that smashed windows across the street should count because they probably would have cleared the fence regardless?

There is no clean and simple way. And we should not even attempt to look for one.

But Dan...we are talking about the most hallowed record in all of sports. More hallowed than Pete Rose's career hits. More hallowed than Kareen Abdul Jabaar's points. More hallowed than Ron Coomer's double plays hit into.

So? How do we know that Hank Aaron was clean? Or Roger Maris? I mean, how do we really know?

Yeah, but Dan, clearly there was not the advancements in performance enhancing substances in the 20's, 50's, 60's that there are today. What an unfair advantage today's players have. Of course, they are going to hit more home runs...

True, but don't you think that Barry Bonds would have liked to have played at the Polo Grounds where it was a measly 258 feet to the bleachers in right field? Sheesh, Neifi Perez may have hit 30 dingers a year there.

But Dan...there is clearly an unlevel playing field. The pitchers could not have possibly be effective against the modern day batting behemouths. The hitters these days look like He-Man action figures...

Do you really think that the pitchers have never heard of this stuff? Why is it that th average velocity fell sharply last year? Pitchers who used to throw in the mid-90's were topping out in the high 80's. Do you honestly believe that the pitchers weren't on the juice? Further, have spitballs gone the way of the rabbit-eared televison?

I think you get my point...

One of the most wonderful things about baseball is that it is not uniform. Stadiums are configured differently. Some players have the luxury of facing Kansas City Royals' pitching 18 times a year. Others may catch a break and play a game with the wind blowing out in Wrigley and Mike Morgan on the hill. Some have to contend with the south side distraction and fear of random nut jobs charging the field. There are a lot of factors that enter the equation.

Performance enhancing drugs are no doubt a BIG one. I am not denying that. But to act like it is the only factor...to act like players in the past did not enjoy advantages...to act like the glory years of baseball truly consisted of all-American young men, eating whole cows for dinner, rescuing cats from trees and having enough energy to smile the grandest smile for the local press is foolish.

One man's opinion.

Cheating? It's cheating, you say?

Well, where do you draw the line? So steroids use is definitely cheating, spitball throwing is cheating, but is most often forgivable, but the hidden ball trick may not be? What about stealing signs? Mark Buehrle may argue that it is. Mark Teixeira may argue that it is not. What about when a runner on second relays signs to a hitter ?

Gene Upshaw, who is now the President of the NFL Players Association once said this about the Raiders of the 1970's..."if you were not cheating, you were not trying." When told of this comment, Mike & Mike on EPSN Radio did not bat an eye. No reaction at all. Yet, steroids currently monopolizes their show (aside from the mandatory hour during which Greenberg shamelessly pimps his book).

Torry Holt was a guest and spent 20 minutes talking about his newly patented receiving gloves. Does wearing such super-duper gloves give the receiver an unfair advantage? What about wearing any gloves period? Isn't the use of such gloves technically taking the game out of the complete control of the athletic ability and talent of the player?

Look, I am not saying that Holt's gloves should be banned. And I am certainly not saying that wearing gloves, no matter how advanced, is even in the same ballpark as taking steroids. I just think that if we are going to make an argument that enhancing one's performance is bad, then one must look at all sides of the issue and be prepared to be overun by the worms that are sure to come spilling out of the can.

Finally, to test how ridiculous I can make this, do we need to ban those stupid looking shoes that were sold in the back of sports magazines that promised to make you jump higher? (Oh, come on, you know the ones I am talking about. With the big pads under the toes.) How about Blu Blockers?

Investigate the use of steroids all you want, Bud. Institute the tough testing policy. Penalize the violators. Teach the children. Demand the return of the purity of the game. But leave the past be the past. Don't try and change it.

Unless you can make Rick Greenspan hire John Calipari instead.

* What do you think baseball should do? Please comment!!!

* A few of you have e-mailed me to make sure that I know that Iniana head coach Kelvin Sampson is full-blooded Lumbee Indian. Thanks for the note. But I take my cue from the short, bald barber in the movie Coming to America ("If his momma named him Clay. I'm calling him Clay"). If the Floyd Keith, the Director of the Black Coaches Association, calls him black. I'm calling him black.

***Today's trivia. This is a reference to a 70's TV show. What show and who was the character so concerned about the potential cancellation of her plans?

***Past trivia: Tuesday: Meatballs was the movie and the actor was Bill Murray. Wednesday: Bobby Hurley of Duke and Eric Riley of Michigan appeared as members of the IU team in the movie Blue Chips.

"I Saw Her Today At the Reception..."

Twenty-four hours later, Kelvin Sampson is apparently still in line to become the next head basketball coach at Iniana University and the more I think about it, the less it makes sense.

Look, I am not going to bore you with the details concerning alleged recruiting violations while Sampson was at Oklahoma or by talking about reportedly embarrassingly low graduation rates. I'm not going to complain about the hiring of a coach who has a below-.500 career record in the NCAA Tournament, including recent losses to powerhouses Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Manhattan and Indiana State. I'm not even going to mention the fact that one of Mike Davis' finest moments came against Sampson and his Sooners in the 2002 Final Four (whoops, it looks like I did mention it). What I am going to try to do is explain how this could have happened. How names like Calipari and Donovan and Matta could be bandied about only to have IU wind up with a man who brings to Bloomington a lot more baggage than a trunk of French blue shirts (does the man even own a white shirt? You Big 12 fans know what I am talking about...)

You know what? I think the answer is simple. It pains me to say this, but this is simply the best that Iniana could do. In yesterday's post, I mentioned that reality is not always pretty and so it is the case with the present state of Hsier Basketball (with Sampson and his grind it out style, I fear that there will be no "o" in Hsier anymore). The athletic department is deep in the red. The basketball facilities would need an upgrade to qualify as second-rate. The team has not exactly had a run of success over the past four years. Truth be told, the words "Iniana University" simply do not carry the same weight anymore. Has it really been that long since IU was the chosen "scary," "all-time great program" that the Western University Dolphins had to get past to prove that they were a top-tier program in the movie Blue Chips? (Or were the producers so enamored with the acting skills of Matt Nover that they had to include the Hsiers?)*** --trivia question below.

ESPN and the Louisville Courier Journal's Pat Forde reported today that he spoke with an unnamed mid-major coach who is considered a true up-and-comer, but who did not even return a call from an IU rep about the coaching vacancy. The coach's response, "That's not a great job right now."

So, it is my belief that IU wanted a Calipari. They wanted Mike Montgomery to leave the Golden State Warriors and return to the college ranks (with Calber Cheaney by his side as an assistant). They wanted Gunston to trade his George Mason green-and-gold for Hsier Cream-and-Crimson. They may even have wanted the World's Largest Drum to make the trek down I-65, across 465 and down route 37 to the land of John Mellencamp, limestone quarries and kick ass bread sticks from Pizza Express.

But they wound up stuck with a coach who Oklahoma was half pushing out the door.

Simply stated, given their financial liabilities and facilties that would embarrass New Trier, it was the best they could do. Kelvin Sampson was #1,334 on my list of candidates and may have been even lower on Iniana athletic director Rick Greenspan's. But, in the words of Mick Jagger, "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find. You get a coach with enough baggage to fill a 747, who may subject your program to penalties for past violations, who does not graduate players, and who performs as well in the NCAA tournament as J.J. Redick." (That is how the song goes, right?)

It makes me so depressed, I need to talk about happier things. How about the Chicago National League Ballclub?

* So, Mark Prior and Kerry Wood were put on the DL. Looks like the Des Moines Iowa Tourism Bureau can once again feel free to include in their guidebook "Come see Kerry Wood and Mark Prior prep themselves for an injury-free six days with the big league club." It is becoming an annual event, like the soon to-be-announced "what in the hell do you mean we were not able to pawn off our crappy state university basketball coach on Iniana and they selected Kelvin Sampson instead" day. (Yes, I know that the Prior and Wood line is recycled. Hey, I've got at least two new readers to take care of. Besides, I like it...)

* With Prior and Wood nursing their yeast infections, Glendon Rusch has been announced as the starting pitcher for game # 2. Yes, it is that bad. What, is Les Lancaster not available?

* We still do not know, however, who will be the opening day second baseman. Todd Walker is by far the best offensive option, but struggles with the glove. Jerry Hairston is Jerry Hairston. Neifi Perez is still best known in Chicago for his game winning HR for Colorado against the Giants in the final game of the 1998 regular season preserving the Cubs' right to get swept by the Braves in the Divisional playoff series. Anyone want to check and see what Manny Trillo is up to these days?

* Hey give Jim Hendry credit. No, he did not solve the problem with a lack of power at the corner outfield positions. And, no, he did not do much to instill confidence in the bullpen (Howry and Eyre are nice additions, but is that Michael Wuertz and his 14.73 ERA that I see still out there?). But, give the man credit. He was actually able to unload Todd Wellemeyer on the Florida Marlins for two bodies that apparently are functioning. Who exactly did the Cubs get? Does it matter as long as they are not named Felix Heredia or Matt Karchner?

* Whatever happened to Reuben Quevedo?

* There is one peice of good news from Cub Nation that is largely going unnoticed this spring...the sensational offensive numbers being put up by Weasley (Matt Murton) and Aramis Ramirez. Murton is hitting a robust .395 in 43 plate appearances. Ramirez is hitting an other-worldly .543 with 4 HR, 16 RBI and only two strikeouts. I guess it can;t be long before he ends up on the DL with eye strain from watching so many runners circle the bases when Jerome Williams in on the mound.

Finally, Random Thoughts reader Tiffany asks the following...If the team who plays their home games at Phog Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence, Kansas will now be known as Team Voldemort, does that make Bradley Team Harry Potter? So it shall be...although, I doubt as though the Braves will be mentioned all that often in the coming months.

***Trivia: In the climactic (use of that word ought to thrill Erdman and keep him around for a while) game in the movie Blue Chips, Pete Bell's Western University Dolphins open their season with a home game against the all powerful Iniana Hsiers. In the movie, the Hsiers actually consist of former and then-current IU players (Calbert Chaeney, Jamaal Meeks etc.). There were, however, two players in IU red who were not Iniana past or present players (and actually played major college basketball for other teams). Who were they?

Wait a Minute...Does This Mean No Gunston?

So, after weeks of speculation, Iniana University has its man. As most of you know, over the last six weeks, it seems as though everyone from John Calipari to John Beilein to John Cusak to Elton John has been mentioned in connection with the Hoosiers' head coaching vacancy. Every day a new rumor reared its ugly head, lighting up the internet chat boards, and triggering a stream of denials from across the country. In fact, just this morning, I told WrigleyBill's wife, a fellow-Hoosier fan and Random Thoughts reader, that I had a feeling that nobody knew what in the heck they were talking about and that my gut was that we were going to be suprised with the choice.

And suprised we are.

There are two very good reasons why former Oklahoma head coach Kelvin Sampson has never been mentioned in the Random Thoughts in connection with the Iniana job and the reasons are quite simple. One...I believe I had Sampson #1,334 on my not-so-short-list (clearly above the World's Largest Drum, but below 7'4 beanpole Ralph Sampson -- in fact, I think I may have had the Boomer Sooner Wagon ahead of Kelvin). Two...I just don't see the connnection. Sampson (Kelvin, that is) has no apparent midwest or Big 10 ties and no ties to IU.

Now, I suppose that I am exaggerating a bit by listing Sampson so low on my list. He has an excellent win percentage at a traditional football school (72%). Further, the man clearly can recruit, having signed five high school players ranked in the Top 75 for 2006. I just think that there were (and are) better options out there.

Of course, there were worse options as well. Way worse. Everyone raise a glass in celebration of the fact that Steve Alford is not bringing his truckload of hairspray to Bloomington. Looks like the southern Indiana rapists will have to find another hero. Cheers!

How this affects the current players, most importantly D.J. White and Robert Vaden, is anyone's guess. As I have mentioned in the past, Vaden and White returning to Iniana is the difference between contending for the Big 10 title and fighting with Northwestern and Minnesota for a seat next to the rats in the conference cellar.

Finally, and I have no interest in being politically correct here so I am just going to come out and say it...I'm very suprised that Iniana selected an African-American. After the racial bashing that Mike Davis endured, I figured that there was little chance that IU would go this route. The fact that I felt this way may be an ugly commentary on society, but reality isn't always pretty.

So, Kelvin Sampson is the new head coach at Iniana. I hope he has years and years of success, but ultimately I can't help but feel let down right now. Kind of like wanting a Death Star Space Station for Christmas and only getting a Landspeeder.

Now if IU can only aspire to become a dominant power on the college basketball landscape like George Mason!

Speaking of George Mason, there has been a lot of discussion about what effect their Final Four run will have on the college basketball landscape. I believe that utlimately it will have little, if any, effect. Those, like ESPN Radio's Harry Teinowitz, who claim that big time recruits are now going to be banging down the door of mid-major schools don't understand the psyche of today's (often moronic) high school athletes. Just as "all the really good looking girls are still going to go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money," all the really good players are still going to go to the high-profile programs. That is just the way it is.

(I recognize that the above reference is awfully obscure. Major kudos to any of you who can identify the actor who spoke that line and the movie from which it is from...post your answer below).

Now keep in mind that Harry Teinowitz is not the world's most-reliable source of sports information. Yesterday, he waxed poetic about "UCLA's Baron Davis' coast-to-coast layup to beat Missouri in the first round of the 1995 Tournament." Harry, it wasn't Baron Davis. It was Tyus Edney. And it wasn't the first round. It was the second. Picky? Maybe...but somebody tell me why this guy is one the air and I'm helping people understand how to label bathroom cleaners.

Finally, after minutes of intense negotiations, we finally have a new official name for the college basketball team that plays its home games at Phog Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence, Kansas. Arguing that referring to the Jayhawks as the Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named failed miserably, Mrs. Bearister asked that the moniker be dropped. Unwilling to actually call the team by its actual name, I suggested The-Team-Formally-Known-As-The-Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Admitting that this is too long, we finally agreed on Team Voldemort.

Now you can sleep soundly at night knowing that this has finally been settled...

By the way, if IU was so intent on hiring Sampson, shouldn't they have considered hiring George Washington's Karl Hobbs as a co-coach. Kelvin and Hobbs...get it? Boo...hiss...boo...boo!

Where Did That Come From?

Kelvin Sampson is reportedly the new coach at Indiana. A full post will be coming in a few hours...

What About Hofstra?

Look out Indy!!! Gunston is on his way!!!!

Hey, I cannot believe it either. George Mason is in the Final Four. In men's basketball. Wow. Putting their accomplishment into perspective is not an easy thing to do. This morning on Mike & Mike, they argued whether the Patriots' victory over UConn rates as one of the greatest upsets in sports history. To have such an argument, however, completely misses the point.

It's not so much that George Mason was able to beat UConn. Heck, the old cliche' that any given team can beat any other given team yada, yada, yada is true. What is amazing is the fact that Mason was able to beat Michigan State. And North Carolina. And Wichita State. And UConn. One has to look at the totality of their accomplishment to truly understand how amazing it is.

And it wasn't so much that UConn or Carolina or Michigan State played poorly. George Mason simply played better. They hit the big shots. They played defense when they had to. They didn't punch anyone in the nuts. They were outstanding and there is no reason to believe that their run has to end on Saturday versus Florida.

And to think that they pulled it off while essentially only playing six guys. In fact, during the UConn overtime game, coach Jim Larranaga made his final substitution with more than 10 minutes left in the second half. Kudos to Random Thoughts reader Bearister who noted that the four timeouts that were taken between 3:15 and 2:00 minutes to go in the second half helped a fatigued Mason squad tremendously. The Patriot players were clearly getting tired but were buoyed by the fact that the mandatory under-8:00 timeout did not occur until there was 3:15 to go in the half and that timeout was followed immediately by the mandatory under-4:00 time out. Further. each team called a timeout during the 1:15 stretch giving the Patriot players ample time to catch their breath and get a second wind (not sure how to explain this with any real level of clarity...)

Perhaps I ought to move Gunston up from his current spot at #54,811 on the IU coaching hierarchy list...

So is this USA beats Russia at Lake Placid? Uh, no. But it does have to rank right up there with NC State over Houston in the '83 championship, Villanova over Georgetown in the '85 championship and Danny O'Shea's Little Giants' defeat of big brother Kevin's Cowboys in the what-was-that-town-in-Ohio-called? championship. (By the way, wasn't that super-cool when John Madden, Bruce Smith and Emmitt Smith showed up in town?)

And one must now ask the question...how frickin' good is Hofstra? Let me remind you that the Pride defeated Gunston and his gang twice in the final ten days of the regular season. Somebody mentioned a great idea on Mike & Mike this morning (Seth Davis? Mike Golic? The idiot who schedules book signings during the first round games?). We already have a play-in game. Perhaps, this year, we should have a play-out game pitting Hofstra versus next Monday night's winner.

Other observations from this weekend...

* The best college basketball game of the weekend was not UConn-George Mason, or Texas-LSU. Heck, we could go all the way back to Thursday and Friday and the West Virginia-Texas and Gonezaga-UCLA classics, and still not find a better game than last night's UConn-Georgia regional semifinal in the women's tournament. I was fortunate that the Skin-a-max free weekend preview was last weekend, leaving my TV viewing options open. With nothing else of interest on, I left my TV tuned to ESPN2 while I did work in the basement. I was rewarded by being witness to a game that was spectacular. In the final 30 seconds, the teams made three three-pointers, including an improbable step back, off-balance game winner by UConn's center. The only thing that would have made the game better is if Georgia had made their three-quarter court heave at the buzzer. It hit the front of the rim and bounced harmlessly away. No kidding. As Jack Brickhouse used to say..."One more biscuit for breakfast..."

* Jim Calhoun is a great coach and he was classy following his loss to Mason. That said, there is something about the guy that I just don't like.

* I won't miss not seeing Calhoun in the Final Four. I will miss seeing the Husky cheerleaders (wait, that came out wrong...), I mean, the Connecticut cheerleaders and their little red bows.

* Oh well, I guess we will just have to make do with the Florida pom squad and the UCLA cheerleaders. Not to mention the Old Spice girl...

* Yes, I am trying to avoid talking about the fact that I have called UConn the 2006 NCAA Champions since mid-February, but now have to eat crow...

* Rumor has it that four people nailed the entire Final Four out of more than 3.5 million entrants in ESPN's Tournament Challenge. Two were probably named George Mason. One was GM coach Jim Larranaga and the other, or so he probably claims, was ESPN's insufferable college basketball commentator and know-it-all Doug Gottlieb.

* George Mason was originally a 300-1 shot to win the title at Wynn Las Vegas. According to the folks there, they are aware of only one person who bet the Patriots. The Sports Book also reported that they had a lot of action on Florida before the season started and should the Gators win the title, it will be bad news for the books. The unranked Gators began the season at 75-1.

* Villanova's Randy Foye is that good. I only wish he was about three inches taller.

* Texas' LaMarcus Aldridge is not that good. Hey, it was only one game, but Aldridge was terrible. Number one NBA draft pick? Only if you want the next Brad Sellers.

* Memphis is incredibly talented, but extremely young. Their youth showed itself in their game versus UCLA. Oh yeah, that and the fact that Rodney Carney sucked.

* Loved the moment when UCLA finally made a free-throw after missing about 147 straight. Aaron Afflalo got a standing ovation from the partisan Bruin crowd.

* LSU is a nice story with all five starters coming from hurricane-ravaged Louisiana (three of them from Baton Rouge). The Tigers have a lot of physical talent, but may have been absent the day that they handed out brains. Look guys, when you have Big Baby Davis and Tyrus Thomas in the post and you shoot .328% from the three-point stripe as a team, early-in-the-shotclock three pointers are about as intelligent as screaming "I love George W. Bush" in an Irani mosque.


* Aren't the supposed big-time players expected to rise to the occasion when the stakes are highest? Duke's J.J. Redick had a wonderful career and finished as the all-time leading scorer in the ACC, but went a combined 13-60 from the field in Duke's four tournament losses during his career. That, math majors, is a Rodney McCray-esque 21.6%.

* Boy, I criticized Coach K on Friday and J.J. on Monday. Expect Dick Vitale and half of ESPN's production crew to join the West Virginia mob.

* Happy to see that Cedric Diggory has not let his untimely death keep him from reading the Random Thoughts. Happier still to see him posting from the grave.

Finally, in case you did not know, it turns out that other sporting events do take place during the Madness. On Saturday, in a Cactus League game, four Cubs pitchers combined for 9 2/3 hitless innings against the A's. John Koronka then gave up a single to center on an 0-2 pitch. That is soooo Cubs.

On Sunday, the start of the Cubs' game was delayed due to uncontrollable swarms of bees on the field. Now that is soooo Cubs.

He Came. He Scored. He Lost. He Cried.

Gotta be quick today. I'm heading off to the long-time-coming press conference announcing the retirement of Curtis Enis and I hear that the security lines at correctional institutions can be quite long and difficult to get through...

Gonezaga-UCLA

Look, I just wanted Barty Crouch Jr. to turn him into a ferret. I never asked for Adam Morrison to turn into a blubbering mess at center court. Truth be told, watching Morrison after Gonezaga's heartbreaking loss to UCLA last night, I really did not know what to feel. Everyone knows that I am hardly a fan of Morrison's, but a small part of me really felt for him. After all, he does play the game with a tremendous passion and has an unquenchable desire to win. I respect that and hate to see anyone reduced to tears.

That said, it will suprise no-one that I am delighted that UCLA was able to pull off one of the greatest comebacks in NCAA tournament history. For those of you too busy trying to figure out who Madam Rosmerta, Minerva McGonagall and Stan Shunpike are to have caught the game, UCLA failed to connect on a field goal for the first 9 minutes of the game, fell behind by 17 points, and generally looked clueless. Offense, defense, during timeouts...it didn't matter. The UCLA players looked as if playing a Sweet 16 game was just about the last thing that they were interested in doing.

Perhaps their minds were preoccupied. Perhaps they had some hot-and-heavy plans after the game. After all, I hear that there is a smokin' hot UCLA coed named Victoria that fancies basketball players.

Anyway, the Bruins were able to score the final 11 points of the game, leaving Morrison sprawled at center court, his head in his hands, unable to face the reality that the Zags had just pissed away one of the biggest moments in the school's basketball history. And I felt bad. Okay, not so bad that I didn't allow myself at least one chucke at Morrison's expense, but bad nonetheless.

Wait a minute, I just had a thought. Is it possible that someone had waited until last in the second half of the game to inform Morrison that Jerry Azumah had retired and he was overcome with anguish? Is it possible that Gonezaga, and Morrison in particular, failed to score in the final 3:26 of the game because word had finally leaked out? Did UCLA point guard Jordan Farmar quietly walk over to Morrison after he sank two free throws with 3:26 remaining (to give Gonezaga a 9-point lead) to deliver the bad news?

Ahhh...an explanation for UCLA's horrid start, as well.

Duke-LSU

I suppose we have to consider that Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski was unable to keep the news of Azumah's retirement from J.J. Redick as well. What else could explain the normally reliable Redick's 3-18 performance from the floor?

Okay, I've officially beaten the Jerry Azumah retirement bit to its bitter death, left it in the middle of the road and run over it with a steamroller, parade of camels and the USC marching band.

Most troubling in Duke's loss to LSU was the Blue Devils overall lack of intensity and passion, especially in the last two minutes of the game (how in the world do you give up back-to-back offensive rebounds on missed free throws in the last minute?). To my eyes, freshmen Josh McRoberts and Greg Paulus were the only two Blue Devils who looked like they gave a damn (save for Sean Dockery's impressive header over the scorer's table). Senior Shelden Williams had a nice overall game statistically, but his demeanor on the court reminded me of the attitude of Fred McGriff in 2001 after he had been traded to the Cubs. Look, if you can't play with passion, don't bother showing up.

So, why did so many NCAA Pool bracket sheets spontaneously combust thanks to Duke's loss? Do we blame the defeat on Redick's imitation of Chris Dudley? Do we blame Williams and his lack of passion? Nope, I think fault lies in the hands of Coach K.

Now, hold on to your seats, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, I am going to attempt to be the first person in history to criticize the coaching of one Mike Krzyzewski. I am going to be the first to question whether he is the master that everyone perceives him to be. And I am not just doing this for shock value...

Let's start with a couple of truisms. Duke gets the top talent in the nation. Further, Duke has had immeasurable success and is the A-1 standard program in the NCAA today. I'm not here to argue that.

I'm also not here to argue that Coach K is a bad coach, or even a mediocre one. He is an outstanding coach, but the last couple of years have shown chinks in his armor.

Just as I am not going to argue that Coach K has had success beyond one's wildest dreams, I doubt as though you want to argue that LSU's John Brady coached circles around him last night. Where were the Blue Devil adjustments? When LSU's to big men, Big Baby Davis and Tyrus Thomas went out with three fouls, why didn't Duke continually force the ball into the post? Why weren't unique plays and sets run to get Redick open shots. Brady had devised an outstanding scheme and Coach K had absolutely no answers, other than to run the same stuff that clearly wasn't working.

But here is the bigger question...why is it that Duke has established an undeniable trend of losing in the first game of a tournament weekend? Let me explain. As all NCAA tournament fans know, a team can potentially play in two games during a weekend and, all other things being equal, the first game is generally the one that is more-often won by the better-coached team. After all, the coaches have plenty of time to prepare, study their opponent and develop a game-plan. Yet, in the past couple of years, Duke has always lost the first game of the weekend.

Look, pure talent will get you through a couple of rounds. I am as impressed with anyone over the nine straight Sweet 16s that Duke has made. But, the facts are the facts.

2006: Lost to LSU in Sweet Sixteen (first game of the weekend)
2005: Lost to Michigan State in Sweet Sixteen (first game of the weekend)
2004: Lost to UConn in Final Four (first game of the weekend)
2003: Lost to The Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in Sweet Sixteen (first game of the weekend)
2002: Lost to Indiana in Sweet 16 (first game of the weekend)

(Yes, the Blue Devils did win the title in 2001).

So, what's my point? That fearing the coaching acumen of Mike Krzyzewski is one activity that I cannot endorse. Oh yeah, that and Jessica Alba is hot. So even, if you think my first argument is ridiculous, at lease I've left you with something that we can all agree on.

West Virginia-Texas

Well, the Random Thoughts Curse has completed its work. The Mountaineers' Kevin Pittsnogle made a big shot but Texas' Kenton Paulino made an even bigger shot. I'm genuinely sorry to see West Virginia's season come to an end. And to think, they now have to go back and live in West Virginia.

I'm running out of steam here...

Memphis - Bradley

Memphis won.

Tonight's Games

The moment you have all been waiting for. You've suffered through "sympathy" for Adam Morrison, more Jerry Azumah references than you can handle, and a likely-nonsensical critical "analysis" of Coach K (there really was not much analyzing going on). Here is my look into my crystal ball to tell you what will happen tonight (last night, I missed on Duke, predicted a 72-70 Texas win -- the final was 74-71 -- , a 81-67 win for Memphis -- the final was 80-64--, and was a tad off on the UCLA-Gonezaga game, but got the result right).

(Oh, come on Professor Trelawny...this one is a layup)

George Mason - Wichita State

Florida State 72, Maryland 65.

Billy, I told you to get he hell away from my computer!

Oh, I don't know. Let's just hope that nobody gets Tony Skinned in the nuts, especially Gunston. I can guarantee you one thing, though, a mid-major team that Billy P-acc-ker hates is going to win. Wichita State 69, Gunston 65

Villanova-Boston College

This is going to be a great game. I'm not sure how 'Nova is going to contend with Craig Smith in the post, but Boston College does not have the guards to match up with the Wildcats. Overall, Villanova has more athletes and Doug Flutie does not have any more eligibility. Villanova 83, Boston College 80

UConn-Washington

I've been referring to UConn as the 2006 NCAA Champions for weeks. I'm not going to stop now. UConn 89, Washington 79

Florida-Georgetown

This should be a terrific game, as well. Two athletic teams, although Florida will look to run, while Georgetown will try and play a half-court game. Erin Andrews went to Florida. That's good enough for me. Florida 70, Georgetown 65

* Yes, I did misspell Gonezaga intentionally throughout this e-mail. In the words of Hawk Harrelson..."They Gone!"

A Flood of Blue and Orange (sniff) Tears

Yesterday, Halas Hall brimmed with excitement and joy. Brian Griese had signed on as the newest member of the Chicago Bears. Reports that Rex the Wonder Dog had broken his pelvis in a mean game of Battleship turned out to be untrue. The possibility that Kyle the Bearded Wonder would be asked to win games had become more remote. Life was good.

And then the calendar turned to Thursday, March 23, 2006.

A press conference was called. Reporters from around the globe gathered. Kids skipped school to listen. Jeff Joniak's cell phone wouldn't stop ringing. Talk of cancelling tonight's NCAA tournament games intensified. The Bulls' playoff run failures didn't seem to matter much anymore...

Thursday, March 23, 2006. A day that now shall forever be known as "Jerry Azumah Day."

Sarcasm is so frickin' hard to write...

What the heck is going on here?!? Did the Chicago Bears really call a press conference to announce the retirement of Jerry Azumah? Excuse me, Jerry Azumah? What's next, a halftime ceremony honoring the legacy of Cap Boso? A jersey retirement for Jim Morrissey? Replica Roland Harper mini-helmets to the first 15,000 through the turnstiles?

Most importantly, does Brian Griese now realize that he does not get to share the same lockeroom with Azumah? Man, talk about a kick in the gut. Let's hope he doesn't suddenly come down with a mysterious injury that gets him out of his contract. As far as Bears' management is concerned, at least he has already fulfilled his quota on the "I tripped over my dog on the way down the stairs" excuse. Maybe he can argue that he tripped on Thomas Jones' driveway. Whoops! I guess that one is out too.

Assuming that Griese still plans on donning the blue and orange, do you realize that his career numbers would make him statistically the most accomplished Chicago Bear quarterback in history? Look, let's be completely honest here. Griese is no Montana, Elway or Manning. Heck, he's been nothing more than mediocre-to good during his eight-year career. Yet, he would be the most accomplished QB in Bears' history. Is that akin to saying that he is the best juggler in a room of one-armed clowns?

Worthless Fact of the Day: Former Patriots' kicker and new Colt Adam Vinatieri is a cousin of Evel Knievel. Did anyone else have that sweet wind up Evel Knievel toy as a kid? Man, that thing was sweet. Super sweet!

Worthless Fact of the Day Part Deux: His great, great grandfather was the chief musician for General George Custer's 7th Caverly Regimental Band. Announcing your arrival by beating drums and playing the trumpet. Now that's good military strategy! Perhaps Griese ought to scream out "I'm throwing to Mee-Sin Me-hammed on this play," while under center. See if it works.

So, Kansas State took the plunge and hired former Jailbird University head coach and drunk driver Bob Huggins. Let's see. Huggins is now in the Big 12 with sauce-king Eddie Sutton. Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Head Coach Bill Self better plan on getting to next year's Big 12 conference luncheon a few hours early if he plans on having anything stronger than a Capri Sun.

Of course, Huggy-Bear also joins Bob Knight in the Big 12. Anyone else want to see the conference do away with basketball and just have their head coaches engage in a series of death matches?

Huggy-Bear's hiring may also have a major effect on recruiting and may potentially shift the balance of power toward the fields of Kansas. Let's be honest though. Super-recruits O.J. Mayo (#1), Bill Walker (#3) and Keenan Ellis (#15) cannot be happy about this news. Long expected to commit to whatever school Huggins winds up at, the three superstars have got to be reassessing their options. Oh sure, they would have loved to play in Manhattan, but I doubt they meant Manhattan, Kansas.

Checking through today's TV listings, I see that Huggins' former employer, the University of Cincinnati is scheduled to play tonight on ESPNU. Hey, I thought that CBS had the exclusive rights to broadcast NCAA tournament games. Oh yeah, I forgot about that Committee thing.

Mascot Update: Sheesh, the Stanford Tree just can't stay out of trouble. In the winter, the student who dressed as the tree was relieved of her duties after registering a 0.157 blood alcohol level during a game. Now comes word that the Tree has been suspended for the remainder of the postseason (the lady Cardinal are in the Sweet 16 of the women's tournament) for violating the NCAA's Footloose Law. Turns out the Tree danced in a prohibited area and John Lithgow had a hissy.

IU Coaching Update: Steve Alford is trying to make it seem as though he is rejecting Iniana, rather than the other (humilating) way around. Just when I was getting excited about Billy Gillispie, word is that he is expected to announce his intention to stay at Texas A (screw the ampersand) M. The buzz is that Gonzaga's Mark Few and Randy Whitman are the two frontrunners. Yuck and bigger yuck. The World's Largest Drum announced that its significant other, a baritone sax, loves West Lafayette and is unwilling to uproot the family and move south to Bloomington.

Tonight's Sweet 16 Matchups:

Duke-LSU

- Big Baby Davis is a load inside, but Coach K and Shelden Williams will find a way to neutralize him and make the other LSU players beat the Blue Devils. They won't. Duke 76, LSU 68

West Virginia-Texas

- I really want West Virginia to win, but fear that the scars of the Random Thoughts Curse run too deep. Texas has more athletes. West Virginia has more tattoos. It's generally better to have the former. Texas 72, West Virginia 70

Memphis-Bradley

Bradley is a nice story but Memphis is a better all-around team. Memphis has the big bodies to contend with Braves' big man Patrick O'Bryant. St. Patrick's Day was last week. Now it's Jerry Azumah Day. Memphis has a guy on their team named Jared who averages 0.5 points per game. In other words, he contributes about as much as Azumah did and, get this, their birthdays are only three days apart (not by year!!!). Memphis 81, Bradley 67

UCLA-Gonzaga

I hate Adam Morrison. UCLA 1,652, Gonzaga 4

Yeah, But Does Gunston Coach Defense?

Big Red the infamous grimace-like creature who roams the sidelines and roots on the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers wasn't even invited. The Blue Blob made an unceremonious early exit from the Dance after Xavier was a first-round victim of the soon-to-be ferret and his Gonzaga teammates. Gunston, on the other hand, lives on!

Yes, I have discovered yet another lovable mascot sure to capture the heart of every four-year old in town. Ladies and gentlemen...boys and girls, let me introduce you to Gunston, the official mascot of the George Mason Patriots.

A guy dressed in traditional colonial garb? Oh no. A woman donning a Tom Brady mask? Uh uh. A student expounding the virtues of a mid 90's Mel Gibson movie. Not a chance.

Gunston is some kind of green creature in the mold of Big Red and the Blue Blob (yes, that is his real name). George Mason's official explanation is that Gunston was likely hatched from an egg found by the GMU Sociology and Anthropology Department during an excavation of Gunston Hall on the university's campus (look it up). He may be a cousin of Elmo. He may not. I don't really care, but I would like to welcome Gunston as the third official member of the Random Thoughts Mascot Hall of Fame. Congratulations Gunston!

Hey, what can I say? It's Wednesday. There isn't much going on. The Cubs and Sox are playing meaningless games. So are the Bulls and Blackhawks. There is still more than 24 hours before the madness resumes. What did you expect? An in-depth look at the backcourt matchup in the Florida versus Georgetown game? An intense breakdown of what Matt Thornton brings to the Sox' bullpen? A discussion of the future prospects of Dmitri Isuckathockeyov or Vladimir Icantskateov or whoever the heck is on the current Blackhawks roster?

I was delighted to see that Jerry Angelo was not too depressed over Antwaan Randle El's signing with the Washington Redskins to let the entire free-agency period go by without filling any of the Bears' needs. Signing Brian Griese to be the backup quarterback is a good move. If given the chance to start-- and I suspect he will (Rex the Wonder Dog will probably break his ankle or get a case of the German measles or something) -- I imagine that Griese will do a decent-enough job. Sure, he won't make anyone forget about the stellar play of all the all-time quarterback greats who have stood under center for the Monsters of the Midway...you know, guys like...er...uh...hmm...

Never mind.

Wait a second, does this mean the Jeff Blake era is over? Say it ain't so...

Ultimately, I applaud the Bears for this move. Getting a semi-proven veteran into the fold is never a bad thing. That said, I sure hope that there are more Bears' moves coming. To quote Teddy K.G.B. "I feel so unsatisfied." (Just wondering...was Teddy supposed to be gay?).

Now, as dedicated readers of the Random Thoughts know, I get a kick out of referring to college and professional teams by clever little names. That said, I would like to thank commenter "drio" for coming up with a creative new moniker for the Big Ten school located in Bloomington, Indiana. From now on, they shall be known as "Iniana" because they currently have no "D."

Hopefully the next coach of the Hoosiers will restore the "D" to its proper place, and, now that the Mike Davis era has officially come to a close, IU coaching talk is getting hotter and hotter. The most recent news is that Iniana AD Rick Greenspan has a list of two candidates who will be invited to come in for interviews. The good news? Steve Alford is not among the two.

Now, please keep in mind that only Greenspan truly knows who is on the list, but most seem to feel that it includes Texas A (screw the ampersand) M coach Billy Gillispie and former Hoosier player and current Orlando Magic assistant coach Randy Wittman. Wittman...blech. Gillispie, on the other hand, looks better and better the more I look at his resume.

So who does this rabid IU fan want to see as the next IU coach? Well, I won't bore you with the whole list, but here's a little taste of my thoughts...

1. Thad Matta: Ohio State (not likely that he will leave Columbus, though)
2. John Calipari: Memphis
3. Billy Gillispie: Texas A (screw the ampersand) M (I'm telling ya...look at his resume!)
4. Tom Crean: Marquette
5. Ditka

No Steve Alford? Let's look a little further down the list...

1,854. Matt Painter
1,855. Gene Keady
1,856. Glenn Robinson
1,857. The World's Biggest Drum

Okay, you're joking right? Where is the Hoosier god?

54,811. Gunston
54,812. Mike Davis (the former LA Dodger who was on base when Kirk Gibson hit his famous home run in the 1988 World Series)
54,813. Mike Davis (I'm not even going to touch this one. Hey, at least DJ White and Robert Vaden would stick around)
54,814. Randy Wittman (Looks like I prefer Gillispie, huh?)

Still no Mr. Overrated...

185,674. Ted Knight (yes, that Ted Knight)
185,675. Pat Knight
185,676. Bobby Knight
185,677. Gladys Knight
185,678. The Pips
185,679. Adolf Hitler's brain in a jar
185,680. Steve Alford.

Great, now the city of New Castle, Iniana hates me too...

Thanks Billy!

We are now nine days removed from the announcement of the 2006 NCAA Tournament field and I am sure that Selection Committee Chairman Craig Littlepage wants more than anything to be outwardly smug. He's probably sitting back and smiling when he thinks about the work that his nine charges performed. He probably wants to take all of the criticism and shove it right up CBS's ass. He feels vindicated. He feels justifed.

Thanks Billy P-acc-ker. Thanks a lot.

Why thank Billy P-acc-ker, you ask? Because it is his stupidity (with an assist from Jim Nantz) that allows Littlepage to incorrectly feel this way. Because it is his on-air rant about major-conference teams and whether they deserved to be in the field of 65 that has gotten everyone's attention and therefore masks the real issues with the selection process.

Look, the committee got it wrong and very little, if anything, has happened during the tournament to change my mind.

For those of you too mesmerized by those stupid "Vendetta" commercials to pay attention (what is that movie about?), P-acc-ker and Nantz took Littlepage to task for the inclusion of mid-major schools at the expense of teams like Florida State, Maryland and Michigan (read: schools from the power conferences). P-acc-ker and Nantz made a series of non-sensical statistic arguments about how the power conferences haveall the success in the Tournament, while the little schools generally fail to accomplish much of anything. P-acc-ker's argument in a nutshell? That George Mason, Bradley, and Northern Iowa have no business in the tournament, while the exclusion of the power-conference schools referenced above represents the biggest travesty since Donna was not allowed to graduate with the senior class because she got drunk at the prom.

So now Littlepage gets to sit back and gloat. George Mason is in the Sweet 16. Bradley knocked off a couple of big-time schools in Kansas and Pittsburgh and will still be playing this coming weekend. Missouri Valley regular season champion Wichita State will get their moment in the sun (and their tuba player's mother will probably get air time on CBS). Now it seems as though I need a calculator to count the number of times I have heard in the national media that the Committee has been vindicated and proven "right."

Like I said. Thanks Billy P-acc-ker. Thanks a lot.

You see, the Committee did fail and, in general, the results of the tournament have proven how nutso the selections were. The Missouri Valley should have gotten only four teams in? That's ludicrous. I may not be much of a Valley fan (as faitful readers know), but go back and scroll through my posts. I thought that the Valley actually got screwed. Tom and I agreed that both Missouri State and Creighton should have joined their Valley bretheren in the Dance. I'd argue that the success of Bradley and Wichita State has proven that the Valley deserved even more credit...and more teams.

Perhaps the biggest schmoke is Valley commissioner Doug Elgin. Elgin has been so clouded by P-acc-ker's rambling that he has now seemingly forgotten that it is his conference that got jobbed. Before the selections, Elgin was openly campaigning for five Valley teams (with a secret hope that six would get in). Now, he should be screaming to the masses..."See, I told you! We have proved it on the court and deserved more respect!!!!" Instead, I hear him on national radio talking about how the Committee's decisions have been proven right on the mark. How do you think the omitted teams mentioned above feel? I'm not sure I would expect a Holiday card from either Omaha, Nebraska or Springfield, Missouri his year, Doug.

So who should have been left home? After the selections were announced, I immediately recoiled at the thought of Air Force and Utah State in the tournament. They didn't belong then and they don't belong now. What? The Falcons stayed relatively close to Illinois? Maybe, but did you actually ever think that they had a chance to win the game? Illinois did not play particularily well last Thursday evening, yet still won fairly easily. In the other game, Washington pretty much toyed with Utah State before putting them out of their misery.

Let's look at the seeds. Tennessee a number two? I didn't think that they deserved such a high seed then and I certainly don't think so now. Nevada a number five? Uh, no. And then there is Syracuse who suddenly remembered that they were a mediocre team at best for the first three months of the season and reverted back to pre-Big East Tournament form. For those of you too upset over the lack of "Spring Break Shark Attack" commercials to watch the tournament, the OrangeMEN got bounced before Derrick Coleman could find time to roll himself away from the buffet table and congratulate the overrated Gerry McNamara on his 0-6 from the field, two-point performance.

You missed the point, Billy P-acc-ker and, as result, the Committee gets to go on believing that they did their job.

Thanks.

* The timing of this post and my heartfelt thank-you to Billy P-acc-ker is especially relevant given the untimely death of Ray Meyer. I must admit that my spelling of Billy's last name is not my own creative work, but rather was originally shared with me in the mid-80's by Coach Ray. Coach Ray always had a thing for calling people by nicknames (I was "hat" for a number of years for a reason that many of you can easily imagine). He was a wonderful man with a big heart and I will always remember him and his kindness (not to mention the cookies that his late-wife Marge made at the lake home in Three Lakes, Wisconsin). Good Bye Coach...

I Hate Adam Morrison. Period. I Hate Him.

Kansas.

There, that's better.

Well, it's been an exciting four days of basketball fun and now that the dream has officially died for 49 apparently unworthy teams, it is time to look back at the best weekend of the year. As usual, I have quite a bit to say, so I suppose that bullet-format is the most effective way for me to empty my head of the many thoughts that are presently swirling around (with apologies to those of you who served as "test cases" during weekend and, therefore, have heard much of this already).

* Now that Mike Davis' resignation is official, I must say that part of me is genuinely sad to see him go. In my opinion he handled the last two months with class and I wish him luck in the future.

* Truth be told, I am not particularily sad to see Marco Killingsworth go. Marco's technical foul with 16 minutes remaining in IU's loss to Gonzaga pretty much robbed the Hoosiers of any chance that they may have had to beat the Zags. In looking at the replay (and I have looked at it an odd 40 or 50 times), it is clear that the technical was not deserved, but Marco's history of ultra-physical play and his penchance for losing his temper definitely did not help matters. I have to imagine that the officials are instructed before the game to watch Killingsworth closely and he has to show more discipline than he exhibited on Saturday. Oh well, now he's somebody else's problem.

* Don't fret. He'll love Belgium or whatever European country he winds up playing in.

* Perhaps the NCAA may want to instruct their zebras to pay a little extra attention to Gonzaga's Adam Morrison, as well. I haven't seen that many flops since Mary Lou Retton's routine in the 1984 summer games. If Morrison was a hockey player, besides likely getting the crap beaten out of him by a gang of on-ice goons, he'd likely spend most of the game in the penalty box for flopping. He's also a dirty player in the mold of Bill Laimbeer. Morrison's classy move of the game? How about elbiwing Roderick Wilmont directly in the head and then throwing him out-of-bounds. Nice.

* I hate that frickin' guy.

* Thank gosh CBS is so quick with up-to-the-minute always-accurate stats. During the IU versus Man-I-Hate-that-Freakin'-Team-So-Much game, CBS flashed a graphic showing that Indiana had had seven possessions, during which they had committed five turnovers and missed two free-throws. Keep in mind that the Hoosiers had ten points at the time. I guess the games in Salt Lake City must have been played with a drop-down 10-point Rock-N'-Jock basket.

* Boy, they must play an awfully physical brand of basketball in the Big Ten (make that played). After the Illini lost to Washington on Saturday, Bruce Weber wanted to make sure that everyone knew that the referees sent the Huskies to the free throw line 39 times, while the Illini only shot a total of 11 free throws. Stop your whining Bruce. Try winning a game when your opponent goes to the line 41 times and you only get 6 freebies. Ask Mike Davis whether its easy.

* In my honest opinion neither Illinois nor Indiana lost their games as a result of the free throw descrepancy. Let me repeat that for those of you who did not hear me the first time...neither Illinois nor Indiana lost their games as a result of the free throw descrepancy. That said, in my opinion, there is something conceptually wrong with a 41-6 free-throw difference.

* Bruce Weber already has a Coach of the Year trophy on his mantle and has a national championship game under his belt. Few doubt that the man is a great coach (and he is exceptionally adapt at teaching the art of the moving screen). But, if Weber is looking for a reason for the Illini's loss, he really ought to head to the nearest mirror. Illinois was scoring at will during the first 12 minutes of the second half against Washington, but went to a seemingly-modified four-corner offense with about eight minutes to go in the game, forcing the Illini to launch jump shots at the tail end of the shotclock on possession after possession. Why, Bruce, why?

* And how about the last play? Weber's huddle conversation must have amounted to "Uh, give the ball to Dee and let him shoot from 30 feet." How about a pick-and-roll? A pick-and-pop? The ol' picket fence? Something.

* Weber must have forgotten that Dee Brown is not Jimmy Chitwood.

* Did I mention that I hate Adam Morrison?

* Isn't Tony Skinn truly the heart-warming story of the tournament? During Friday evening's Michigan State-George Mason game, CBS continually showed shots of Skinn sitting on the bench in a suit cheering on his teammates. The announcers waxed poetic about how great it was that Skinn's teammates had banded together without their second-leading scorer and won a big game, giving Skinn a chance to play another game in a GM uniform. How nice. Makes you smile, that Tony gets a chance to play again, doesn't it? And who can blame CBS for focusing on such an inspiring story?

Memo to CBS...the guy wasn't sitting out the game because he was too stricken with grief over the death of his faithful dog. He wasn't on the bench because he suffered a gun shot wound after jumping in front of a bullet that was targeted for an 8-year old girl with pigtails. The dude was suspended because he punched a guy in the nuts.

* What is with all the camera time being given to coaches' wives, players' mothers, and assorted other relatives and friends. Heck, I think I saw a shot of Winthrop's assistant athletic trainer's nephew at one point. In fact, it seems as though the only person who didn't get air time was Arizona guard Hassan Adams' parole officer.

* Speaking of Adams, it must be tough to play defense against Villanova's superstar Randy Foye. Especially with that cumbersome ankle bracelet.

* Nice to see Brad Pitt's multiple personalities finally battle it out on the court. Shocking that CBS did not find time to show either Angelina or Jen during the game. Why doesn't he just throw in the towel and hit on Jessica Alba, already?

* Brad's victory over Pitt was one of the nice moments of the tournament. The scare that Albany put into UConn was nice as well. Of course, there is also the performance of the fro' and his Demon teammates. We can only pray that Northwestern State's victory over Iowa will severly damage Steve Alford's chances of becoming the next coach at IU.

* By the way, rumor has it that Texas A (screw the ampersand) M's Billy Gillipsie is the front-runner for the IU job. I guess he just can't take that stupid punctuation any more...

* Shifted gears this year and went to Joe's on Weed Street for the first two days of the tournament. Good setup. Great atmosphere. Better cheese fries.

* Today stinks. The four most-fun days of the year are over and there is no college basketball worth watching on TV (the NIT is not worth watching). If only another sport would hold an international competition pitting the best players in the world against one another for world supremacy. I mean, the USA would be sure to dominate, right? Oh, never mind. I guess I'll watch Love Boat reruns.

Have a great day and stay out of trouble...unless you run into Adam Morrison. If you do, please Tony Skinn him in the nuts for me.

Simulate This

Before I jump into our two remaining NCAA regions, I need to say my piece about the Chicago National League Ballclub and Mark Prior's now-discovered shoulder injury. Look, it's hard to be angry at Prior and probably unfair. He may be the world's biggest wuss, but I have to hope that he wants to be out there as much as we want to see him on the mound.

The Cubs organization is a whole different story. Mark Prior throws simulated games. Kerry Wood throws simulated games. Ryan Dempster throws simulated games. You get the picture. Well, let me ask you a couple of simple questions...when was the last time you heard that Mark Buerhle was throwing a simulated game? How about Jon Garland? (No, Sox fans, it has nothing to do with the media coverage...blah, blah, blah).

I am getting awfully sick and tired of Cubs management and their overall approach to the game that I love. I'm not one of those types who will sit here and criticize the Tribune Company for refusing to spend money or for treating the team like a business. In fact, I believe that the team does spend money (although clearly not always wisely). But something is wrong. I can't quite put my finger on it but I'm coming terribly close to believeing that a simulated world series is the only world series that us Cubs' fans can hope for.

Let's talk about something a little more joyful, shall we?

Yesterday, we discussed the Oakland and Minneapolis regions, so let's head to the other side of the bracket and finish our look at the 2006 NCAA Tournament. We'll start with the "Yes Michael Jordan Did Play Here, But He Stunk and Ruined Our Franchise By Drafting Kwame Brown" Region

Upset Special: I have made my feelings regarding the Committee's selection of Utah State quite clear, but me thinks that the Aggies just might prove me wrong and pull off a first-round upset. After all, look at the what Corey Patterson has been able to do in response to all those who criticized the Cubs for selecting him in the draft as early as they did. Oh, never mind...

Best Mascot: Sparty is pretty cool, But I have got to go with the Wichita State Wheat Shocker. I have to admit that I have not seen him since I attended the 1989 tournament, but I'll always have fond memories. At least back then, he had hair that only Sammy Hagar could love...

Injury Issue: Not so much an injury as an attempt to injure. George Mason will have to play its first round game without second-leading scorer Tony Skinn, after he was suspended for punching a Hofstra player in the groin during the Colonial tournament.

Best Player You Have Never Heard Of: I suspect that many of you have heard of Brandon Roy, but I'm going with Washington's superstar anyway. He is an all-around talent who helps his team win in a number of different ways. You probably have not heard of Utah State's Jaycee Carroll, but he is worth checking out.

Best Player You Have Heard Of: Tyler Hansbrough. North Carolina's 20-year old freshman plays like a man ready for the NBA. He can dominate a game. Think Scot Pollard without the pink hair and with talent.

Worst Player You Have Heard Of: Oh boy...do I anger Illini fans, Spartan fans or Kentucky Wildcat fans? Why not all three? I'll go with Dee Rajon Paul Brown Rondo Davis. Choosing between those three is like choosing between Random Thoughts hottie Jessica Alba, Erin Andrews and Kate Beckinsale. Why choose if you don't have to.

Final Four or First Round Exit: North Carolina. It will be interesting how Carolina's young players respond to the pressure of the Big Dance. A potentially troublesome Murray State squad awaits in the first round.

Be Sure to Watch: Washington-Utah State: it should be an excellent game and features the aforementioned Brandon Roy. Tennessee-Winthrop: If there is going to be a real shocker, this is likely to be it. Kentucky-UAB: If for no other reason than to count the number of times that the announcer says "Squeaky."

Don't Waste Your Time: Watching Illinois versus Air Force. I've beaten this horse to death already this week.

Screw Job: North Carolina. UNC probably deserved a #2 seed, but instead gets an experienced Michigan State team in the second round. Further, instead of playing in their own backyard...Greensboro...they have to play the Spartans in Dayton. You know those teams from the ACC like Duke and Carolina just don't get any respect do they? Eh Billy Packer?

Did You Know?: Tyler Hansbrough may be a 20 year old freshman, but Utah State has a 28 year old senior. Was he on a Mormon mission you ask? Nope. The Aggies' David Pak spent eight years in the clink for a crime that need not be mentioned in such a family-friendly setting. Oh, but I'm sure he was handing out rations and helping repair the chapel while he was spending his time inside.

Holy moly, nobody noticed that I totally screwed up the regions in yesterday's post, unless Atlanta now has an oversized amusement park/ mall and 3M has moves its center of operations there... Well then, let's just refer to the real Minneapolis region as the "Thank God We Got Rid of Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper...Wait a Minute, We Suck!" Region.

Upset Special: Many to choose from. Pacific-Boston College, UW Milwaukee- Oklahoma, and South Alabama- Florida all look promising. I'd go with the Milwaukee- Oklahoma matchup. Why because Oklahoma is bad. I hate to be blunt, but there it is...

Best Macot: Huh. I'm not really sure what the Montana Grizzly looks like, but I figure it must be pretty cool. We know that the Florida Gator is stylin' And how can we not mention the Hampton Clam? But why does it look like a Pirate?

Injury Issue: Villanova's Allan Ray and his eye injury understandably has received the most attention, but a sickness that has inflicted Ohio State's Matt Terwilliger could be one of those little factors that has a large effect. Terwilliger is Terrence Dials only capable backup and his potential absence would leave the Buckeye forntcourt Kate Moss-thin.

Best Player You Have Never Heard Of: We've got four outstanding candidates to choose from in this region: Northern Iowa's Ben Jacobsen, Villanova's Kyle Lowry, Boston College's Craig Smith (who may now be a household name after his ACC tournament performance), and Wisconsin's Alando Tucker. My pick is Jacobsen because he has proven to be a money player in the past

Best Player You Have Heard Of: Villanove is fortunate to feature four outstanding guards (including the injured Allan Ray). Randy Foye is the best of the bunch.

Worst Player You Have Heard Of. Taj Gray is a 6'9 forward for the Oklahoma Sooners. He is big and strong and looks like he is 45 years old. There, now you have heard of him. He stinks.

Final Four of First Round Exit: Boston College and Florida. Both teams proved during their conference tournaments that they are very dangerous,but both have holes that, if exploited, can have them heading home after the first game.

Be Sure to Watch: UW-Milwaukee versus Oklahoma. Forty-five years old. Really.

Don't Waste Your Time With: Illinois versus Air Force. Oh wait, I already mentioned that one. Unless my name is Phil Jackson, I would not waste my time with Nevada-Montana either.

Screw Job: Boston College. See Monday's post for more information (what can I say, I'm tired...)

I know this was not my best work, but it's almost midnight and I need to catch some Z's. That said, I have never taken the opportunity to properly thank those of you who plug into my Random Sports Thoughts on a daily basis. Your support and readership is truly appreciated.

Finally, given that I will be spending the next 96 hours drowned in a sea of chicken wings, coca-cola and basketball, I will not be posting until next Monday. Please feel free to write and read your own simulated Random Thoughts. Whatever gets you ready for Opening Day...

Today's Post

will appear sometime this evening. I know that it will be tough, but please try and survive an additional 8 or 9 hours without fresh Random Thoughts...

Rick! Come On Out!

Okay, I'm over it. No more whining about Air Force, Cincinnati and the rest of the selection process. I have been rightfully scolded by my mother (or was it Tom's mother?...nah, she would probably be "giraffemama"), sent to my room without any supper, and re-taught the importance of priorities. Let's get to the games!

By the way...has anyone seen Rick Neuheisel yet this week? I figure he's apt to come out of his cave any day now. After all, it is his time of the year...

As most of you know, I am a fairly big fan of Mike & Mike in the morning on ESPN Radio. They play off each other exceptionally well and, more often than not, offer fairly keen insight on the sports landscape (at least they don't spend the entire four hours giggling). That said, it should not suprise you that, despite my general distaste for the media and my recognition that they are a bunch of no-nothing morons, I may very-well listen to them on Friday morning to hear their breakdown of Thursday's games. I imagine that they will have some pretty interesting first-hand things to say about the games.

Well, it turns out that Greenberg has a scheduled book signing at the Borders on Michigan Avenue in Chicago on Thursday night at 7:00. Excuse me? I know that such things are usually arranged by one's agent or the publisher, but who in the heck came up with this ridiculous idea? The book is titled, "Why My Wife Thinks I'm An Idiot." Look Mike, I have no idea why your wife thinks you are an idiot and, frankly, I do not care, but after hearing this news, I, for one, am certainly not going to argue with her...

When the tournament game times come out, I immediately review them to see if there is a session of games that promise two-and-a-half hours of unfortunate boredom. This year, I must admit that it looks like each session has at least one compelling game that ought to be exciting. My question is what in the heck are the program directors at CBS channel two in Chicago going to do during the 11:00 am session on Friday? It turns out that the schmokes at CBS or the NCAA scheduled the Ohio State, Iowa and Wisconsin games at the same time. I can't ever remember this happening before, but I can guarantee you that there are going to be two alumni groups in the city of Chicago that are going to be none-too-happy.

Three minutes after reviewing the game times, I saw a commerical for CBS's Mega March Madness Pay-Per-View Package and suddenly it all made sense...

Today and tomorrow, we are going to break down the brackets as I see them. Now, I am not going to tell you who I think is going to win (I'll save that for my pool brackets...I need the dough), but I will provide you expert analysis that I know you are surely craving. And let's start with the "We May Be San Francisco's Ugly Little Cousin, But At Least You Can Get a Two-Bedroom Apartment For Less Than $700,000" region.

The UAB Beats Kentucky Two Years Ago Upset Special: Arkansas over Memphis in the second round. The Razorbacks have the athleticism to match up with the #1 seeded Tigers. I'm sorry to have to go with a second-round game, but I really do not see a first-round upset that jumps out at me. I desperately want to believe that Xavier would not panic and miss a wide-open game-winning layup against Gonzaga if given the chance and I desperately want to believe that the refs will be impartial. Unfortunately, that's probably asking for too much.

The Western Kentucky Hilltopper Honorary Mascot of the Region: He won't be at the game thanks to a stupid rule limiting teams to one mascot at all NCAA games, but there is no way that I am not going with the Blue Blob on this one. Xavier's alternative mascot is everything you want in a mascot...he's big, he's lovable, and he's willing to pick up the tab at a Calhoun Street establishment of one's choosing. Talk about a chick-magnet.

Injury Issue: Robert Vaden of Indiana is nursing a sprained ankle that he suffered in the Big Ten semis on Saturday. Vaden did not practice Monday, but insists that he will be out there. Indiana needs Vaden to be successful.

Best Player You Have Never Heard Of: Ronald Steele, Alabama. This region is filled with underappreciated talents, including UCLA's Aaron Afflalo, Arkansas' Ronnie Brewer; and Oral Roberts' Caleb Green, but Steele is the one to watch. I have been singing his virtues for the last three weeks as he is a terrific player who can take over a game on his own. Now watch him imitate Jamal Crawford and go 3-17 with 8 turnovers.

Best Player You Have Heard Of: Please don't make me say it. Adam Morriso... I just can't do it. Adam Morri... I really don't want to. Adam Morr... Screw that...Carl Krauser.

Worst Player You Have Heard Of: Marco Killingsworth, Indiana. It kills me to say this as well, but I need to be honest here. I recognize that IU would not even be in the NIT without Marco, but he is overrated. He is foul-prone, runs out of gas after three minutes of playing, doesn't believe in defense, and turns the ball over at an alarming rate. Think Antoine Walker.

First Round Exit or Final Four Bound: Arkansas. Like I said earlier, the Hogs have the athleticism to beat Memphis and have a superstar in Ronnie Brewer who can put a team on his back and lead them to the promised land. They also are prone to brain-retardation as a team, can easily fall victim to Bucknell in the first round, and end up watching the rest of the tournament with the Loyola Ramblers.

Be Sure to Watch: Todd Erdman's reactions during the Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named versus Bradley game. Our friend Todd grew up a TWMNBN fan, but went to college at Bradley. He has announced his allegiance to the Braves, but it should still be interesting. Heck, watching any game with Todd can be interesting. I can only imagine what will happen when he actually cares about its outcome. I just hope that he doesn't get a technical himself and get kicked out of the joint. I'd also make sure that I am around for Marquette-Alabama.

Don't Waste Your Time With: UCLA versus Belmont. Anyone can guarantee that the Bruins will win this one. I'm willing to guarantee that it is the Bruins from Southern California and not the Bruins from Nashville that win by 20+ points. There is a reason that this is the game that will be played when the games are not being broadcast throughout the nation (the "lost game"). Judge Judy or whatever cheesy 70's rerun is on Me TV is likely to offer as much entertainment.

Screw Job: Memphis. Do NOT be suprised if Oral Roberts hangs around and gives the Tigers a game in the first round. Oral Roberts is likely the most talented #16 seed in the history of the tournament. They are experienced and have a number of good options on the offensive end of the floor. Win that one and Memphis likely matches up with Arkansas in Dallas where there is an exceptionally large Razorback alumni presence. A win there and the Tigers have to spend a weekend in Oakland. Need I say more? Okay, once there, they would likely play UCLA in the Elite Eight. Another disadvantage. I'll tell you what Coach Calipari...come on over the Bloomington and coach the Hoosiers. We'll treat you better...

Let's turn our attention now to the "We Are Not St. Paul, But, Generally Speaking, Unless You Like Oversized Mall-Amusement Park Combos Or Visiting the Place Where They Make Post It Notes, There Is Not A Single Reason to Visit" region.

The Vermont Beats Syracuse in 2005 Upset Special: Let's put it this way...next year I expect to name this category the Texas A (screw the ampersand) M beats Syracuse in 2006 Upset Special. Syracuse isn't that good. Neither is A M, but someone has to win and I'll go with the Aggies.

The Western Kentucky Hilltopper Honorary Mascot of the Region: The OrangeMAN of Syracuse. I am delighted to report that starring in all of those ESPN commercials has not changed the OrangeMAN one bit. He is just as jolly as ever. Not sure why seeing that he lives in Syracuse where it snows something like 346 days a year. What do you suppose is going on under that suit?

Injury Issue: There are two key injuries to take into account. George Washington saw its seed plummet after center Pops Mensah-Bonsu went down with a knee injury. Pops is expected to play, but how effective will he be? LSU is dealing with an injury to freshman star Tyrus Thomas. They will need him to compete with Duke in the Sweet 16.

Best Player You Have Never Heard Of: LSU's Glen "Big Baby" Davis has been described as a mini-Shaq (a shaquette?) and Cal's Leon Powe is a one-man wrecking crew in the post. But given that this is the "Best Player You Have Never Heard Of," let's go with IO-NA's Steve Burtt. The high-scoring guard may make LSU's concerns about playing Duke without Thomas a non-issue.

Best Player You Have Heard Of: J.J. Redick. Love him or hate him, he is phenomenol.

Worst Player You Have Heard Of: I'd love to say Syracuse's Gerry McNamara but, since I already have 98% of the state of West Virginia after my head, it's probably in my best interest to not anger Jim Boeheim and the city of Syracuse as well. After all, the OrangeMEN apparently would not have won ten f*cking games without him (way to sell out the rest of your team Jim!). So let's go with the Mountaineers' Kevin Pittsnogle. Whoops, here comes the remaining 2%.

First Round Exit or Final Four Bound: Iowa and LSU both qualify. They both have the pieces to make a nice run, but could easily get bounced before the ink dries on your pool sheets. The truth is, with Duke and Texas in the bracket, I'm not sure if it matters if they lose in the first, second or third round...

Be Sure to Watch: LSU versus IO-NA. For all the reasons previously mentioned. And because it is on at the same time as the Illini (am I allowed to use that name now that it is tourney time?) and there is no sense in watching that disaster.

Don't Waste Your Time With: Texas and Penn. This will be one ugly, ugly game. You may be better off watching season 2 of the old Friday night ABC classic "Dinosaurs" on DVD. They have released that on DVD right? Heck, they've released everything else.

Screw Job: Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath...Duke. Duke is allegedly the #1 overall seed, but may potentially have to face a pissed-off George Washington team in the second round, an ultra-talented LSU squad in the Sweet 16 and Texas in the Elite Eight. Not an Air Force in sight...

Inside Look at: Indiana versus San Diego State

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times... Overall, Hoosier fans really cannot complain, but facing a realtively unknown San Diego State team that features two effective post players and the sweet-shooting Mountain West player of the year (Brandon Heath) is not going to be a easy task. Defeat the Aztecs and they will likely face a second-round matchup with the overrated Bulldogs of Gonzaga. The opportunity is definitely there for IU to send Mike Davis out with at least a Sweet 16 appearance, but will they take advantage of it?

The game against San Diego State might as well be called the Quentin Tarrantino Special as it features a post matchup between Marco Killingsworth and Marcus Slaughter.

The good: IU is playing well, has a ton of confidence and SDSU does not seem to play a lot of defense. If the outside shots are falling, victory shall be theirs.

The bad: Indiana only plays seven guys to begin with, and now must deal with the energy-draining altitude of Salt Lake City and the possibility that Vaden will be limited (if he plays at all). Further, the game will start around 9:50 est. and will be played in an arena where SDSU plays on an annual basis (and won this year). Both teams will have huge matchup problems as Vaden will be asked to guard 6'10 Mohamed Akubar in the post, but Akubar will also be asked to guard Vaden on the perimeter.

Ultimately: Foul trouble will define this game. If Killingsworth gets two fouls, SDSU will score at will on the interior and it will be a long night for the Hoosiers. If he avoids foul trouble, IU should win.

Did You Know?: Most will focus on the fact that Raquel Welch attended SDSU, but more impressive to me is that Julie Kavner, the voice of Marge Simpson, is an alum.

Inside Look At: The Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named versus Bradley

The TWMNBN has been red hot since early January, marching through the overrated Big 12 at an alarming pace and ultimately winning the tournament championship. Bradley has been equally hot in the Valley, winning seven of their last eight games. The TWMNBN has a far superior collection of athletes, led by (am I allowed to say their names or will I jinx them into coming down with a case of Norovirus or something? I'd best just stay with my HP theme) Brandon Malfoy, Mario Crabbe and Julian Goyle. All are young, but have proven to be big-time performers.

The TWMNBN will have to contend with the luck of the Irish on St. Patrick's Day (BU center Patrick O'Bryant who has neither red hair nor freckles), a world-renown singing sensation (Tony Bennett) and Marcellus Sommerville (sorry, just cannot come up with a clever line about him).

The winner is likely to face an angry group of Pitt Panthers who rightfully feel slighted by their #5 seed.

The good (or bad depending on who you are): Not real sure how Bradley is going to deal with TWMNBN's superior athleticism and overall talent. They certainly have not faced a team this good in the Valley. O'Bryant could create problems for TWMNBN's inside players, who are good but remind nobody of Wayne Simien.

The bad (or good depending on who you are). They also do not remind anyone of Eric Chenowith.

Ultimately: TWMNBN has too much talent for Bradley. The only way BU gets the win is if all of TWMNBN's young players revert to their December form, the pressure proves too much for such a young team or they all get locked up in Azkaban before the game and TWMNBN has to start the mascot at the point.

Tomorrow we will look at the remaining two regions... Until then, enjoy tonight's play-in extravaganza!