Remembering the Madness

Well, the 2007 NCAA Tournament has been over for more than a week and we have all had a good chance to sit back and digest it's ups and downs. While it certainly was not the most exciting tournament of all-time, it did have it's moments and will live in the hearts and memories of those of us who recognize March as the greatest month of the year for quite some time (just for the record, it is currently sitting right next to my memory of the time that I stole a Whatchamacallit from Osco Drug and my sister snitched me out to my parents. There goes my political career!). And, with the Cubs already encouraging me to return the 'W' flag to its storage space in the basement until next year, I think the time is right to take a look back and hand out a few awards...

(Yes, I recognize that this post is veeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyy long... Since, I post a new batch of Random Thoughts pretty much once a month now, cut it up and read a different section every day of the month!!! Screw that...read the whole dang thing now! Do it! Do it!!!!)

* BEST MOMENT: I may very well have been the only person in Joe’s on Weed Street that was even paying attention to the song that was played during the first timeout of the Illinois – Virginia Tech game, but, in my mind, it simply could not have been more perfect. The game was only a little more than four minutes old and despite the Illini’s quick start, Coach Orange Coat had already whined to anyone who would listen about a missed travel, poor shot selection, an unfortunate turnover by Dr. Chester Frazier, the size of the locker room, the fact that Mrs. Orange Coat was not given an aisle seat, the bus driver’s hair color, and the all-too-real possibility that the rumors are true... Katie Holmes has, in fact, taken Suri and told Tom to stuff his L. Ron Hubbard bobble head doll where the sun does not shine. Suddenly, Green Day’s “Basket Case” blared through the bar’s speakers. Listening to the first verse, I was struck with how incredibly apropos it was. Thinking about how the song should be immediately adopted in Champaign-Urbana as the official Coach Orange Coat theme, I set out to make it a little more fitting. Billie Joe Armstrong’s version is certainly a classic, but, ultimately, I like my rewriting a little better. I will let you be the judge…

To be sung to the tune of “Basket Case” (Note: the first verse did not require any changes at all. The rest of the song is pure RT)

Do you have the time?
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once.
I am one of those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I’m cracking up
Am I just paranoid, or do I just suck

I recruited Eric G.
He said he’d play for me
But then Mike Davis melted under the heat
He decided on IU
Now I don’t know what to do
So I’ll just whine that Kelvin Sampson is a cheat

Jon Scheyer said “no way”
For you, I will not play
And Sherron Collins’ decision has caused me much grief
My players are all in jail
Gotta pay Rich McBride’s bail
I guess I’ll just whine that Sampson is a thief

Nobody wants to play for me
I recruit worse than the U.S. Army
The losses will soon add up
Well, at least I don’t coach at Rupp
I guess I can get a job at Mickey D’s

Where’s my ugly orange coat
Ron Guenther called me an idiot…

* WORST PLANNING: Whether it was a lack of faith in Thad Matta and the Buckeyes or a party planner that simply thinks that March Madness refers to the half-off sale on “I’m Anna’s Baby’s Daddy” t-shirts at Strange Cargo, the fine folks at the Golden Slumber Community Center really dropped the ball. In retrospect, scheduling the annual “Senior Sparkles Soiree“ for the last Saturday in March was a terrible decision. Sure, Irving still made his famous tapioca pudding, Estelle Getty showed up and signed autographs, and Mildred hadn’t danced that much since the Metamucil truck broke down in front of the Center, but, alas, Greg was 560 miles away in Atlanta and never even showed up.

* MOST TRANSPARENT ATTEMPT TO KEEP GREG OLDEN IN THE GAME: I don’t blame the NCAA for wanting to make sure that Greg Olden plays as much as possible, especially when the game is on the line. After all, despite all the talk about his maturity, desire to get a college degree, and enjoyment of college life, this was probably his only spin around the carousel. Too bad the majority of the time, the referees did not get the message and saddled Olden with numerous first-half fouls.

One time, the referees certainly did get the message was during the late stages of the Buckeyes’ Sweet Sixteen game against Rocky Top. Olden had large splotches of blood on the front of his jersey, yet was allowed to remain in the game without changing his shirt. I immediately wondered why, believing that a player with visible blood on his jersey had to be automatically removed from the game.

Well, it turns out that the official NCAA rule provides that a player must be taken out of the game, if his jersey is “saturated” with blood. I have no idea what exactly that means, but would be willing to bet my copy of “Top 10 Ohio State Basketball Players Who Were Major Disappointments in the NBA” with a new foreward co-written by Dennis Hopson and Brad Sellers and a planned chapter coming on Mike Conley Jr. as soon as he jumps ship, that Matt Terwilliger would have been removed from the game under such circumstances. In fact, I am willing to bet that the only way that Olden would have been forced out of the game is if he looked like an extra from the movie Saw or had a nasty run in with Kermit Washington.

* BIGGEST UNANSWERED QUESTION: How much exactly is Shawn Kemp's child support payment to Greg's mom? Or, given the fact that Greg is likely old enough to know for sure whether Jebediah Springfield was a true American hero or a murderous pirate who hated Springfield, perhaps the names should be reversed when asking the question.

* BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT: USC played Texas in the second round. Think of the possibilities. Really, take a minute to give it some thought…

Alas, Vince Young and Reggie Bush were nowhere to be found and the cheerleaders never even got close enough to one another to trade phone numbers or Matt Leinart war stories. Instead we had to watch Gabe Pruitt, Nick Young and D.J. Augustin play basketball. Yeech.

* MOST OVERRUSED CLICHÉ: BYU lost to Xavier because the team lacked toughness. Long Beach State allowed Tennessee to score more points in the first half than many teams scored in their entire game, because the 49ers were simply not tough enough. George Washington lost to Vanderbilt by like 86 points because the necessary toughness was absent. Terence Dials did not sell as many hot dogs as he usually does at Value City Arena because he was lacking his usual toughness. Chris Jent did not do a good job valet parking Troy Smith’s pimped-out Navigator because he left his toughness at home. Etc. Etc. Etc. Excuse me?

Lack of toughness has suddenly become an excuse for everything. Well, let me be the first person to come out and admit that I have no idea what the heck Jay Bilas, Billy P-acc-ker, and the rest of the CBS announcers (not the mention the coaches) are talking about. What exactly is toughness? Should teams be recruiting the ghost of John Wayne, boxing trainer Frankie Dunn and a discarded meal from Outback Steakhouse? If you are able to survive eight months in a Chinese prison does that make you a better point guard? If you breed poisonous snakes, eat scorpions for breakfast and share your living space with a Mexican Grey Wolf will you be a better three-point shooter? After all, you sure as heck have proven to have toughness.

Look, most teams lose games because when they shoot the ball, their aim is no better than that of any terrorist who shoots a gun at Jack Bauer. Most teams come up short because they rebound like Julia Roberts after discovering that Kiefer Sutherland had an unfortunate affinity for strippers (yes, friends and neighbors, Jack Bauer was engaged to Erin Brockovich and blew his chance by hooking up with a stripper. Didn’t he realize that she also played stripper-with-a-heart-of-gold Vivian Ward? Roberts’ rebound conquest, of course, was ugmo Lyle Lovett. Lyle Lovett!!!). Teams lose because their ability to stop other teams from scoring rivals Willy Wonka’s ability to stop Mike Teevee from jumping in front of the camera and becoming the first human to ever be sent by television. Toughness, my ass. Teams lose because they suck.

* WORST INVENTION: Wonka’s television thingy. Let’s see here. Take a 20 pound bar of chocolate and send it through the air so that it comes out as a 4 ounce bar of chocolate. Yeah, great idea Willy. How about giving the Oompa Loompas back their crack pipe.

*MOST CONFUSING RESULT: Yes…I know that Florida was the defending champion and the #1 overall seed in the tournament. Yes, I realize that a #16 seed has never beaten a #1. And, yes, I appreciate the fact that most experts, so-called-experts, semi-experts and wanna-be experts figured that Jackson State had about as much chance of beating Florida as Kramer had in lasting more than six hours in “The Contest.” But, after considering all of the factors -- as a Chicago Bears’ fan -- I really thought that the Tigers would knock off the mighty Gators. I mean, how can a school that is responsible for icon Walter Payton possibly lose to a school that unleashed Rex the Wonder Dog on the world? Oh yeah... Erin Andrews. For further reference, unless the Random Thoughts Hottie #1 decides to pursue an undergraduate education, the University of Florida will continue to kick everyone’s ass.

* BEST PREDICTION: Let’s be honest here…when the parings were announced, everyone, with the possible exception of Mike Golic, Digger Phelps, Ron Pawlus, and the leprechaun, predicted that Winthrop would knock off Notre Dame in the first round of the Madness. But who out there was insistent that the Gregg Marshall's Eagles would win a game in the tournament on December 8? Huh? Huh? Huh? Oh yeah, it was me.

* SECOND BEST PREDICTION: Rex… Grossman… sucks.

* THIRD BEST PREDICTION: I may not be quite on the level of Nostradamus, Miss Cleo, or Screech (after bring hit by lightning and developing a strange ability to see the future, thereby allowing Zack to win Slater’s bomber jacket by successfully predicting that a band member would be the next student down the Bayside High School stairs) but the Winthrop victory and my insistence that Rex is the second coming of Moses Moreno were not my only successful predictions. It may not have been back in early December, but the RT also correctly predicted that Wisconsin would not escape the first weekend of the tournament. Never got that hot fudge sundae, though.

* MOST RANDOM GAME: One of my favorite movies growing up was Zapped! starring Scott Baio and Willie Ames. Baio played Barney Sprinboro, a science nerd, who got telekinetic powers after an unfortunate laboratory accident. This actually has nothing to do with Wright State’s loss to Pittsburgh, but it was still a pretty cool movie anyway and you got to see Heather Thomas topless, which was about as cool as it gets when you are 12.

* MST AGNIZING PERFRMANCE: I was prepared all day for the Indiana Hsiers season to end. In fact, I was prepared fr IU to get blwn ff the curt by UCLA. N, I did nt imagine that they wuld play as prly as they did in the first half, when they has abut as much chance to scre as The Shermanator at ne f Stifler’s parties, but, nnetheless, I was ready fr the year to cme to a clse and was perfectly kay with it. Thirteen pints in a full half f basketball? That’s bad. Real bad.

And then, with about six minutes to play in the game, the Hoosiers caught fire and reclaimed their ‘O’. Wilmont drilled a three. Calloway canned one from the right wing, Heck, even Lance Stemler, who seemingly had not hit a long-range jumper since it was discovered that certain Taco Bells on Long Island were making their taco supremes with meat, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and a special new ingredient… e-coli, knocked down a pair. And the next thing I knew, the game was tied 49-49 with under one minute to play.

Of course, IU was unable to close the deal and, despite the valiant comeback, their season ended anyway. Is there anything worse that starting off expecting absolutely nothing, having your hopes raised, actually beginning to believe that victory is possible, yet, ultimately, ending up a loser? Whether it is better to come close or just get absolutely destroyed like the Springfield pee-wee football team with Bart playing quarterback is an age-old argument, but I have always subscribed to the relatively unpopular opinion that it is better to just get blown out from the beginning and not have to deal with the inevitable nervous energy that comes with a close game. I guess it comes from being a Cubs fan and having a total lack of experience with the “It’s better to be dumped by the hot girl than never to have dated her at all.” She was too busy with Doug Simpson, Zack Morris and all the other big men on campus.

* WORST COACHING JOB: Branch McCracken has been dead since before Jimi Hendrix mistook a jar of barbiturates for jelly beans and Janis Joplin stopped having sex with complete strangers long enough to inject herself with a lethal dose of heroin. Mike Davis probably would have either called in sick, tried to bring Bracey Wright back from the Albanian league, or would have run out onto the middle of the court complaining about how the world hated him. Bob Knight would have simply choked one player, stuffed another in a garbage can, and thrown a chair at a third. That said, I am more than pleased that Kelvin Sampson is the current coach of the Indiana Hoosiers (of course, there is also that whole Eric Gordon thing).

That said, his coaching in IU’s loss to UCLA left a lot to be desired. First, from my vantage point, point guard Earl Calloway was able to get to the rim whenever he wanted, yet the Hoosiers’ offense did not exploit this fact and IU settled for poor shot after poor shot. Second, his ill-advised, Webber-esque use of IU’s timeouts left Stemler without the ability to call timeout when he could not inbound the ball with 26 seconds left to play and Indiana trailing by two. Third, and most egregious was his apparent unwillingness to intentionally foul the man otherwise known as nature’s living evidence that the NCAA should allow certain players to wear the famous mask from the movie Scream at all times while on the court -- Lorenzo Mata, a 30-something percent free throw shooter. Those with whom I watched the game reminded me that such an “automatic foul” strategy is never employed and would not work anyway, but I would now remind them that the Hoosiers lost the game anyway. Why not try thinking outside the box? Who knows what would have happened?

* WORST DECISION: Joakim Noah meet Matt Leinart. Matt Leinart meet Joakim Noah. Now both of you, please meet the man who signed the guy who sang "Rico Suave" to a recording contract. And, no, Paris Hilton has nothing to do with any of this. One year ago, Noah was the talk of the town and the possible #1 overall pick in the NBA Draft. Today, on the other hand, he is just an “energy guy” with a stupid hairdo. This season, his on-the-court weaknesses have become more obvious than the fact that Lindsay Lohan got a boob job and the NBA scouts are no longer fooled. Now, please do not shed a tear for Noah. After all, with his enthusiasm and height, he is still fairly certain to have an NBA career. Perhaps he can borrow Jack Haley’s old suits. Maybe he can ask Viktor Khryapa whether you actually have to wear a uniform under your warmups when your chances of getting into the game are equal to the chances that a cast member on the Real World will not end up sleeping with someone else in the house. In other word’s, enjoy your second title big guy and have fun “playing it big all day and all night” (whatever the heck that means), because your NBA career is likely to last about as long as Rico Sauve’s time at the top.

* WORST DECISION PART DEUX: Kentucky replaced Tubby with Billy Gillispie. Gillispie is an outstanding coach and will likely do fairly well in the Bluegrass State, but I have two words for Kentucky AD Mitch Barnhart…Ashley Judd. Think the boys in blue wouldn’t be interested in instruct them on how to hand check without getting in trouble, not to mention how to execute an effective double team?

* WORST CAREER MOVE: Something tells me that Tubby Smith did not really have a choice when he left Lexington for Minneapolis. Otherwise, someone please tell our friend Orlando to stop hanging out with Jeff Spicoli, Slater from “Dazed and Confused,” and Wonka when he developed that television thingy. Leaving the Wildcats to coach the Golden Gophers is like quitting your job as the pool boy at the Playboy mansion to clean toilets at the Snapple lady’s house. Does he realize that Kevin McHale graduated in 1980? Does he know that Minnesota is to the Big Ten what The ‘burbs is to Tom Hanks’ filmography? Does he realize that the Walsh family ditched the Land of 10,000 Lakes for Beverly Hills way back in 1990?

Anyway you slice it…bad, bad move. Kind of like picking up a hitchhiker who is carrying a chainsaw….even if he does have Bud Light.

*MOST CONFUSING RESULT: Yes…I know that Florida was the defending champion and the #1 overall seed in the tournament. Yes, I realize that a #16 seed has never beaten a #1. And, yes, I appreciate the fact that most experts, so-called-experts, semi-experts and wanna-be experts figured that Jackson State had about as much chance of beating Florida as Kramer had in lasting more than six hours in “The Contest.” But, after considering all of the factors -- as a Chicago Bears’ fan -- I really thought that the Tigers would knock off the mighty Gators. I mean, how can a school that is responsible for icon Walter Payton possibly lose to a school that unleashed Rex the Wonder Dog on the world? Oh yeah... Erin Andrews. For further reference, unless the Random Thoughts Hottie #1 decides to pursue an undergraduate education, the University of Florida will continue to kick everyone’s ass.

* TEAM MOST DESERVING OF A HOLIDAY GIFT: We should thank the Irish for all of the wonderful things that they have gifted on the world. St. Patrick’s Day, pints of Guinness, U2, and Seamus Finnegan, not to mention the smokin’ hot violin player of The Corrs. But, nobody should send the Irish a larger holiday gift this year than then-coach Todd Lickliter and the Butler Bulldogs. Butler made a nice run to the Sweet 16 and actually put a scare into Erin Andrews University, but, looking back, the only reason they were even in the tournament was because of an early-season victory over Notre Dame. You see, Butler was chosen as an at-large thanks to non-conference wins over the Irish, Indiana, Tennessee, and the Little Overrated School in the Northwest. And they never would have even played the Hoosiers, Vols, or Zags if they had not beaten Notre Dame. Milhouse once warned Itchy to look out because the suspect-looking figure headed in his direction was Irish. And you know what they say… the House always wins.

* BEST IMPRESSION OF DAVE CORZINE: When the bearded Corzine played for the Bulls in the early 1980’s, the over-under on missed layups in a game was six, which begs the question, did KU coach Bill Self hire him as shooting coach before the Jayhawks’ Regional Final matchup with UCLA? Kansas has had many nicknames since the inception of the Random Thoughts and it appears as though they have officially retired the “Team Who Must Not Be Named” moniker and moved on. Thanks to their Corzine-ish performance against the Bruins, I cannot help but now refer to them as “The Team Who Must Not Shoot The Ball From Within Four Feet Of The Rim.” If only Acie Iv had gone to KU…

Wait a minute…never mind. Calling Iv “Mr. Clutch” after his crucial missed layup in the final minute of Texas A&M’s Sweet Sixteen loss to Memphis is like calling former Durham County District Attorney Michael Nifong “Mr. Ethics” or referring to Steve Garvey and Shawn Kemp as the Celibacy Twins.

* MOST UNSELFISH/ GENEROUS: I am going to have to ask Illinois and Virginia Tech to share this prestigious award. The way those two teams were trying to give one another the game reminded me of the Brady boys when they came to the conclusion that the Hawaiian tiki idol was, in fact, cursed. In fact, those sitting courtside reported the following conversation:

Illini Player: Who do you think should win this game?

Hokie Player: You go ahead and win it. I’ll tell you what…I will even miss every free throw to help you out.

Illini Player: No, no, you guys should win. We’ll even turn the ball over on every possession in the last four minutes to help.

Hokie Player: No, I really want you to win. Here…take the ball.

Illini Player: I insist…you take it.

Hokie Player: No you.

Illini Player: You…

Hokie Player: You…

Illini Player: Look…just take the dang ball and win the game. I’ve got my arraignment on Sunday, anyway.

Heck, the way the Illini played, it almost appeared as though Coach Orange Coat owed Va Tech coach Seth Greenberg a Purim gift. Sheesh, next time just get him the Marge Schott autographed bagel slicer and have your team actually try and win the game.

* BEST PROP: VCU coach Anthony Grant introduced “The Chain” during the Colonial Athletic Conference tournament to remind his team that each player is connected to each other and to make sure that they always remember that the team goal is paramount. “The Chain,” which appears to weigh more than Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen combined (even after a visit to the Old Country Buffet, yet before their inevitable trip to the restroom – I think I may have used that one before), received more airtime during the Rams’ two tournament games than the brats from American Idol receive in a month and only slightly less than Sarah Wood received during Game Five of the 2003 National League Division Series (let’s not even mention the airtime given to Brady Quinn’s sister/ A.J. Hawk’s girlfriend during the 2005 Fiesta Bowl). And what appeared to most to be a seemingly innocent prop probably played a significant role in VCU’s stirring comeback against Pitt. After all, you have to imagine that Aaron Gray freaked out when he saw it and immediately began having flashbacks to those long days chained to a boiler in Dr. Frankenstein’s basement before finally being perfected and let loose to provide America’s long-awaited answer to Uwe Blab. And the rest of the Pittsburgh team had to be at least a little concerned that Gray would not be able to hold it together given the circumstances and would run amok through the city like Lard Lad after Homer stole his colossal donut and a freak storm accidentally brought him and his advertising friends to life. Frankly, now that I think about it… I cannot believe that Pitt actually won.

* BIGGEST IDIOT: Seth Davis. What, you need an explanation? Okay, fine. Seth Davis is an idiot. Happy now?

* BEST RESULT: Bob Knight lost. Hooray. What’s even better is the fact that it now seems to be becoming a habit (when his team actually makes the tournament, that is). Kind of like throwing potted plants and secretaries and embarrassing your employer.

* MOST TELLING GRAPHIC: Occasionally, CBS will use what is known in the business as a graphics frame template during their broadcasts (okay, I actually made that up, but you have gotta admit that it sounds pretty authentic). Basically, when the network wants to display stats they will “frame” the information with a border. I’m sure that most of you have an idea what I am talking about. Well, during this year’s tournament, they utilized “floating” words in the frame, and their choice of words was quite interesting… CBS? That makes sense, gotta pimp the network so everyone is sure to tune in to The New Adventures of Old Christine, which it turns out are not half as interesting as the old adventures of new Christine or the new adventures of Pacman Jones (sure to be coming to Fox in the near future). NCAA? Okay, it makes sense to pay tribute to the “student-athlete” organization that runs the whole thing. Madness? Gotta be there for obvious reasons. ACC? What? Excuse me? Does Billy P-acc-ker really have that much power? Why don’t they just put a permanent smiling picture of Mike Kryzewski in the corner and put an end to the “we don’t favor the ACC more than anyone else” charade?

Oh yeah, ESPN already owns the rights to Coach K…

* TOUGHEST TASK: Stanford was scheduled to play the early game on Thursday in Lexington, Kentucky. The game tipped at 12:15 local time, which means that it was only 9:15 in the morning in Palo Alto when they had to take the court. In my opinion, it is a little unfair to ask a bunch of guys who are accustomed to discussing the virtues of Trotsky, researching possible cures for cancer, and designing new “graphics frame templates” at that time in the morning to go out and chase Rick Pitino’s gang up and down the court. Now, I am not suggesting that the early start is responsible for the Cardinal’s dreadful play. As we all know, it was clearly a lack of toughness. [snicker]

* BEST MATCHUP OF PLAYER FROM OVERRATED MID-MAJOR TEAMS WHO SHARE IDENTICAL INITIALS: Nevada played Creighton in the first round in a matchup of star players who share the same initials. I know you all are wondering... is such a “same initial” matchup really that rare in sports? Not necessarily when you consider that in the past we have enjoyed matchups featuring Michael Jordan versus Magic Johnson and Mickey Mantle versus Mike Morgan (Morgan was around back then, wasn’t he?), but what is really odd is the fact that both players have the obscure initials “NF.” With the exception of Nellie Fox and journeyman pitcher Nelson Figueroa, I challenge you to name me another known athlete with the initials “NF.” Kinda weird, huh?

And while Nate Funk is fresh in our minds, let me say that I, for one, am hoping with all my might that Nate makes the NBA. After all, playing “We Got the Funk” in an 80% empty arena in Sioux Falls or Bakersfield just does not have the same effect as blasting through an NA Arena. Well, at least the amazingly overrated Fazekas and Brian Randle will be able to enjoy it.

* WORST CALL: The last time Georgetown made the Final Four, Mike Tyson was a gapped-tooth, wide-eyed, promise-filled 18-year old whose whole life was ahead of him, Michael Jackson was still a man and was preparing to head “We Are the World, and Cyndi Lauper, Hulk Hogan and Captain Lou Albano were trying to save Rock ‘n’ Roll from the evil clutches of Paul Orndorff and Rowdy Roddy Piper. The Hoyas finally made their return in ’07 thanks to a blatant missed travel on Jeff Green’s game winning shot versus Vanderbilt in the Sweet Sixteen. Did Green actually travel? In my mind, ... absolutely. But, should we really have expected the refs to call it? This is Georgetown, after all, and calling traveling on Georgetown is like calling a push-off on Michael Jordan or flagging the New England secondary for pass interference. Ain’t gonna happen. See you later, Kevin Stallings. Enjoy Nashville and if you se Faith Hill, please give her my number.

* BEST NAME: I suspect that most of you paid closer attention to whether Denis Arkhipov could reach the illusive 10-goal plateau and were more concerned with Valerie Bertinelli’s soaring weight than you were with the women’s NCAA Tournament, so let me be the first to introduce you to Ole Miss guard Ashley Awkward. Ashley may have only averaged 4.3 points per game but was a key cog in the Rebels’ run to the Elite Eight. Hey, wait a minute! Now, I think I remember her! Wasn’t she a Garbage Pail Kid? I think I got her in a pack once with Eliott Mess, Bloody Flo, and Bald Brittney. Cracked a tooth on the gum too.***

* BIGGEST CHOKE JOB: As long as we are talking about the women’s NCAA Tournament, let’s not neglect to mention Lindsey Harding’s two missed free throws in the Duke Lady Blue Devils’ 53-52 loss to Rutgers. Harding, a 75% free throw shooter and the ACC player of the year, missed two from the charity stripe with 0.1 seconds remaining on the clock, effectively sealing Duke’s faith. I realize that she missed the two most important shots of the game, I recognize that Duke allowed Rutgers to shoot 57% in the second half, and I am fully aware that the Devilettes turned the ball over 16 times, but can you believe that foul call on Wanisha Smith with 13 minutes to go in the first half? Talk about an anti-Duke conspiracy… Man, someone better call former New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison and Harvard Professor Robert Langdon. We have got to start an investigation.

* MOST EYE-POPPING STAT: The lady Devils committed seven fouls for the entire game. Huh… I guess we better leave Garrison in the ground and let Professor Langdon continue trying to bring down the Catholic church. Given the lack of fouls on Duke and the fact that they were playing the lovely young, proper ladies from Rutgers, one must wonder whether Don Imus was one of the three officials.

* BEST NEWS: There are only 341 days or roughly 8184 hours, 491,040 minutes, or 29,462,400 seconds until we get to do it all over again.

Have a terrific night/ week/ month/ year/ decade ... heck, who knows when I will be back?

***Believe it or not, the Garbage Pail Kids are still alive and kicking (except perhaps for Disgustin’ Justin and Oozy Susie, I never did figure that the two of them would make it). In fact, the company that has produced Garbage Pail Kids cards since they first hit shelves in 1985, Topps Trading Card Co. recently released an all-new series. Unfortunately, I have yet to receive confirmation regarding whether the 2007 series includes “Big Baby Bruce,” “Mangled-Arm Mark,” and, everyone’s favorite, “Nappy Headed Ho Holly.” Oh crap, there goes my gig with MSNBC!

Who are your favorite Garbage Pail Kids? Let me know by posting a comment. The most creative one gets nothing. That's right. Nothing.