Today, it does not matter in the least whether Rex Grossman is capable of leading the Bears to the Superbowl.
Today, it does not matter at all if the Cubs overspent for free agents.
Today, it does not matter that Indiana beat Southern Illinois.
It is with shock and sadness that I advise the RT community that Ring of Honor charter member Bill Zarling (WrigleyBill) has passed away due to complications from cystic fibrosis. I am proud to have known Bill and will always consider him a good friend.
Please say a prayer for Bill's wife Lori and his entire family.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Ever Heard of Rick Ankiel or Bob Hamelin?
In 1980, "Super" Joe Charboneau won the American League Rookie of the Year after hitting .289 with 23 home runs and 87 RBI for the Cleveland Indians. During that magical summer of 1980, fans in Cleveland were mesmerized by the considerable exploits of Super Joe both on and off the field. A well-known eccentric, Charboneau was known to open beer bottles with his eye sockets, allegedly performed his own dental work and once fixed a broken nose with a pair of pliers and a fifth of Jack Daniels. Alas, by the end of 1982, Joe was out of the major leagues, presumably sitting on a ratty couch somewhere trying to solve a Rubik's Cube while listening to Dexy's Midnight Runners.
Seven years later, Wrigley Field was buzzing. Ryne Sandberg was launching balls onto Waveland, a young Greg Maddux was just beginning to show the dominance that Skip Caray, Ted Turner and the other 18 Atlanta Braves fans would grow quite accustomed to in the 1990's, and Mitch Williams was keeping us all on the edge of our seats with his exhilarating ninth inning high-wire acts. You could still get a beer for under $8 and the ballpark had yet to become the North side's most popular beer garden.
And setting the table was rookie Jerome Walton. Walton raced his way to the Rookie of the Year with a .293 average and 24 stolen bases. Two years later, he was released by the Cubs and, although he spent some time with the Angels, Reds, Braves, Orioles, and possibly even the Burlington Drifters, Springfield Isotopes and Shelbyville Shelbyvillians, was likely asking whether you want fries with that by Y2K.
In 2003, Wrigley Field had transformed into the North side's best pick-up joint. Looking around the stands, you were more likely to see an Abercrombie & Fitch knit crew than an actual Cubs jersey. Concrete was falling, fans were refusing to interfere with Cubs outfielders whenever they ventured close to the stands to catch a foul fly-ball, and Glendon Rusch and Les Waldrond were still just a bad dream. And the Chicago Cubs were in the playoffs.
Key to the Cubs' success was a young man who was just a year removed from USC. Mark Prior. The next big thing. Chicago's answer to Nolan Ryan, Sandy Koufax and Sidd Finch. Sporting calves the size of doric columns and an unflappable demeanor, Prior was the unstoppable machine. He finished the season with an 18-6 record, a 2.43 ERA, 245 strikeouts, and nary a hang nail.
It's now 2006 and you are still more likely to see a halter top and short denim skirt than a jersey. And, the good news is hat Mark Prior is still finishing seasons with only six losses. Too bad, he can only manage to collect a single win to go along with a laundry list of injuries that includes a sore elbow, shoulder, knee, ankle, pancreas, tonsilitis, achy-breaky pelvis, conjoined twin myslexia and a burn on the roof of his mouth from his overzealousness when Walton delivered his late-night pizza.
And, you know what, Super Joe Charboneau was not the only one listening to Dexys Midnight Runners in 1982. Step aside Olivia Newton John, Joan Jett and the J Geils Band, Dexy's here and he's encouraging Eileen to come along for the ride! Hitting #1 in both the U.S. and the U.K., Come on Eileen was the single that was sure to launch Dexy to superstardom. Alas, they could never quite recapture the magic of "toora loora toora loo rye aye."
So, what is the lesson to learn here?
Devin Hester is sensational and the praise that he is currently receiving is well-deserved. But, let's take a step back and wait just a few more games before we call Bob Vila and Al Borland and start construction on the Hester wing at the Pro Football Hall-of-Fame (after all, we have had to scrap those plans for the Grossman wing, eh?). Hester has undeniably sensational skill and ability, but it is the Bears' return unit, as a whole, that deserves a little more credit than they are currently getting.
That said, I do not deny that Hester's penchance for returning kicks is absolutely mind-boggling. Some of the stats that I have recently seen are very hard to believe, including the fact that he leads the Bears in TDs this season. But, can he sustain his success, is the key question that remains unanswered.
History tells us that he likely cannot. After all, the career record for kick/ punt returns for TDs is only 13*. And, I seem to recall a certain kick/ punt returner with the same initials as Hester who set the world afire in 2003 when he scored in four consecutive games. Of course, in the three seasons since his outburst, Dante Hall has scored exactly four additonal touchdowns. Not bad for a kick returner, but to "expect" much more than that from Hester is foolish and I fear that a lot of Bears fans are beginning to do just that.
Where Hester can really make a long-term impact is on offense and I believe that Lovie and Ron Turner need to go into next season with a binder of plays designed to get him the ball (it, unfortunately, is too late to add him to the offensive mix this year -- let's be honest, Devin strikes me as the likely newest member of the Stephen Hawking Hairston- Einstein Jones Club). Yes, I know that Hester fancies himself a defensive back, but eventually you have to do what is best for the team. After all, Pam Anderson may have wanted to be a dental hygienist growing up, but eventually, even she realized that that there was a much more profitable way to make some cash and that her considerable assets should not go wasted.
And speaking of offense, I, for one, do not believe that Hester should be eligible for the offensive rookie of the year. Just my opinion and I am too lazy to go into much of an explanation (not to mention that my office holiday party begins in 10 minutes).
So, let's enjoy Hester and his talent. But, let's also remember the lesson taught by Dante Hall, Super Joe, Jerome Walton, Mark Prior, and Dexy... and take a step back and breathe. Hester is terrific, but as long as Rex is still behind center... will it matter? (I just cannot help myself!)
And to think that I did not even mention the Baha Men. I mean, after releasing "Who Let the Dog's Out" and being named the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Favorite Band of the Year in 2002, who possibly could have seen their downfall coming?
Have a great weekend!
Bears 23, Bucs 0
* Who holds the current record for returns for TD with 13?
Seven years later, Wrigley Field was buzzing. Ryne Sandberg was launching balls onto Waveland, a young Greg Maddux was just beginning to show the dominance that Skip Caray, Ted Turner and the other 18 Atlanta Braves fans would grow quite accustomed to in the 1990's, and Mitch Williams was keeping us all on the edge of our seats with his exhilarating ninth inning high-wire acts. You could still get a beer for under $8 and the ballpark had yet to become the North side's most popular beer garden.
And setting the table was rookie Jerome Walton. Walton raced his way to the Rookie of the Year with a .293 average and 24 stolen bases. Two years later, he was released by the Cubs and, although he spent some time with the Angels, Reds, Braves, Orioles, and possibly even the Burlington Drifters, Springfield Isotopes and Shelbyville Shelbyvillians, was likely asking whether you want fries with that by Y2K.
In 2003, Wrigley Field had transformed into the North side's best pick-up joint. Looking around the stands, you were more likely to see an Abercrombie & Fitch knit crew than an actual Cubs jersey. Concrete was falling, fans were refusing to interfere with Cubs outfielders whenever they ventured close to the stands to catch a foul fly-ball, and Glendon Rusch and Les Waldrond were still just a bad dream. And the Chicago Cubs were in the playoffs.
Key to the Cubs' success was a young man who was just a year removed from USC. Mark Prior. The next big thing. Chicago's answer to Nolan Ryan, Sandy Koufax and Sidd Finch. Sporting calves the size of doric columns and an unflappable demeanor, Prior was the unstoppable machine. He finished the season with an 18-6 record, a 2.43 ERA, 245 strikeouts, and nary a hang nail.
It's now 2006 and you are still more likely to see a halter top and short denim skirt than a jersey. And, the good news is hat Mark Prior is still finishing seasons with only six losses. Too bad, he can only manage to collect a single win to go along with a laundry list of injuries that includes a sore elbow, shoulder, knee, ankle, pancreas, tonsilitis, achy-breaky pelvis, conjoined twin myslexia and a burn on the roof of his mouth from his overzealousness when Walton delivered his late-night pizza.
And, you know what, Super Joe Charboneau was not the only one listening to Dexys Midnight Runners in 1982. Step aside Olivia Newton John, Joan Jett and the J Geils Band, Dexy's here and he's encouraging Eileen to come along for the ride! Hitting #1 in both the U.S. and the U.K., Come on Eileen was the single that was sure to launch Dexy to superstardom. Alas, they could never quite recapture the magic of "toora loora toora loo rye aye."
So, what is the lesson to learn here?
Devin Hester is sensational and the praise that he is currently receiving is well-deserved. But, let's take a step back and wait just a few more games before we call Bob Vila and Al Borland and start construction on the Hester wing at the Pro Football Hall-of-Fame (after all, we have had to scrap those plans for the Grossman wing, eh?). Hester has undeniably sensational skill and ability, but it is the Bears' return unit, as a whole, that deserves a little more credit than they are currently getting.
That said, I do not deny that Hester's penchance for returning kicks is absolutely mind-boggling. Some of the stats that I have recently seen are very hard to believe, including the fact that he leads the Bears in TDs this season. But, can he sustain his success, is the key question that remains unanswered.
History tells us that he likely cannot. After all, the career record for kick/ punt returns for TDs is only 13*. And, I seem to recall a certain kick/ punt returner with the same initials as Hester who set the world afire in 2003 when he scored in four consecutive games. Of course, in the three seasons since his outburst, Dante Hall has scored exactly four additonal touchdowns. Not bad for a kick returner, but to "expect" much more than that from Hester is foolish and I fear that a lot of Bears fans are beginning to do just that.
Where Hester can really make a long-term impact is on offense and I believe that Lovie and Ron Turner need to go into next season with a binder of plays designed to get him the ball (it, unfortunately, is too late to add him to the offensive mix this year -- let's be honest, Devin strikes me as the likely newest member of the Stephen Hawking Hairston- Einstein Jones Club). Yes, I know that Hester fancies himself a defensive back, but eventually you have to do what is best for the team. After all, Pam Anderson may have wanted to be a dental hygienist growing up, but eventually, even she realized that that there was a much more profitable way to make some cash and that her considerable assets should not go wasted.
And speaking of offense, I, for one, do not believe that Hester should be eligible for the offensive rookie of the year. Just my opinion and I am too lazy to go into much of an explanation (not to mention that my office holiday party begins in 10 minutes).
So, let's enjoy Hester and his talent. But, let's also remember the lesson taught by Dante Hall, Super Joe, Jerome Walton, Mark Prior, and Dexy... and take a step back and breathe. Hester is terrific, but as long as Rex is still behind center... will it matter? (I just cannot help myself!)
And to think that I did not even mention the Baha Men. I mean, after releasing "Who Let the Dog's Out" and being named the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Favorite Band of the Year in 2002, who possibly could have seen their downfall coming?
Have a great weekend!
Bears 23, Bucs 0
* Who holds the current record for returns for TD with 13?
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I Think I Owe Someone An Apology...
I trust that over the past twelve months, I have proven to the dedicated and loyal readers of the Random Thoughts, the not-so-loyal and dedicated readers of the RT, and even those of you who just stumbled upon this site while looking for "dansrandompornthoughts.com," that I know a fair amount about baseball, basketball, football, Foosball, Jarts and all the other games that people play. Oh sure, there have been those times that you have undoubtedly thought that I was crazier than the guy who decided that moviegoers have an insatiable demand for more Tim Allen and that the "Santa Claus" franchise just wouldn't be complete without a third offering, for suggesting that Shawne Merriman is he best defensive player in football or for panning Ron Artest's rap music career without even giving it a chance, but, overall, I think my track record has been pretty good. After all, if not for the Random Thoughts, I doubt that many of you would realize that Jay Bell was statistically a much-better player than the universally overrated Ozzie Smith, that "Drill" McGill defeated "Fast Twitch" Twitchel to win the 2006 USA Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship, or that Jimmy Chitwood, the greatest schoolboy shooter of all-time, actually only says 32 words** during the entire three months that make up Hickory High's 1954 season.
And that is why it is not easy for me to admit when I am wrong. Pretty much ever since the inception of the RT (and actually for a year or so before that), I have consistently and ruthlessly been critical of one player in particular. I have questioned his talent, his intelligence, and his decision-making. I have noted that his team would almost undoubtedly be better off without him. I levied direct criticism and I've tried subtlety. I've used humor, sarcasm, and wit. And always with one goal...to remind the world that some guys just are not as good as the fans want them to be and not as talented as the media touts them.
And then I watched Monday night's game. I watched a young man look adversity in the face and respond by heroically rising to the occasion. And so, after watching our young hero grow up right before our very eyes, I have to apologize. Yes Reginald Dwight, sorry does seem to be the hardest word, but I've got to take a lesson from Steroid Sammy after he "mistakenly" used his batting practice bat during an actual game. I have to follow the lead of Kobe Bryant (no, thewife is not getting a 72-karat diamond ring) and handle the situation in the same manner as Hugh Grant after getting caught with just about the ugliest prostitute that anyone has ever seen. And, yes, I am going to be sincere. In other words, I am not going to issue a hollow apology like the recovering-alcoholic who, thanks to his 12-step program, was forced to apologize for "insulting" George, even though he he was in no way sorry for not wanting George to squeeze his huge head through the neck hole of his favorite sweater.
So, I write today with my proverbial tail between my legs. As I truly am sorry.
I mean 2-5 shooting from the field ain't bad, especially for a guy who entered the game shooting 20% from the field for the season. And the three assists were an added bonus. Not to mention how smoothly he tossed Carlos Boozer a towel during one time out and how quickly he recognized that Mehmet Okur wanted a cup of Gatorade during another. And, to think, I figured that he would either be launching off-balance three-pointers for the Albany Patroons or flying out-of-control through the lane and turning the ball over for the Sundsvall Dragons of the Swedish Elite League.
So...Dee Brown... I apologize.
Oh man, does it feel great to be back!!!!
Wait a minute, you thought I was talking about Rex the Wonder Dog?!? Ho ho, hee hee. Man, I haven't laughed this yard since Phillip called Terrence an Unclef*cker and thewife and I quickly realized that the South Park movie was not rated PG.
Look, Rex certainly was not bad Monday night. Just as Lisa was a grade-A moron for suggesting that it is wrong to eat meat, I would have to be a grade-A moron to suggest that Rex was bad. But, as a Bears fan, I am certainly not "letting out a sigh of relief" and booking a flight to Miami as has been suggested by the majority of the national and local media. I mean, I don't think that anyone thought that they were actually watching Joe Montana or Drew Brees last night when watching Wonder Dog. Yes, he managed the game effectively. Yes, his decision-making was better. And, yes, thanks to delicious mixture of luck and skill, he managed to play mistake-free football. That said, I still do not think that the Bears can win three straight games against good teams with him under center.
What confuses me is the most is why, in the minds of many, one "decent" game trumps six weeks of atrocious football. Please remember that even young Ryan O'Malley pitched eight innings of shutout ball in his first start for the Cubs last August. And, I doubt that any of us want O'Malley taking the hill in Game 1 of the 2007 World Series (Hey, I'm figuring that every other team in the National League is going to come down with a collective case of Avian flu and be forced to cancel their season). This, after all, is a guy who is more likely to pitch Encyclopedia Brittanicas door-to-door next year than he is to pitch at a major league ballpark near you.
So, let's break down Wonder Dog's game. First and foremost, he threw a terrific fade pass to Muhammed for a touchdown. I am not going to deny that. Heck, I may hate Roger Clemens with a passion, but even I have to admit that few pitchers in the history of baseball throw at a guys head with more intensity than him and nobody has been able to sweep a steroid allegation under the rug with more effectiveness than the Rocket (didn't I once see a blurb that he was specifically mentioned in the Jason Grimsley affidavit? I mean, talk about a story that the media simply dropped. Where's the pathetic excuse that the media immediately believes? I guess, everyone is too busy helping Tony Romo write his Hall of Fame induction speech to care).
Second, as I mentioned earlier, he did a decent job managing the offense and did not make the crucial mistake that put the defense in an undesireable position. Kudos to Rex for his management of the game. Quaker cereal bars to Ron Turner for instituting a game plan that Rex could manage. (And, as long as we are handing out desserts... hot fudge sundaes to Devin Hester).
But, let's be honest... Rex was the beneficiary of almost as much luck as Charlie Bucket when he found a coin in the sewer and instead of taking it home to his poverty-sticken family, used it to buy a Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Bar. Example A is the "incomplete pass" in the last two minutes of the first half. I don't really know whether the referee made a good call on the play, but I do know that Rex was not trying to throw the ball when it was knocked out of his hand. Wonder Dog was certainly blind sided on the play, but seeing Rex put the ball on the turf, for whatever reason, is a sight that Bears' fans are getting much too-used to. Rex was LUCKY that the Rams' pass rusher knocked his arm forward as he was about to slam him to the turf.
Rex was also LUCKY on the touchdown pass to Berrian. The ball was delivered with zip and was right on target, but the Bears should be thanking their lucky stars that Walt Harris has taken apparently over as the Rams' cornerback. Whoever that guy was, I have no idea where he was going when he ran upfield as Berrian was running an inside slant. Had the guy just stayed with his man, he at least would have had a shot at tackling Berrian before he sprinted 20 yards into the endzone.
And, most importantly, the Bears were LUCKY that they were playing the East St. Louis High School Junior Varsity team. Even Scott Linehan would agree that scoring on the Rams' defense is like beating Stevie Wonder at a game of I-Spy. It just doesn't require much effort. Perhaps, they ought to consider bringing back Merlin Olsen after all.
The bottom line is that Rex did play well enough to win and as RT Ring of Honor member Bearister has keenly pointed out, with a defense and special teams that are terrific, that is all that is needed. But, I am not convinced that the Wonder Dog will not put up another 8-21 performance with four interceptions in a game when Devin Hester won't run through the opponents' coverage unit like O.J. Simpson running through the airport trying to get to his getaway, er... his rental car. I'm sorry, and I hope that I am wrong about this, but I just cannot see the Bears winning a Super Bowl without a quarterback that they can fully trust behind center.
But, hey, at least Jerry Sloan lets Dee wear his headband.
Quick Hits...
* Obviously I am of the opinion that, to win the ultimate prize, Rex needs to be benched. Now, please do not misconstrue my belief that Wonder Dog should be replaced with a call for Brian Griese to take over. I'd be lying if I said that I was convinced that he could do the job. And, come to think if it, you may want to forget Rex Chapman and the Reagan's dog too. Go with Rex Banner. The one man who could clean up the town and shoot the gangsters.***
* I wasn't overly impressed with the defense Monday night. For the lion's share of the game, the Rams seemed to move the ball fairly effectively. And the lack of consistent pressure on the QB is alarming, especially since the team's three sacks did not occur until the Bears were certain that St. Louis was going to throw every down and were able to pin their ears back. I think the defense will be alright, even without Harris, but there definitely is work that needs to be done.
* Jessica Alba is unbeliveably hot. But I doubt that she is a very good accordian player. Why do I mention this? Because sometimes, even those people who are tremendously talented are not going to be good at everything. And Jessica probably could have covered Torry Holt on the Rams' first TD about as effectively as Devin Hester did. Hester on the corner makes that dude who blew the Berrian play look like an All-Pro.
* Jessica Alba. Navel ring. Knee-high, black leather boots. Man, it is good to be back!!!
* I understand that Rex's arm was going "forward" on the LUCKY play toward the end of the first half, but RT sometimes commenter "all in on the first hand" wants to know why it was not ruled a backwards lateral given that the ball landed one-half yard behind where it was released. And I have to admit that I do not know the answer. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
* The person that I really owe an apology to is Cedric Sayers-Payton-Benson. The first half of the season he looked a little like Cedric Salaam-Enis-Benson and belonged on the field about as much as Wilma belonged at a meeting of the Royal Order of the Water Buffalo. The last couple of games, however, Ced Say-Pay-Ben has been running with tremendous power and is beginning to show the talent that made him the #4 overall selection two years ago. The RT has traditionally not been a fan of his, but now must admit that he deserves more of a chance to play.
* Any have Carlos Huerta's phone number handy? How about Michael Husted's? Carlos Husted? Michael Huerta? Any chance Kevin Butler can still kick? I am certainly not giving up on Robbie Gould after just one week, but kickers can go south faster than a group of New Jersey fraternity brothers on spring break. Just ask Mike Vanderjagt. And keep Gould away from the Goldschlager.
* Finally, you gotta love referee Jeff Triplette and that thick South Carolina drawl****. Any chance that guy shows up at the game in a rusted pick-up truck with a Toby Keith cassette in the player and a stars and bars decal in the back window? I swear that every time he called a penalty Monday night I expected him to say "Holding #58 on the offense. That's a ten yard penalty. It's still second down and we are 10-2 with Rex as our quarterback." You know, there is a reason that the North won.
Have a great day!
Lots of Trivia Today!!!
***What are the 32 words said by Jimmy Chitwood?
****Upon arriving in Springfield, Rex Banner discovered that the town had a prohibition law. He also discovered another law that affected the town's bird population. What was the law?
****Jeff Triplette is probably best known for calling a holding penalty on a Cleveland Browns offensive lineman in a 1999 game. Who was that player? (And since, yes, that is a relatively easy question) For what team did that player suit up upon his return to the NFL?
*****I realize that I never gave the answer to Monday's question. Pfarro was correct that Ruth and Gehrig hit more HR in a three year period than Papi and Manny. The other duo? Alex Rodriguez and Ken Griffey Jr. with the Mariners.
And that is why it is not easy for me to admit when I am wrong. Pretty much ever since the inception of the RT (and actually for a year or so before that), I have consistently and ruthlessly been critical of one player in particular. I have questioned his talent, his intelligence, and his decision-making. I have noted that his team would almost undoubtedly be better off without him. I levied direct criticism and I've tried subtlety. I've used humor, sarcasm, and wit. And always with one goal...to remind the world that some guys just are not as good as the fans want them to be and not as talented as the media touts them.
And then I watched Monday night's game. I watched a young man look adversity in the face and respond by heroically rising to the occasion. And so, after watching our young hero grow up right before our very eyes, I have to apologize. Yes Reginald Dwight, sorry does seem to be the hardest word, but I've got to take a lesson from Steroid Sammy after he "mistakenly" used his batting practice bat during an actual game. I have to follow the lead of Kobe Bryant (no, thewife is not getting a 72-karat diamond ring) and handle the situation in the same manner as Hugh Grant after getting caught with just about the ugliest prostitute that anyone has ever seen. And, yes, I am going to be sincere. In other words, I am not going to issue a hollow apology like the recovering-alcoholic who, thanks to his 12-step program, was forced to apologize for "insulting" George, even though he he was in no way sorry for not wanting George to squeeze his huge head through the neck hole of his favorite sweater.
So, I write today with my proverbial tail between my legs. As I truly am sorry.
I mean 2-5 shooting from the field ain't bad, especially for a guy who entered the game shooting 20% from the field for the season. And the three assists were an added bonus. Not to mention how smoothly he tossed Carlos Boozer a towel during one time out and how quickly he recognized that Mehmet Okur wanted a cup of Gatorade during another. And, to think, I figured that he would either be launching off-balance three-pointers for the Albany Patroons or flying out-of-control through the lane and turning the ball over for the Sundsvall Dragons of the Swedish Elite League.
So...Dee Brown... I apologize.
Oh man, does it feel great to be back!!!!
Wait a minute, you thought I was talking about Rex the Wonder Dog?!? Ho ho, hee hee. Man, I haven't laughed this yard since Phillip called Terrence an Unclef*cker and thewife and I quickly realized that the South Park movie was not rated PG.
Look, Rex certainly was not bad Monday night. Just as Lisa was a grade-A moron for suggesting that it is wrong to eat meat, I would have to be a grade-A moron to suggest that Rex was bad. But, as a Bears fan, I am certainly not "letting out a sigh of relief" and booking a flight to Miami as has been suggested by the majority of the national and local media. I mean, I don't think that anyone thought that they were actually watching Joe Montana or Drew Brees last night when watching Wonder Dog. Yes, he managed the game effectively. Yes, his decision-making was better. And, yes, thanks to delicious mixture of luck and skill, he managed to play mistake-free football. That said, I still do not think that the Bears can win three straight games against good teams with him under center.
What confuses me is the most is why, in the minds of many, one "decent" game trumps six weeks of atrocious football. Please remember that even young Ryan O'Malley pitched eight innings of shutout ball in his first start for the Cubs last August. And, I doubt that any of us want O'Malley taking the hill in Game 1 of the 2007 World Series (Hey, I'm figuring that every other team in the National League is going to come down with a collective case of Avian flu and be forced to cancel their season). This, after all, is a guy who is more likely to pitch Encyclopedia Brittanicas door-to-door next year than he is to pitch at a major league ballpark near you.
So, let's break down Wonder Dog's game. First and foremost, he threw a terrific fade pass to Muhammed for a touchdown. I am not going to deny that. Heck, I may hate Roger Clemens with a passion, but even I have to admit that few pitchers in the history of baseball throw at a guys head with more intensity than him and nobody has been able to sweep a steroid allegation under the rug with more effectiveness than the Rocket (didn't I once see a blurb that he was specifically mentioned in the Jason Grimsley affidavit? I mean, talk about a story that the media simply dropped. Where's the pathetic excuse that the media immediately believes? I guess, everyone is too busy helping Tony Romo write his Hall of Fame induction speech to care).
Second, as I mentioned earlier, he did a decent job managing the offense and did not make the crucial mistake that put the defense in an undesireable position. Kudos to Rex for his management of the game. Quaker cereal bars to Ron Turner for instituting a game plan that Rex could manage. (And, as long as we are handing out desserts... hot fudge sundaes to Devin Hester).
But, let's be honest... Rex was the beneficiary of almost as much luck as Charlie Bucket when he found a coin in the sewer and instead of taking it home to his poverty-sticken family, used it to buy a Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Bar. Example A is the "incomplete pass" in the last two minutes of the first half. I don't really know whether the referee made a good call on the play, but I do know that Rex was not trying to throw the ball when it was knocked out of his hand. Wonder Dog was certainly blind sided on the play, but seeing Rex put the ball on the turf, for whatever reason, is a sight that Bears' fans are getting much too-used to. Rex was LUCKY that the Rams' pass rusher knocked his arm forward as he was about to slam him to the turf.
Rex was also LUCKY on the touchdown pass to Berrian. The ball was delivered with zip and was right on target, but the Bears should be thanking their lucky stars that Walt Harris has taken apparently over as the Rams' cornerback. Whoever that guy was, I have no idea where he was going when he ran upfield as Berrian was running an inside slant. Had the guy just stayed with his man, he at least would have had a shot at tackling Berrian before he sprinted 20 yards into the endzone.
And, most importantly, the Bears were LUCKY that they were playing the East St. Louis High School Junior Varsity team. Even Scott Linehan would agree that scoring on the Rams' defense is like beating Stevie Wonder at a game of I-Spy. It just doesn't require much effort. Perhaps, they ought to consider bringing back Merlin Olsen after all.
The bottom line is that Rex did play well enough to win and as RT Ring of Honor member Bearister has keenly pointed out, with a defense and special teams that are terrific, that is all that is needed. But, I am not convinced that the Wonder Dog will not put up another 8-21 performance with four interceptions in a game when Devin Hester won't run through the opponents' coverage unit like O.J. Simpson running through the airport trying to get to his getaway, er... his rental car. I'm sorry, and I hope that I am wrong about this, but I just cannot see the Bears winning a Super Bowl without a quarterback that they can fully trust behind center.
But, hey, at least Jerry Sloan lets Dee wear his headband.
Quick Hits...
* Obviously I am of the opinion that, to win the ultimate prize, Rex needs to be benched. Now, please do not misconstrue my belief that Wonder Dog should be replaced with a call for Brian Griese to take over. I'd be lying if I said that I was convinced that he could do the job. And, come to think if it, you may want to forget Rex Chapman and the Reagan's dog too. Go with Rex Banner. The one man who could clean up the town and shoot the gangsters.***
* I wasn't overly impressed with the defense Monday night. For the lion's share of the game, the Rams seemed to move the ball fairly effectively. And the lack of consistent pressure on the QB is alarming, especially since the team's three sacks did not occur until the Bears were certain that St. Louis was going to throw every down and were able to pin their ears back. I think the defense will be alright, even without Harris, but there definitely is work that needs to be done.
* Jessica Alba is unbeliveably hot. But I doubt that she is a very good accordian player. Why do I mention this? Because sometimes, even those people who are tremendously talented are not going to be good at everything. And Jessica probably could have covered Torry Holt on the Rams' first TD about as effectively as Devin Hester did. Hester on the corner makes that dude who blew the Berrian play look like an All-Pro.
* Jessica Alba. Navel ring. Knee-high, black leather boots. Man, it is good to be back!!!
* I understand that Rex's arm was going "forward" on the LUCKY play toward the end of the first half, but RT sometimes commenter "all in on the first hand" wants to know why it was not ruled a backwards lateral given that the ball landed one-half yard behind where it was released. And I have to admit that I do not know the answer. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
* The person that I really owe an apology to is Cedric Sayers-Payton-Benson. The first half of the season he looked a little like Cedric Salaam-Enis-Benson and belonged on the field about as much as Wilma belonged at a meeting of the Royal Order of the Water Buffalo. The last couple of games, however, Ced Say-Pay-Ben has been running with tremendous power and is beginning to show the talent that made him the #4 overall selection two years ago. The RT has traditionally not been a fan of his, but now must admit that he deserves more of a chance to play.
* Any have Carlos Huerta's phone number handy? How about Michael Husted's? Carlos Husted? Michael Huerta? Any chance Kevin Butler can still kick? I am certainly not giving up on Robbie Gould after just one week, but kickers can go south faster than a group of New Jersey fraternity brothers on spring break. Just ask Mike Vanderjagt. And keep Gould away from the Goldschlager.
* Finally, you gotta love referee Jeff Triplette and that thick South Carolina drawl****. Any chance that guy shows up at the game in a rusted pick-up truck with a Toby Keith cassette in the player and a stars and bars decal in the back window? I swear that every time he called a penalty Monday night I expected him to say "Holding #58 on the offense. That's a ten yard penalty. It's still second down and we are 10-2 with Rex as our quarterback." You know, there is a reason that the North won.
Have a great day!
Lots of Trivia Today!!!
***What are the 32 words said by Jimmy Chitwood?
****Upon arriving in Springfield, Rex Banner discovered that the town had a prohibition law. He also discovered another law that affected the town's bird population. What was the law?
****Jeff Triplette is probably best known for calling a holding penalty on a Cleveland Browns offensive lineman in a 1999 game. Who was that player? (And since, yes, that is a relatively easy question) For what team did that player suit up upon his return to the NFL?
*****I realize that I never gave the answer to Monday's question. Pfarro was correct that Ruth and Gehrig hit more HR in a three year period than Papi and Manny. The other duo? Alex Rodriguez and Ken Griffey Jr. with the Mariners.
Monday, December 11, 2006
St. Louis 63101
As I sit here awaiting tonight's Bears-Rams game on ESPN Presents ESPN's Monday Night Football on ESPN (Sponsored by ESPN), I cannot help but feel a little uneasy. Why, you ask? Well, for starters let me assure you that I'm fairly certain that my trepidation is not the result of my having sat here all day wondering what exactly Tori Spelling was selling at her "Everything Must Go Estate Sale" (technically titled the "Tori Spelling Dazzling Studio City Estate Sale," although I suspect that if there was enough money to be made, the suits at the leader in sports programming would have retitled it "ESPN's Come On By Tori's House and Buy Clippings From Dylan McKay and Brandon Walsh's Sideburns, Shannen Doherty's 'Angry Young Actresses' Membership Card, and, Of Course, a 'Donna Graduates' T-Shirt' on ESPN (Sponsored By ESPN)" show, although I was a little freaked out when I heard that one fan walked away with a $20 domanatrix leather whip.
So David Silver likes it a little rough, eh?
No. Truth be told, I am awfully nervous about tonight's Bears game. I certainly do not doubt that the Bears are a better team, yet, I cannot help but get the feeling that the Rams are going to surprise a few people tonight. This is a (warning...sports cliche' ahead) classic "trap game" and I fear that when we wake up tomorrow morning, the Bears' record will sit at 10-3. Why? Let's take a look...
1. Rex the Wonder Dog is still the Bears' quarterback. I personally don't think that any further explanation is necessary, but, for those of you who are new to the RT and, therefore, have not had the pleasure of listening to me warn everyone for the last 15 months that the Bears may be better off with Rex Chapman, Rex Banner, or the Reagan's family dog behind center than Grossman... well, let's just say that Vegas is now taking the following proposition bets:
- What will be higher? Grossman interceptions or the number of times Tony Romo is mentioned and promoted for the Hall of Fame during the first thirty seconds of the broadcast?
- What will be higher? Number of times Grossman hits an offensive lineman in the back of the head with a pass or number of times Tony Kornheiser bitch-slaps Joe Thiesmann in the booth during the game?
- What will be higher? Grossman's quarterback rating or his blood alcohol level after the game.
Just for the record, last Sunday, reports indicate that Rex's BAC outpaced his QB rating 1.75 to 1.3 and now he gets to spend the night of the land of Budweiser. Uh oh. Better warn the Clydesdales.
2. Tommie Harris will no longer be commanding a double-team. That's on the field. What he does after the game is his own business.
The truth is that Harris' absence is likely to have a ripple effect on the entire defense and while I am fairly certain that Chico Rivera and the defense will eventually figure out a scheme that works, there is likely to be an adjustment period. Harris' absence means that the Rams' offensive line can focus more on Alex Brown and Adewale on the ends and the linebacking corps will not be as free to roam the middle of the field. You can't just take a key member out of the lineup and expect there not to be a dropoff. I mean, even Beverly Hills 90210 struggled a little after Brenda left for London and the show did not really regain its footing until Kelly Kopowski joined the cast after realizing that her only other option was to go the Jessie Spano route and dance at the Cheetah Club.
3. Where is the team's focus? Look, I do not pretend to be a Bears' Insider (I won't pay the fee even if the team will send me exclusive pictures of Cedric Benson and Thomas Jones having a "friendly" lockerroom chat, or an authentic Soldier Field turnstile autographed by Fred Miller just for signing up) and so I cannot definitively say that the team's focus is not completely on the game, but how can it be? For the past week the team has been inundated with questions about Rex and whether Brian Griese is a better option, how the team will respond without Tommie, whether the team needs to consider asking Shaun Gayle and Mike Richardson to come out of retirement now that the secondary is so thin, and why in the world Andrea Zuckerman actually thought she has a shot at landing Brandon. Football requires tunnel-vison-like focus and I am concerned that the Bears are not ready.
And if I see Paris Hilton anywhere near the Edward Jones Dome, I'm betting everything I have on the Rams.
By the way, anyone wonder who the "let's annoy the heck out of the people who are actually paying attention to the game by asking [insert name of random booth-guest HERE] inane and pointless questions about what he/she thinks of Tony Romo's performance this year" guest will be tonight? I mean, it's St. Louis. Tony LaRussa? The ghost of Mark Twain? Martin St. Louis?
4. The Rams ought to play with a sense of desperation. The Rams have not been a particularily good football team this year, yet, thanks to the incredible mediocrity in the NFC, they are still in the hunt for a playoff berth. And with players like Steven Jackson, Torry Holt, Marc Bulger and Merlin Olsen (just want to see if you are paying attention), nobody can doubt that the team does have talent. Anyone remember the Charlestown Chiefs? If there is anything that Paul Newman has taught us, besides the fact that it is possible to make a really tasty low-fat sesame ginger salad dressing, it is that desperate teams with talent can be awfully dangerous.
So, will the Bears lose? Look, I do not pretend to be one of those guys who has magically acquired last-second all-important information that makes my pick in tonight's game the "lock of the year." And I do not advertise my football-game picking acumen during both the "Let's Listen to Dab McNeil Criticize Everything the Cubs Do, While Jurko Tries to Pretend That He Was Actually a Decent NFL Player, Instead of Croatia's Answer to Paul Grasmanis, and Harry Tries to Convince Everyone Both That Devon Hester Deserves a Statue in Grant Park and That White People Name Their Sons Reggie" show and the 670 AM The Score Giggle Hour Featuring Boers and Bernstein, so I will not go Rasheed Wallace on you and make a guarantee. But let me remind you that the red flags are there
Ultimately, I am a Bears fan and so I will go with the Monsters of the Midway to win 20-17. But, let's remember the famous words of Smooth Jimmy Apollo who reminded fans that when you are right 52% of the time, you are also wrong 48% of the time.
Gotta go. I hear Tori just put Steve Sanders' leftover steroids on e-bay and I've gotta beat Barry and Sammy to the punch...
Go Bears!
So David Silver likes it a little rough, eh?
No. Truth be told, I am awfully nervous about tonight's Bears game. I certainly do not doubt that the Bears are a better team, yet, I cannot help but get the feeling that the Rams are going to surprise a few people tonight. This is a (warning...sports cliche' ahead) classic "trap game" and I fear that when we wake up tomorrow morning, the Bears' record will sit at 10-3. Why? Let's take a look...
1. Rex the Wonder Dog is still the Bears' quarterback. I personally don't think that any further explanation is necessary, but, for those of you who are new to the RT and, therefore, have not had the pleasure of listening to me warn everyone for the last 15 months that the Bears may be better off with Rex Chapman, Rex Banner, or the Reagan's family dog behind center than Grossman... well, let's just say that Vegas is now taking the following proposition bets:
- What will be higher? Grossman interceptions or the number of times Tony Romo is mentioned and promoted for the Hall of Fame during the first thirty seconds of the broadcast?
- What will be higher? Number of times Grossman hits an offensive lineman in the back of the head with a pass or number of times Tony Kornheiser bitch-slaps Joe Thiesmann in the booth during the game?
- What will be higher? Grossman's quarterback rating or his blood alcohol level after the game.
Just for the record, last Sunday, reports indicate that Rex's BAC outpaced his QB rating 1.75 to 1.3 and now he gets to spend the night of the land of Budweiser. Uh oh. Better warn the Clydesdales.
2. Tommie Harris will no longer be commanding a double-team. That's on the field. What he does after the game is his own business.
The truth is that Harris' absence is likely to have a ripple effect on the entire defense and while I am fairly certain that Chico Rivera and the defense will eventually figure out a scheme that works, there is likely to be an adjustment period. Harris' absence means that the Rams' offensive line can focus more on Alex Brown and Adewale on the ends and the linebacking corps will not be as free to roam the middle of the field. You can't just take a key member out of the lineup and expect there not to be a dropoff. I mean, even Beverly Hills 90210 struggled a little after Brenda left for London and the show did not really regain its footing until Kelly Kopowski joined the cast after realizing that her only other option was to go the Jessie Spano route and dance at the Cheetah Club.
3. Where is the team's focus? Look, I do not pretend to be a Bears' Insider (I won't pay the fee even if the team will send me exclusive pictures of Cedric Benson and Thomas Jones having a "friendly" lockerroom chat, or an authentic Soldier Field turnstile autographed by Fred Miller just for signing up) and so I cannot definitively say that the team's focus is not completely on the game, but how can it be? For the past week the team has been inundated with questions about Rex and whether Brian Griese is a better option, how the team will respond without Tommie, whether the team needs to consider asking Shaun Gayle and Mike Richardson to come out of retirement now that the secondary is so thin, and why in the world Andrea Zuckerman actually thought she has a shot at landing Brandon. Football requires tunnel-vison-like focus and I am concerned that the Bears are not ready.
And if I see Paris Hilton anywhere near the Edward Jones Dome, I'm betting everything I have on the Rams.
By the way, anyone wonder who the "let's annoy the heck out of the people who are actually paying attention to the game by asking [insert name of random booth-guest HERE] inane and pointless questions about what he/she thinks of Tony Romo's performance this year" guest will be tonight? I mean, it's St. Louis. Tony LaRussa? The ghost of Mark Twain? Martin St. Louis?
4. The Rams ought to play with a sense of desperation. The Rams have not been a particularily good football team this year, yet, thanks to the incredible mediocrity in the NFC, they are still in the hunt for a playoff berth. And with players like Steven Jackson, Torry Holt, Marc Bulger and Merlin Olsen (just want to see if you are paying attention), nobody can doubt that the team does have talent. Anyone remember the Charlestown Chiefs? If there is anything that Paul Newman has taught us, besides the fact that it is possible to make a really tasty low-fat sesame ginger salad dressing, it is that desperate teams with talent can be awfully dangerous.
So, will the Bears lose? Look, I do not pretend to be one of those guys who has magically acquired last-second all-important information that makes my pick in tonight's game the "lock of the year." And I do not advertise my football-game picking acumen during both the "Let's Listen to Dab McNeil Criticize Everything the Cubs Do, While Jurko Tries to Pretend That He Was Actually a Decent NFL Player, Instead of Croatia's Answer to Paul Grasmanis, and Harry Tries to Convince Everyone Both That Devon Hester Deserves a Statue in Grant Park and That White People Name Their Sons Reggie" show and the 670 AM The Score Giggle Hour Featuring Boers and Bernstein, so I will not go Rasheed Wallace on you and make a guarantee. But let me remind you that the red flags are there
Ultimately, I am a Bears fan and so I will go with the Monsters of the Midway to win 20-17. But, let's remember the famous words of Smooth Jimmy Apollo who reminded fans that when you are right 52% of the time, you are also wrong 48% of the time.
Gotta go. I hear Tori just put Steve Sanders' leftover steroids on e-bay and I've gotta beat Barry and Sammy to the punch...
Go Bears!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
They Have Taken Every Thing!
I have some unfortunate news...
I am very sad today.
No, I am not sad because the Cubs spent $10 million per year on a pitcher with a career ERA of 4.60 who once verbally challenged his manager's decision to take him out of a game and then bloodied the manager's nose in the tunnel leading from the dugout to the clubhouse (try that with Lou Pinella and you very well may end up looking like Worm after having been caught base dealing in a room full of New York state troopers), although, yes, I agree that spending that much money on a journeyman pitcher is akin to spending $500 for Luis Gonzalez's discarded gum or spending more than $5 for a potato chip that looks frightenly like David Ortiz***.
No, I am not sad because the Sox have traded Freddy Garcia to the Phillies and now my investment in "Chicago Sweat Rags Inc." stock is essentially worthless and, now that Freddy has taken his dime-bag, Ziggy Marley albums, and Ricky Williams fan club membership to Citizen's Bank Park, I may have to dig up the phone number of Jeff Spicoli or Slater (that's Ron...not A.C.) if I ever want to really understand what in the heck Roger Waters was talking about on when he said that he was waiting for the worms to come.
No, I am not sad that we are only 18 days from Christmas and I have yet to see that commercial where Mr. Harrison tries to save his family money by wishing family and friends happy holidays as quickly as possible and then hanging up so that his prepubescent daughter can use the family's non-U.S. Cellular cell phone minutes to call the Cory Hotline (did you know that Cory rhymes with allegory?)
And, no, I am not sad because it is so cold outside today that even the Snow Miser is thinking about hightailing it out of town and catching the first flight to Key West with his half-brother the Heat Miser for a Cheeseburger in Paradise and a frosty margarita.
I am sad today because, a short three and one-half months after Thing Two joined Martha and the Vandellas, Axel Foley and Robocop in Detroit Rock City, Thing One will now be sharing crab cake sandwiches with Cal Ripken Jr. and Tracy Turnblad** at the Inner Harbor.
Ladies, gentlemen, Ring of Honor members, and Paul... I am sad.
The Chicago Cubs are thingless.
**Today's pop-culture trivia question: Who is Tracy Turnblad and who played her in the movie?
***Today's sports trivia question: David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez have combined for 333 home runs over the last four seasons. That is the third highest total for a pair of teammates over a four-year span in history. Which two pairs of teammates rank first and second?
I am very sad today.
No, I am not sad because the Cubs spent $10 million per year on a pitcher with a career ERA of 4.60 who once verbally challenged his manager's decision to take him out of a game and then bloodied the manager's nose in the tunnel leading from the dugout to the clubhouse (try that with Lou Pinella and you very well may end up looking like Worm after having been caught base dealing in a room full of New York state troopers), although, yes, I agree that spending that much money on a journeyman pitcher is akin to spending $500 for Luis Gonzalez's discarded gum or spending more than $5 for a potato chip that looks frightenly like David Ortiz***.
No, I am not sad because the Sox have traded Freddy Garcia to the Phillies and now my investment in "Chicago Sweat Rags Inc." stock is essentially worthless and, now that Freddy has taken his dime-bag, Ziggy Marley albums, and Ricky Williams fan club membership to Citizen's Bank Park, I may have to dig up the phone number of Jeff Spicoli or Slater (that's Ron...not A.C.) if I ever want to really understand what in the heck Roger Waters was talking about on when he said that he was waiting for the worms to come.
No, I am not sad that we are only 18 days from Christmas and I have yet to see that commercial where Mr. Harrison tries to save his family money by wishing family and friends happy holidays as quickly as possible and then hanging up so that his prepubescent daughter can use the family's non-U.S. Cellular cell phone minutes to call the Cory Hotline (did you know that Cory rhymes with allegory?)
And, no, I am not sad because it is so cold outside today that even the Snow Miser is thinking about hightailing it out of town and catching the first flight to Key West with his half-brother the Heat Miser for a Cheeseburger in Paradise and a frosty margarita.
I am sad today because, a short three and one-half months after Thing Two joined Martha and the Vandellas, Axel Foley and Robocop in Detroit Rock City, Thing One will now be sharing crab cake sandwiches with Cal Ripken Jr. and Tracy Turnblad** at the Inner Harbor.
Ladies, gentlemen, Ring of Honor members, and Paul... I am sad.
The Chicago Cubs are thingless.
**Today's pop-culture trivia question: Who is Tracy Turnblad and who played her in the movie?
***Today's sports trivia question: David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez have combined for 333 home runs over the last four seasons. That is the third highest total for a pair of teammates over a four-year span in history. Which two pairs of teammates rank first and second?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Rexclamation Point!!!!
I know that I should be a bigger man...
I know that I should be mature about this...
I know that nobody likes the guy who reminds you that he was the one who predicted that Britney and K-Fed had about as much chance of making it as The Random Thoughts has in winning the "Blog With the Most Posts in the Months of November and December 2006" Award...
I know. I know. I know.
Screw that!
Told You So!!!!!!!
Where is Moses Moreno when you need him?
Oh yeah, and Winthrop will win an NCAA Tournament Game in the '07 Madness. Mark it down.
I know that I should be mature about this...
I know that nobody likes the guy who reminds you that he was the one who predicted that Britney and K-Fed had about as much chance of making it as The Random Thoughts has in winning the "Blog With the Most Posts in the Months of November and December 2006" Award...
I know. I know. I know.
Screw that!
Told You So!!!!!!!
Where is Moses Moreno when you need him?
Oh yeah, and Winthrop will win an NCAA Tournament Game in the '07 Madness. Mark it down.
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