I have some unfortunate news...
I am very sad today.
No, I am not sad because the Cubs spent $10 million per year on a pitcher with a career ERA of 4.60 who once verbally challenged his manager's decision to take him out of a game and then bloodied the manager's nose in the tunnel leading from the dugout to the clubhouse (try that with Lou Pinella and you very well may end up looking like Worm after having been caught base dealing in a room full of New York state troopers), although, yes, I agree that spending that much money on a journeyman pitcher is akin to spending $500 for Luis Gonzalez's discarded gum or spending more than $5 for a potato chip that looks frightenly like David Ortiz***.
No, I am not sad because the Sox have traded Freddy Garcia to the Phillies and now my investment in "Chicago Sweat Rags Inc." stock is essentially worthless and, now that Freddy has taken his dime-bag, Ziggy Marley albums, and Ricky Williams fan club membership to Citizen's Bank Park, I may have to dig up the phone number of Jeff Spicoli or Slater (that's Ron...not A.C.) if I ever want to really understand what in the heck Roger Waters was talking about on when he said that he was waiting for the worms to come.
No, I am not sad that we are only 18 days from Christmas and I have yet to see that commercial where Mr. Harrison tries to save his family money by wishing family and friends happy holidays as quickly as possible and then hanging up so that his prepubescent daughter can use the family's non-U.S. Cellular cell phone minutes to call the Cory Hotline (did you know that Cory rhymes with allegory?)
And, no, I am not sad because it is so cold outside today that even the Snow Miser is thinking about hightailing it out of town and catching the first flight to Key West with his half-brother the Heat Miser for a Cheeseburger in Paradise and a frosty margarita.
I am sad today because, a short three and one-half months after Thing Two joined Martha and the Vandellas, Axel Foley and Robocop in Detroit Rock City, Thing One will now be sharing crab cake sandwiches with Cal Ripken Jr. and Tracy Turnblad** at the Inner Harbor.
Ladies, gentlemen, Ring of Honor members, and Paul... I am sad.
The Chicago Cubs are thingless.
**Today's pop-culture trivia question: Who is Tracy Turnblad and who played her in the movie?
***Today's sports trivia question: David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez have combined for 333 home runs over the last four seasons. That is the third highest total for a pair of teammates over a four-year span in history. Which two pairs of teammates rank first and second?
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8 comments:
Does this mean that "may all of your baseball card packs contain Thing One" should now be changed to "Daryle Ward?"
I was going to go with my friend RICKI to the LAKE, but it was too damn cold out. And yes, I Googled.
When I read the news last night that ThingOne went the way of Kid Corey and Steriod Sammy, TheWife- ops, WrigleyBill’s Wife- and I shared a tear. What is it about Baltimore that made it Chicago’s dumping ground?
RT, should I be at all concerned that the injury bug has now made it up to the highest ranks of Cub’s management? If Hendry’s on the DL, who’s coming off the bench to cover him? What about the fact that Hendry is closing $10M deals while on 100 ug/h of fentanyl? I heard that he’s now trying to bring the Chorizo over from Milwaukee.
We haven’t seen this drug influence on top brass since Marion Barry was running DC. I guess that I can always drive down to Ptown and watch Ryno for entertainment.
Whooooo Hoooo!!!!!! It's back!!!!! Now instead of working I can go back to wasting time absorbing this great wealth of information that is RT.
It was indeed Ricki Lake in the movie Hairspray (now on Broadway and soon to be remade as a movie version of the musical).
Is it true that Hendry is trying to obtain Cliff Floyd to bolster the DL? Will anyone play more than 50 games in LF in 2007?
Did you see the list of exCubs running the minor leagues? Ryno, Jody Davis, Mark Harkey, Bob Dernier, Ivan DeJesus. I wonder what Steve Lake's up to these days?
It is a sad day when Cubs fans, such as Erdman, can no longer whip out their Thing.
If so many ex-Cubs are so smart that they can manage other fledgling major leaguers, why have the Cubs been so bad for so long? Is this a sign of league-wide futility on its way?
Any guess I would have made on either trivia question would have been completely random...but I guess that would fit right in.
Hmmm gotta take a wild stab at this one but since one guy put up 200 gotta think maybe sosa and alou. bonds and kent would also come to mind, and just for giggles my backup guesses might be Mantle and Maris (yes those two get capitalized) and I might have to go with Manny again but teaming up with my hero Mr. Albert Belle? Eddie Matthews And Hank AAron hit a whole bunch together also... Thanks for keepin me seperate from all the other folks by the way!
Oh and just to test you as well oh worthy one...No peeking who was the 1st player selected in MLB's 1st amateur draft. Hint? 1965...
God I am an idiot. Posted and went to bed with stupid home run numbers in my head. Ruth and Gerhig has to be on that list at least 1 time. Pergaps twice. Someone smack me for stupidity
You know what they say...those who can't do, teach.
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