I Think I Owe Someone An Apology...

I trust that over the past twelve months, I have proven to the dedicated and loyal readers of the Random Thoughts, the not-so-loyal and dedicated readers of the RT, and even those of you who just stumbled upon this site while looking for "dansrandompornthoughts.com," that I know a fair amount about baseball, basketball, football, Foosball, Jarts and all the other games that people play. Oh sure, there have been those times that you have undoubtedly thought that I was crazier than the guy who decided that moviegoers have an insatiable demand for more Tim Allen and that the "Santa Claus" franchise just wouldn't be complete without a third offering, for suggesting that Shawne Merriman is he best defensive player in football or for panning Ron Artest's rap music career without even giving it a chance, but, overall, I think my track record has been pretty good. After all, if not for the Random Thoughts, I doubt that many of you would realize that Jay Bell was statistically a much-better player than the universally overrated Ozzie Smith, that "Drill" McGill defeated "Fast Twitch" Twitchel to win the 2006 USA Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship, or that Jimmy Chitwood, the greatest schoolboy shooter of all-time, actually only says 32 words** during the entire three months that make up Hickory High's 1954 season.

And that is why it is not easy for me to admit when I am wrong. Pretty much ever since the inception of the RT (and actually for a year or so before that), I have consistently and ruthlessly been critical of one player in particular. I have questioned his talent, his intelligence, and his decision-making. I have noted that his team would almost undoubtedly be better off without him. I levied direct criticism and I've tried subtlety. I've used humor, sarcasm, and wit. And always with one goal...to remind the world that some guys just are not as good as the fans want them to be and not as talented as the media touts them.

And then I watched Monday night's game. I watched a young man look adversity in the face and respond by heroically rising to the occasion. And so, after watching our young hero grow up right before our very eyes, I have to apologize. Yes Reginald Dwight, sorry does seem to be the hardest word, but I've got to take a lesson from Steroid Sammy after he "mistakenly" used his batting practice bat during an actual game. I have to follow the lead of Kobe Bryant (no, thewife is not getting a 72-karat diamond ring) and handle the situation in the same manner as Hugh Grant after getting caught with just about the ugliest prostitute that anyone has ever seen. And, yes, I am going to be sincere. In other words, I am not going to issue a hollow apology like the recovering-alcoholic who, thanks to his 12-step program, was forced to apologize for "insulting" George, even though he he was in no way sorry for not wanting George to squeeze his huge head through the neck hole of his favorite sweater.

So, I write today with my proverbial tail between my legs. As I truly am sorry.

I mean 2-5 shooting from the field ain't bad, especially for a guy who entered the game shooting 20% from the field for the season. And the three assists were an added bonus. Not to mention how smoothly he tossed Carlos Boozer a towel during one time out and how quickly he recognized that Mehmet Okur wanted a cup of Gatorade during another. And, to think, I figured that he would either be launching off-balance three-pointers for the Albany Patroons or flying out-of-control through the lane and turning the ball over for the Sundsvall Dragons of the Swedish Elite League.

So...Dee Brown... I apologize.

Oh man, does it feel great to be back!!!!

Wait a minute, you thought I was talking about Rex the Wonder Dog?!? Ho ho, hee hee. Man, I haven't laughed this yard since Phillip called Terrence an Unclef*cker and thewife and I quickly realized that the South Park movie was not rated PG.

Look, Rex certainly was not bad Monday night. Just as Lisa was a grade-A moron for suggesting that it is wrong to eat meat, I would have to be a grade-A moron to suggest that Rex was bad. But, as a Bears fan, I am certainly not "letting out a sigh of relief" and booking a flight to Miami as has been suggested by the majority of the national and local media. I mean, I don't think that anyone thought that they were actually watching Joe Montana or Drew Brees last night when watching Wonder Dog. Yes, he managed the game effectively. Yes, his decision-making was better. And, yes, thanks to delicious mixture of luck and skill, he managed to play mistake-free football. That said, I still do not think that the Bears can win three straight games against good teams with him under center.

What confuses me is the most is why, in the minds of many, one "decent" game trumps six weeks of atrocious football. Please remember that even young Ryan O'Malley pitched eight innings of shutout ball in his first start for the Cubs last August. And, I doubt that any of us want O'Malley taking the hill in Game 1 of the 2007 World Series (Hey, I'm figuring that every other team in the National League is going to come down with a collective case of Avian flu and be forced to cancel their season). This, after all, is a guy who is more likely to pitch Encyclopedia Brittanicas door-to-door next year than he is to pitch at a major league ballpark near you.

So, let's break down Wonder Dog's game. First and foremost, he threw a terrific fade pass to Muhammed for a touchdown. I am not going to deny that. Heck, I may hate Roger Clemens with a passion, but even I have to admit that few pitchers in the history of baseball throw at a guys head with more intensity than him and nobody has been able to sweep a steroid allegation under the rug with more effectiveness than the Rocket (didn't I once see a blurb that he was specifically mentioned in the Jason Grimsley affidavit? I mean, talk about a story that the media simply dropped. Where's the pathetic excuse that the media immediately believes? I guess, everyone is too busy helping Tony Romo write his Hall of Fame induction speech to care).

Second, as I mentioned earlier, he did a decent job managing the offense and did not make the crucial mistake that put the defense in an undesireable position. Kudos to Rex for his management of the game. Quaker cereal bars to Ron Turner for instituting a game plan that Rex could manage. (And, as long as we are handing out desserts... hot fudge sundaes to Devin Hester).

But, let's be honest... Rex was the beneficiary of almost as much luck as Charlie Bucket when he found a coin in the sewer and instead of taking it home to his poverty-sticken family, used it to buy a Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Bar. Example A is the "incomplete pass" in the last two minutes of the first half. I don't really know whether the referee made a good call on the play, but I do know that Rex was not trying to throw the ball when it was knocked out of his hand. Wonder Dog was certainly blind sided on the play, but seeing Rex put the ball on the turf, for whatever reason, is a sight that Bears' fans are getting much too-used to. Rex was LUCKY that the Rams' pass rusher knocked his arm forward as he was about to slam him to the turf.

Rex was also LUCKY on the touchdown pass to Berrian. The ball was delivered with zip and was right on target, but the Bears should be thanking their lucky stars that Walt Harris has taken apparently over as the Rams' cornerback. Whoever that guy was, I have no idea where he was going when he ran upfield as Berrian was running an inside slant. Had the guy just stayed with his man, he at least would have had a shot at tackling Berrian before he sprinted 20 yards into the endzone.

And, most importantly, the Bears were LUCKY that they were playing the East St. Louis High School Junior Varsity team. Even Scott Linehan would agree that scoring on the Rams' defense is like beating Stevie Wonder at a game of I-Spy. It just doesn't require much effort. Perhaps, they ought to consider bringing back Merlin Olsen after all.

The bottom line is that Rex did play well enough to win and as RT Ring of Honor member Bearister has keenly pointed out, with a defense and special teams that are terrific, that is all that is needed. But, I am not convinced that the Wonder Dog will not put up another 8-21 performance with four interceptions in a game when Devin Hester won't run through the opponents' coverage unit like O.J. Simpson running through the airport trying to get to his getaway, er... his rental car. I'm sorry, and I hope that I am wrong about this, but I just cannot see the Bears winning a Super Bowl without a quarterback that they can fully trust behind center.

But, hey, at least Jerry Sloan lets Dee wear his headband.

Quick Hits...

* Obviously I am of the opinion that, to win the ultimate prize, Rex needs to be benched. Now, please do not misconstrue my belief that Wonder Dog should be replaced with a call for Brian Griese to take over. I'd be lying if I said that I was convinced that he could do the job. And, come to think if it, you may want to forget Rex Chapman and the Reagan's dog too. Go with Rex Banner. The one man who could clean up the town and shoot the gangsters.***

* I wasn't overly impressed with the defense Monday night. For the lion's share of the game, the Rams seemed to move the ball fairly effectively. And the lack of consistent pressure on the QB is alarming, especially since the team's three sacks did not occur until the Bears were certain that St. Louis was going to throw every down and were able to pin their ears back. I think the defense will be alright, even without Harris, but there definitely is work that needs to be done.

* Jessica Alba is unbeliveably hot. But I doubt that she is a very good accordian player. Why do I mention this? Because sometimes, even those people who are tremendously talented are not going to be good at everything. And Jessica probably could have covered Torry Holt on the Rams' first TD about as effectively as Devin Hester did. Hester on the corner makes that dude who blew the Berrian play look like an All-Pro.

* Jessica Alba. Navel ring. Knee-high, black leather boots. Man, it is good to be back!!!

* I understand that Rex's arm was going "forward" on the LUCKY play toward the end of the first half, but RT sometimes commenter "all in on the first hand" wants to know why it was not ruled a backwards lateral given that the ball landed one-half yard behind where it was released. And I have to admit that I do not know the answer. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

* The person that I really owe an apology to is Cedric Sayers-Payton-Benson. The first half of the season he looked a little like Cedric Salaam-Enis-Benson and belonged on the field about as much as Wilma belonged at a meeting of the Royal Order of the Water Buffalo. The last couple of games, however, Ced Say-Pay-Ben has been running with tremendous power and is beginning to show the talent that made him the #4 overall selection two years ago. The RT has traditionally not been a fan of his, but now must admit that he deserves more of a chance to play.

* Any have Carlos Huerta's phone number handy? How about Michael Husted's? Carlos Husted? Michael Huerta? Any chance Kevin Butler can still kick? I am certainly not giving up on Robbie Gould after just one week, but kickers can go south faster than a group of New Jersey fraternity brothers on spring break. Just ask Mike Vanderjagt. And keep Gould away from the Goldschlager.

* Finally, you gotta love referee Jeff Triplette and that thick South Carolina drawl****. Any chance that guy shows up at the game in a rusted pick-up truck with a Toby Keith cassette in the player and a stars and bars decal in the back window? I swear that every time he called a penalty Monday night I expected him to say "Holding #58 on the offense. That's a ten yard penalty. It's still second down and we are 10-2 with Rex as our quarterback." You know, there is a reason that the North won.

Have a great day!

Lots of Trivia Today!!!

***What are the 32 words said by Jimmy Chitwood?

****Upon arriving in Springfield, Rex Banner discovered that the town had a prohibition law. He also discovered another law that affected the town's bird population. What was the law?

****Jeff Triplette is probably best known for calling a holding penalty on a Cleveland Browns offensive lineman in a 1999 game. Who was that player? (And since, yes, that is a relatively easy question) For what team did that player suit up upon his return to the NFL?

*****I realize that I never gave the answer to Monday's question. Pfarro was correct that Ruth and Gehrig hit more HR in a three year period than Papi and Manny. The other duo? Alex Rodriguez and Ken Griffey Jr. with the Mariners.