Well, I do believe that you have been patient long enough. A few of you have asked me to write about the black cloud that continues to hover not only over the glorious sport of baseball, but over all of the sporting world. No, I am not talking about the truly-frightening possibility that Chris Berman could, at any minute, come down and kill us all. I am, of course, talking about the plague upon the house of baseball. I am, of course, talking about steroids.
I have put this off for long enough. I have beaten the Gunston joke to death. I have probably bored you all to tears with incessant chatter about Iniana, their inability to play defense and their coaching search that only myself, Lori and Tiffany probably truly care about. I have typed the word Hofstra more times than I ever imagined possible. You have suffered and you shall be rewarded.
With today's announcement that former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell will head up an investigation into the use of steriods in baseball, the time has come. The time for the Random Thoughts to tackle THE issue that has been simmering, if not directly at the surface, then just slightly below. Steroids.
And will it come as any real suprise that my inital reaction to the controversy is "whatever." Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize the disturbing impact that steroid use by our sports heroes can have on all the little kiddies out there. I know that I should be concerned with the health and well being of the athletes that we grew up idolizing. I appreciate that the purity of the game has been compromised to some degree.
Look, it's too late to go back and change history. Until Dr. Emmett Brown comes along with his DeLoren and a pocketful of plutonium, there is really nothing we can do.
In my opinion (hey, I'm a lawyer. Gotta include that in there), Mark McGwire did steroids. Gary Sheffield did steroids. Brady Anderson did steroids. Sammy Sosa did steroids. Miguel Tejada did steroids. Barry Bonds did steroids. Lots and lots of steroids. Heck, for all I know Keith Moreland may have done steroids.
Shoot, I do not even need the legal disclaimer to talk about Jason Giambi and Rafael Palmeiro.
So, the big question now is...what are we going to do about it? Put an asterisk next to the records? Suspend those players who are still playing? Send them to their bedrooms without any supper? Tell them they can't have the sleepover that they were soooo looking forward to?*** (see below)
Here's what we should do...nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Okay, maybe nothing is a tad too strong. But let's not get carried away. Let's just admit that there has been a problem, put an intense, strict testing system in place with a penalty structure that would qualify anyone who risks their careers by continuing to use as a certifiable candidate for the nut farm, and concentrate on educating America's youth on the dangers of steroids. Asterisks? Suspensions? No supper? Please...
First of all, most of the performance enhancing substances that we suspect our ballfield heroes of having gotten involved with were NOT illegal when they were taken. "Yes, Mr. Zarling. I know that you were only going 35 miles an hour when you 'accidentally' ran over a drunk Todd Wellemeyer with your car and the posted speed limit was 65, but we have now lowered the speed limit to 15 mph, so it's off to the slammer with you. Be sure to say hi to Bryan Robinson and Alonzo Spellman for me."
Second, how can we be sure that steroids or HGH were responsible for Sammy's or Mark's or Augie's home runs. Maybe it was the Flintstone vitamins. Maybe it was Pepsi. Maybe he ate a funky bean burrito at Taco Bell. Who in the heck knows the true impact of performance enhancing drugs? Do we say that all home runs that cleared the wall by less than 15 feet are illegitimate, but all that smashed windows across the street should count because they probably would have cleared the fence regardless?
There is no clean and simple way. And we should not even attempt to look for one.
But Dan...we are talking about the most hallowed record in all of sports. More hallowed than Pete Rose's career hits. More hallowed than Kareen Abdul Jabaar's points. More hallowed than Ron Coomer's double plays hit into.
So? How do we know that Hank Aaron was clean? Or Roger Maris? I mean, how do we really know?
Yeah, but Dan, clearly there was not the advancements in performance enhancing substances in the 20's, 50's, 60's that there are today. What an unfair advantage today's players have. Of course, they are going to hit more home runs...
True, but don't you think that Barry Bonds would have liked to have played at the Polo Grounds where it was a measly 258 feet to the bleachers in right field? Sheesh, Neifi Perez may have hit 30 dingers a year there.
But Dan...there is clearly an unlevel playing field. The pitchers could not have possibly be effective against the modern day batting behemouths. The hitters these days look like He-Man action figures...
Do you really think that the pitchers have never heard of this stuff? Why is it that th average velocity fell sharply last year? Pitchers who used to throw in the mid-90's were topping out in the high 80's. Do you honestly believe that the pitchers weren't on the juice? Further, have spitballs gone the way of the rabbit-eared televison?
I think you get my point...
One of the most wonderful things about baseball is that it is not uniform. Stadiums are configured differently. Some players have the luxury of facing Kansas City Royals' pitching 18 times a year. Others may catch a break and play a game with the wind blowing out in Wrigley and Mike Morgan on the hill. Some have to contend with the south side distraction and fear of random nut jobs charging the field. There are a lot of factors that enter the equation.
Performance enhancing drugs are no doubt a BIG one. I am not denying that. But to act like it is the only factor...to act like players in the past did not enjoy advantages...to act like the glory years of baseball truly consisted of all-American young men, eating whole cows for dinner, rescuing cats from trees and having enough energy to smile the grandest smile for the local press is foolish.
One man's opinion.
Cheating? It's cheating, you say?
Well, where do you draw the line? So steroids use is definitely cheating, spitball throwing is cheating, but is most often forgivable, but the hidden ball trick may not be? What about stealing signs? Mark Buehrle may argue that it is. Mark Teixeira may argue that it is not. What about when a runner on second relays signs to a hitter ?
Gene Upshaw, who is now the President of the NFL Players Association once said this about the Raiders of the 1970's..."if you were not cheating, you were not trying." When told of this comment, Mike & Mike on EPSN Radio did not bat an eye. No reaction at all. Yet, steroids currently monopolizes their show (aside from the mandatory hour during which Greenberg shamelessly pimps his book).
Torry Holt was a guest and spent 20 minutes talking about his newly patented receiving gloves. Does wearing such super-duper gloves give the receiver an unfair advantage? What about wearing any gloves period? Isn't the use of such gloves technically taking the game out of the complete control of the athletic ability and talent of the player?
Look, I am not saying that Holt's gloves should be banned. And I am certainly not saying that wearing gloves, no matter how advanced, is even in the same ballpark as taking steroids. I just think that if we are going to make an argument that enhancing one's performance is bad, then one must look at all sides of the issue and be prepared to be overun by the worms that are sure to come spilling out of the can.
Finally, to test how ridiculous I can make this, do we need to ban those stupid looking shoes that were sold in the back of sports magazines that promised to make you jump higher? (Oh, come on, you know the ones I am talking about. With the big pads under the toes.) How about Blu Blockers?
Investigate the use of steroids all you want, Bud. Institute the tough testing policy. Penalize the violators. Teach the children. Demand the return of the purity of the game. But leave the past be the past. Don't try and change it.
Unless you can make Rick Greenspan hire John Calipari instead.
* What do you think baseball should do? Please comment!!!
* A few of you have e-mailed me to make sure that I know that Iniana head coach Kelvin Sampson is full-blooded Lumbee Indian. Thanks for the note. But I take my cue from the short, bald barber in the movie Coming to America ("If his momma named him Clay. I'm calling him Clay"). If the Floyd Keith, the Director of the Black Coaches Association, calls him black. I'm calling him black.
***Today's trivia. This is a reference to a 70's TV show. What show and who was the character so concerned about the potential cancellation of her plans?
***Past trivia: Tuesday: Meatballs was the movie and the actor was Bill Murray. Wednesday: Bobby Hurley of Duke and Eric Riley of Michigan appeared as members of the IU team in the movie Blue Chips.
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7 comments:
Some things in live you can literally set your watch to: the ball falling in times square, the changing of the guard in Buckingham Palace, the sun hitting Stonehenge during the summer solstice. Random Thoughts is not one of these. I always look for it on my 3:00 work break. 3:00- no random thoughts, 3:15- no random thoughts. I had to contact my insider in Dan’s office to see that he hadn’t slipped on a banana peel in the company kitchen and was lying prone on his back. Why you ask does my life lack so much that I build in a break for random thoughts? I’m an accountant.
Selig is finally investigating the steroids in baseball. And in “baseball” I mean Barry Bonds. It’s a face-saving measure, but probably won’t amount to much. I’m really excited by the parity that we will see across teams this year in baseball. Steroids and mega-superstars were not necessarily good for the game anyway. “Stacked” teams such as the Yankees and WBC teams such as the DR, USA, and Venezuela were beaten by solid teams that just played fundamentals. I yearn for the baseball days of old where it was just beer, hookers, and the occasional goat. I’m really disappointed that the Tribune is selling out to Bud Light. The official name of the bleachers is now the “Bud Light Bleachers”. For shame.
Prior to the recent testing policy the steroids were still illegal, in the sense that they were a controlled substance and the athletes taking them clearly did not have prescriptions. The fact that baseball did not specifically list them as banned substances doesn’t overrule the federal law. If anybody test positive for steroids or a masking agent, they should be given the option for a more “specific” test to rule out false-positives and if they still test positive, they should loose eligibility for the hall of fame.
What would be the penalty for running down Wellemeyer? Following the confused farm animal line of thought, he is technically person property. $250 fine and community service?
"Jimmy's got these new shoes. They make Jimmy jump higher." Think Jimmy got them from a comic book?
Here's my thought -- and I've thought about the asterisk issue a lot. Did they take enhancements? Maybe. Was it illegal back then? No. Even if it was, do you have an 8 year old blood sample from Sosa or McGuire to test now? No.
Even if Bonds is guilty of using whatever the hell he is using (or, according to the new book it might be easier to name what he ISN'T using), you can't go back and erase what he accomplished because you can't prove he was using steroids at THAT time. Just please tell me he will test positive tomorrow and won't have a chance to pass up Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron.
On the lighter side, did anyone see that The Fridge is being inducted into the WWE (formerly WWF) Hall of Fame on Saturday?
BTW Dan, were you having this conversation with yourself out loud or was it just the voices in your head??
First, in response to Wrigleybill: While you raise a good point that steroids are a controlled substance, isn't that supposed to be for the FDA to regulate? What if MLB started to suspend players for tax evasion?
MLB only should take action where there were rules in place which were violated. Sorry, being a lawyer requires me to respect the rule of law - you cannot change the rules midstream.
With respect to asterisks and the records, can anyone tell me exactly for how many of Barry's HR's steroids were directly responsible? If not, what does the asterisk mean? I feel stronger about keeping separate records for seasons of different lengths (154 games v. 162)
I think that with respect to the Hall of Fame, the public and the writers will ultimately be the judge. I seem to recall that he was a pretty amazing player when he was a Pirate. If the majority believe that Barry should not be in the Hall because he used steroids, so be it.
With respect to the scope of the investigation, I hope that MLB has the guts to turn the camera lens on itself. In my opinion, every owner and the commissioner were complicit in the steroids scandal. MLB was in a very bad way in the mid-90's as a result of the strike and they needed some excitement to bring fans back to the game. Too bad they were so myopic about the PR consequences - they had to know that we would find out their dirty little secret.
Ultimately, unless the investigation is done solely for the sake of perfect knowledge (and I am not naive enough to believe that), we are heading down a slippery slope here. Who knows that the next issue will be that needs to be eradicated from baseball or sports generally? Perhaps the body armor that batters wear (Barry does this too, doesn't he?) will one day be outlawed. Should MLB go back and strike all of Craig Biggio's at bats where he was hit by a pitch?
Trivia: Is this Jan from the Brady Bunch?
Clearly I don't want MLB to turn into a police state where players are always looking behind their backs, but I think that if a player is being unethical or possibly doing illegal things then MLB should be able to suggest to law enforcement that he be investigated or reprimanded for the sake of the MLB saving face. I'm a CPA in internal audit- and while we love our employees- if there is suspicion of fraud or being unethical that could hurt the company, then we have internal investigations and involve legal if necessary. It shouldn't be different for baseball. I've never understood why professional sports operate in a "legal bubble". I don't think that players should be allowed to "renegotiate" contracts before they expire either (how are they not held in breach of contract for holding out?). No play- no pay.
Thank you for clarifying...I do think it is approriate for MLB to refer matters to law enforcement when it is warranted. I still believe that MLB is overstepping if it attempts to penalize players for past conduct which was not prohibited at the time.
As for breaching of player contracts...blame the owners for allowing it. (although I do feel that owners 'breach' contracts as often as the players in the NFL since the money is not guaranteed).
If a used Potions book with very helpful notes in the margins falls into your hands and that book both boosts your grade and reputation as a potions student - is it cheating? Intelligent minds can differ.
Personally, I agree with wrigleybill that the whole investigation is to safe face.
MLB has lots of lawyers on staff and lawyers, if good for nothing else, are great for drafting vague rules, laws, and regulations that can be interpreted 1,000 different ways.
If it really wanted a clean sport, it would have drafted its policys so any substance other than peanuts, crackerjack and the products of its sponsors were "investigatable" and it could choose to act accordingly.
MLB is not a governmental entity (as far as I know). It does not have to protect consitutional rights in the same manner as the US Code. As a player, if you don't like the rules, you're free to play for another league (I hear the WWE is a lot more lenient with that sort of thing; in fact I believe their policies require a minimum weekly intake of steriods to avoid suspension).
My last post didn’t really tell you my opinion on the subject. Here goes, steroid use is cheating. It’s cheating whether it was illegal at the time or not. You can tell its cheating because the players did it in secret. Tory Holt’s blabbing about his new super-cool gloves to everyone who will listen. The sheer fact that he’s willing to talk about his new “advantage” tells you it’s not cheating. Were Sammy Sosa et al. blabbing about their new hormone regimine and how it will really help them in their games? No. Why? Because they knew it was cheating. Even if it wasn’t banned, it was wrong and they shouldn’t have done it. And they shouldn’t be looking for new ways to beat the system. Because - if your actions involve beating the system - you are cheating.
As always take my opinion on this matter with a grain of salt. Because I think everything is cheating. Stealing signs is cheating. The hidden ball trick is cheating. Relaying signs is cheating. Running to first base when you are clearly out is cheating. I don't subscribe to the - it's not cheating if you don't get caught philosophy.
I think not playing a card in Euchre when you are supposed to is cheating (some other people call it strategy). I think lying about the value of your cash and non-cash charitable contributions on your tax return is cheating. I even think looking up the answers to trivia questions on google is cheating (sorry). So, maybe I’m not the best person to render an opinion.
As far as baseball is concerned, however, I will not even hazard an opinion as to how to punish these people. I don’t care enough about records or halls of fame or know enough about baseball to judge what would be an adequate punishment.
By the way - it was Marcia who wanted the sleepover, not Jan.
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