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Last night, after watching James Posey do his best Mike Singletary impersonation, I headed down to my local "Why Hawk Harrelson is a Pompous Jerk" meeting and had the opportunity to share drinks and swap stories with ex-White Sox Frank Thomas. A few beers into our conversation, the Big Hurt agreed to spill the beans about his sixteen seasons with the south siders. He talked in frightening detail about Jack McDowell and his unwavering preference for blondes, including the infamous night in Anaheim when Jack and Wilson Alvarez met up with Sharon Stone and tried to reenact scenes from Basic Instinct (poor Alvarez ended up on the DL for three weeks and Black Jack has gone sans panties ever since). He was bursting with priceless information and I proved to be just the man onto whom he elected to unload the White Sox' deepest, darket secrets (To read more of this story, including the story of what really happened at The Manhole on that fateful July night, assuring that Ozzie will never -- and I mean never -- fire Joey Cora, please subscribe to be a RT Sucker, er, I mean, Insider by clicking on the $$$ link).

I was also successful in reaching Bears' General Manager Jerry Angelo on the telephone early this morning. Trust me when I say that tomorrow's draft day is going to be a BIG day for the Bears. Let's just say that if I'm Brian Urlacher, I'm not getting too comfortable in my Chicago digs and I'm strongly considering heading to my local Borders to buy a city guide to Detroit (first page: Come see the Automotive Hall of Fame! Come see the studio where The Temptations recorded "My Girl!" Come drive by Jerome Bettis' childhood house!!!!). Prepare Chicago for a full-scale Joey Harrington invasion! For in-depth information on the Bears' plans, $$$ please become a RT Insider.

I have also found Stephen Hawking Hairston Jr.'s brain. To find out up whose ass it was wedged, please subscribe to our new RT Insider service $$$.

Kid Corey rewarded Orioles' manager Sam Perlozzo for including him in the lineup Thursday. Want to find out what happened? Become an RT Insider today! $$$

Jessica Alba has the nicest set of... To read the rest of this sentence, subscribe to be an RT Insider!!!

Look, if you don't become an RT Insider, you're access to my Random Thoughts is going to be severely curtailed. In fact, my daily free post is likely going to look something like this...

"Cubs...dumb baseball. Walks! Aaargh. Sox. Uh huh. Some guy did something. I like sports. Dee Brown. Dee Brown. Dee Brown. Meaningless reference to the CHiPS or Beverly Hills Ninja."

It will be exactly like listening to Chris Singleton call a Sox game.

Obviously I am trying to make a point and I trust that those of you who are frequent visitors to ESPN's website will have no trouble figuring out what it is. Want to read the details of Ricky Williams and Rashaan Salaam debate over the best place to but pot in Milwaukee? Pay! Want to see what excuse Mark Buerhle is using for his Wednesday loss to Seattle? Pay! Want to see whether the Bulls have a legitimate chance of signing Slava Medvedenko? Pay! (Wait a minute, on second thought, don't pay on that last one...)

By the way, I'm guessing that Buerhle is claiming that the Mariners had Bigfoot perched on the top of the Space Needle and were stealing signs...

I understand the phenomenon. I really do. And frankly, I suppose I cannot blame ESPN and others from charging people for access to their web content. Hey, it's a business and the objective remains to make as much cash as you can. But, that does not meant that it is not incredibly frustrating. I remember a day, not too long ago, when you could visit espn.com and all the information was there for you. Want to read Jerry Krause's explanation for why trading Elton Brand for Tyson Chandler and (don't forget) the legendary Brian Skinner was such a fabulous idea? Want a psychiological explanation on why peeing on your hands makes Moises Alou a better hitter? Want a review of the current sanitary condition of all the holding cells in the Chicagoland area? Just click on the link and read precisely what Alonzo Spellman has to say.

Things sure have changed since the good ol' days. It seems as though the only complimentary resources on ESPN.com, CBSSportsline.com and their bretheren these days are raw statistics and profiles of NBDL players (check for the Dee Brow...Oh, I just can't do it! After all, I've made promises). Yes, it makes sense but I will let my dear friend Eric Cartman sum it up... (all together now) "It's a bunch of tree-hugging, hippie crap!"

Anyway, what a terrific game the Bulls played last night! Yes, Miami was bad and, no, I have no idea when Shaquille O'Neal turned into Dickie Simpkins, but let's not take anything away from the Bulls. They were agressive, made key shots and played solid, team basketball. I truly believe that if this team had a little more maturity and a solid post presence on both ends of the floor, they would be a legitimate title contender.

Speaking of lacking maturity, in the first line of this post I mentioned James Posey's impersonation of Mike Singletary. For those of you who missed it, Posey slammed his shoulder into Kirk Hinrich and was immediately ejected from the game. Those who were close by, including most notably the NBA's Senior Vice President of Basketball Operations Stu Jackson, claim that Posey seemed to be sizing up Hinrich as the two headed up the floor. I don't know if the act was planned long in advance, but it is clear that it was intentional and I suspect that Mr. Posey will be watching Game 4 from his downtown Chicago hotel room.

Posey's ejection was followed by a full scale meltdown by the Heat. In the next six seconds, Antoine Walker and Udonis Haslem were also given technical fouls. The problem is that, as a Bulls fan, I'm not so sure that this is a good thing. I tend to agree with Scott Skiles' assessment that the Heat are going to be one angry bunch of basketball players on Sunday. If the Bulls can weather the inevitable punch that Miami is going to deliver in the first six minutes of the game, they may actually be able to win the game, place a seed of doubt in the Heat players' head and take the series to the limit. That said, I'm sticking with my original prediction of Heat in 5.

Other notes from the Bulls game:

- Steve Kerr is, not suprisingly, a terrific television commentator. He is genuinely funny and adds great insight to the broadcast. His best line came after TNT put a graphic up showing that with last night's win the Bulls are now 8-0 at home in the playoffs versus the Heat. Steve deadpanned, "yeah but seven of those wins came during the Bill Wennigton/ Jud Buechler years."

- I watched the game on TNT instead of Comcast Sportsnet for three reasons: (1) Comcast stinks; (2) TNT is available in Hi-Def on DirecTV; and (3) as I mentioned, on Tuesday, the incessant whining about the officiating of Tom Dore, Red Kerr and Stacey "Where's the Buffet" King is way over the top.

- Give TNT a lot of credit for poking fun at the "sell everything" mentality of television. The segment "Steve Kerr's Keys" (or something like that) included the tag line "Still No Sponsorship!!!"

- I don't know why, but it was nice to see Michael Jordan at the game and cheering for the Bulls like he actually cares.

- Luke Schenscher is not good.

- I'd still strongly consider trading Ben Gordon for the right package of players.

Moving on from the Bulls, reports indicate that a number of White Sox players spent their off day hanging out with Hef at the Playboy Mansion. Hey, Jose Contreras, bet you'd extra happy that you floated on over on that bedpost raft now, aren't you? Havana can have the Copacabana and Lola and Rico and all that, I'll take the Girls Next Door. It will be interesting to see whether Tail Chaser Anderson makes it to the game tonight and whether he has a permanent smile on his face. Nice to be in the big leagues, eh kid?

It must also be nice to be the defending World Champions. I suspect the Cubs don't get invited to the Playboy Mansion on their off-days. Heck, the pitching staff spends the day at the Southern California Shoulder Clinic, youngsters Weasley, Marshall, Guzman and Cedeno probably head over to ride the teacups at Disneyland, and Stephen Hawking Hairston Jr. probably heads over the television lots to catch a taping of the new Fox reality special "World's Dumbest Athletes."

Interesting Playboy Mansion Fact of the Day (Because I'm about more than sports): The original Mansion, located on State Street (that great street) in Chicago, had a sign on the door with the words "Si Non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare" on a brass plate. Translation: "If you don't swing, don't ring."

Interesting Playboy Mansion Fact of the Day II: Tired of your children playing ultra-violent video games? Tired of seeing them hoot and holler at the sight of video blood streaming out of a guy's head? Perhaps you may wish to consider buying them "Playboy: The Mansion" available for your Playstation 2 game system. Similar to The Sims (which suprisingly has nothing to do with Jon), in the game, players take on the role of Hef and try to build an pornography empire while facing conservative do-gooders around every corner. You hire staff, hold parties, ogle topless beauties. I'm not making this stuff up people...

What ever happened to the days of Pac-Man, Pitfall and Space Invaders?

Corey-o-Meter: Boy, that Lenny Bruce DVD sure did the trick. Starting and batting seventh in the order, Kid Corey went 3-4 with 1 run scored, 2 RBI and 2 stolen bases. Perhaps an Andy Kaufmann video is in order for tonight. Season: .222 average, 1 HR, 6RBI, 6 SB

Yes, tomorrow is the NFL draft. So, who are the Bears going to select? I have no clue, but with the draft only one day away, we only have to put up with Mel Kiper Jr. for another 24 hours or so. Quick question that has been bothering me for years: if Kiper is such a tremendous judge of talent and is truly an expert on the draft, then why doesn't he, I don't know, have a job in player personnel with an actual NFL team?

The truth is that player evaluation is an in-exact science and the "experts" often know little more than old Mrs. Rosenberg who lives on the corner and owns 63 cats. Most of you know that I do not like to give Bob Knight accolades, but I can't help but think about the famous prank that he pulled in the early 1990's. Upset with the so called recruiting "experts" (and with the sports media in general), Knight announced that Iniana had gotten a commitment from Ivan Renko, a 6'10 freak-of-nature from Eastern Europe. Within a day, numerous recruiting services published recruit profiles of Renko, describing his shooting ability, rebounding and other characteristics. The problem? Renko was completely made up by Knight. I'm secretly hoping that we find out that the same is true about that thing Freddie Bynum.

New Orleans seems to hold one of the keys to the draft and their "dilemma" is absolutely ridiculous in my mind. Reggie Bush is going to go to Houston with the #1 pick and, having signed quarterback Drew Brees as a free agent, the Saints are unlikely to take either Matt Leinart or Vince Young. That leaves them with either D'Brickashaw Ferguson or Mario Williams. The problem with Ferguson is that the team does not seem sold on him as a cornerstone offensive lineman and the problem with DE Williams is that the Saints already have two solid, young defensive ends.

Apparently, the player that New Orleans really likes is erstwhile Ohio State Linebacker A.J. Hawk and the Saints certainly could use a talented LB. But almost all draft experts agree that the Saints will draft Williams and Hawk will go to Green Bay with the #5 pick. Why, you ask? Because all the experts agree that the second pick is "too high" for Hawk. Excuse me? Does this make any sense to anyone? Yes, Williams may have more talent, but shouldn't you take the player who fits your most pressing need. I mean, it's not like they are looking to draft Jim Morrissey with the #2 pick. This whole situation makes about as much sense as the fact that Mark Bellhorn is still collecting a major league paycheck.

Finally, if you have not seen the video of bonus-baby Delmon Young throwing his bat at the umpire, be sure to check it out. Young, the #1 overall draft pick in the 2003 ameteur draft and the 2005 Baseball America Minor League Player of the Year, was upset with a called third strike and responded as any level-headed male would, by tossing his bat at the ump. Now, obviously Young is going to be suspended and I have seen 60-days and the full season thrown around as possible penalties. I, however, have some other ideas in mind. Should Young...

A. Be forced to watch the entire Season 2 DVD of Joanie Loves Chachi (was there a Season 2?)
B. Have to get in the ring with former Knicks and nut cases Anthony Mason and Xavier McDaniel in the return episode of Celebrity Boxing
C. Be forced to listen to Fran Drescher read the New York City phone book
D. None of the Above

Post your idea for the best punishment!

And you don't even have to be a Random Thoughts Insider to do it...

** The answer to yesterday's trivia question was Vida Blue, who won the MVP as a member of the Oakland A's in 1971.


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