The Plague on the House of Baseball Revisited

I have to warn you. Today's post may be a little shocking and so I want to make sure everyone is sitting down before I start. Mad Chemist...pull up a lab stool. AllHailtheChief... there is a tepee blanket right over there. Bearister... you go ahead and sit in Lance Briggs lap. Golden Sombrero... Soriano is happy to give up his seat for a namesake. Everyone else, please find yourself a La-Z-Boy, oversized bean bag, big plastic hand, or an egg. Everyone comfortable? Good.

Katherine Heigl is hot.

Kim Jong-Il is not a nice person.

Zack Morris is the coolest kid in the school.

Eric Cartman needs to lay off the cheesy poofs, snacky cakes and powdered donut pancake surprise.

Okay, I hope that I have now laid the groundwork for what is to come. I hope that the above realities have come as such a shock that you are now fully prepared for I have what to say next. I hope that you are thinking "Katherine Heigl is hot? Zack Morris is cool? Eric Cartman is fat? I always thought he was big boned!! I cannot believe it!!!" There is simply nothing else I can do to prepare you for what is coming next, so I will just come out and say it.

In 2003, Sammy Sosa tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Someone please pick George H.W. Bush off the floor. And see if you can get that pretzel out of his throat.

I know, I know, who saw that one coming? I mean, Sammy was the face of the Cubs from 1992-2004. What else are we going to learn about those beloved teams? That Rod Beck did not do a daily yoga routine? That Kyle Farnsworth liked the drinky drinky? That Mark Grace's little black book was not so little?

So, now there is "proof" that Sammy was not just popping Dinos, Barneys and Bam Bams. Wait a minute? Does this this mean that his corked bat was not really just for batting practice?

Of course, the big questions now involve how we should look at Sammy's legacy and whether he should be elected to the Hall of Fame. Well, those of you who have been readers of the Random Thoughts since its inception (back in those wonderful days when we believed that Cedric Benson could be the next Walter Payton and not the next Rashaan Salaam) may remember my thoughts on steroids and how players proven to have used performance enhancing drugs should be penalized. But, for the sake of those who are new to the RT, I have borrowed many of my original thoughts from May 2006. And to those of you who have heard this before, in the words of Sammy, I apallagi (and have thrown in some new stuff to entice you to keep reading).

My opinion of what I have referred to as the "Plague Upon the House of Baseball" is essentially the same now as it was then....whatever. Yes, I continue to recognize the disturbing impact that steroid use by our sports heroes can have on the little kiddies out there and I know that I should be concerned about the health and well being of the athletes that we grew up idolizing. Further, I appreciate that the steroid era has compromised the purity of the game to some degree, but the truth remains that it is too late to go back and change history. The truth is that until Dr. Emmett Brown comes along with his DeLoren and a pocketful of plutonium, there is really nothing we can do.

We now know that A-Rod, Giambi, Palmeiro and countless others did steroids and we have every reason to believe that Clemens, Bonds, McGwire, and Tejada did as well. Heck, for all we know Keith Moreland may have done steroids. In fact, I think the only person that we know for sure has not done steroids is Mark DeRosa. After all, those born on Krypton do not need no stinkin' drugs.

So, what are we going to do about it? Put an asterisk next to records? Suspend those players who are still playing? Keep them out of Hall of Fame? Send them to their bedrooms without any supper? Tell them they can't see the Itchy and Scratchy movie or have the sleepover they were sooooo looking forward to?

Here's what we should do...nothing. Absolutely nothing. Now that the "steroid era" has been confirmed and the new testing system has been put in place, it is time to move on. Asterisks? Suspensions? No supper? Please...

After all, why does it really matter if a juiced Ron Kittle tried to hit pitches thrown by a juiced Frank Viola?

First of all, most of the performance enhancing substances that players are being accused of having gotten involved with were NOT illegal when they were taken. "Yes, Mr. Wagner. I know that you were only going 35 miles an hour when you 'accidentally' ran over a drunk Hawk Harrelson and the posted speed limit was 65, but we have now lowered the limit to 15 mph, so it's off to the slammer with you. Be sure to say hi to Donte' Stallworth and Plaxico Burress for me."

Second, how can we be sure that steroids or HGH were responsible for Sammy's or Mark's or Augie Ojeda's home runs? Maybe it was the Flintstone vitamins. Maybe it was a Moutain Dew. Maybe it was a Red Bull? Did anyone ever check whether Sammy had sprouted wings? Does anyone know the true impact of performance enhancing drugs and do we count those home runs that smashed windows across the street but not those that landed in the basket?

I am sure you agree that there is no clean and simple way. And we should not even attempt to look for one.

Those who believe that confirmed users should be punished and kept out of the Hall of Fame will argue that we are talking about the most hallowed record in all of sports. More hallowed than Pete Rose's career hits. More hallowed than Kareem Abdul Jabaar's points. More hallowed than Derrek Lee's double plays hit into or Rich Hill's walks per innings pitched.

But how do we know that Hank Aaron was clean? Or Roger Maris? I mean, how do we really know?

They will argue that there were not the advancements in performance enhancing substances in the 20's, 50's, 60's that there are today and, as a result, modern day players have a tremendous advantage and are naturally going to hit more home runs (pun fully intended).

Well, don't you think that Barry Bonds would have liked to have played at the Polo Grounds where it was a measly 258 feet to the bleachers in right field? Sheesh, Little Babe Ruth may have hit 70 dingers a year there.

I think you get my point...

One of the most wonderful things about baseball is that it is not uniform. Stadiums are configured differently. Some players have the luxury of facing Washington Nationals' pitching 18 times a year. Others may catch a break and play a game with the wind blowing out in Wrigley and David Patton on the hill. Some have to contend with the south side distraction and fear of random nut jobs charging the field. There are a lot of factors that enter the equation.

Performance enhancing drugs are no doubt a BIG one. I am not denying that. But to act like it is the only factor...to act like players in the past did not enjoy advantages...to act like the glory years of baseball consisted of all-American young men, eating steak and potatoes, rescuing cats from trees and having enough energy to smile the grandest smile for the local press is foolish.

But steroids affect the player, himself, and, therefore, make performance no longer completely the result of natural ability they will argue.

Well, where do you draw the line? Hundreds of players take painkillers on a daily basis to be ready to take the field. Is this cheating? Should we bash Paul Konerko for taking a cortizone shot to return from what could have been a crippling wrist injury? Doesn't that take performance completely out of the Paulie's hands? What about the little pills Babe Ruth was sure to take after night-after-night of hanging out with Norm Peterson's grandfather? Should Pedro Cerrano be ostracized for relying on voodoo to boost his power numbers?

Look, I am not saying that painkillers are in the same ballpark as taking steroids. I just think that if we are going to make an all-encompassing argument that enhancing one's performance is bad, then one must look at all sides of the issue and be prepared to be overun by the worms that are sure to come spilling out of the can.

Finally, to test how ridiculous I can make this, do we need to ban "new and improved" equipment? How about those stupid looking shoes that were sold in the back of sports magazines that promised to make you jump higher? (Oh, come on, you know the ones I am talking about. With the big pads under the toes.) How about Blu Blockers?

Continue to investigate the use of steroids all you want if it will make you feel better to know that Albert Belle was juicing. Institute an even tougher testing policy. Penalize the violators who fail tests that are instituted under the new policy. Teach the children well. Demand the return of the purity of the game. But leave the past be the past.

And make sure Sammy gets his plaque in Cooperstown. He deserves it.

* By the way, with the news about Sammy's confirmed test, I have deleted all responses to the poll on whether he should be elected to the Hall of Fame so that everyone can re-vote. Please be sure to do so.

** Please also be sure to join the chat regarding the Cubs-Sox game in the comments to the "Today's Schedule" post immediately below!!