Happy Homecoming?

Dylan McKay had been through quite a lot by the time he left Beverly Hills in 1995. Alcoholism, severe drug abuse, fights between Brenda and Kelly, and the alleged death of his white collar criminal father. Heck, things got so bad after he fell victim to a scam that resulted in him losing all of his money that he started sleeping with the overweighted, I mean, overrated Valerie Malone (I absolutely love Allinonthefirsthand's comment and, therefore, have stolen it...). Maybe he just closed his eyes and imagined that she was still Kelly Kopowski.

Yet, even with all of the unfortunate memories, Dylan returned to Beverly Hills in 1998. Oh sure, he started mainlining heroin and dating the bad girl again, but when all was said and done, we are lead to believe that he kicked the habit and he and Kelly lived happily ever after. It turns out perhaps you can go home again.

Let's hope that someday the same can be said of Mark DeRosa.

I know that I have spent a lot of time in the last week or so joking about how DeRosa is Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and Jay Cutler all rolled into one, but after hearing his comments last weekend about how much he enjoyed playing in Chicago, I started to really feel bad that the Cubs had elected to trade him for what amounts to a bag of baseballs, a Dick Tidrow mustache groomer and a VHS copy of 90210 season four. Frankly, I am not sure that I have ever heard someone sound sadder about being forced to leave an organization. In media interviews, the poor guy sounded downright depressed. You would have sworn that somebody had just told DeRosa that he had failed to join Peter and Cindy in the glee club or that Jan may be allergic Tiger (you know, Bobby had a tough year). I am not sure I have seen someone so forlorned since Homer found out that KrustyBurger was going to stop selling the ribwich. Doh!!!

DeRosa, who has played in Atlanta, Texas, Chicago and now Cleveland talked about how much he enjoyed playing in front of Cubs fans. He talked about how he has never felt more at home than he felt at the Friendly Confines. He talked about how playing on the same field as Steve Trout, Ismael Valdez and Steve Buchele meant more to him than any of us would ever know. He talked about missing practically everything about the Cubs... day games... broken shards of Steroid Sammy's boombox embedded in the clubhouse walls... daily walks past the unfinished bronze statute of Corey Patterson which will, alas, never occupy it's rightful place at the corner of Addison and Clark... sticky magazine photos of Marla Collins from Jeromy Burnitz's tenure on the North Side.

The truth is that, despite all of the sarcasm, I liked DeRosa a lot when he was in a Cubs' uniform and, if there is anyway he can be brought back, I think that he could help this team. That said, I am officially joining the rest of Chicago in hoping that Jim Hendry can someone make it work. But, I encourage you to keep in mind that, while he may be a able to travel through time to the year 3010, fight the evil robot kings and save the human race again, I still doubt he can really do anything about frickin' Kevin Gregg.

* Oh noooo, I am not too angry about last night. So much for all the good feelings surrounding the team. This reminds me of when the TC Williams Titans won a big game only to see star linebacker Gerry Bertier get into a car accident. The difference? The Titans were able to overcome Gerry's paralysis. The Cubs, on the other hand...

* Reason #138 Why I Sometimes Hate Sports Radio: All Cubs fans should be angry about last night. Heck, all Sox fans should be angry about what happened. But Carmen DeFalco, host of the ESPN afternoon Saloon of Stupidity isn't angry. In fact, despite the fact that he claims to be a tried and true Sox fan, he is rather apathetic about the result. You see, Carmen mentioned on yesterday's show that he does not care who wins when the Cubs and Tigers play. Hey genius... Mario from Pizano's just called. You left your brain at the antipasto table.

Look, I have no problem if you are a Sox fan and feel the need to root against the Cubs when they play the Padres or the Phillies or any other National League team. Furthermore, I really can't argue with your desire to see Miguel Tejada convince D Lee that he is just sharing his Pop Rocks so Derrek gets a 50-game suspension or hope that Prince Fielder eats Ryan Dempster. I can't even quarrel with your want for Tony LaRussa to overimbibe of Busch Light and run over Gregg and Soriano in a drunken stupor. In fact, I know a number of Cubs' fans that would like to see the same thing.

But to say that you do not want the Cubs to beat the Tigers when Detroit has a five-game lead in the AL Mediocre, is simply idiotic and proves, in my mind, that some of you remain primarily Cubs haters rather than Sox fans. Just one man's opinion.

* Some homecomings make sense and are generally welcome. For example, Greg Maddux may have looked more like Gary Maddox on the hill than his old self during his second stint, but it just felt right to have him back in a Cubs' uniform. Scottie Pippen may have made more turnovers than Mad Chemist's pal The Swedish Chef when he returned to the West Side (when he wasn't wearing street clothes and saving Luol Deng's seat on the end of the bench, that is) but it was fitting that he would end his career in a Bulls' uniform. Pamela Anderson may have fooled around with Kid Rock for a bit and enjoyed a little of Paris Hilton's sloppy seconds when she went to Vegas with Rick Soloman, but aren't we all fairly certain that eventually she will make her way back to Dr. Feelgood. After all, it just feels right.

And then there are those "homecomings" that make about as much sense as trusting Iran to conduct a fair election. Yesterday, I referenced Dan McNeil's return to The Score, where he will host a new show. Despite his arrogance and mocking personality, it is hard to argue that McNeil has talent, but his return still shocks the heck out of me. After all, this is the same guy who spent the last eight years completely bashing the hell out of The Score and the station's management (when he wasn't suspended for teasing the poor fat man, that is). Listening to McNeil talk about The Score, you would swear that working there is akin to working at a fortune cookie making sweatshop in Shanghai.

I really want you to think about what has happened here. Imagine working at the Larry Roth-s-child School of Throwing Strikes only to be fired for telling star pupils Rich Hill and Jeff Samardzjia about the importance of getting ahead of the count. Imagine then getting a job working at the Gerald Perry School of Patience at the Plate where you unleash tirade after tirade on the stupidity of Larry's teachings. Imagine then getting fired for suggesting that Kosuke is Japanese for Spin-o-Rama. Now picture applying for a job at Larry's school again. Think he is going to want to hire you?

Apparently, if the imbciles that run The Score have any say, the answer is "quite possibly." Does that make any sense to you? I suppose the lesson to be learned is, go ahead and burn that bridge. We'll just use Obama's stimulus funds to build another.

Or pehaps the real lesson is that something is seriously wrong with the fact that Score management could not come up with another alternative and I now have reason #12,963 why I hate sports radio. After all, I'm right here and the cleaning industry is really not that fascinating... I'll just sit here and watch the episode when Dylan takes Brenda to the Homecoming Dance while I wait for their call.

-- A big "thank you" to new RT reader "Invoke the Mac" for his fine creation of the Mark DeRosa - South Park picture above. Good work Luis!!!