Chicago Marathon

It was late and I simply could not sleep. Too troubled by the thought of what, thanks to Janet Reno, has likely become of Elian Gonzalez, I lay in bed awake, listening to the cicadas buzzing in the tree outside my window. Finally, at about 12:20 am or so, I got out of bed and headed downstairs hoping that Bad Girls Dormitory** was showing on USA's Up All Night. Upon remembering that Up All Night has been off the air since 1998 (not to mention the fact that was exclusively a weekend delight) and realizing that it was not quite late enough to catch a quality Girls Gone Wild infomercial, I decided to see if I could catch Debra Messing in a pair of knee high black leather boots on a WGN rerun of Will & Grace.

How surprised was I to see that the Cubs were still battling it out with the Astros. Hey, sure I was disappointed that I would not be seeing a bunch of "naughty young ladies from the New York Juvenile Reformatory getting hacked to pieces by a savage bunch of sadists,"** a marketing pitch trying to get me to shell out $29.95 for "Coeds Uncover" or the lovely Debra, but how many more opportunities will I have to watch John Mabry in a Cubs' uniform?

Eighteen inning games just don't some around very often and, fortunately, Tuesday night's epic contained a number of subplots that are definitely worthy of conversation. Besides, it's nice to write about an exciting Cubs victory in a season that has had a few too many moments that have made me feel either like Stan when presented with the opportunity to talk to Wendy Testaburger (Hey, I think I see a cheesy poof in there! And there is a french fry!) or like Carrie when she found out Big was back from Paris with his 26-year old girlfriend (the only reason this was referenced is because, as I write this, thewife is over yonder watching SITC and Carrie literally just vomited -- and all over the beach too).

Anyway, notes from the 8-6 win...

* I've said it before (in this blog) and I will say it again, Malfoy was right. Weasley is our king.
If not for the heroics of the Random Thoughts' favorite red head who is not a roommate of Will Truman and who was not once both married to Cleveland Indians catcher Jake Taylor and the inspiration for Roy McAvoy's comeback (although -- and I write this purely for the sake of self preservation -- if that is you, Tawny Kitaen, reading this, you are really my favorite. I, like all 15 year olds at the time, loved you in the video for Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again." Please don't beat me up), the game would have been over long before Dusty even had a chance to use his entire roster. For those of you too busy helping look for Jon Benet's killer (congrats, by the way) to pay attention, Weasley tied the game with a home run off then-Astro closer Brad Lidge in the 9th and won the game with a two-run single in the top of the 18th. Weasley...thy middle name is clutch.

But can someone please explain to me why he is not playing every day? Look, the RT has long been a big supporter of Weasley, but, truth be told, I have no idea whether he is or should be the Cubs' future everyday left fielder (I, as much as anyone, recognize the need for more power from the corner outfield positions), but, with the Cubs 17 games under .500 and having absolutely no chance at the postseason, the Cubs really should be trying to figure out what they have in Matt. I know that Angel Pagan has done a respectable job when in the lineup, but the bottom line is that he should be playing against everyone. He should be playing against left-handers. He should be playing against right handers. Short guys. Tall guys. Guys who climb on rocks. Fat guys. Skinny guys. Even guys with chicken pox.

And, yes, even guys who love both Milhouse Van Houten and Armour hotdogs.

Heck, he should even be playing in the simulated games with Wood and Prior, although don't we have to assume that Prior is, if not already, certainly soon to be covered in the above chicken pox category (with everything else that has gone wrong, I figure that a fine case of Varicella Simplex can't be that far away).

There just seems to be a magic when Weasley is in the lineup (pun fully intended). In fact, over the last 23 games, the Cubs are 11-3 in games when Weasley starts in left field and only 4-5 in games when he does not (and one of those games is Tuesday night's affair, when, despite not starting, he still managed five at-bats and drove in the team's final three runs). Van Halen is not the same without David Lee Roth, E.R. was never the same without Dr. Greene and the 2006 Cubs are not all they can be without my favorite son of Molly and Arthur patrolling left field. So...memo to Jim Hendry and Dusty...he may not have the power of Matt Williams (nor the tremendous need for Rogaine or Minoxidil), but he ain't Matt Mieske either.

* As a result of Weasley's game-tying home run, Astro manager Phil Garner has announced that Lidge has officially lost his job as Houston's closer. Fear not, Astro fans, Mel Rojas is out there somewhere.

* Give the Cubs a lot of credit for winning the game, but, mistake not, the game featured typical Cub ineptitide. Weasley truly saved the day, as both Mabry and Ronny Cedeno failed to drive the go-ahead run home in the top of the 18th before Matt's big two-out, two-run single. Aramis lead off the inning with a double and Einstein Jones then singled sending Ram to third. With Aramis on third base and no outs, Mabry fouled out weakly and Cedeno grounded out to third. Of course, with the way the last couple of seasons have gone, if the Cubs had been able to get drive the runner home from third with less than two outs, I would have been more surprised than Carol Brady when she found cigarettes in what she thought was Greg's letterman jacket.

* Random Thoughts commeter "WrigleyBill" or "The WB" or "The Little Drunk Frog Who is Embarrassed to Be Associated With Shows Like Cleghorne!, Pepper Dennis, and Beauty and the Geek" wants to know what would have happened if Rich Hill had taken a line drive off the forehead and been forced to leave the game. Well, basically, Dusty would have either had to choose between putting Darren, Yosh or Ollie into the game or just play with eight guys. And I hear that Darren and Yosh were not hustling in practice. Now that the Iniana Hsiers hired Kelvin Sampson as head coach, throwing away their golden opportunity, any chance we can get coach Norman Dale to manage the Cubs?

* Michael Barrett went 1-4 in the game. Nice day off, huh?

* Thank the lord it was the Cubs who played in an 18 inning game and not the Sox. Listening to Bob Brenly and Len Kasper may not be as enjoyable or as soothing as listening to Jimmy Buffett's box set, Boats, Beaches, Bars and Ballads, nor even as entertaining as listening to The Best of Devo or They Might Be Giants, but, overall, I think they do a good job describing the action and keeping the audience in the game. Can you imagine if it was the White Sox who played a game that lasted more than 5 1/2 hours? Let's see... Hawk would blame the umps at least 63 times, remind us all that we have never played in the major leagues at least 163 times and mention how Ozzie is the same guy that he was last year at least 263 times. Oh yeah, and D.J. would actually say at least 12 words. I'd rather listen to Gilbert Gottfried read War and Peace than suffer through that.

* The fact that the Cubs used all 26 players on the roster, including Rich Hill, who was scheduled to start on Wednesday afternoon, forced the team to drag some guy named Ryan O'Malley out of Kitty O'Shea's to pitch for the big boys. A 26-year old career minor leaguer, with mediocre numbers for West Tenn and Iowa, O'Malley pitched eight innings of no-run, five-hit ball (although true to his Cub-upbringing, he did manage to walk six batters). Now, it is readily recognized that a lot of ballplayers rely on Gatorade, Powerade, Jolt Cola or, in the old days, Jason Grimsley's extra special "coffee" to give them a lift prior to taking the field. True to her (and Ryan's) Irish heritage, thewife wants to know whether it was Guiness, Harp, Bushmills or Killian's that allowed a career highlighted by absolute mediocrity to mow down the Astros as easily as Jason Voorhees put away so many promiscious teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake.

* One of the most-interesting subplots of the game involved Roger Clemens and, how do I put it mildly...the fact that he is an ass. Clemens plunked Einstein Jones in the first inning and Jones responded by putting down his calculator and protractor long enough to hit a three-run home run off Clemens in the top of the fifth. Cubs rookie Juan Mateo then hit Clemens in the ribs with a fast ball in the bottom of the fifth. Uh oh...

But with Mateo due up in the top of the 6th, Dusty removed the young hurler from the game and pinch hit Ryan The Riot. Not surprisingly Clemens nailed The Riot with a fast ball. Now, a lot of people are criticizing Dusty for taking Mateo out of the game before he would be forced to face the music. Let's objectively analyze...

First of all, let's get one thing straight. Clemens has as much right to criticize as Roger Ebert has to question why John Goodman cannot seem to put the Oreos down. After all this is the same guy who hid behind the D.H. rule in the American League for years firing at will at anyone and everyone from Don Mattingly to Ron Karkovice without any fear of remorse. Let's just be clear on that, okay?

Second, Dusty did the right thing, in my opinion. Yes, the move backfired when Will Oh-Man! and Michael Wuertz gave up four runs in the bottom of the 6th inning, at the time costing the Cubs the lead, but the benefits of taking out Mateo far outweighed the negatives. Simply stated, taking Mateo out allowed the rookie to leave the game with his confidence intact and in position to win the game. Further, the bullpen was rested after Big Z's performance on Monday night. Finally, I have to admit that I was following the game online and, therefore, was not privy to the beanball subplot that was developing, yet my immediate reaction to Dusty's move when I saw it on the computer was "now, that makes sense." Only later did I learn that Mateo's removal from the game was controversial given the likelihood that he was going to take a Clemens heater to the torso.

Hey, criticize Dusty for his handling of the pitching staff in general and for his inability to understand basic game situations and strategy all you want. Call him an inbecile for not playing Weasley every day or for insisting that Thing 2 gets playing time. Shake your head in disgust over his inability to recognize that pulling a double switch in the fourth inning makes about as much sense as Holly, Bridget and Kendra's "relationship" with Hef (hey, I am not saying that it does not make sense from Hef's point of view... but the mystery that is Hef's ability to get the most gorgeous women in the world is perhaps the single biggest head scratcher of all-time). But criticize him for taking Mateo out? Sounds like a reach to me. In fact, I remember a quote about former Iniana coach Mike Davis before he left Bloomington and headed to Birmingham (a quote that I admit has been previously referenced in the RT) that read "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, can we still blame it on Mike Davis?" Now we know the answer...no... we will just blame it on Dusty.

Besides, now The Riot really has a career highlight. Forget that bases-clearing double last Sunday to win the game against the Rockies, Ryan has now been intentionally plunked by the greatest athlete in the history of sports not named Brett Favre or Michael Vick (snicker). And the roster of famous ex-Cubs is littered with truly noteworthy career highlights. There is Julio Zuleta who will tell his grandchildren about the time he removed the cork from all of the cluhouse's wine bottles just in case Sammy ran out of "Flintstone Vitamins." There is Doug Glanville (during his second stint with the Cubs, after years spent in Philadelphia playing for the Phillies and apparently eating nothing but sawgrass and wheat germ) who was once walking though Woodfield when he was mistaken for Calista Flockhart. And, of course, there is Hee Seop Choi, who spent a magical two weeks holding the bucket under Moises Alou's Hands as Moises prepared for games (he swears he did not look). What can I say? Blame Dusty if you are so inclined, but all's well that end's well.

* Finally, the Cubs may be playing better ball lately, but I hink we can all agree that overall this season has been a quite a disappointment. Huh...I guess it wasn't all Wendell Kim's fault, after all.

**This is the actual synopsis of the movie courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes. Sounds like fun, eh?