Peter is a Canary!

So, Peter made the glee club. Groovy. In fact, Alice is so excited she is planning on making the family’s favorite dessert tonight.

Uh oh… what’s the matter Bobby? When a boy won't eat chocolate cake, something has got to be wrong.

Yes, Tyrus Thomas is a Chicago Bull.

As I mentioned on Wednesday, I really do not know precisely how to feel about the Bulls’ first round “selection.” One minute I feel like Steve Stifler when he thought he was going to score with that sophomore and the next I feel like Stifler when he realized that it wasn't a cup of beer that Kevin left on the nightstand (Ok, so I don't feel that bad). His athleticism is unquestioned (I'm talking about Thomas, not Stifler), as is his work ethic according to those who have played with him and coached him, but his talent remains raw. It will be interesting to see whether the Bulls’ staff is able to harness his potential and develop a player worthy of a top-5 draft pick. Trust me…the NBA graveyard is full of ultra-athletic high draft picks who simply didn’t have the necessary basketball skills to succeed in the NBA. Do the names Darius Miles, DerMarr Johnson and Chris Wilcox ring a bell?

With regards to the Bulls’ second first-round pick, Thabo Sefolosha, what can I say? It is difficult to assess a player who you have never seen and downright impossible when you admittedly had never even heard of the guy before 7:32 Wednesday night. It is like writing a book report without having read the book. You can fake your way through by reading the Cliff Notes (let’s see, it worked for Moby Dick, The Scarlet Letter, A Tale of Two Cities…man, I hope Ms. Van Witzenburg is not reading this), but, in the end, your evaluation means about as much as Bruce Kimm assessing whether Dusty has done a decent job this year. In other words, it means nothing.

What I do know is that the guy desperately needs a new name. Thabo won’t work in Chicago, a working man’s city -- the home of the stockyard, Al Capone and city hall hiring scandals (alright, who in the hell said the place where Oprah was brought to tears on her own show by the sight of her fourth grade teacher?) How about Hank or Butkus? Butkus Sefolosha. Has a nice ring, doesn’t it?

I have to admit that I do not know much about the third Bulls’ newcomer, Viktor Krypha, either. Yes, he has spent two seasons in the NBA, but, to my mind, he has not made much of an impression. Chances are Khypha is Ukrainian for Marcus Fizer, but, given that the Bulls essentially only gave up a future second round pick to acquire the 6’9 forward (which really amounts to little more than an additional opportunity to draft and then cut Rich McBride), the chance that he could become the next Andrei Kirilenko is a risk worth taking (especially if he brings along a wife who is a former model and essentially has an open door policy).

Overall, I think the Bulls did a decent job. No, Jermaine O’Neal, Kevin Garnett, Shawn Marion and Paul Pierce do not appear to be coming to Chicago, but I suspect that it is not because John Paxson did not give it an honest try.

Let’s take a look around the NBA draft…

* Some Italian guy was selected by Toronto with the first overall pick, becoming the first European player to be the top selection in the history of the NBA draft. Given that I know about as much about his game as I know about backgammon playing ability of the absolute moron who has been eating so many McDonald’s premium chicken sandwiches that now he fears that he is turning into a chicken (have you heard/ seen the commercial where he talks about how his girlfriend keeps finding wrappers and feathers? How that idiot landed a girlfriend is as big a mystery as how Pauly Shore continues to get regular work (even if his regular work does consist of being an MTV Spring Break best belch contest judge and making random appearances at city carnivals all over the state of Nebraska). She must make the 500-lb chick in whose boobs Booger buried his head during the Tri Lam- Omega Moo party look fairly attractive), I, once again, cannot really comment about whether the Raptors made a wise pick or whether Troy Glaus will remain the second most talented basketball player in Toronto behind Chris Bosh. That said, I will just use this space to ask what is up with the multi-colored ball used in the European leagues? Last week, I asked what happened to the black and white octagonal soccer ball and this week I want to know why Europe doesn’t use the traditional orange ball. Those wacky euros…

* Are you as surprised as I am that Michael Jordan selected Adam Morrison? I half expected him to accidentally choose Kwame Brown again. And did any of you see the interview with him during the draft? I have not seen such a lack of focus since Joe Namath was interviewed by Susie Kolber (or maybe he was just focusing on the wrong thing?). He looked all fidgety and spent the majority of the interview looking off to the side. I know they want us to think that he had been spending all evening in the Bobcats’ war room, pouring over wingspans and shot percentages and assist-to-turnover ratios, but I cannot help but wonder if ESPN actually pulled him out of a game of no limit Texas Hold Em’. I don’t know whether Morrison will end up being worth the gamble (oh, I kill me!), but if I’m the Charlotte franchise, I’m doubling my monthly order of Kleenex.

* Portland had an interesting night. They made more trades that the poor sap who just realized that his entire portfolio consists of nothing but radish futures and Enron stock.

* The NBA logo and his Memphis Grizzlies ended up with Rudy Gay from UConn and Kyle Lowry from Villanova, which may not position them to challenge Dallas, Phoenix and San Antonio for Western Conference supremacy, but sets them up perfect to win next season’s Big East.

* In other Memphis news, Shane Battier was traded by the Grizzlies to the Rockets. Looks like the mothership better start focusing its attention on Houston rather than Graceland. Of course, said mothership might have a more difficult time monitoring Battier's activities in Houston, what with Roger Clemens big head taking up so much of the atmosphere.

Oh come on! Crop circles can be explained, but those weird lines on his head? Shane looks like he may have escaped from Roswell.

* Nice to see Dee Brown reunited with old buddy Deron Williams in Utah. Now all they have to do is convince Roger Powell to leave the church to play small forward, talk Jack Ingraham into leaving his job at Arby’s to set illegal screens and break Nick Smith out of the nuthouse to provide locker room tension, and the Jazz will be all set to not win a championship.

* The best thing to happen to the Bulls’ Wednesday night? Nope, not the drafting of Tyrus or Butkus or the trade for Kryhpa. Not even the announcement that Kiry Heinrich got a haircut. The best thing to happen? The Knicks drafting of Renaldo Balkman from South Carolina. I saw one media expert who swears that Isiah actually thought he was drafting former NBA all-star Renaldo Blackman. What other explanation can there possibly be? Heck, the Knicks would have been better off drafting Brazilian soccer star Ronoldo or the Bob Dylan title character in the truly bizarre movie Renaldo and Clara (it makes the Sargeant Pepper film starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees look mainstream). If Isiah truly meant to draft Balkman, an undersized guy with no real offensive talent, he is beginning to make Joe Thiesmann look like a rocket scientist. And Theismann is the same guy who once famously said that “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Nice Notre Dame education!!!

Perhaps Isiah will surprise us all and Balkman, who before the draft was considered a second round pick…at best, will be a solid NBA contributor. Isiah seems to think so, describing Balkman as a “combination of Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest.” Great, a partially psychotic rap artist, who will show up to practice with orange hair and dressed in a wedding gown, and will get kicked out of games more often than WGN or Comcrap Sports Net shows John Cusack when the Cub “fan” shows up at Wrigley. Me thinks that the Bulls, who have the right to swap 2007 draft picks with the Knicks as a result of the Eddy Curry fleecing, just got one step closer to securing the next great NBA center, Ohio State Buckeye Greg Oden. (You know, Paxson really ought to be ashamed of himself for pawning off Curry on Thomas. As we all learned when Charley Babbitt was so determined to get what he thought was his rightful share of his father's estate that he dragged poor Raymond on a journey across the U.S., it’s downright cruel to take advantage of the mental handicapped).

* The worst thing that happened to the Bulls? The Cleveland Cavaliers got the perfect compliment to LeBron James by drafting Shannon Brown. Tremendously athletic and skilled, Brown is a steal and will make the Cavaliers even better than they were this season when they almost knocked off the heavily favored Pistons in the NBA Eastern Semifinals.

* Who else is shocked that the Nets landed by Marcus Williams with the #22 pick and Juwanna Man with #23? Let’s start with Williams. Suspended for the entire first semester last season at UConn for stealing computers from fellow students, Williams is a pure point guard who will be an excellent NBA playmaker. You have to wonder why Williams, who many suspected was a top-10 pick, fell so far. Perhaps he has not quite gotten over his kleptomania. Maybe he went to his sit down interviews with team officials and walked off with the coach’s raisins. Or maybe it came out that he once stole Raquel, the rival high school’s beloved goat.

If I am new Net teammate Juwanna Man, I’m locking up my jewelry. What I cannot believe is that one day after mentioning Juwanna in this space, she was actually drafted. Wait a minute, what do you mean, the Nets actually selected a guy at #23? You cannot possibly tell me that Josh Boone’s real name is, in fact, Josh Boone unless his parents had a really cruel sense of humor. That dude has got to be a girl and the possibility is not all that far-fetched. Terry(i) Griffith fooled the newspaper editor, her boyfriend Kevin, Rick Morehouse, and the hot chick who pulled the balled up sock out of Terry(i)'s pants and bought a kissing fish for an entire semester (and wrote a kick ass story in the process). In fact, the only two people who knew were here best friend and her brother Buddy, who ended up the true winner when all was said and done.

Ok, so I jest. Yes, I realize that Josh Boone has a third leg. But, you know how after the draft general managers and coaches routinely say “we just got a whole lot younger (more talented) (more athletic) (more capable of winning a bench clearing brawl)?” Well, I could have sworn that I heard New Jersey GM Rod Thorn accidentally comment “we just got a whole lot uglier.”

* The Boston Celtics ended up with Kentucky’s Rajon Rondo and, I hate to say it, but they are going to need a heck of a lot more than the luck of the Irish to make this work. More like, getting Patrick and Seamus drunk and sending them over to the Celtics’ opponents’ team hotel after telling them that said opponent stole all their Guinness and criticized Sean Connery. Rajon Rondo? Well, I suspect that he was a decent pick if the goal was to draft a rail thin point guard who shoots worse than Dick Cheney and is about as strong as Screech. To make matters worse, the aforementioned Marcus Williams was available when the Celtics “selected” Rondo (and he would have brought free laptops for every player on the team! Dude, you're getting a Dell!!!) Let’s just say that even Ashley Judd is laughing.

* Finally, alas, the fearless leader of the Random Thoughts has gone undrafted for the14th consecutive year. Looks like another winter of cleaning supplies, chasing after theson and thedaughter and having enough time to compare Kerry Wood’s latest offseason injury playing Battleship to the movie Titanic (man, I just knew that ship was going to sink!!!). Predictable. Predictable. Predictable. The RT lives on!

You try taking one of those pegs in the eye!

* Today begins the Weekend of Hell II, as the Chicago Cubs welcome the White Sox to Wrigley Field. Prior to last months’s series at U.S. Comiskular, I predicted the outcome of each game and came remarkably close to forecasting what actually happened (self-congratulatory pat on the back – especially for the prediction that Rich Hill would throw more balls than the T-Birds when Coach Calhoun was in the dunk tank -- where is Eugene when you need him?). This series is a heck of a lot easier…

Game One: Pitchers: Who Cares? Result: Sox Win
Game Two: Pitchers: Does it Matter? Result: Sox Win
Game Three: Pitchers: Big Z vs. Buerhle. Result: Sox Win

That wasn’t so tough, was it?

* It is arguable that the Cubs are currently the second worst team in baseball (can we all agree that game between the Pirates and the Glenbard West freshman B team would essentially be a coin flip?). While the Cubs were busy perfecting losing at home, the Kansas City Royals were winners of 7 of 9 games. So, who is to say that the Royals, a glorified Triple A team, are worse than the Cubs? It is too bad that we will never know for sure as the two teams do not play this season. Of course, an alumni game between the two teams with George Brett hitting off Rick Sutcliffe (if he can put the vodka and tonic down long enough), Bret Saberhagen pitching to Ryne Sandberg, and Willie Wilson running a foot race against Willie Wilson would probably be more entertaining that watching whether Jimmy Gobble can strike out Thing Two. And Amos Otis in a hot dog eating contest against Sarge would sure as heck provide more excitement than watching Matt Stairs and John Mabry walk back to the dugout after striking out.

* Random Thoughts’ commenter WrigleyBill’s report that Todd Walker was sporting a 30% off button earlier this week is not surprising. After all, this is the same guy who is ordering packing tape and change of address cards and having them shipped directly to Jim Hendry’s office. You just know that Walker is itching to get the heck out of Chicago after the way that the Cubs have treated him since last December. The trouble is that the Cubs tried everything short of hanging him on a rack in front of Wrigley Field with a giant “All Decent Hitters Must Go” sign to trade him in the offseason, but failed to get a trade completed. My guess is that Walker is moved and the Cubs get Nate Spears (.239 avg) and Carlos Perez (4.73 ERA), two minor league players with no talent and less hope to contribute on the major league level. Oh wait, the Cubs already got those guys in the Kid Corey trade. Oh well, maybe they can get Tony Womack. Crap, we already got him too. Delino DeShields? With Thing One, Thing Two, and Womack in the system, apparently Hendry subscribes to the theory that you can never have enough poor, African-American middle infielders who hit .242.

* After a forced 20-day vacation (more commonly known as a suspension), Dan McNeil returned to the Mac, Jurko and Harry show on Thursday afternoon. McNeil and partner Harry Teinowitz had both been suspended after a messy on-air fight prematurely ended their June 9 broadcast. Most people who listen to the “Last Neighborhood Corner Tavern,” realize that McNeil and Teinowitz do not particularly like one another and their partnership is really one borne out of necessity and because sometimes people who have as much in common as Eminem and Elton John, surprisingly work extremely well together.

I mention this because McNeil’s suspension means that he will now likely spend approximately 125 of the possible 260 or so “workdays” actually on the air. Why? Because (and I recognize that some of you have heard this before) radio talk show hosts must have the greatest vacation plan in the history of employment. I mean, how many vacation days to these guys get per year anyway? If I showed up for work with the same frequency as Mike & Mike, or Dan Patrick or the Giggle Kings (more commonly known as Boers and Smart Ass, I mean Boers and Bernstein), I’d be filing a job application at the International Association of Out Of Work Managers of Regulatory Compliance before you can say "farfegnugen." I have to assume that the radio host gig is a second job for most of these guys. Maybe Mac also works in the Cubs front office (which would explain his hatred for all things Cubs). Maybe Jurko cleans buildings. Maybe Harry is a food taster for Sara Lee. We know Dan Patrick, who must be on the air at least a good 30 days a year, doubles as a Macy’s men’s department mannequin.

Well, at least we get a healthy dose of Eric Casilias. Ugh.

* Finally, and I usually do not like to let politics seep into the RT, this morning I read a news story that Bin Laden has released an audio tape asking that al-Zarqawi's body be released for proper burial. Sure thing Osama. You can pick it up hanging from the Dubya Bridge in Ramadi after our soldiers tie it to the back of a cart, drag it through the streets and light it on fire. I don't honestly believe that such action would be in any way, shape or form be appropriate, but there is a point to be made.

Have a terrific Holiday weekend! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

***By the way, yes, I do realize that brain surgeon Isiah Thomas went to IU and, therefore, that my teasing of Notre Dame may be perceived as a bit ironic. Hey, we're a party school!