Does Anyone Else Feel A Draft?

I can’t help but think back to late March and relive the debate regarding whether the Bulls would be better off making the playoffs or securing a few more balls in the NBA draft lottery. I, myself, felt strongly that playoff experience and the positive vibe that flows from playing in the postseason were far more valuable than moving up a few spots in the draft. I could certainly understand the argument on the other side, but my belief that Scott Skiles and John Paxson would not be blinded to the team’s needs by the simple fact that they made the playoffs, lead me to roundly reject that argument.

And so, three months later we sit here on the day of the NBA Draft, a dayt that may go down as one of the most important in recent Bulls history. Yes, I know that nobody will ever forget the magical signing of Dedric Willoughby on that wonderful December day in 1999, but the Bulls have the opportunity to continue laying the foundation of what could be one of the best teams in the years to come. I am not going to try to argue that Paxson has done everything perfectly over the last couple of years, he clearly has not, but, in large part, when someone from the Bulls’ organization claims that the pieces are beginning to be put in place, it carries a heck of a lot more weight than when Wanny said it about the 1996 Bears (exactly what piece was Alonzo Spellman supposed to be? The official team nutjob?). If nothing else, it sure is nice to know that the Tim Floyd-Bryce Drew-Fred Hoiberg years appear to be officially over.

In fact, while the Heat’s victory in the NBA Finals taught us, among other things, that champagne and garlic crabs compliment each other about as well as Brittney and Kevin Federline, perhaps the most important thing that we learned is that the Bulls really are not that far away. After all, let’s think back and remember that after the Bulls tied their series with the Heat 2-2, many of the so-called experts truly thought that Miami’s playoff run would last about as long as Kato Kaelin’s movie career (non-porn, that is), especially when the Bulls built a lead in the second half of Game 5. Everyone knew that the Bulls lacked a legitimate post presence, yet their persistence, team defense (at times), and outside shooting allowed them to stay competitive, until they finally ran out gas. Imagine, now, if they did have a big man who can make up for the various shortcomings of the post players who currently fill the roster. Just imagine if they had a big man who (a) can score from beyond three, make that, two feet (Tyson Chamdler); (b) is able to stay on the floor for longer than two minutes without picking up three fouls (Mike Sweetney); (c) does not subscribe to the Bill Murray theory of defense as espoused to Michael, Bugs, the girl bunny, and the rest of the Toon Squad (Othella Harrington); or (d) can actually walk and chew gum at the same time (Luke Schenscher). Hey, maybe the blue Monstar is available!

So, as I sit here less than 12 hours from the start of the festivities, the possibilities are endless. Will the Bulls keep the 2nd and 16th picks or is there a blockbuster trade in the works? Will Paxson panic and accidentally select Brandon Gay or Rudy Roy or Roy Brandon or Thurman Thomas instead of Tyrus Thomas? Will I go undrafted for the 14th consecutive year? Has Ozzie advised Jerry Reinsdorf that Rudy Gay and J.J Redick would be better off someplace other than Chicago?

Let’s look at some of the possibilities, assuming that the Bulls do not trade the pick (odds courtesy of John Daly):

LaMarcus Aldridge (2-1): When Aldridge sent me a letter a few weeks back, I responded that I thought that he would be the Bulls selection with the #2 pick. Nothing has changed. We have already discussed the Bulls’ need for a big man with offensive ability and, according to scouts, Aldridge fits the bill. I have mixed feelings about the 6’10 center/ power forward from Texas, but, since there are no sure things in this draft, he is likely the best bet. (So, how happy would I be if the Bulls drafted Aldridge? Happy-o-Meter: I’d feel like Hayden Christensen when he won an MTV Movie Award for Best Villain. Sure, it’s cool in its own way, and getting to spend time back stage with Jessica Alba rocked, but winning a Moon Man sure isn’t like winning an Oscar or a Golden Globe, or even a SAG award. Ultimately, you feel happy, but like Teddy KGB after Mike won enough money to settle up with Gramma and pay back half of what he owed Petrovsky, still rather unsatisfied (those of you with perverted minds, of course, can equate it with a young man coming in for a quickie)).

Tyrus Thomas (3-1): Thomas exploded onto the scene during last year’s NCAA Tournament, awing everyone with his jaw-dropping athleticism. When he wasn’t throwing down a monster two-handed jam, he was soaring above the rim to rip down a rebound or coming from out of nowhere to block an opponent’s shot. But, why did only the most die-hard college basketball fan know his name before the Madness? He missed some time with a knee injury, but when he was on the floor during the season, he wasn’t reminding anyone of Kevin Garnett. He played solid, yes, but nobody that I knew was screaming “Man, the Bulls have got to get him!” Except maybe Isaiah Thomas or John Starks or Spike Lee. They hate the Bulls. (Happy-o-Meter: One minute, I'm excited about the possibility -- think Peter when he found out that he made the glee club -- but the next minute, not so much so -- think Bobby when he learned that he sang like Bob Dylan and was left to annoy the whole family by trying to be the next Keith Moon. I'll go the optimistic route here and choose Peter. Of course, although he was super excited at first, eventually all his football teammates called him a songbird and a canary. But then Deacon Jones told everyone that a lot of tough guys including himself were canaries. So, in other words, I have absolutely no idea how to feel. Thomas could be the best thing to hit the West Side since gentrification or the worst since the oldest Jackson boy returned from Cook County lockup with a nasty chip on his shoulder).

Brandon Roy (5-1): Roy does a lot of things very well, but nothing exceptionally. He has good size for a guard, can score from all over the floor and was at least partially responsible for what wound up being Dee Brown’s last college game. The Bulls could use a scoring guard with decent size, but filling the hole in the frontcourt is a much more pressing need. Further, the team can still get a decent scoring guard like Shannon Brown, Maurice Ager or Mardy Collins, should they feel the need to go that route, with the #16 pick (Happy-o-Meter: Think Homer and Marge when Stampy the elephant became the newest member of the Simpsons’ clan. Sure, having an elephant can be entertaining and extremely useful if you need to smash your neighbors’ house for playing their Megadeath records too dang loud, but you really do not need an elephant and your money is probably a lot better spent elsewhere. I guess I’d be a little happy, but ultimately, the Bulls’ money is better spent elsewhere. I mean, it may have worked for Stampy, but I doubt the NBA players’ association, would be real happy if the Bulls charged people to ride Brandon Roy***).

Adam Morrison (10-1): Given that the Bulls already have Luol Deng and Andres Nocioni at the small forward, one of them would likely be moved if the Bulls were to draft the floppy haired moron. That’s right, I said moron. He can score, yes, but who needs a guy who flops like Waterworld at the box office and cries more often than the Human Faucet Sean Tracey and Tammy Faye Bakker combined. (Happy-o-Meter: Remember the scene in Major League when Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn thinks that he has been cut from the team and storms into the office of manager Lou Brown before attacking Roger Dorn in the clubhouse? Well, it would be nothing like that. More like when Pink Floyd trashes his hotel room and then shaves off his eyebrows before going comfortably numb. “Thewife” better hide the razors).

Rudy Gay (15-1): Hey, apparently Jay Mariotti would love him. He has no courage. Yeah. No courage. (Happy-o-Meter: Kind of like winning tickets to see Poison in concert. Part of you would really like to go and hear Bret Michaels sing “Talk Dirty to Me” live one last time, but another part of you knows that you can’t possibly look as good with an entire bottle of Aqua Net triple hold sprayed into your scalp as you did when you were 16 (and you made promises to your significant other that you wouldn't wear your eye shadow and parachute pants outside of the house). So, in the end you would probably go to the show if nothing better came along, but you wouldn’t be too disappointed if you ended up staying home watching Poison Ivy instead (although I recommend Alyssa Milano's performance in Poison Ivy 2 more). In other words Gay definitely has a lot of talent, but does not always show up. Every rose has its thorn, indeed).

Some Foreign Dude (25-1): For every Dirk Nowitzki, Manu Ginobili, and Andres Nocioni there is a Dragan Tarlac, a Dalibor Bagaric and a Pavel Podkolzin. I know teams like to make suprise picks and there is no doubt that a number of players hailing from overseas have made their mark in the NBA, but there are too many questions unanswered about most of them when they head over. Sure they can shoot, but so could Bobby Hansen and Doug Altenberger and you certainly would not draft either of them with the #2 pick. (Happy-o-Meter: After watching the movie Eyes Wide Shut, I could not help but wonder...what in the heck was the purpose of that? I knew it was supposed to be thought provoking and artsy and going to see it instead of joining the masses by going to see a popcorn movie is sure to surprise many of those around you. The Bulls would be better off going to see Superman. At least it will be loud and have some cool explosions).

Moses Guthrie, Air Bud or Juwanna Man (1,000,000-1): Each would bring somthing different to the team. Moses has real talent and single handedly saved the city of Pittsburgh, but you have got to be concerned that his me-first attitude may not jive (word chosen intentionally) with Skiles' hard nosed approach. And it would probably be better to go with a team of all players born under the sign of Taurus, rather than Pisces (this is the Bulls, after all). Air Bud had game, but was better suited for halftime entertainment, although I would love to see him take a chomp out of Kobe Bryant's ankle. Juwanna Man had a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e and its been a while since the Bulls had a genuine cross-dresser on the roster. Maybe he can bring along Vivica A. Fox! (Happy-o-Meter: How could I have forgotten Little Bow Wow? That kid dunked from half-court!)

* The Bulls other first-round pick sits at #16, where I would love to see the team take Shannon Brown, a hometown kid, with a terrific all-around game. Other decent options include Ronnie Brewer from Arkansas and Rodney Carney from Memphis. Players to stay away as if they had had spent the night with Paris Hilton include Rajon Rondo, Paul Davis and Bradley’s Patrick O’Bryant. Deep sleepers (although selecting any of the foregoing with the #16 pick would be a huge stretch and is not advised) include Louis Amundson (UNLV), Paul Millsap (where have I heard of a 6’8 rebounding machine from Louisiana Tech before? Hmmm…) and, the biggest sleeper of the draft, Hassan Adams from Arizona (the next Richard Jefferson?). As long as Adams stays out of jail, he is going to make some team very happy.

* Of course, the other option for the Bulls is to make a trade for veteran help and this is truly the route I would like to see the team go. I’ve mentioned in the past my strong belief that the Bulls should pursue Jermaine O’Neal and I am certainly not backing off such a thought, but Garnett, Paul Pierce, Lamar Odom and Sean Marion would also look extremely good in a Bulls uniform (of course, the aforementioned hottie one and her pal hottie two would also look mighty fine in a Bulls uniform, but in a much different way). When all is said and done, I am hoping that the Bulls go this route and, if it takes giving up a Ben Gordon or a Luol Deng, than that is the way that it has to be. As long as the Bulls get a bonafide superstar in return that compliments the remaining players, I am all for a trade, even if it means having to watch Ben Gordon play matador defense in another uniform (Happy-o-Meter: Assuming the trade involves the draft pick and either Gordon or Deng (but not both) -- if they get Marion or Odom, we're talking Kenicke when he found out Rizzo was not pregnant. If they land Garnett, we're talking the T-Birds and Pink Ladies when Danny won the papers to Craterface's car at Thunder Road. If we are talking Pierce or O'Neal, think Danny when he saw Sandy in those leather pants).

* Hey, the Cubs lost!

***Today's Simpsons Trivia Question: How much was Bart charging other kids to see Stampy and to ride Stampy? What did Homer raise the prices to when he was faced with the elephant's $300 per day food bill?