Is That A Draft I Feel?

Late last Sunday afternoon, I flipped on ESPN News hoping to catch highlights of the Cubs' big win over the Cardinals. No luck. Instead I was greeted with a story about how former Maryland tight end Vernon Davis runs a 4.3 forty-yard dash and can leap tall buildings in a single bound. On Tuesday morning, I tuned my car radio to Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio hoping for a dose of hardcore baseball talk with Peter Gammons, but was forced to listen top some guy named Todd McShay talk about whether Vince Young is more likely to be the next Donovan McNabb or the next Akili Smith. Last night, I turned on ESPN (yes, the original) hoping to see how many cows Magnus Van Magnussen can lift over his head in the World's Strongest Man competition. Disappointed in finding football experts John Clayton and Ron Jaworski arguing whether Haloti Ngata is the name of an island in the South Pacific, was one of the bounty hunters in the Empire Strikes Back, or is actually a defensive tackle prospect from Oregon, I turned to the Deuce hoping to see whether Phil Ivey's wired 8's will hold up against Gus Hansen's A-Q suited, but found Mel Kiper ranting and raving about how Matt Leinart would look better in panty hose than Broadway Joe.

Can I please see or hear some baseball please? Some NBA or NHL playoff coverage? Heck, I'll even take a report on the Chinese Dwarf throwing championships...

Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit, but the coverage of the NFL draft continues to amaze me. I understand that this is the time of the year when every football fan can dream that his or her favorite team is just one good draft away from being a legitimate Super Bowl candidate. I understand that Rocco in Jersey can't wait to see whether he will be naming his new born son D'Brickashaw after the Jets' new left tackle of the same name. I know that Bears' fans can't wait to learn the name of the guy who will sit out most, if not all, of training camp in a bitter contract dispute. I know that Packer fans can't wait to see which 6th round draft pick of the Bears will accientally step on Rex the Wonder Dog's foot in the Olivet Nazarene mess hall, sending Rex to the IR with torn ligaments in his paw. I understand the attraction to the draft, but isn't the coverage going a bit overboard this year?

(By the way, if you boarded a bus and saw both Rex the Wonder Dog and Mark Prior seated side by side, would you sit near them? Would you get the heck off the bus before the driver announced that if the bus decreased its speed to below 50 mph it would blow up? Would you be afraid of a freak run-in with a low flying duck?)

There is a presently a lot happening on the sports landscape. Ron Artest is throwing indiscriminate elbows at unsuspecting San Antonio Spur players, new Bear cornerback Ricky Manning Jr. is beating the crap out of patrons at Denny's, Ricky Williams is heading back to his tent in Tibet with a sack full of Cypress Hill albums, a box of rolling papers and an autographed photo of Bob Marley. Yet, eighty-five percent of the current sports coverage is on the draft. Is NFL draft day an exciting day in the world of sports? Yes. Is it worthy of the wall-to-wall coverage? In my mind...no.

There is, however, no apparent truth to the rumor that ESPN is soon to divide its programming year into five clear cut segments:

November-April: Duke Basketball
April-May: NFL Draft Coverage
May-October: Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankees games
October 1: Jeanette Lee Women's Billiards Marathon
October 2-31: Replays of Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankee Games, preview of Duke's upcoming season, and unintelligable blather from Chris Berman.

Speaking of TV programming, it appears as though ESPN Classic has headed down the same road as MTV. Remember the good ol' days when you could flip on MTV and see Alan Hunter or Martha Quinn** introduce the newest Culture Club and Duran Duran video instead of watching some ridiculous reality show in which a 16-year old girl's parents get to pick which horny dude she is going to sleep with next? Well, I remember the good ol' days when I could flip on ESPN Classic and actually see the replay of a game and not an introspective look at the career of Dan Marino or some stupid show with two dorks who talk about spelling bees and rodeos. Give me the famous Cal-Stanford game when the band runs on the field. Give me the great games of the 2006 madness. Give me any college football game in which Notre Dame loses. Bring back replays of classic games!!!

Corey-o-Meter: Last Night: Another game, another nine innings glued to the bench. Please disperse. Nothing to see here. Season: .156 average. One home run less than Bronson Arroyo.

Finally, WrigleyBill and Mrs. WrigleyBill attended the Wrigley Field "yard sale" last Saturday and bought three bricks for $25 each (please, nodody break the news to them that you can buy bricks at Home Depot for like 30 cents each). Upon hearing about their purchase, I began to wonder what else was for sale at the Wrigley Field yard sale. How much was Brant Brown's left fielder glove (complete with the hole)? What about Kyle Farnsworth's clubhouse pillow? Big Z's personal computer mouse that was used all those nights to talk with his relatives in Venezuela? Sure, you can go to any yard sale and buy a Lawrence Welk album or a broken telescope, but where else can you find the shattered remains of Steroid Sammy's boom box?

What else do you think you could have bought at the Wrigley Field yard sale? Post your responses below...

By the way, the Cubs are currently tied 3-3 with the Florida Toddlers in the bottom of the seventh and it appears as though Jerry Hairston Jr. is sharing Einstein Jones' brain. With the team down 3-1 in the bottom of the 4th, Ronny Cedeno lead off the inning with a walk. Todd Walker then struck out, which was followed by walks to Aramis (on five pitches) and Weasley (on four pitches). With the bases loaded, Steven Hawking Hairston then swung at the first pitch thrown to him (a pitch which, according to Pat and Ron was off the plate). How stupid can this frickin' guy be?

Of course, after Hairston ended up on second base with two outs (thanks to shoddy Florida defense). Representing the go-ahead run, he then tried to steal third base. Okay, this guy officially makes Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne look like they belong in Mensa.

Gotta go...I hear that ESPN News is going to have a draft update and I sure as heck can't miss that!

**Today's trivia: Alan Hunter and Martha Quinn were two of the original five MTV veejays. Who were the other three?

***Yesterday's trivia answers: Bravo! The faithful readers of the Random Thoughts successfully identified five of the six fictional diseases identified in yesterday's post. You all got Dragon Pox (Harry Potter), Boneius Eruptus (Simpsons), the Cordilla Virus (24), Uromysitisis (Seinfeld), and Conjoined Twin Myslexia (South Park). None of you, however, recognized Tumorsyphilisitisosis, a fictional disease from the TV show Family Guy which causes the growth of extra nipples that look remarkably like pepperoni. Conceived by Peter Griffin as part of a brilliant scheme to get a canceled television program back on the air. No, the TV show was not The Chevy Chase Show...