"The Daddy Mac Will Make Ya..."

Reader Alert: In recognition of Passover, today's post will not include any references to donuts, delicious or otherwise. It will also not include a discussion of Cornbread Maxwell's blossoming radio career and will not analyze former New York Jets wide receiver Craig Yeast's chance to reclaim a spot on an NFL roster. Thank you. Enjoy your matzo.

Today's post will also be relatively short. I have lunch plans and can't wait to chow down on some yummy breadsticks, er...some kosher macaroons.

I simply cannot deny it...Random Thoughts commentor "Cub fan kev" was right. I sure hope you all took the under in yesterday's Cubs game. Setting the over-under for Reds' home runs at four was the worst set line since the career longevity over -under for those two little kids who wore their clothes backwards and sang the song "Jump" was set at three years.

By the way, any guesses what the members of Kriss Kross are doing today? Any truth to the rumor that one of them grew up to be R.W. McQuarters?

I also fear that I owe Greg Maddux an apology. He was terrific yesterday, limiting the Reds to three hits in six innings. His performance was a true testament to the value of changing speeds and location. There are so many young pitchers who need to learn that trying to throw every pitch as hard as possible simply doesn't work against big league hitters. Ask Kyle Farnsworth. If you can't find him, I'd look for the 6'7 frame slumped behind the bar.

I won't, however, back away from my general statement that Cubs fans should prepare to see a lot of opposing hitters trotting around the bases when Maddux is on the hill. Eventually, hitters are going to sit on his 22-mph changup and adjust to the fastball. To bottom line is that Maddux will have his good days, but will also have a few outings where he hands the ball over to Michael Wuertz in the fourth inning.

Look, as a Cubs fan, I will certainly take the win, but yesterday's game was far from a masterpiece. In fact, if I were Cubs management, I just might add Edwin Encarnacion to my holiday card list. Of course, I might want to cancel my subscription to the Moises Alou Baserunning for Idiots newsletter, as well.

Every win that the Cubs are able to get in April and May is crucial as we wait for Kerry Wood and Mark Prior to ride in and take us to the promised land. Of course, whether the ride will include a stop at the MRI clinic remains the key question. I personally believe that the return of off season signee Wade Miller will be just as crucial.

I know that many people like to criticize Ron Santo for his inability to put a full sentence together, but you will not count me as one of them. After all, I firmly believe that "Darghhh!" and "Murumpf!" qualify as sentences. I mean, how many times have you uttered those exact same "sentences" after watching Glendon Rusch groove another fastball or, or, or (sheesh, it's kind of hard to find negative things to say and players to pick on so far this season) Glendon Rusch groove another curveball. Further, nothing says summer to me like the good ol' Pat and Ron show. But, and I know many have wondered this in the past, why is WGN so insistent on giving Andy Mazur his daily 10 minutes of fame? Is Pat really that regular and how in the world did he get his intestinal track to run on baseball time?

I figure that the Cubs are grooming Andy for an eventual full-time announcing opportunity by including the "Andy Mazur Half Inning" as a daily feature of the Pat and Ron show. Heck, it certainly worked for that innocent, little animated program that started off as a short during the Tracy Ullman Show. But should Andy wish to become the next Vin Scully or Harry Doyle, he better take lessons from Pat on the ability to immediately determine whether a long fly ball is going to be a home run. Pat is truly remarkable at it and almost never miscalls a home run or long out. Andy, on the other hand, needs a little work. Witness his call in the bottom of the seventh yesterday with Derrek Lee at the plate:

"If it's fair, it's out of here.................well, it's off the wall and it's fair and it looks like it is going to be a double."

Poor? Undeniably yes. Of course, across town the call from new White Sox voice Chris Singleton would have sounded something like this:

"That ball is hit with a bat. It's flying. That guy is running. Lee has a double. I like baseball. I can't believe I got this gig. Back to you Farmeo."

Brutal.

Corey-o-Meter: Sat on the bench during the Orioles' entire game at Tampa Bay wondering what in the heck major league baseball was thinking allowing Tampa to have a team and play their games at Tropicana Field. Figure they must have owed a favor to George Steinbrenner. Season: Still one for ten with two stolen bases. Eighteen splinters acquired and removed by team physician.

Yesterday, I commented how incredibly young the Marlins are. Well, not only are the young...they are not particularily well paid either. Florida entered the season with a team payroll below $15 million. There are twelve players in the major leagues who earn more than the entire Marlins' team, including Chan Ho Park and Magglio Ordonez! In fact, there are five players on the Evil Empire who are paid more (the Yankees' total payroll is a shade under $195 million). It is so bad that the median player salary is only $27,000 more than Shaquille O'Neal just spent on his birthday party. How are they ever going to afford that shiny, new indoor swingset for the clubhouse on that chump change?

Marlins' management has also announced that they will be switching to generic graham crackers at snack time until attendance picks up (beating a dead horse on this issue alert!)

Jim Thome hit another home run yesterday, his fifth in eight games! Scott Podesdnik got a hit! Jose Contreras pitched well! Bobby Jenks got the save, despite giving up a two-run home run! Jenks didn't let any chicken nuggets fall out of his pocket while he was on the mound! Ozzie Guillen probably cursed and blamed the Cubs for the injury to Dustin Hermanson!

Hey, I didn't want Sox fans to feel left out!

Yes, despite your World Series Championship, not only are you behind the Cubs now, you are behind Corey Patterson and the Florida Toddlers as well.

Finally, the Bulls followed up Tuesday's win over the Nets, with a victory over the Atlanta Hawks last night. It was a classic trap game, but the Bulls did not let Joe Johnson and company pull off he upset. It was also a much-needed win, given Philadelphia's surprising win at New Jersey and victories by both Indiana and Milwaukee. This team will be lucky to win a single playoff game, let alone a series, but let's give them credit for fighting hard and closing the season by coming on strong.

Gotta go to lunch... Here's hoping that the Cubs hit well, pitch well and field well, today. And, if not, maybe Edwin Encarnacion can make another six errors or so...

***The Jury of the Damned consisted of John Dillinger, John Wilkes Booth, Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Blackbeard the Pirate, Richard Nixon, and the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.