Aaron Rowand certainly seemed like a nice enough guy. Decent bat. Very good glove. Made some really nice running catches at Yankee Stadium last year. Seemed like a positive clubhouse presence and, I'm told, has an unrivaled zest for action sports. I'm sure the Phillies' fans will love him.
That said, Aaron Rowand is no Jim Thome.
After homering in yesterday's 13-9 victory over the Detroit Tigers, Thome now has six home runs in nine games this season, including having gone deep in four straight games. He is now hitting a healthy .379 and sports a robust .561 on-base-percentage. Couple those numbers with the generally recognized fact that he is perhaps the nicest guy in the league, and Rowand for Thome looks like a steal. Should the big man stay healthy, he is the type of guy who can carry a struggling offense for a week or so, ensuring that the White Sox stay likely stay in contention (despite Jon Garland's current imitation of Shawn Estes). Think Sammy Sosa, circa 1998, minus the crates of cork, and clubhouse-dividing boom box, and hypodermic needles, er...I mean the Flintstone vitamins.
Thome is not the only major leaguer who is launching home runs at an alarming rate so far this season. Some guy on the Tigers named Chris Shelton has seven in nine games, putting him on pace for a season total of 126 (a former 33rd round draft pick, Shelton hit 17 HR in 107 games last year). Khalil Greene of the Padres (a native Conch, by the way) has four in 32 at bats after hitting only 15 each of the last two seasons. Colorado Rockies' outfielder Brad Hawpe has four after setting a career high last year with nine. Pirate Craig Wilson has four in only 24 at bats and he hasn't even gotten to face Glendon Rusch yet (although he gets his opportunity this weekend). What in the name of Victor Conte is going on here?
Ask Hawk Harrelson and he will tell you that it is clear that the ball is juiced this year. As Darrin Jackson and he will just echo "yesssss." If true, that's an interesting move by major league baseball. Just take the steroids out of the players and put them in the ball. After all, weren't we once told that chicks dig the long ball.
I worry about the affect that this obvious ball juicing is going to have on the younger generation of balls. Don't you think that they are going to want to improve their chances of making it to the big leagues? Do you think they are happy being thrown around by Crash Davis, rather than Jody Davis? I mean, it's got got to be better to be caught by some drunk slob in the Bud Light Bleachers, than be caught by the patriarch of the Martin family from Woodstock, Illinois, enjoying their picnic on the grassy knoll at Elfstrom Stadium, isn't it?
We really need to clean this game up. To heck with Bonds, Palmeiro and Sheffield. Think about the poor defenseless ball. And thank you for your time.
At least the ball doesn't have much concern, when Scotty Pods approaches the plate. The Sox had 17 hits yesterday but nary a one by the career minor leaguer (whose average is now done to a .059). Pods is 2006's answer to Jerome Walton.
I admit that the last couple of days, I have been hard on Greg Maddux and have not exactly presented a rosy picture of his 2006 future. That said, the future Hall-of-Famer turns 40 years old today and that gives us an excellent opportunity to look back at his career accomplishments and truly marvel at how terrific he has been. Random Thoughts commenter "Bearister" noted that Maddux has the most wins by any pitcher by the age of 40 in the modern era of baseball (boy, today's headline would have been perfect, if we lived in Pittsburgh and were talking about the career achievements of John Candelaria). I believe there are nine pitchers who had more wins than Greg's 320 but they all played at a time when it was common to pitch both ends of a doubleheader, spend all night drunk in a ditch somewhere, and still pitch in relief the next day. As far as I know, the only pitcher capable of such a feat today is David Wells.
Don't get me wrong, Mad Dog certainly gets respect, but, in my mind, not as much as he deserves. Ask a casual baseball fan who the greatest pitchers of the 90's (and into the new century) were/ are and you are likely to get a Randy Johnson. Perhaps a Pedro Martinez. Curt Schilling may get a mention. And, of course, Roger Clemens.
Why Clemens and not Maddux, I ask? In two more seasons, Clemens certainly has a lot more strikeouts (4502 - 3060), a better career win percentage (.665 - .627), more shutouts (46-35), and has won seven Cy Young Awards to Mad Dog's four. Maddux, on the other hand, has fifteen Gold Gloves, 21 total less wins in two less seasons, a lot less walks (907 - 1520), a better walks and hits per innings pitched ratio (1.13 - 1.17), and, most importantly, a lower ERA (3.01 - 3.12). So, why is Clemens automatically mentioned as perhaps the greatest right handed pitcher of the last 50 years, but Maddux is, by comparison, infrequently mentioned? Why, of course, ... chicks dig the strikeout too.
So, who is the greatest right handed pitcher of the last twenty years? I can't definitively say it's Maddux over Clemens but it's equally foolish to automatically say Roger over Greg. Both have been true all-time greats, especially at a time when one was more likely to find a bottle of Winstrol in a major league ballplayer's locker than the phone number of Heidi Fleiss.
Anyway, happy birthday Greg!
And, while we are talking about the greatest right hander of the last twenty years, we better not neglect to review the statistics of Kevin Tapani...
Speaking of Clemens, his inability to make up his mind regarding his future is getting awfully annoying. Who else wishes that Clemens would just make up his dang mind already regarding whether he will return to quarterback the Green Bay Packers next year?
All kidding aside, it's got to be extremely frustrating to be a Houston Astro or Green Bay Packer fan these days. Poor Billy Bob, nursing his Lone Star Beer, wondering whether the Astros will have to rely on the likes of Wandy Rodriguez and Taylor Buchholz this year or whether the team will have to coax Jim Deshaies or Shane Reynolds out of retirement. Poor Buddy, sitting in his orange hunting gear at a Green Bay greasy diner, trying to figure out a way to stuff an elk burger into his toothless, tar-stained mouth, contemplating whether #4 will be back for another 4-12 season. Poor, poor John Madden wondering what in the heck he is going to talk about for three plus hours if Brett Favre is not in the league. A Madden broadcast without Favre is like Eddie Murphy's Raw or Delirious video without the curses. A bunch of prepositions, a few references to toilets and a whole lot of dead air.
Billy Bob...Buddy...put the shotgun down. It's going to be okay. After all, Cubs' fans feel your pain. After all, we continue to wait for the glorious return of our injured hero, Mark Prior. Aaaahhh...good ol' Prior. Look, even the most pessimistic Cubs' fan (read: me), even a fan who truly believes that the Cubs are likely to become the first team in history to lose a game after having a sure-game-winning run not score due to the untimely actions of a bird flu-inflicted goat, must admit that Prior will return sometime. Of course, this begs the question, exactly what horrible afflication, injury or illness will befall Mark Prior once he does return and precisely what will happen to cause Prior to spend an additional 60 days, er...60 months on the DL? These are precisely the questions already considered by Random Thoughts commentor WrigleyBill.
In fact, after hallucinating that he read an article in yesterday's Chicago newspaper, that Prior was going blind from using too much Bausch and Lomb ReNu eye solution with MoistureLoc, WrigleyBill began to question what will happen to our golden boy next. I leave it to you, the readers of the Random Thoughts, to determine what Prior should expect to happen next. I ask you, will Prior be sidelined next as the result of:
A. Having gotten run over by a tricylce being ridden by a dwarf (WrigleyBill's prediction)
B. Having been mistaken for Todd Wellemeyer and having, therefore, been run over by a tricycle ridden by WrigleyBill
C. A terrible, terrible circus accident involving a schizophrenic elephant, a clown, and a flaming hoop.
D. Spontaneously combusting, after choking on vomit (somebody else's vomit), after suffering through a bizarre gardening accident***
or
E. __________________ (Fill in the blank)
Y'all (hey, I'm comiserating with my buddies in Houston) weren't interested in coming up with a nickname for Dee Brown, perhaps this will get your creative juices flowing. Pleeze (now I'm comiserating with my friends in Green Bay) feel free to let us know what will happen next...
(I know you've been waiting for it)....Corey-o-Meter: Pinch ran in Baltimore's loss to the Devil Rays. Reportedly did not trip and did not have to ask first base coach directions to second base. Season: Remains one for ten. Hasn't had an at-bat since last Sunday. No confirmation that his teammates have actually hidden his bats.
Finally, I know that I have thanked many of you loyal readers of the Random Thoughts in person, but I, once again, wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your continued support and for passing the word along. The Random Thoughts is a lot of fun to write, but can be time consuming and I appreciate everyone's good words, readership and comments (and those of you who aren't commenting...why?)
That said, while I will certainly try to post on a daily basis and encourage you to take 30 seconds away from looking up pictures of Jessica Alba (that's not really her body on www.nakedpicturesofjessicaalbaIsweartheyarereal.com, Todd) to check the Random Thoughts each and every weekday, my upcoming work schedule may preclude me from writing on a daily basis. I'm certainly not going anywhere, however, and hope that you will be along for the ride.
Finally (finally), I would like to officially recommend two pages that are worth your time and the eventual eye strain associated with staring at the internet all day long. First, our own Bearister's "The Bearister Report" (http://thebearisterreport.blogspot.com) is usually a quick read, especially given that Adam updates it about once a month (sheesh, you'd think he has a new baby in the house or something). Second, new Random Thoughts reader and commentator "Cub fan kev" offers his own (extremely) warped look at the world at http://www.kalspals.com. Check them out.
Have a terrific weekend and best of luck in all Easter egg hunts this weekend. Remember, if faced with any moral dilemmas when charging for a nice lilac egg with a big bunny on it, always think WWADD. You can bet Al Davis would knock that little snot-nosed brat halfway to tomorrow. Heck, there's candy inside!!!
*** Today's trivia: Who was a victim of all three of these unfortunate events?
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E. Gets shot by Reggie Jackson while trying to protect the Queen (the royal one, not the one who's songs were massacred on American Idol this past week)
Almost forgot the trivia question. Don't know for sure (and don't worry, The Wife, I won't Google it), but it sounds like it could be a Spinal Tap reference...a drummer, of course!
Yes, a spinal tap reference. I think that it was the first in the line of drummers. The second one spontaneously combusted.
Guess who I saw stumbling down the Southport corridor with a drunken twenty-something co-ed yesterday afternoon? None other than Cubs fan extraordinaire/homeless guy Ronnie Woo-Woo. I really don’t care much for the man, but I must admit that he is symbolic of baseball season on the north-side.
As the Onion predicted, Cubs fans need not worry b/c of the Cubs impressive start. After dropping 2/3 to the Red Stockings, we’re back on track for a lackluster season. Whew. That was close. I also applaud Jones’ injury as well as his 1 game suspension with Cedeno for inking “KP” on their caps to honor “the Puck”- and Prior’s newly acquired blindness. Nice touches.
Rumor has it that Florida is shopping Dontrell Willis. See you later Felix Pie (“adios” might be better since he apparently no speaka de ingles). Done deal. Take our newly blind pitcher with you.
A big shout out to new readers north of the cheese curtain!
Hairston, not Cedeno was suspended (Harrison as Ronnie calls him)
E. Sneezing: in (dis)honor of Sammy
Prior will get a hang nail. In seeking treatment the nail will get infected. The infection will spread to his elbow and shoulder. The infection will cause uncontrollable swelling so that Prior will appear to have elephantitis of the arm (kind of like having one of those kids floaty devices around your elbow). While scratching the affected elbow some puss will shoot into his eye, thereby causing a stye. While itching his stye eye with his swollen arm Mark will blindly walk into traffic and get hit by a bus (TRIVIA: What former Cubs announcer was once hit by a bus (but not while in Chicago)) thereby breaking his leg in 3 places. Fortunately, however, the Cubs training staff has figured out how he can throw a simulated game while on crutches.
Please let the Cubs play better than their competition this weekend!
Mark Prior will severely cramp his arm signing all those autographs he missed in Naperville. Duration of DL will depend on whether the unsigned items are usable to throw at him or hit him over the head with.
E. While driving a golf cart in the left rough along with his playing partner Kerry Wood in Arizona, in between simulated games of course, Prior mistakenly runs over all 4 balls that Wood hit from the tee (remember, they were in the left rough), and the cart, which was built by Yosh Kiwano and Cap Anson in 1906, tips over and falls on top of Prior, breaking his arm. Wood gets hurt dialing up the trainer on his cell phone, but no one is actually sure what the injury is. Simply, he is out for another 2 weeks. Meanwhile, 10 minutes later, the golf cart company sues Prior for leaving early. Back in Chicago, Dusty Baker says, "Dude, I'm gonna be fired, man."
NAKED PICS OF JESSICA? WHERE?
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