Brown Out

Nick Markakis? Nick frickin' Markakis? This is who is now starting in place of the injured David Newhan in the Orioles' outfield? Why not just throw Dee Brownberg out there? Look, Corey Patterson fans, I thought that the injury to Newhan was going to be Corey's big break. I thought that Newhan would be Corey's Wally Pipp. I thought that Corey would prove to Andy McPhail, Jim Hendry and Dusty Baker that they had traded the next Lou Brock for two guys who are probably as likely to ever reach the majors as Luke Perry is to win an Academy Award (man, did he get screwed for his powerful role in the legendary bull riding movie "8 Seconds). I thought that horrific memories of Ernie Broligio would haunt Cubs fans for the next twelve years, as Corey put up a .330-30-120 season year-after-year. Looks like I thought wrong.

In fact, it looks more and more as though the Cubs simply traded the next Tom Goodwin.

Okay, let's just get it out of the way early today...Corey-o-Meter: Last night: One at-bat, one line-out. Season: 1-15 t the plate. Three stolen bases. Eighty-six pins stuck in homemade Markakis voodoo doll since manager Sam Perlozzo posted yesterday's lineup card.

I follow up such horribly disturbing news with a bit of good news! It's safe to pick on Juan Cruz once again! Facing raised expectations thanks to his mention in the Random Thoughts, Cruz proved that he handles pressure about as well as Greg Norman and Jean Van de Velde by getting lit up for three runs on three hits and three walks in 2.2 innings in his first appearance since being lauded. It's nice to know that you can go home again.

I also have not seen that many threes posted in such rapid succession since Ben Gordon single-handedly won last Friday's game versus Washington. And let's not forget people that I am not advocating trading him for Trenton Hassell.

I just want everyone to know that, in honor of the conclusion of the Blackhawks season and in recognition of my abhorrent judgement in referencing what, in my mind, is the most overrated television show in history (Friends) I am sending myself to the penalty box for two minutes.

Can I say that? Is that okay? I don't have any members of the Matt LeBlanc Fan Club reading this do I?





There. (Yes, I know that was not quite two minutes. Just assume that whoever the Blackhawks were playing scored in the first 12 seconds of the power play. It's really not much of a reach, is it?).

I doubt that many of you have been paying much attention to the NHL, but what happened yesterday (the final day of the regular season) in the Atlantic Division is really quite remarkable. In a span of under 75 minutes, three different teams were the "if the season ended right now" champions of the division and the #3 seed in the playoffs. The fun started with the New York Rangers in first place. A short time and a Ranger loss to Ottawa later, the Philadelphia Flyers leaped past the New York, courtesy of their win over the Islanders. Finally, twenty minutes later, the New Jersey Devils moved past the Flyers by overcoming a 3-0 deficit and defeating Montreal (their 11th consecutive win to close out the season). That said, the Devils win the division and get the #3 seed, the Flyers get seed #5 and the Rangers, who started the fray division champions and #3, fell all the way to #6. You may not care, but I'm fairly certain that, somewhere in Newark, David Puddy is screaming at the top of his lungs and scaring old ladies.

High five...

Speaking of playoff seeding, looks like the Memphis Grizzlies lost although they won. With a 101-95 victory over the Clippers, the Grizzlies have secured the #5 seed and a date in the playoffs with Mark Cuban's Dallas Mavericks. No report on whether Cuban will take the Grizzlies out for a consolation prize of tasty Dairy Queen Blizzards should the Mavs sweep Memphis in four straight.

So, how much effort did each team put forth and should the NBA be concerned? Well, let's start with the fact that (a) Boniface N'Dong is not a figment of my imagination and (b) the big Senagalese center logged eleven minutes and scored a career high-tying six points (he averages six minutes per game). Let's also consider that the Clippers starting lineup included James Singleton, who played 45 minutes (he averages 12) and Vin Baker (playing in only his tenth game in two years). Further, raise an eyebrow at the fact that Sam Cassell (34 mpg; 17.2 ppg), Chris Kaman (33 mpg; 12 ppg), and Vladimir Radmanovich (29.5 mpg; 11 ppg) all failed to take their warm-ups off.

Of course, Memphis countered by sitting Damon Stoudamire (32 mpg; 12 ppg) and, amazingly, leading scorer Pau Gasol (20.4 ppg in 39 mpg) magically came down with, er...a, uh, uh, hmmm, uh, foot injury, yeah, foot injury, and spent the game imitating Jack Haley by sitting at the end of the bench in street clothes (although, as far as I know, Gasol did not express an inhuman attraction to Dennis Rodman).

Congratulations on your win...I mean loss...Clippers.

Hofstra. Whew. That's better. After a February and March of typing the name of the little school in Hempstead, New York's over and over, I was beginning to suffer from withdrawal.

Congratulations to Astro outfielder Preston Wilson are also in order for grounding into a fielder's choice in the bottom of the 4th inning in yesterday's Houston win over the Brewers. While we usually save congratulations for actually making contact with the ball for all-time strikeout kings like Steroid Sammy, Kid Corey and that thing named Freddie Bynum, Wilson definitely deserves a hearty pat on he back. His ground ball ended a string of seven consecutive strikeouts, a figure that recalls the glory days of Gary Matthews Jr. and Michael Tucker.

I've often wondered why Dodger fans believe it is cool to come to the late and leave "fashionably" early. My guess is that it kinda backfired Monday night as the Cubs won 4-1 in a game that lasted less than two hours. With a Maddux on the hill piching like its still 1994 (let me go put on my Ace of Base CD), by the time they showed up, the game was already in the sixth inning. Since they insist on leaving in the seventh to beat traffic, they must have barely had enough time to put sprouts on their tofu dog and locate Alyssa Milano in the crowd.

Maybe Maddux and Mark Buerhle will match-up this summer at Wrigley. A weekday game featuring those two that starts at 1:20 ought to get you home in time to catch the start of General Hospital at 2:00.

Hold on...did I really just admit that I have an Ace of Base CD?

Congratulations to Random Thoughts commenter ParrotMama for correctly answering yesterday's trivia question. I suspect that she is also the only Random Thoughts reader who can accurately state from personal experience whether Juan Marichal acted out of character when he clubbed John Roseboro over the head with his bat. Of course, had the story been about pinch hitter extradonaire Lenny Harris we could have relied on RT commenter Tom. Had it been about Damon Bailey we likely could have relied on RT non-commenter Liz, and, get this, had it been about the official RT hottie we could have checked in with Bearister's baby brother, Dan, who stood only feet away from Jessica at an Oscar post-party this year.

That said, the story of Marichal and Roseboro is worth knowing if you fancy yourself a true-baseball fan. Please take a seat on the rug, boys and girls, as I tell you the story of Juan and John (I'd better trademark that before the WB uses it as the name of their new ethnic buddy comedy. "John is a non-nonsense stock broker from Glencoe. Juan is a street smart store clerk from the west side. What happens when they are forced to live together in a Lincoln Park apartment?" Co-starring Bea Arthur as the crotchety old woman who lives downstairs and Susan Olsen as the woman they both fall in love with...)

Now, it goes without saying that the Giants and Dodgers have always been bitter rivals, but never in the history of their rivalry did a melee occur like that which occurred on August 22, 1965. In the top of the third inning, Giant hurler Juan Marichal knocked down both Maury Wills and Ron Fairly with high, tight fastballs. When the Dodgers took the field in the bottom of the inning, LA catcher John Roseboro signaled to pitcher Sandy Koufax that retailiation was in order. Koufax, being the greatest gentleman of the game this side of Jim Thome, refused to throw at a Giant batter (that indicates the team, not the relative size of the batter. Neither Hagrid nor Grawp played for the Giants at the time), as Roseboro later said "Koufax was constitutionally incapable of throwing at anyone's head."

Of course, the quote goes on to read "so I took matters into my own hands." With Marichal at the plate, Roseboro's return throw to the pitcher whistled past Marichal's head, barely missing cracking him in the ear. Marichal apparently said a few choice words, Roseboro assumed a fighting stance, and Marichal hammered him over the head with his bat, setting off a 14-minute brawl.

As I mentioned yesterday, understandably Roseboro wound up with a tremendous gash on the top of his head and needed 14 stiches to close the wound and stop the ungoing rush of blood that was pouring out of his noggin. The brawl stopped when San Francisco's Willie Mays crossed enemy lines and escorted a dazed Roseboro to the dugout. Marichal was suspended by major league baseball for nine games and fined $1,750.

But that was not the end of his punishment. A sure fire hall-of-famer, Marichal did not receive enough votes for induction his first two times on the ballot. In fact, most baseball historians believe that Marichal never would have received enough votes for election, had it not been for the arrival of a hero on a white horse...a hero named John Roseboro, who openly campaigned for Juan's induction.

When Roseboro passed away in 2002, talk of Marichal and his effect on John's life once again took center stage. You see, Marichal was an honorary pallbearer and was chosen to be a memorial speaker at the funeral. It turns out that the two men who will forever be part of baseball lore had became close friends. Marichal stated at the funeral that Roseboro's "forgiving me is one of the best thing that happened in my life."

Maybe someone can make it into a movie. I could see it going down as one of the classic heart-warming sports flicks of all time. Right up there with Brian's Song, Bang the Drum Slowly and Air Bud: Golden Retriever.

Hey, Orange Whip...just wondering, did Dee Brown donate a kidney to you or something?

Because you asked (and only because you asked)...the folks doing the rating are the fine folks who vote for the AP All-American Team and those who voted for the Bob Cousy Award (best point guard in the nation). Brown, as you are no doubt aware was voted a second-team All-American and the winner of the Cousy Award. Subjective awards? Absolutely. So, let's look at the objective numbers and compare Brown to UConn's Marcus Williams...

Points Per Game: Brown 14.2 Williams 12.3

FG %: Williams 41% Brown 36% (who does he think he is? Tyson Chandler?)

3 Pt FG%: Williams 40% Brown 32%

FT %: Williamsn 86% Brown 76%

Reb Per Game: Williams 3.9 Brown 3.1

Assists Per Game: Williams 8.6 Brown 5.8

Assist/Turnover Ration: Williams 2.33 Brown 2.0

Time Sprinting Out of Apartment While Carrying Laptops: Williams 6 seconds Brown N/A

Price Per Laptop Able to Get on Open Market: Williams $500 Brown N/A

Sheesh, make an effort Dee!!!!

Look, I'm not saying that the guy is not a talented player. I'll admit that he clearly is (and I am able to maintain my sense of humor regarding the situation). There were just too many games when (in my opinion) I saw him hurt the team with poor shot selection. I also believe that because of his undeaniable charisma and god-given talents (read: speed), he got too much pub. I have never meant my criticism to be malicious and have always hoped that readers would take it as it was meant... in good humor. That said, I am not backing down from my opinion that he is overrated and won post season awards that he did not deserve, but, since I seem to have hit a nerve (and when you only have 8 or 9 readers, the loss of one represents a substantial percentage of your readership) I am officially declaring a moratorium on all mentions in the Random Thoughts of Dee. You can (and should) feel free to my arguments by commenting, but I'm done with Mr. Brown. Okay?

Can we at least all agree that Rick Mirer was overrated?


***There will be no post tomorrow and Friday is extremely doubtful. I'm going to be tied up at work. I'll talk to you all Monday. Have a great weekend.