All Hail Dee Brownberg!!!!

Watching Sunday night baseball on ESPN, I was reminded of a quote I once heard attributed to hall-of-famer Fergie Jenkins. Something along the lines of... "When I threw a pitch, I always knew where the ball was going."

I was reminded of the quote when, upon hitting Barry Bonds in the armor with a pitch, Dodgers' relief pitcher Tim Hamulack was immediately ejected from the game by home plate umpire Lance Barksdale. For those of you too sickened by the sound of Joe Morgan's voice to watch ESPN's Sunday night baseball (feel free to use that as your excuse when your wife is making you watch Crossing Jordan), Bonds' beaning came a half-inning after Dodger slugger Jeff Kent was struck in the helmet by a 70-something mph change-up. Barksdale judged that Hamulack had thrown at Bonds on purpose and took, what in his mind, was the appropriate action in tossing him from the game.

We hear all the time about the "way baseball used to be." How if your pitcher plunked the opposing team's star, the first batter up in the next inning would be earning a free, albeit painful, trip to first base (if he can stand that is). How if you hit a home run off Don Drysdale, during your next trip to the plate, you'd be best served bringing a shield and wearing a football helmet. How if you made Bob Gibson angry, he was abt to fire a 97-mph fastball at your head, laugh at your lifeless body and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Every now and then I think about how amazing it is that sports can warp our view of what is right and what is wrong. I think we lose sight of the fact that a baseball is hard and it is absolutely no fun to get struck by a ball travelling at such great speeds. I know that it is likely not a particularily popular opinion, but I don't think that it should ever be appropriate to intentionally throw at a batter. Give the pitcher the right to throw at a batter on purpose and the hitter should be well within his rights to rush the mound with his bat (or club the catcher over the head with your bat if your name just happens to be Juan Marichal**).

Just my two cents on the issue, which is worth...well, two cents.

Please remember that the above opinion does not apply if the batter is named Todd Hundley or LaTroy Hawkins. In such case, fire away!

Interesting situation in Memphis tonight, where the Grizzlies match up against the LA Clippers. Interesting because it would probably be in both teams interest to lose the game (and, no, not to improve there chances of being able to draft Dee Brownberg). You see, both teams are currently fighting for the #5 and #6 seed in the western conference playoffs and both would almost undoubtedly rather be seeded #6. Get seeded sixth and you get to face a struggling Denver Nuggets team that has lost 5 of 8 games (including a home loss last night to Houston. How in the heck do you lose to Houston? Isn't the whole town focusing solely on Brett Clemens?) but will still win the Northwest Division and get the #3 seed. "Fall" to seed #5 and you face Dirk Nowitzi and the 60-win Dallas Mavericks, who own the third best record in the NBA. Reportedly, the NBA has sent a letter to both teams warning them that they will be watching the game very closely. Bottom line, if Boniface N'Dong gets more than two minutes for the Clippers, David Stern is not going to be happy.

No truth to the report that both teams tried to trade for Luke Schenscher and Eddy Curry in time for the game.

Who's Dee Brownberg, you ask? I think he plays for the Temple Beth El junior team in Highland Park. Look, there ain't no way I'm mentioning another player with a similar name anymore, now that the Random Thoughts has apparently welcomed his mother to the roll of commenters.

That said, maybe the Bulls will draft James Augustine...

Kerry Wood joined the Cubs in Los Angeles last night and threw off the mound. In what may seem like an overly extreme move to everyone but Cubs' fans, the team has asked that the rider restrictions for all Disneyland rides be amended to include all children under 42 inches in height, all pregnant women, all adults with heart conditions, and all once-promising pitchers who have now turned into $10 million per year bullpen mound jockeys.

Kerry Wood and Mark Prior and their assorted injuries are to the Random Thoughts what having Joey or Ross or Chandler or phoebe or Rachel or the girl from the Dancing in the Dark video date one another was to Friends. Completely out of fresh, new ideas? Well, you can always go back to the old standby.

Yesterday, I forgot to mention Tadahito Iguichi's sensational play last weekend, throwing out Bengie Molina with his face planted in the U.S. Comiscular infield. It was truly an amazing play, but shouldn't someone tell Molina that he should not fill his pockets with rocks before running to first base? That guy makes Paul Konerko look like Carl Lewis. Heck, that guy makes Ron Santo look like Carl Lewis.

Molina should be getting to first base on that play about.................................now. I think even Sally Struthers could beat him in a footrace... while eating a box of Tasty Cakes.

I caught highlights of the Indians-Tigers game yesterday. Holy moly, have you seen Pudge Rodriguez since the steroid crackdown began? I haven't seen that dramatic of a body transformation since Britney Spears was seen coming out of Dr. Leon Forrester Tcheupdjian's office (believe it or not, that is actually spelled correctly!). You can now fit eight of him in Frank Thomas' pants.

So Sox management has asked Joe Crede and A.J. Pierzynski to cut there hair. You would think that it would be so the team can maintain a professional look, right? Well, that's what the Sox are saying, but I'm not so sure. Last year Sox fans were given the opportunity to throw out the first pitch at a game for a price. Pony up enough cash and you could carry the official game balls to the home plate umpire. Offer to pay Damaso Marte's salary for the season and you could actually pinch hit for Jose Uribe. Now, comes the great Hair Caper. Hmmm...

How about selling the right to wax Jim Thome's back, too?

What else should the Sox sell for a price to the minions of "What?-the-Sox-won-World-Series?- You've-got-to-be-kidding-me-I-haven't-followed-the-team-since-Greg-Luzinski-played-left-field-but-now-I-love-them" fans? Post a comment below.

Fred "The Mayor" Hoiberg announced his retirement. Immediately before making the announcement, he asked to be traded to the Bears so he can get the proper sendoff that his long and illustrious career has earned him. Jerry Azumah declined an offer to plan his retirement party.

Finally, what a great day for Corey Patterson! The kind of day that a young man dreams of while playing catch in the backyard with the old man. No, Corey did not get any hits (although to his credit he did score a run and have a stolen base while going 0-3 at the plate), but the Orioles' announced that left fielder David Newhan broke his leg and will be out for a considerable period of time. Looks like the Orioles' options are play Corey or bring back Steroid Sammy. You're on your way, kid!

Oh yeah, you can feel free to throw at his frickin' head too.

** Difficult baseball trivia question of the day: What was the name of the Dodgers' catcher who Juan Marichal bashed over the head with his bat, opening a wound that required 14 stitches?