But I am confident you will agree that I have lied for a very good reason and today's topic is something that the RT simply cannot ignore (and I am equally confident that I will not have to take a golf ball out of the blowhole of a whale). You see, last night I came across a group of youngsters who are not only so vernal that they make Patrick Kane look like he is ready to get his AARP card and meet Rose, Sonja and Dorothy down at the bingo parlor, but who are also among the few who can successfully orthographize the word orthographize. We are talking about the kids who refuse to play dodge ball because they are too busy memorizing the names of all the presidents... the kids who got the crap beaten out of them simply because they knew that the 13th president was, in fact, Millard Fillmore... the kids who don't even bother turning the spellcheck on when writing a love letter to the Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana (look, even the geeks love Hannah and the Jonases).
Yes, readers of the RT, last night was the annual Scripps National Spelling Bee. And, since I am sure that most of you were too busy trying to figure out whether it was Derrek Rose, Jalen Rose, Pete Rose or Rose DeWitt Berkater who took the NBA Rookie of the Year's high school SAT test to have actually watched the excitement, I am here to give you the highlights...
* After watching for a few minutes, I quicky realized that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, at least when it comes to spelling. Not only could I not spell most of the words, but I could not even come close to correctly spelling the names of most of the contestents. Ramya, Kennyi, Anamika, Kavya, Aishwarya? I thought those were the most recent locations on the show Survivor. Extras from Slumdog Millionaire? Heck, after watching a couple of rounds, I began to wonder whether I was Stephen Hawking Hairston's long-lost twin brother.
* I guess I should not be to suprised that I had a difficult time correctly spelling laodicean, maecenas and menhir. After all, despite fully qualifying as a nerd myself, I never was very successful in spelling bees when I was a child. I kept spelling relief, r-o-l-a-i-d-s, and penguin, r-o-n-c-e-y.
* Oh yeah Kennyi. Let's see you try and spell Koyie, Kosuke, Hoffpauir and WhycantIstopswingingatoffspeedcraporiano? Not so smug now, are ya?
* The contestants ranged in age from 9-14, which is why I was quite shocked when one young man by the name of Sidharth appeared on stage with an upper-lip push-broom that would impress even Coach Quennville and Ned Flanders. Of course, after misspelling the word "bajusz," poor Sidharth broke into tears, hugged his parents and immediately headed to the bathroom to shave off his traditional spelling bee mustache.
* Mustache boy's reaction was bad, but nothing was worse than the reaction of the sole representative from Venezuela. After mispelling the word "manyakkimse," the poor kid tried to throw the spelling judge out of the ballroom, bumped the poor Scripps' representative, threw his protractor into the crowd, smashed the chocolate milk machine with his Trapper Keeper and Calculus book, and finished off his evening by beating the crap out of Michael Barrett.
* Neither Random Thoughts Hottie #1 or Random Thoughts Hottie #2 were contestants. Yes, just another pathetic excuse to post pictures that ought to have you tatooning "Jessica" across your chest. I hope you enjoy.* One thing that became quite evidant is that the Spelling Bee is a gentler, friendlier competition than I am used to. Most telling was the fact that wrong answers were met with the ringing of a nice little bell. No "You're fired." No "The tribe has spoken." No "You're auf!" (in fact, much to my dismay, no Heidi Klum at all). And certainly no "you spelled the dang word wrong, now get your nerdy, loser ass off the stage." My gosh, couldn't we have some sort of a threatening-sounding buzzer or, at least, ask Willy Wonka to greet misspellers with an "I'm sorry! You lose! You get nothing!!!" What's next? Every kid is going to get to bat in every inning in tee ball? I ask you, is this really the way we want to raise our kids? Look, I'm sorry Coach Wuss, but you're wrong. Not every kid is a winner. And, no, you don't get a trophy when you suck.
* Almost everyone knows that you can gamble on practically everything these days -- from how many runners the Cubs will fail to get home from third base with under two outs (I guess we may wish to hold off on construction of the Scales-Fox wing in Cooperstown, huh?), to whether Rich Harden's season will come to an end as the result of an inflammed cervix, to whether Alonzo Spellman or Tank Johnson will one day come back and kill us all. And, yes, it turns out that you can even wager on the Spelling Bee. For example, you can bet on whether the winner will be a boy or a girl, whether the winner will wear glasses, whether the final word will be more or less than eight letters (I took the under, after all "berjudi" is only seven letters), and whether the winner will end up living alone in a Montana cabin, continously reciting all the lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, while building a homemade pipe bomb. I wonder if that is why Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley were seen slinking around the Washington D.C. Grand Hyatt gift shop?
* I always find it interesting when a radio station gives away concert tickets and the winner proclaims "Oh my gosh, I am the biggest Quiet Riot fan in the whole world!!!" Excuse me, but, if you were really the BIGGEST Quiet Riot fan in the world, wouldn't you already have tickets? Keep this in mind when I tell you that the winner of the Spelling Bee recieves $30,000, a $2,500 savings bond and a whole collection of encyclopedias and dictionairies. Isn't this a little like giving Roger Clemens a case of hypodermic needles or giving Cedric Benson and Slater from Dazed and Confused a on-hitter? I mean, sure you could always use more, but don't you imagine that Naraj already has the complete set of World Books? Sheesh, at least Lisa Simpson would have won a George Plimpton endorsed hot plate had she spelled "intransigence" correctly.
I gotta go. I hear there is a special showing of Akeelah and the Bee on BET and that cute little scamp "Alex" is signing copies of his best seller "Spellympics: The Making of a Champion" at the Borders in Schaumberg.
We'll continue the Blackhawks post mortum on Monday. I luvata. Have a great weekend!
* There are ten words misspelled in this post. Can you find them all?
* And, no, the words "bajusz," "manyakkimse," "berjudi" and "luvata" are not misspelled. Just for the record they are "mustache (in Hungarian), "maniac" (in Turkish), "gamble" (in Indonesian), and "promise" (in Finnish). You'll thank me when you win the (insert name of hometown here) Spelling Bee!
20 comments:
I wholeheartedly agree with your everybody wins rant! I tend to agree, alternatively, with R.E.M., who teaches us that "everybody [else] hurts," - in other words, there is one winner and everybody else lost. How else do you provide motivation for improvement if you make a habit of rewarding mediocrity or suckiness (is that a word Sanjaya?). I don't believe that winning is the only thing (or in winning at all costs), but it should be the primary goal.
I'll post my spelling errors later.
Bearister, I'm with you man. These same kids that get a trophy for finishing 8th out of 8 teams in their soccer league are going to be the same ones wondering why Susie Snowflake got the college internship and they didn't ("But Mommy, I didn't know I had to try hard. I thought everyone gets a job!!")
Cudjoekey -- still loving the posts, but any chance of being a little less wordy so there's room for more pictures?
Check out this site:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090323200428AAvgOHk
I only found 9 misspellings, a few of them before realizing that it was a test:
Too (was written "to")
Contestants
Tattooing
Evident
Continuously
Receives
Dictionaries
One-hitter
Schaumburg
wile i could always spell, mai use of homonyms always caused mai teachers too cringe.
That being said spelling bes our not sports. Thus this post belongs in dansrandomspellingbeethoughts.com
Or some such similar site.
Arghhhhh I say
The marine biologist episode - one of the all time classics... "The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."
As for misspellings, not sure if this counts, but it's Derrick Rose is not Derrek Rose.
And you'll be proud to know that if you put "manyakkimse" into google, your post is #1 on the list.
Glad you are back and filled with info for all sorts of things....now if you had the answers to some of these problems we would all be winners and not whiners
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