What About Poor Archie and Danny?

Gotta be fairly brief today (brief, that is, for me). Let's cover the Bears and the NFL in general "quick hits" style before getting to the RSFC WIR...

* I have to admit that Rex the Wonder Dog has been sensational so far this season, but lets not start construction on the Grossman wing of the Hall of Fame quite yet. Sure, he is proving to be no Rick Mirer, but he isn't quite Dan Marino or Jim Kelly either. I cannot argue with the overall numbers, but the abhorrent interception that was called back due to the Lions' pure stupidity creeps into my head every time I want to completely trust that Rex is the right guy for the job. The bottom line is that I'm not convinced quite yet (but I will say that I am moving in the right direction).

* If nothing else, Rex has certainly made believers out of the last week's television announcers. They gushed over his throws like teenage girls at a John Mayer concert. The truth? Most of Rex's throws were on the money, but the TD toss to Berrian was grossly overthrown and all the credit really needs to go to Berrian, who made a sensational grab. Those who think that all of Rex's throws were perfect in that game, need to put down the Rexberry kool-aid. Oh yeah, and then there is that interception.

* I'm still awfully concerned about the running game. Jones, Sayers-Payton-Benson and Peterson combined for 86 yards on 32 carries. For those of you who have been living in an Afghan cave all your lives and are new to American Football. That, my friends, is not good.

* Let's also wait a few more weeks before we make reservations for Desmond Clark and his family at Roy's on the leeward side of the island of Oahu. Clark is obviously off to a terrific start, but there is a lot of football left to be played. If he wants to schedule his February air travel to Hawaii now, he better not be disappointed if the highlight of his trip is a sojourn to Pearl Harbor or an evening listening to Jake Shimbakuro on Waikiki Beach and not a 24-yard catch in the Pro Bowl.

* Something tells me that that is not the way you were supposed to play, Roy. Unless you were supposed to suck.

And now a quick trip around the NFL...

* Shawne Merriman of the San Diego Chargers is quickly becoming the best defensive player in the NFL. That's right...the best. Better than the overrated Ray Lewis. Better than the underrated Dwight Freeney. Better than Briscoe High School's Troy Polamalu. And, yes, (and I say this is full realization that the following statement will not win me many friends around here) he is better than Brian Urlacher too.

* Making such a statement i in this town is akin to saying that Mike Ditka and Dick Butkus are apron wearing pansies. I am now officially afraid to step outside.

* Daunte Culpepper is cetainly back to his early '05 form, complete with a fabulous assortment of overthrows, underthrows, fumbles and bad reads. Better hide his sailor hat.

* It had to be annnoying week for fantasy football owners of the Colts' main two receiving threats, Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison. Oh sure, Wayne finished the game against the Texans with 135 yards and Harrison had an impressive 127, but the Colts' receiving TDs were scored by Bryan Fletcher, Joseph Addai and Bradon Stokely. Talk about feeling unsatisfied, eh Teddy KGB? This is a little like going to dinner with Elizabeth Hurley... going dancing with Elizabeth Hurley... having a night cap with Elizabeth Hurley... and waking up the next morning alone.

* Hey, at least you did not wake up with Divine Brown.

* Watching a battle between Buccaneers and Raiders would be pretty sweet. Swords flying, sculls cracking, and assorted other both parts being mutilated. Watching a football game between the Buccaneers and Raiders, however, would be as brutal as a Designing Women marathon.

* Unless the cheerleaders decide to brawl. Heck, I'd even watch Chris Simms and Aaron Brooks play chinese checkers if the Tampa cheerleaders were involved and I was promised hair pulling and clothes ripping.

* I'd like to take this time to officially name the Tampa Bay Cheerleaders as the official cheerleaders of the RT. Please feel free to come on over to my house any time to pick up your prize, ladies.

Rick Springfield Fan Club FFB League Week-in-Review

(By the way, if you are not involved in the RSFC, but would like to see what all the hub-bub is about, please visit the league home page at: http://rsfclub.football.sportsline.com/)

After two weeks of action, the RSFC FFB League pretty much consists of the haves and the have nots. For the first time in the six-year history of the league, every team finds themselves either 2-0 or 0-2, setting up a crucial week after which three teams are guaranteed to be 3-0 and well on their way to the playoffs, while three other teams will be 0-3 and in a rather big hole that will be difficult, although not impossible, to climb out of. Of course the 2005 Chicago Bears started off their season 1-3 before winning 10 of their last 12 to capture the NFC Central title, offering at least a little hope to those teams who find themselves winless after three weeks.

On to the highlights and lowlights from Week 2...

Game of the Week

For the second consecutive week, none of the games in the RSFC was particularily compelling. Sure, the performance of the Jacksonville defense made things at least a little interesting in the Spanky-Slappers matchup, but a 20-point deficit was simply too much to overcome as Spanky held on for a 73-67 victory. The only other game that was in doubt entering the Sunday night game was the Prosthetic Legs -- Mr. October contest, but the performance of the Dallas defense and the utter futility of the Redskins' offense, allowed Dan to stretch the lead out to an insurmountable 19 points entering ESPN's ESPN Monday Night Football Brought to you by ESPN in conjunction with ESPN Sports (Sponsored by ESPN). But something has to be named the Game of the Week and I will go with the Cubs' 4-0 victory over the Reds on Saturday in order to celebrate Rich Hill's late season success. For those of you who haven't paid attention since the Cubs were eliminated from contention during the second week of May, Hill has been sensational lately, giving up only six earned runs in his last 45 innings with 44 strikeouts (4-1 record; 1.00 ERA). The way this season has gone for the Cubs, we need to trumpet every success we can find.

Most Valuable Player

* Peyton Manning (Trailer Park Touchdowns) with 26 points

Going into the game, you knew that the Texans had about as much chance of stopping the Colts offense as Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn had in being invited to baby Shiloh's christening. Well, Peyton certainly did not disappoint, racking up 400 yards passing and three touchdowns in the game played at the giant bubble formally known as the Hoosier Dome. Manning is especially deserving of this award seeing as how he accounted for 44% of Paul's total points.

Most Valuable Player: Honorable Mention

- Eli Manning (Nickel Slots) with 24 points (Peyton's younger brother was almost as productive with 371 yards and three TD)

- Cooper Manning (Howard, Weil, Labouisse & Fredreichs Energy Research Firm) (Peyton's older brother ate an unprecedented fourteen hot dogs while watching the Colts - Giants game in week one. He then ate sixty-two Hershey's kisses and passed out at his desk last Wednesday when he was supposed to be researching the possibility of converting all of New Orleans' plastic bead manufacturing facilities to solar power. Set the New Orleans record for most Hurricanes drank by a guy with spinal stenosis in a two-hour period of time)

- Danieal Manning (Chicago Bears) (Became the first player named "Danieal" in the history of the NFL to record a solo tackle. Also ate sixty-two Hershey's kisses when dared to do so by Alfonso Boone. Won an autographed Maurice Douglass jock strap for his efforts).

- Ricky Manning Jr. (Chicago Bears) (Has now made 18 consecutive trips to Denny's without beating anyone up)

- Curtis Manning (CTU: Los Angeles) (Reportedly the only character to ever take a bullet twice and still survive in the history of the greatest television action show of all time. Lead the sting operation that was successful in identifying Vladimir Bierko's final target. Invoked Article 12 to relieve Lynn McGill from his duties).

- Donovan McManning... er McNabb (Spanky) with 20 points (McNabb was sensational in the Eagles' loss to the Giants. Terrell who?)

Least Valuable Player

* Tiki Barber (Slappers) with 4 points

It is not as if Tiki was terrible on Sunday, it is just that Todd has got to expect more than four points out of his #1 draft pick. Of course, injured novelist Paul Shelton expected a lot more help out of Annie Wilkes and we all know how that turned out. Four points out of your top player is painful when you wind up losing by only six.

Least Valuable Player: Honorable Mention

- Cadillac Williams (WWJBD) with 1 point (Just as The Jerk ought to change his dog's name to sh*thead, Williams ought to think about changing his name to Pinto)

- Jeremy Shockey (Loafers) with 0 points (Shockey has been battling an ankle injury thus far this year and was held to 17 yards receiving)

- Lee Evans (JEB Fins) with 0 points (Don't worry, Brian... like cold weather, snow and new child molestation allegations against Michael Jackson, I'm sure Evans' three touchdown game will come sometime).

Best Coaching Decision

* Play Antonio Bryant (12 pts) over Matt Jones (3 pts) and Kevan Barlow (2 pts): Shabbit

Not a game changing decision, but an impressive one nonetheless. Bryant has been an enigma during his first four seasons in the NFL, but like the Tanner family, Uncle Jesse and Joey, Antonio seems to have found a home in San Francisco. Bryant has 245 yards in two games and scored in week two, rewarding Joe C. for his faith that he could get the job done. The key was selecting Bryant over Matt Jones as putting Kevan Barlow in your lineup has got to feel about as comfortable as walking though South Central in a "Mark Fuhrman Fan Club" t-shirt.

Best Coaching Decision: Honorable Mention

- Pick up and play Matt Stover (14 pts) and drop Steven Gostkowski (6 pts): Prosthetic Legs (Those of you involved in the RSFC who have been paying attention should be well aware of my belief that kickers are a dime-a-dozen in fantasy football. In fact, I believe this so strongly that I have decided to put my money where my mouth is and start a different kicker every week of the regular season or as long as supplies last. My selection in week two certainly paid off big).

- Play Phillip Rivers (10 pts) over Jake Plummer (2 pts): Shabbit (It takes real guts to start a rookie who is seeing serious action in only his second game, especially one who only threw 11 passes in his first game. Of course, in my opinion, it takes a complete lack of sense to trust your fortunes to Jake Plummer)

- Play Reggie Brown (7 pts) over Kevin Jones (1 pt): WWJBD (Regardless of whether he is going up against the Chicago Bears, the Cal Golden Bears or the Maine Black Bears, it is not easy to sit your #2 RB in favor of a receiver with 45 career receptions. The receiver only managed to push his career reception total to 46 put his one catch was good for a TD and seven fantasy points).

Worst Coaching Decision

* Play Josh Brown (3 pts) over Robbie Gould (10 pts): Slappers

What could possibly have been the reason Todd picked up Gould, if he was not planning on playing him? Last I checked, there still is no rule that requires that each team have two kickers, so why add Gould? Think Slappers could not have used those seven additional points in a six-point loss? Ouch!

Worst Coaching Decision: Dishonorable Mention

- Play Jake Delhomme (3 pts) over David Carr (21 pts): JEB Fins (Delhomme without Steve Smith is like Lenny without Squiggy. It just doesn't feel right and leaves you all empty inside).

- Play Rod Smith (0 pts) over Drew Bennett (8 pts): Loafers (The hard and fast rule in '06 is to stay away from all things associated with Tennessee, except Faith Hill, so who knew that Bennett would be the right call?)

- Play Mark Clayton (1 pt) over Amani Toomer (18 pts): Short Bus Experience (Okay, let's be honest here, if you thought that Tommer was going to explode for 137 yards and 2 TD, you probably also predicted that Sean Marshall and Carlos Marmol would combine for five times more wins than Prior and Wood in '06. And you are also probably a liar).

Ringing the Bells

In week two, Dan played Tatum and sat Mike. Neither had a particularily good game, but Tatum's 69 yards outpaced Mike's 44, allowing the former to outscore the latter 3-2. Yahtzee!!!! Season Record: 2-0

Have a great day!