Shock Value

The unexpected.

It is the cherry on top of the pop culture sundae. Who doesn't enjoy a genuine surprise... a plot twist that leaves you speechless? Discovering that it was Nina who was working against Jack and CTU the entire time and then seeing her shot poor, pathetic Teri. Feeling a chill in the air upon learning that Dr. Malcolm Crowe had, in fact, been dead the entire time. The moment when Bree Van De Kamp, who when then known as Dr. Kimberly Shaw and lived at Melrose Place, pulled off her wig and revealed that wicked scar. The unexpected is what keeps us on our toes and keeps us watching.

The unexpected is also a key ingredient in the world of sports and last night fans around the country were left aghast a number of times. Who could have ever predicted that LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers would steal one in Detroit to take a 3-2 lead on the heavily-favored Pistons? Raise your hand if you predicted that Nomah would drive in his 24th and 25th runs in only his 23rd game of the season for the Dodgers. Who figured that last night Steve Trachsel would become the all-time leader in losses by the score of 1-0? (Ok, that is as obscure as it gets! Win bar bets! Impress your friends! Your imaginary friends!) Who knew that the NHL playoffs were even still going on?

The most unexpected occurrence, however, happened at good ol' 1060 W. Addison. It was the bottom of the 6th inning and the Cubs held a 4-0 lead. Pinch hitting for starting pitcher Sean Marshall, Thing One strolled the plate and whacked a 92-mph fastball high and deep into the night. So high and so deep, in fact, that the ball did not come down until it was nestled safely in the center field basket. Do not adjust your televisions, ladies and gentlemen, Thing One has gone yard.

As he was rounding the bases, he literally looked like a kid who had just learned that ma and pa were taking him to Disney World. I haven't seen anyone quite that happy since the Bradys learned that Mr. Phillips had invited them for a day of frivolity on his boat** (Anyone here been invited on their boss' boat? Better yet, anyone been given a pool table?). As for me, I was so shocked, I half expected Thing Two and the rest of Freddie's teammates to run out and greet him at home plate. (Yes, I was referring to the Cubs as a little league team in yesterday's post. No, I was not suggesting that Henry Blanco might want to set up a meeting with Seattle Sutton).

Could this signal the turnaround that Cubs' fans have so eagerly been hoping for? While it certainly is a good sign, let's not get to carried away. After all, the home run came off of former White Sox quitter/ walkout-pitcher Jon Rauch. I certainly realize that the 6'11 Rauch has been effective this season for the Montreal Puerto Rico Washington Expo Nationals (ERA: 1.82), but if I am Big Jon and I have just given up a long ball to Freddie Bynum, I'm more than a little embarrassed and, frankly, I'm awfully afraid of facing the wrath of Manager Frank Robinson. In fact, I'm strongly considering reliving a little history. Only this time, I'm not stopping until I am safely hidden among the whiskey barrels at my old Kentucky home. Working at Dominoes ain't all that bad.

I suppose I should thank all of you for not reminding Thing One about the Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo dance contest last night.

* All jokes aside, I am stunned that the Cavaliers beat the Pistons at the Palace last night to take a 3-2 lead in the series. The game was played at Detroit's pace, but poor shooting and worst decision making did in the number one seed. You can bet that Motown-natives and Piston fans Kid Rock and Eminem are not feeling too joyous today. I imagine that they are feeling as low as Cindy did when the doctor told her that she had to have her tonsils out and may not be able to go on the boat. (You knew that was coming, didn't you?)

Perhaps membership in the Einstein Jones - Stephen Hawking Hairston Jr. "I'm with stupid" club is in order for Piston MVP-candidate Chauncey Billups who intentionally committed his sixth and final foul with more than two minutes to go. Billups was attempting to stop a Cleveland fast-break (normally a novel cause), but the Pistons were only down 83-81 at the time and the on-floor presence of their best shooter and top clutch player was much more important than potentially giving up a measley two points. Dumb move, Chauncey. Now try not to get picked off second base.

The Pistons still had a chance to win the game, thanks in large part to one of the most idiotic rules in sports. Despite two missed free throws by overrated Ben Wallace (0-7 from the line in the game. Geez, even Shaq makes one occasionally. Heck, even Ollie made one and he was shooting underhanded), Detroit had the ball with under ten seconds to go in the game, down two points. Piston guard Lindsey Hunter (who was in the game for Billups) took a shot to tie the game (this is akin to having Will Perdue take a last second jumper instead of Michael Jordan), only to have the rebound batted down the court by Cavalier guard Eric Snow. Hunter hustled after the ball, gathered it in on the other end of the court with 1.7 seconds left on the clock, and called an immediate time-out. Game over, right? I mean, unless you are the 1992 Dick Vitale University Blue Devils, you are not going to be able to go the length of the court and score with so little time remaining on the clock.

Of course, thanks to the ridiculous NBA rule that a team can advance the ball after calling time out, the Pistons got the ball at midcourt. I really do not understand this rule at all. When a football team is in the two-minute drill and calls time-out, they don't get to advance the ball 25 yards up the field for the next play. A face-off is not automatically held in the offensive zone of the team that stops the clock (that's hockey, h-o-c-k-e-y. Like jockey, but with an 'h'). Last I checked, a basketball court is 94 feet long. Why 47 feet are often ignored makes less sense than Dr. Evil's reliance on mutated sea bass instead of just shooting Austin Powers. Yes, I know that they were ill-tempered and I know that he originally asked for sharks with laser beams on their heads, but, you know what? Son Scott was right.

* Speaking of things that make no sense... Can someone please explain the logic behind the the "fake to third, throw to first?" I've only seen it work once in my entire baseball watching career, and that is likely because Mark Grace was sneaking in a smoke and scanning the first base stands looking for his next conquest. Yet, pitchers continue to try the move over and over. Why? Even if the pitcher throws the ball to third, the runner should not be going to second base. I suppose that the pitcher is hoping that the runner will take a giant secondary-lead in hopes that the ball will get away from the third baseman, but how many players can possibly be that stupid?

I'm thinking the exact same thing. Let's agree to let it go.

* Corey-o-Meter: Last Night: 0-4 with five runners left on base. Laughed at the idiocy of former White Sox utility man Willie Harris, who represented the tying run in a 6-5 game, for getting thrown out trying to steal second base with two outs in the ninth. Fellow-Oriole LaTroy Hawkins reminded him about his stupidity in refusing to take pitches during his time with the Cubs. Kid Corey reminded LaTroy about Victor Diaz. Hawkins recalled Patterson's steadfast refusal to make adjustments. Corey told Hawkins that he sucked. Kid Corey hit LaTroy with his purse. LaTroy threw his makeup case at Corey. They argued about their favorite character on Sex in the City. Season: .250-4-16; 10 sb. Uh oh... 1-16 in his last four games.

* Yesterday, I mentioned Comcast's big "hit" show "Softball 360." Apparently tired on non-stop World Series of Poker programming and not quite daring enough to start covering intramural sports at Northwestern (where anything can happen), ESPN2 has recently been broadcasting something called the "Viking Games." Well, sign me up!

What a huge disappointment! Mewelde Moore was absolutely nowhere to be seen! Where is the hard cider chugging contest? Where is the most Daunte Culppeper memorial most-consecutive lap dances without having to make a trip to the bathroom challenge? Where is the Onterrio Smith Whizzenator competition? In know ESPN2 prides itself as a family network and the "Viking Games" cannot be shown as they would if they were on Skin-a-max, but I saw nary an uncovered navel, let alone what I expected and what was reported by the media. Just a bunch of Asians running around chopping logs. Sheesh, the games didn't even take place on a boat...

* First the women's lacrosse team was involved in the White House "flip-flop fiasco." Next, we had the abhorrent, terrible, unacceptable hazing incident during which women soccer players were photographed drinking (the horror!) and making out with one another (what a travesty...disgusting...horrendous! Hey, Random Thoughts commenter "thewife" is reading this. Go to www.dansrandomsportsthoughtsthathedoesnotwantpattytoknowabout.com for my real feelings), and now we have the story that Northwestern was forced to discipline a number of students who dressed in the University's Willie the Wildcat mascot costume for hazing new Willie candidates. Now, the seedy culture at NU is really becoming evident...

Think Gunston would stand for this? Apparently, new candidates were "kidnapped" by the experienced Willie the Wildcats (think the movie "Old School"). The upperclass students who were charged with the shenanigans had their cat nip taken away, were forced to eat only dry cat food for two weeks and were forced to watch Garfield The Movie until they simply could not take it anymore.

Geez, all we had at IU was porn movies.

Have a nice day. The U.S. Paintball Championships come on the deuce at midnight.

**Today's Pop Culture Trivia for everyone who did not rip the Random Thoughts for producing an easy trivia question yesterday (in other words everyone who does not go my the moniker "allhailthechief"): What did Carol Brady call Mr. Phillips' boat?

**Today's Pop Culture Trivia for "allhailthechief" (who is dreadfully sick of all the easy, run-of-the-mill trivia and needs to be challenged): Mr. Phillips was played by actor Jack Collins who was also in a laundry list of 60's, 70's and 80's television shows and made-for-TV movies (including "I Was a Mail Order Bride," CHiPs, and Chico and the Man). What was the name of Jack's third-grade teacher and what grade did he get in penmanship that year?

You want a challenge, you got a challenge...