This One Time, At Wrigley Field...

I remember the first time I saw American Pie. Walking into the theatre, I really did not know anything about the movie and, therefore, did not know what to expect. Keep in mind that this was before anybody had ever heard of Jason Biggs, Chris Klein or Seann William Scott, long before Tara Reid's left breast was the most talked about body part at Puff Daddy's 35th birthday bash, and a good 4-5 years before Reid and an equally down-and-out Lindsay Lohan got into a battle over who could land more appearances on "Caught on Tape: The Panties Edition." Oh sure, everyone fondly remembered Eugene Levy's role as the automobile salesman who sold Clark Griswold the Family Truckster, but Levy's future performances in "The Last Polka," "Camp Candy" and "Maniac Mansion" did not exactly leave me begging for more. Not to mention the fact that American Pie was not marketed quite as heavily as it would probably be today, thanks to McDonald's passing on the opportunity to promote the movie with "Jim's Apple Pie" (Now With Extra Secret Sauce!!!) in "Happy" Meals. I guess they were too busy trying to convince the world that Jar Jar Binks was a clever and likeable character.

And so, I walked into the theatre with little expectations. Well, two hours later, I had to admit that I had not laughed quite that hard in a movie theatre since Prince Akeen pretended to be a goat herder. Of course, I also exited the theatre with a new found appreciation for exchange students from the Czech Republic as well as a better understanding of what really goes on at Band Camp. At the end of the day, I walked out the movie and thought to myself that Prague, student, magazines, webcam, melons...

Wait a minute...where was I again? Sorry I lost my train of thought.

Anyway, a couple of years later, I happily bought my ticket for American Pie 2 only to walk out of the theatre disappointed. Oh sure, there were some funny scenes, but something seemed to be missing. Despite the return of practically every major cast member, it had trouble sustaining humor and, therefore, ended up a disappointment in my mind. In fact, at the end of the day, I could not help but wonder whether Mena Suvari had really meant that much to the first movie (yes, I know Mena made a cameo appearance in AP2, but let's face it, she wasn't really "in" the movie).

Mark DeRosa, meet Mena Suvari. Mena Suvari, this is Mark DeRosa.

You see, the 2009 Chicago Cubs have thus far been an awful lot like American Pie 2. Yes, there have been some successes, but, despite a cast of characters that is essentially the same as the 97-win team that took the field in '08, the team appears to be much, much different. And like many of the characters in the movie, this year's Cubs have an awful lot of difficulty scoring (you saw that one coming didn't you?).

In fact, just think of the scene when Stifler, Jim, and Finch come oh so close to convincing their new female neighbors to put on a show. And now think of last night's Cubs' game. Oh yeah, it looks like the losing streak is going to come to a close...oh yeah...we've got eight runs, um hmmm, it is gong to happen.. yeah... yeah.

Oh well.

Can we blame Neal Cotts and Freddy Sanchez for Danielle and Amber's refusal to close the deal as well?

Ultimately, I believe that this is going to be one of the most disappointing baseball seasons of my life as a Cubs' fan. So much promise going in, but a team that is simply not as good as we all hoped and expected. Do I believe that the team will close the season on a 127 game losing streak? Um, no. In fact, I think this team will win it's fair share of games and will end up in contention for the division title at the end of the year. But I, for one, am not going to pass on buying AllHailtheChief's suddenly for sale Teddy Ruxpin just to save my money for World Series tickets

At this point, let's just hope that the team does not spend movie night watching American Pie 3. Otherwise, I's setting the over/ under on 2010 wins at 52.

* Tough weekend all around for those of us who are fans of the Cubs and Blackhawks. Sharpie's overtime winner Friday night was great, but, it goes without saying that Sunday's performance left a little to be desired. Some real quick notes from the Western Conference Finals...

* I had the pleasure of watching Friday night's game with RT readers "Mad Chemist" and "AllInOnTheFirstHand." Great time and my addicition to the potato wedges and queso at BW3 is reaching Tara Reid proportions (it will always be BW3. I mean, what happened to the weck? Would someone please tell me why he weck got the short shift?). Kudos to Tom for being the first to question whether Khabibulin had changed his pads during the second intermission. It turns out that, yes, Khabinbulin did change his pads... as well as his helmet, his number, his name, his nationality and his ability to make difficult saves. I am disappointed that I did not notice the change until they put Huet's name on the screen as I usually fashion myself a pretty observant guy.

* I also did not notice when Huet changed his pads between the first and second periods of Sunday's game. It is now being reported he went from Kotex to Stayfree.

* The worst goal was Franzen's with 16 seconds left in the first period Sunday. Heck, I've seen Lisa Simpson make tougher saves when playing for the Gougers. Give up soft goals like that and any goalie will learn what Huet learned on Sunday... let too many through and you are likely to miss your next period (and the one after than and the one after that...).

* The Franzen goal may have been the softest, but the most devastating was the goal that was scored only 12 seconds after Toews had put the Hawks on the board and cut the lead to 3-1. Talk about losing newly-gained momentum! Can someone please tell me what the heck Brian Campbell was doing on that play? Frankly, after making a play like that he really ought to be as embarrassed as Jim was moments after offering to lend Nadia a hand. I mean, doesn't he have to be punished? My advice is to make Campbell babysit Huet's newborn child.

* I do not pretend to fully understand the rules of hockey interference, but from what I know, Kronwall's hit on Havlat seemed to be clean. Although it worked to the Hawks' benefit, it is really too bad when officials (in any sport) make a call because they feel as though they have to. And it happens all the time.

* I agree with Coach Q that the officiating in Game 4 was pretty bad, but to say that it had any effect on the outcome of the game is akin to blaming the Angels' 17-3 loss to the White Sox on Ervin Santana's walk of Jim Thome in the 2nd innning (see Sox fans, I love you too!).

* Finally, the worst part of Sunday's loss was the fact that Detroit won despite playing without key cogs Nik Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk and Kris Draper -- I mean, you never want to lose when Chris Chelios is forced to put down the walker and lace up the skates. This would be like American Pie being a success without the MILF or the Cubs actually winning a game without Aramis and, at this point, it sure as heck doesn't look like that is going to happen!!

Gotta go...