The Monday Night Miracle

When I woke up this morning, I was still in an absolute state of shock. Fred and Lamont understandably try to make a little money by throwing a party at the Sanford home and charging admission, but their plans go awry when two local hoodlums show up with a six pack of Olde English 800 and a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry (what were you watching at 9:00? Without a competitive football game to watch, my television was turned to the 'U'). Oh yeah, I also heard something about the Bears actually coming back to win the game against the Arizona Cardinals.

Let's face it... what happened last night in the Valley of the Sun is absolutely mind boggling. I have been on this planet for more than 34 years, have cheered on the likes of Noah Jackson, Mike Tomczak and Glen Kozlowski, have survived living within a 45-square mile radius of Craig Hayward, and honestly do not think that it is hyperbole to say that last night's game may have been the single most amazing Bears' game I have seen. It is still unfathomable to me to think that for 55 minutes of game action the Bears played so poorly that Marian Catholic High School may have had a shot to beat them, yet still managed to find a way to win.

We'll save the RSFC Week-in-Review for tomorrow and focus on the Monday Night Miracle. Some Random Thoughts.

* Here's the understatement of the year... Rex the Wonder Dog played poorly. As you all know by now (unless you simply scan my posts for Jessica Alba and Tampa Bay Buccaneers references and images), I am still not a believer that Rex is the next great NFL quarterback. Yes, I was forced to issue an "apology" to the Wonder Dog after his sensational start to the season, but let me remind you that it is I who has constantly cautioned everyone that Rex has been the beneficiary of an awful lot of dropped would be interceptions so far this year. And last night he added not just abhorrent decision making to his repetoire, but consistently abhorrent decision making. What can I say? I believe in telling it like it is. Henry Burris may not have been an upgrade, but he sure could not have done any worse.

* And the scary thing is that it was evident in the first eight minutes of the game that Rex was headed for disaster. Raise your hand if I called you in the first quarter and suggested that, if Lovie was serious about winning the game, he should replace Rex immediately (okay, "thewife" and "I'mallinonthefirsthandTom," you can both put your hand down now). And if not for the phenomenol efforts of the defense, the the Bears no no chance. Zero.

* Thank goodness for Devin Hester's punt return for the game winning TD. I firmly believe that there was no way that Sexy Rexy would have lead the team to a score if he had been asked to do so with a little under three minutes to play. In fact, I was screaming at the TV when I saw that the Wonder Dog was warming up to take the field. Look, I'm not interested in protecting anyone's psyche or making sure that one's confidence remains intact. Carlos Zambrano is a great pitcher (see, I do remember who the Cubs are) but if Big Z gives up two hits and seven walks in the first inning, you calmly walk to the mound, take the ball, pat him on his considerable butt, and bring in someone else (and then someone else... and then someone else... and then someone else). The key is to win the game and Rex was not prepared to give the Bears' that opportunity last night. In my mind, Griese should have played.

* Let me try and sum up Rex's night for those of you who watched both the 9:00 and 9:30 episodes of Sanford and Son before heading to bed... Remember that electonic vibrating football game that everyone wanted when they were a kid? Remember the litle foam ball and, to throw a pass, you were supposed to cock (ease up there Todd) the QB's arm back and let fly? Remember how no matter how hard you tried the "ball" either fell straight down or flew 400 feet into the fish tank? Now, you get the picture.

* I think I may have even seen Muhsin Muhammed uncontrollably spinning around in a circle and Jason McKie run straight to the sideline and then run in place for two minutes.

* Rex was terrible and the rest of the offense was not much better. Precisely how bad was the offense? ESPN will tell you that the most amazing stat of the night is the fact that in the final 22 minutes of the game, the Bears amassed a total of 39 yards and had two turnovers, yet were able to erase a 20-point lead. Let that sink in for a moment.

* Yes, that is amazing, but not as amazing as this... the Bears entered the game having scored the most points in the NFL. Yet, the Bears offense (I am crediting the offense for the field goal which was technically scored by the special teams), was outscored by the CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS offense 5-3. The Chicago Blackhawks.

* Speaking of the Blackhawks (a quick digression ain't going to kill any of you), Random Thoughts Ring-of-Honor commenter "Bearister" notes that the Blackhawks are now 3-2 and it is the first time the team has been above .500 this late in the season since Maurice Clarett was wearing an Ohio State uniform rather than an orange jumpsuit and before America annexed its newest territory... the land here-on-out to be known as Bushville or Rumsfeldington Estates.

* It has been so long since the Blackhawks were over .500 this far into the season, there is not a single player on the team now that was one the team when it last happened on February 17, 2003. No verification on whether most of the guys from that team are now working at Igor's Furry Hats and Vodka emporium on Moscow's fashionable west side.

* Final score from Monday night... Martynas Andriuskevicius 11, Chicago Bears' offense 3. Yes... it was that bad. And, yes, I will have some cabbages.

* By the way, the promos lie. The 'U' hasn't got it. I mean, Saved By the Bell still rocks and it is always nice to see Tiffani Amber Thiessen before she set out to set the record for most Ho Ho's eaten in a five year stretch and South Park will always be hilarious, but I'll pass on Malcom and Eddie and the Steve Harvey Show. Judge Mathis' verdict is in. Your station sucks.

* Bet you wish you had followed my gambling advice, eh? By the time the game started the line had soared to 14 points. Shoot, you could have bought that "Whatever Happened to Felix Pee-Ay" t-shirt that you have been coveting. I will admit, however, that I was wrong about Rex when I wrote that he would throw one pick that would cost the Bears. Like Sears Roebuck when they gave Dustin Diamond a platinum card, I gave him way too much credit.

* Like I said earlier, it is a good thing that Devin Hester ran back the punt given my complete lack of faith in Wonder Dog's ability to lead the team to a touchdown. By the way, did anyone notice that he was playing defensive back on the Cardinals' final drive?

* Speaking of defensive backs... looks like Kerry Wood, er Mark Prior er Tuomo Ruttuu er Mike Brown is hurt again. What's more suprising, Brown suffering a leg injury or T.O. acting like an ass?

* As long as we are talking about the defense, I have been moderately critical of Brian Urlacher at times in the past. Well, good ol' #54 simply took over the game in the 4th quarter and should be the NFL defensive player of the week. I don't know if Brian's post game claims that he was not being blocked are true, but I do know that he was all over the field and made almost every play in the crucial moments of the game. When all was said and done, the NFL officially credited him with 18 tackles and the key forced fumble. Of course, the Bears official stats probably credited him with 74 tackles.

* The forced fumble was probably the biggest play of the game. And to think it was the first time that Edgerrin James has fumbled in a full year. Of course, last year, he spent his fourth quarters sitting on the sidelines looking for John Mellencamp and Larry Bird in the RCA Dome stands. This year, he spends his fourth quarters trying to convince himself that the sun and mini-skirts of Arizona are worth it.

* James' stat line (36 carries, 55 yards) is being talked about a lot given that no player in NFL history has ever rushed for fewer yards on so many touches. Of course, when you take out his second half 12-yard scamper, he rushed for 43 yards on 35 carries. Wow!

* Cedric Sayers-Payton-Benson could have done that. And, although it is not easy for me to say this, given Thomas Jones' indecisiveness and lack of production, he should have been given an oppotunitsgdhf. Crap, supporting more playing time for Ced Ben is tough for me to do. He should have gotten to planhgdjdf. Bear with me, people. I'm trying. He should have been given the balftyriss. Never mind.

* The U.S. government announced this morning that the U.S. population has now reached 300 million people. Judging by Dennis Green's post game "comments," I'd say that 299,999,999 people had a better night.

* Yes, Dennis the Bears are the Bears. Glad to see you figured that out. Wouldn't you have been suprised if they turned out to be the Oakland Raiders? Of course, for the first three quarters they kind of were. What's this about crowning their ass, though? Do you want to play checkers or is that something that you and Mrs. Green do after a night watching Heida the Happy Ghetto Ho-Bag on The Hot Network.

* C'mon though, you had to be at least a little suprised to learn that Rex Grossman was Michael Vick.

* While I question (and disagree with) Lovie's decision not to play Griese and Sayers-Payton-Benson, I understand his thinking. Some of his other coaching decisions were brutal, though (i.e.: the stupid on-side kick and the brillant decision to run an inside handoff to McKie on first and goal from the five yard line) and he was thoroughly outcoached by Green in the first half. Green had Matt Leinart well-prepared and his use of the shotgun gave the rookie plenty of time to deliver the ball. Further, the wide receiver screen and short out-pattern were extremely effective given the Bears' apparent unwillingness to make a fundamental tackle in the first half (and Anquan Boldin is a monster, by the way). Yet, Green apparently borrowed Dave Wannstedt's brain at halftime and decided to run the ball the majority of the second half. Can we please get him back in the NFL North?

* I am finally willing to give Tony Kornheiser an official thumbs up for his work in the Monday Night Booth as long as he is not telling us about his fantasy team and how he cut Donovan McNabb. He knows the game, is witty and add a lot to the broadcast. He is more than willing to call Joe Theismann out on his all-too-frequent contradictory statements (for the record, I like Thiesmann and do not understand all the hatred on the M,J & H, show) and brings comic relief. His best moments of last night's game include when he questioned why the replay review of the Vasher interception/non-interception (I thought you had to have conclusive evidence to overturn a call) was taking five minutes when there is supposed to be a 90-second time limit. When Thiesmann noted that the replay monitor only works for 90 seconds, Kornheiser asked whether you can put a quarter in the machine to get an extra 15 seconds. His other best moment was when he suggsted that if the Cardinals blew the game (when up 23-10 with the ball with under six minutes to go) they should close up the stadium and turn it into a pizza joint.

* Mmmmmm....pizza.

* Finally, first Indiana knocks off the Illini on a last second field goal. Then the number two ranked player in the 2007 recruiting class announces that he will renege on his Illinois "commitment" and attend IU. Then Illinois loses a home game to MAC "power" Ohio. Then the 24th ranked women's soccer team loses to unranked Michigan 2-1. Then Deron Williams scores only 2 points in 19 minutes on 1-6 shooting in the Jazz' 90-85 preseason loss to Detroit. Then Brandon Lloyd only manages one catch in the Redskins' home loss to Tennessee (his season total for those of you scoring at home is now a whopping seven catches) and trips on his ego on the way to the lockeroom. Then Simeon Rice fails to record a sack. Then Kurt Kittner drops a tray of dishes on his way back to the kitchen at Denny's and has the money taken out of his check. Then Lucas Johnson is scolded for bothering the other children at naptime. Then Andy Kaufmann's cardboard box is hit by a Yugo and is completely destroyed. Then Kam's runs out of Busch Light Draft. And finally, Neil Rackers misses a 40-yard game winning field goal.

Call it the Curse of Eric Gordon.

Go Bears!