We Beat You Hosers, Eh?

This cannot possibly be what Bud Selig had in mind. Will somebody please tell me how the good ol' USA lost to Canada in the World Baseball Classic? Was the 8-6 final that ESPN has been reporting really from the World Curling Classic? Was it a Molson drinking contest? Did it have something to do with how many moose one could knock over without getting an antler in the groin in the five-minute period?

They must have cheated. There really is no other possible explanation for the loss. Please USA Coach Buck Martinez tell us that the guys were too excited about their post-game roundevouz with our friend Vic-tor-ia to focus on the game. Please tell us that the team was suffering from an overexposure to Celine Dion and Bryan Adams.

Look, I'm so distraught about this loss (whatever happened to the American anthem "Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet?"), I simply cannot talk about it any further. I, therefore, have decided to invite a special guest to analyze who's the blame for this nightmare. So, without further ado, I call upon famous curse-prohibitionist and South Park Beth Shalom Temple member Sheila Broflovski as my stand in. And Sheila has decided to honor us with a song...

(To be sung to the tune of "Blame Canada" from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut")

- Times have changed, our players are getting worse.
- And Dontrelle pitched like he wears a skirt and carries a purse
- Should we blame A-Rod or place fault on D-Lee
- Or should we blame the absence of Barry? No!

- Blame Canada Blame Canada
- Because our hitters really suck and nobody gives a f*ck
- Blame Canada, Blame Canada
- We need to hit, pitch and run, we're not number one!

- We can't blame Dusty for this mess
- We can't even blame Bill Wirtz for the shocking lack of success
- And Rocket Clemens once threw the ball really hard
- But now his sole concern is finding his AARP card. Well,

- Blame Canada, Blame Canada
- Michael Barrett is simply too nice and Ted Williams is frozen in ice
- Blame Canada, Blame Canada
- We can't really compete with Matt Stairs anyway...

- We could have had a pitcher like Mark Prior, yes it's true
- But he's suffering with undisclosed career injury number ninety-two
- Should we blame Ken Griffey and his knee ligament tear
- Or the barbers who cut off Johnny Damon's hair? Heck no!

- Blame Canada, Blame Canada
- Because Kerry Wood went under the knife
- And Chipper cheated on his wife...

"Mphhff, hmfff, muruff, murumpf." Yes, Kenny, I agree.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Today is a college basketball fan's dream. There is key action is every major conference (the Valley is NOT a major conference. Haven't you been paying attention?). Bubbles will be burst. Seeds will be planted. What a great day!!!!

In fact, if you have the DirectTV sports package, your remote is readily accessible and your timing is perfect, you can catch the ultra-informative "Game Reset" (complete with its timeouts left, fouls to give, and possession arrow information) more than 30 times. Now I know that I am not the only person who wants to know why in the heck it is called the Game Reset. Can anyone explain this? There have been plenty of times that I have been watching a game and upon seeing this graphic, joyfully looked at my TV for the reset button. I'm awfully sure that Purdue fans have such a feeling almost every game. Alas, I have never found it.

One of the games that you can watch is tonight's Oklahoma State / Iowa State Big 12 game. Oklahoma State, of course, is currently coached by Sean Sutton, son of coaching "legend" Eddie Sutton. Given that I was in committee meeting hell when the news of Sutton's run in with a tree broke, I have never had a chance to comment on his alcoholism and subsequent leave of absence. Well, now comes word that he may return to the bench in Stillwater next year. Whew, thank god...

I mean with Sutton out of action, former UNLV, Fresno State and Las Vegas Community Jail coach Jerry Tarkanian AWOL and Huggy Bear busy counting his suit vests instead of patrolling a college basketball sidelines, where does this leave the discontents, academic inbeciles and convicts? With all three coaches absent from the landscape, all the criminals would have nowhere to go...

In yesterday and last night's action, Syracuse stayed alive, while Cincinnati and Seton Hall severely damaged thier tournament resumes. Cincy is likely okay, while Seton Hall now cannot feel good about their prospects. Syracuse kept themselves alive with the win.

Today (it is currently 1:25), a bubble has already been burst as George Washington entered the Temple of Doom and came out a loser by 15 points. Number six in the nation and carrying a 26-2 record, the Colonials will get an at-large regardless. But, now that we are assured that somebody other than GW will win the A-10 automatic bid, one of the bubble teams just fell into the NIT.

Further, Syracuse JUST beat Connecticut in overtime. Syracuse is in. Seton Hall and Cincinnati might want to cancel their tournament bid parties. Looks like Jim Boeheim, Gerry McNamara (hey, I'm not calling him overrated. He may be, but you will never hear me say it) and gang were right not to get into that wheelbarrow.

Other teams to watch: Florida State against Wake (FSU needs the win); Maryland vs. Georgia Tech (the Terps need the win and then some); Michigan (needs to beat Minnesota); Air Force (a loss to Wyoming will kill their candidacy); BYU (ditto versus Utah); California (a loss to USC is a really bad idea); and Kentucky (a win over Ole Miss would put them in).

There are also a ton of teams playing to move up or down the seed list.

Until tomorrow...