Rick! Come On Out!

Okay, I'm over it. No more whining about Air Force, Cincinnati and the rest of the selection process. I have been rightfully scolded by my mother (or was it Tom's mother?...nah, she would probably be "giraffemama"), sent to my room without any supper, and re-taught the importance of priorities. Let's get to the games!

By the way...has anyone seen Rick Neuheisel yet this week? I figure he's apt to come out of his cave any day now. After all, it is his time of the year...

As most of you know, I am a fairly big fan of Mike & Mike in the morning on ESPN Radio. They play off each other exceptionally well and, more often than not, offer fairly keen insight on the sports landscape (at least they don't spend the entire four hours giggling). That said, it should not suprise you that, despite my general distaste for the media and my recognition that they are a bunch of no-nothing morons, I may very-well listen to them on Friday morning to hear their breakdown of Thursday's games. I imagine that they will have some pretty interesting first-hand things to say about the games.

Well, it turns out that Greenberg has a scheduled book signing at the Borders on Michigan Avenue in Chicago on Thursday night at 7:00. Excuse me? I know that such things are usually arranged by one's agent or the publisher, but who in the heck came up with this ridiculous idea? The book is titled, "Why My Wife Thinks I'm An Idiot." Look Mike, I have no idea why your wife thinks you are an idiot and, frankly, I do not care, but after hearing this news, I, for one, am certainly not going to argue with her...

When the tournament game times come out, I immediately review them to see if there is a session of games that promise two-and-a-half hours of unfortunate boredom. This year, I must admit that it looks like each session has at least one compelling game that ought to be exciting. My question is what in the heck are the program directors at CBS channel two in Chicago going to do during the 11:00 am session on Friday? It turns out that the schmokes at CBS or the NCAA scheduled the Ohio State, Iowa and Wisconsin games at the same time. I can't ever remember this happening before, but I can guarantee you that there are going to be two alumni groups in the city of Chicago that are going to be none-too-happy.

Three minutes after reviewing the game times, I saw a commerical for CBS's Mega March Madness Pay-Per-View Package and suddenly it all made sense...

Today and tomorrow, we are going to break down the brackets as I see them. Now, I am not going to tell you who I think is going to win (I'll save that for my pool brackets...I need the dough), but I will provide you expert analysis that I know you are surely craving. And let's start with the "We May Be San Francisco's Ugly Little Cousin, But At Least You Can Get a Two-Bedroom Apartment For Less Than $700,000" region.

The UAB Beats Kentucky Two Years Ago Upset Special: Arkansas over Memphis in the second round. The Razorbacks have the athleticism to match up with the #1 seeded Tigers. I'm sorry to have to go with a second-round game, but I really do not see a first-round upset that jumps out at me. I desperately want to believe that Xavier would not panic and miss a wide-open game-winning layup against Gonzaga if given the chance and I desperately want to believe that the refs will be impartial. Unfortunately, that's probably asking for too much.

The Western Kentucky Hilltopper Honorary Mascot of the Region: He won't be at the game thanks to a stupid rule limiting teams to one mascot at all NCAA games, but there is no way that I am not going with the Blue Blob on this one. Xavier's alternative mascot is everything you want in a mascot...he's big, he's lovable, and he's willing to pick up the tab at a Calhoun Street establishment of one's choosing. Talk about a chick-magnet.

Injury Issue: Robert Vaden of Indiana is nursing a sprained ankle that he suffered in the Big Ten semis on Saturday. Vaden did not practice Monday, but insists that he will be out there. Indiana needs Vaden to be successful.

Best Player You Have Never Heard Of: Ronald Steele, Alabama. This region is filled with underappreciated talents, including UCLA's Aaron Afflalo, Arkansas' Ronnie Brewer; and Oral Roberts' Caleb Green, but Steele is the one to watch. I have been singing his virtues for the last three weeks as he is a terrific player who can take over a game on his own. Now watch him imitate Jamal Crawford and go 3-17 with 8 turnovers.

Best Player You Have Heard Of: Please don't make me say it. Adam Morriso... I just can't do it. Adam Morri... I really don't want to. Adam Morr... Screw that...Carl Krauser.

Worst Player You Have Heard Of: Marco Killingsworth, Indiana. It kills me to say this as well, but I need to be honest here. I recognize that IU would not even be in the NIT without Marco, but he is overrated. He is foul-prone, runs out of gas after three minutes of playing, doesn't believe in defense, and turns the ball over at an alarming rate. Think Antoine Walker.

First Round Exit or Final Four Bound: Arkansas. Like I said earlier, the Hogs have the athleticism to beat Memphis and have a superstar in Ronnie Brewer who can put a team on his back and lead them to the promised land. They also are prone to brain-retardation as a team, can easily fall victim to Bucknell in the first round, and end up watching the rest of the tournament with the Loyola Ramblers.

Be Sure to Watch: Todd Erdman's reactions during the Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named versus Bradley game. Our friend Todd grew up a TWMNBN fan, but went to college at Bradley. He has announced his allegiance to the Braves, but it should still be interesting. Heck, watching any game with Todd can be interesting. I can only imagine what will happen when he actually cares about its outcome. I just hope that he doesn't get a technical himself and get kicked out of the joint. I'd also make sure that I am around for Marquette-Alabama.

Don't Waste Your Time With: UCLA versus Belmont. Anyone can guarantee that the Bruins will win this one. I'm willing to guarantee that it is the Bruins from Southern California and not the Bruins from Nashville that win by 20+ points. There is a reason that this is the game that will be played when the games are not being broadcast throughout the nation (the "lost game"). Judge Judy or whatever cheesy 70's rerun is on Me TV is likely to offer as much entertainment.

Screw Job: Memphis. Do NOT be suprised if Oral Roberts hangs around and gives the Tigers a game in the first round. Oral Roberts is likely the most talented #16 seed in the history of the tournament. They are experienced and have a number of good options on the offensive end of the floor. Win that one and Memphis likely matches up with Arkansas in Dallas where there is an exceptionally large Razorback alumni presence. A win there and the Tigers have to spend a weekend in Oakland. Need I say more? Okay, once there, they would likely play UCLA in the Elite Eight. Another disadvantage. I'll tell you what Coach Calipari...come on over the Bloomington and coach the Hoosiers. We'll treat you better...

Let's turn our attention now to the "We Are Not St. Paul, But, Generally Speaking, Unless You Like Oversized Mall-Amusement Park Combos Or Visiting the Place Where They Make Post It Notes, There Is Not A Single Reason to Visit" region.

The Vermont Beats Syracuse in 2005 Upset Special: Let's put it this way...next year I expect to name this category the Texas A (screw the ampersand) M beats Syracuse in 2006 Upset Special. Syracuse isn't that good. Neither is A M, but someone has to win and I'll go with the Aggies.

The Western Kentucky Hilltopper Honorary Mascot of the Region: The OrangeMAN of Syracuse. I am delighted to report that starring in all of those ESPN commercials has not changed the OrangeMAN one bit. He is just as jolly as ever. Not sure why seeing that he lives in Syracuse where it snows something like 346 days a year. What do you suppose is going on under that suit?

Injury Issue: There are two key injuries to take into account. George Washington saw its seed plummet after center Pops Mensah-Bonsu went down with a knee injury. Pops is expected to play, but how effective will he be? LSU is dealing with an injury to freshman star Tyrus Thomas. They will need him to compete with Duke in the Sweet 16.

Best Player You Have Never Heard Of: LSU's Glen "Big Baby" Davis has been described as a mini-Shaq (a shaquette?) and Cal's Leon Powe is a one-man wrecking crew in the post. But given that this is the "Best Player You Have Never Heard Of," let's go with IO-NA's Steve Burtt. The high-scoring guard may make LSU's concerns about playing Duke without Thomas a non-issue.

Best Player You Have Heard Of: J.J. Redick. Love him or hate him, he is phenomenol.

Worst Player You Have Heard Of: I'd love to say Syracuse's Gerry McNamara but, since I already have 98% of the state of West Virginia after my head, it's probably in my best interest to not anger Jim Boeheim and the city of Syracuse as well. After all, the OrangeMEN apparently would not have won ten f*cking games without him (way to sell out the rest of your team Jim!). So let's go with the Mountaineers' Kevin Pittsnogle. Whoops, here comes the remaining 2%.

First Round Exit or Final Four Bound: Iowa and LSU both qualify. They both have the pieces to make a nice run, but could easily get bounced before the ink dries on your pool sheets. The truth is, with Duke and Texas in the bracket, I'm not sure if it matters if they lose in the first, second or third round...

Be Sure to Watch: LSU versus IO-NA. For all the reasons previously mentioned. And because it is on at the same time as the Illini (am I allowed to use that name now that it is tourney time?) and there is no sense in watching that disaster.

Don't Waste Your Time With: Texas and Penn. This will be one ugly, ugly game. You may be better off watching season 2 of the old Friday night ABC classic "Dinosaurs" on DVD. They have released that on DVD right? Heck, they've released everything else.

Screw Job: Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath...Duke. Duke is allegedly the #1 overall seed, but may potentially have to face a pissed-off George Washington team in the second round, an ultra-talented LSU squad in the Sweet 16 and Texas in the Elite Eight. Not an Air Force in sight...

Inside Look at: Indiana versus San Diego State

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times... Overall, Hoosier fans really cannot complain, but facing a realtively unknown San Diego State team that features two effective post players and the sweet-shooting Mountain West player of the year (Brandon Heath) is not going to be a easy task. Defeat the Aztecs and they will likely face a second-round matchup with the overrated Bulldogs of Gonzaga. The opportunity is definitely there for IU to send Mike Davis out with at least a Sweet 16 appearance, but will they take advantage of it?

The game against San Diego State might as well be called the Quentin Tarrantino Special as it features a post matchup between Marco Killingsworth and Marcus Slaughter.

The good: IU is playing well, has a ton of confidence and SDSU does not seem to play a lot of defense. If the outside shots are falling, victory shall be theirs.

The bad: Indiana only plays seven guys to begin with, and now must deal with the energy-draining altitude of Salt Lake City and the possibility that Vaden will be limited (if he plays at all). Further, the game will start around 9:50 est. and will be played in an arena where SDSU plays on an annual basis (and won this year). Both teams will have huge matchup problems as Vaden will be asked to guard 6'10 Mohamed Akubar in the post, but Akubar will also be asked to guard Vaden on the perimeter.

Ultimately: Foul trouble will define this game. If Killingsworth gets two fouls, SDSU will score at will on the interior and it will be a long night for the Hoosiers. If he avoids foul trouble, IU should win.

Did You Know?: Most will focus on the fact that Raquel Welch attended SDSU, but more impressive to me is that Julie Kavner, the voice of Marge Simpson, is an alum.

Inside Look At: The Team-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named versus Bradley

The TWMNBN has been red hot since early January, marching through the overrated Big 12 at an alarming pace and ultimately winning the tournament championship. Bradley has been equally hot in the Valley, winning seven of their last eight games. The TWMNBN has a far superior collection of athletes, led by (am I allowed to say their names or will I jinx them into coming down with a case of Norovirus or something? I'd best just stay with my HP theme) Brandon Malfoy, Mario Crabbe and Julian Goyle. All are young, but have proven to be big-time performers.

The TWMNBN will have to contend with the luck of the Irish on St. Patrick's Day (BU center Patrick O'Bryant who has neither red hair nor freckles), a world-renown singing sensation (Tony Bennett) and Marcellus Sommerville (sorry, just cannot come up with a clever line about him).

The winner is likely to face an angry group of Pitt Panthers who rightfully feel slighted by their #5 seed.

The good (or bad depending on who you are): Not real sure how Bradley is going to deal with TWMNBN's superior athleticism and overall talent. They certainly have not faced a team this good in the Valley. O'Bryant could create problems for TWMNBN's inside players, who are good but remind nobody of Wayne Simien.

The bad (or good depending on who you are). They also do not remind anyone of Eric Chenowith.

Ultimately: TWMNBN has too much talent for Bradley. The only way BU gets the win is if all of TWMNBN's young players revert to their December form, the pressure proves too much for such a young team or they all get locked up in Azkaban before the game and TWMNBN has to start the mascot at the point.

Tomorrow we will look at the remaining two regions... Until then, enjoy tonight's play-in extravaganza!