I'm Back...

Oh boy...where to start? It has been so long since you were last given access to my always keen and insightful "random thoughts" on sports, that is truly is difficult to know where to begin. Oh what the heck...I'll jump right in!

Will somebody please explain to me why Jake Delhomme could not have played like THAT against the Bears in the divisional round. Yes, I recognize that Seattle's defense did a tremendous job taking Steve Smith out of the game and that Delhomme's performance at Soldier Field was partly due to Lovie and Chico's insistence on staying with the schemes that worked all season long (we'll pretend that the Cincinnati game never happened), but Delhomme was borderline Ortonesque (or Burrisesque or McNownable or Mirer-suck-a-riffic.. go ahead pick almost any Bear QB of the last 10 years and play along, its fun!) in the Emerald City on Championship Sunday. Delhomme looked like a world-beater one week and a third-stringer the next. Tough to explain.

That said, I found it difficult to understand why so many so-called experts were jumping on the Carolina bandwagon all week. While I admit that I fell victim to the Steve-Smith-is-Michael-Vick-and-Brett-Favre-rolled-into-one-absolutely-unstoppable-football-force disease for a brief period after watching him run circles against the Bears, many experts' continued insistence that Carolina would win the game was puzzling. Talk about limited options on offense! Nick Goings? Drew Carter? (Wasn't he in the Backstreet Boys?) Keary Colbert? Boy, it's really pick you poison when facing that lineup.

Now it is easy for me to claim two days after the game that I predicted that both Pittsburgh and Seattle would win their games. So easy, in fact, that I am going to go ahead and do it. It seemed all two obvious if you follow two simple rules: (1) never bet on a team with Jake Plummer behind center...this is an offshoot of the common baseball rule: never bet on a team with Shawn Estes pitching; and (2) the team with the solid QB, league MVP at running back, tremendous offensive line, and good defense that went 13-3 and is playing at home in the loudest stadium in the NFL is likely to win. Now don't go giving me too much credit for my ability to predict the future, I am the same oaf who predicted that the Bears would go 4-12. Whoops!

Speaking of Steve Smith, does anyone realize that he (2 games) had more receiving yards at Solider Field this year than Me-sin Me-hammed (8 games)? Of course, you do if you read the Sunday Chicago Tribune sports section or if your name is Tom Piscopo. Thanks Tom for that interesting nugget!

Steve Smith is also an infinitely better choice for a child's name than Me-sin Me-hammed. Think about it...do you desperately want to live vicariously through your sports-star son? One advantage may be to name him Steve Smith. It is not even sport-specific (hockey, basketball, and football) and you can spell is a number of different ways (Steve Smyth...hey, I didn't say that it guaranteed that you would be a good sports star). Looking for an alternative? How about Dee Brown (bad hair not included) Look, some of us have to do everything possible to ensure athletic success for our children. How do you think I go my jewish parents to accept the fact that we are raising my son catholic? "Look mom, if my son is going to be a whining annoying prima donna, I'd rather him be Terrell Owens than Drew Rosenhaus." For the record, I am also desperately trying to "make" him left-handed. The bottom line...look for Ryan Steve Smith Dee Brown Wagner to make his major league debut out of the New Texas (formally Iraq) bullpen in 2026.

One final word about the conference championship games. Now, I realize that it is cool to introduce quirky and interesting elements to recently built sports venues, but the end zone configuration in Seattle is just plain stupid. Hey look, it looks like a football...wow! In Chicago, we call that moronic and a horrible sacrifice of space where additional seats could have been placed. Paul Allen does not need the money, but what a perfect place for a Starbucks.

Today's random ex-Cub is Mick Kelleher and ex-Sox is Alan Bannister.

Speaking of the Cubs, they made great signing of Wade Miller for $1 million. If he fails to come back from injury, you did not risk much. If, however, he is able to come back, this is the type of sneaky move that wins championships. Of course, the Cubs still have not come close to the offseason success of the Sox. What do you mean they got Vazquez for a green Sox jersey, two tickets to a Bulls-Pacers game and a minor league 2B with a career batting average of .234? Any day now I expect to hear that Kenny has managed to pry Albert Pujols off the Cardinals roster for an empty bottle of champagne and the rights to Minnie Minoso. What kind of blackmail evidence does Williams have?

BTW, trading Corey Patterson may not have been a mistake...if they had actually gotten something. They didn't. You do the math.

Heading to work on Monday morning, I heard that the Chicago Blackhawks lost to the Minnesota Wild 3-2. Waiting for news like this is one of the reasons that I am willing to roll out of bed in the morning. I mean, c'mon...does news get any more important? To quote the old lady at the cocktail party in "Major League," "I didn't know they still had a team." I have yet to verify, however, whether they wear uniforms and everything.

So Kobe Bryant went off for 81 points (yeah sure Big Phil...sure you did not know how many points he had. What were you thinking of exciting new ways to build teepees during the first three quarters of the game or were you simply wondering what other unsuspecting owner's daughter you could seduce?) While some fans of Michael Jordan hate to see this kind of stuff, I really do not mind it. I just wish that it had not been such a horse's-behind that put up such numbers. It should have been an NBA player with class. You know, like Vince Carter. Strike that. Allen Iverson. No. Steve Franics. Please. You know what...the NBA sucks. Where have all of the Steve Kerrs and Jud Buechlers gone?

Finally, does anyone else feel like changing their insurance provider everytime they see the State Farm commercial with the little helmets. Man, that State Farm kicks the crap out of those poor other little helmets. Priceless.

What? No college basketball, you ask? Not to worry my friends, loved ones and Erdman (just want to see if you are paying attention). I hearby officially dub Wednesday as "College Basketball Day" from now until the Madness has begun.