To heck with all them.
You see, your visit to Dan's Random Sports Thoughts is going to pay huge dividends. Yes, I realize that you could have spent your valuable ten minutes trying to figure out which Arby's Jeff Samardzija now works at, but you have wisely chosen to spend your time with the RT. And you will be rewarded. You see, I have a guy.
Yes, I have a guy and because I have a guy and you either know me or stumbled upon this blog while looking for Dansrandomportthoughts. now you have a guy. (for the record, Tortola and Aruba are awesome, Samana in the Dominican Repulic is an absolute shithole, and it may be pretty, but there is frightingly little to do in Curacao once you have visited the place where Randal Simon developed his intense hatred for italian sausage). Don't waste your time on ESPN or CBS Sportsline or Yahoo Sports or any other sports site, because I have a guy.
Yes, I know a guy who knows a guy who dated a girl who had a dog whose former owner was in the same karate class as a guy who had a one-night stand with a girl whose brother knows a guy who saw LeBron eat a piece of candy while leaving his basketball camp on Wednesday. That is right...ate a piece of candy. I think it may have been a starburst.
Now, who remembers when Memphis played in the Final Four in 2008? And who remembers when a certain point guard got sick at the Final Four and missed practice? And who remembers why he got sick? That is right! Derrick Rose got a tummy ache because he ate too much candy.
And so, clearly King James will announce tomorrow night that he is not afraid of playing in the shadow of Ron Mercer and will sign with the Bulls.
But wait.... you see, I know another guy. And this guy knows a guy who knows a girl who was once mistaken for Random Thoughts Hottie # 1 and who partied with a guy who tried to get back at his sister by joining the Sunflower Girls. Oh yeah, he also saw LeBron visit some old folks at Shady Acres, where the seniors were watching Golden Girls in the television room. And...get this... LeBron glanced up at the screen right when Blanche (RIP) was telling Dorothy and Rose about how she played hide the rubber ring with Don Shula. Yes, he looked up at the screen.Looks like LeBron will clearly announce that he will be Livin' La Vida Loca with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh on South Beach (and, yes, Gloria Estafan may have to play point guard with Ricky Martin patrolling the lane, but great players just have to make due, right?).
Oh, I am not done yet.. You see I also know a guy who saw Jake Peavy wearing a Cubs hat while singing "Go Cubs Go" in a Las Vegas karaoke bar. Uh, never mind... (Although it is pretty rare that I can cause fans of both sides of town to shake their heads in disgust at the exact same time).
The truth is that LeBron will return to Cleveland. Unless, of course, he chooses to chase alleged billions and play with Eddy Curry in New York, which is clearly his sure-fire destination. Unless the lure of getting Alexi Zhamnov's autograph in New Jersey is too much to pass up, which everyone except Jeremy Roenick agrees is something that NOBODY can pass up. Unless, of course, he really wants that job in the Cubs bullpen. Huh?
The truth is that, despite everyone having an opinion, nobody really has any clue what LeBron is going to do tonight. Except LeBron and he probably signed one of those Mark Burnett special contracts that cause him to lose all the money he earned and give back his torch and buff if he tells anyone that Russell was once again the best player but got screwed again!. In other words, all the talk on sports radio and all the chatter on sports television, and all the Facebook status updates, and all he tweets, and even Adam Richman's thoughts on LeBron - voiced in between bites of a 48-pound pancake - are really just idle noise (by the way, does anyone else think the challenges on that show look easy, but deep down realize that eating 450 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups is likely not in the cards?).
So, I guess we will all just have to wait until tonight at 8:00 to find out his destination (that's 10:00 am on Friday morning if you are reading this Shingo Takatsu). Me? Well, I continue to believe that he will return to Cleveland.
Unless, of course, my guys calls and tells me that LeBron is seen walking down the street singing 25 or 6 to 4 or "Come on baby, do the conga."
Oh, I am not done yet.. You see I also know a guy who saw Jake Peavy wearing a Cubs hat while singing "Go Cubs Go" in a Las Vegas karaoke bar. Uh, never mind... (Although it is pretty rare that I can cause fans of both sides of town to shake their heads in disgust at the exact same time).
The truth is that LeBron will return to Cleveland. Unless, of course, he chooses to chase alleged billions and play with Eddy Curry in New York, which is clearly his sure-fire destination. Unless the lure of getting Alexi Zhamnov's autograph in New Jersey is too much to pass up, which everyone except Jeremy Roenick agrees is something that NOBODY can pass up. Unless, of course, he really wants that job in the Cubs bullpen. Huh?
The truth is that, despite everyone having an opinion, nobody really has any clue what LeBron is going to do tonight. Except LeBron and he probably signed one of those Mark Burnett special contracts that cause him to lose all the money he earned and give back his torch and buff if he tells anyone that Russell was once again the best player but got screwed again!. In other words, all the talk on sports radio and all the chatter on sports television, and all the Facebook status updates, and all he tweets, and even Adam Richman's thoughts on LeBron - voiced in between bites of a 48-pound pancake - are really just idle noise (by the way, does anyone else think the challenges on that show look easy, but deep down realize that eating 450 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups is likely not in the cards?).
So, I guess we will all just have to wait until tonight at 8:00 to find out his destination (that's 10:00 am on Friday morning if you are reading this Shingo Takatsu). Me? Well, I continue to believe that he will return to Cleveland.
Unless, of course, my guys calls and tells me that LeBron is seen walking down the street singing 25 or 6 to 4 or "Come on baby, do the conga."
* Thanks to those of you who commented on the last post (AllHailtheChief, OrangeWhip, Allinonthefirsthand, Soxfanjoe? Where are you? Medical Stalker? Hello??). That said, I have to ask "MK" to please identify him or herself. Is that Mark Kozak (our beloved "Mad Chemist")? Mark Klinn? Mary Kay? Could that actually be Matt Karchner? Hey, get off the computer and get back to making the beef 'n' cheddars. And say hello to Samardzija for me...
6 comments:
My guy says that Lebron is leaving basketballall together...he will at 9pm tonight be announcing he is going to become the majority stakeholder in the Womens professional roller derby league and is in the process of recruiting RT hotties 1 thru 374 although his stated goal is to catch tiger woods which would require 1 thru 4,234,542.
In other news Wilt Chamberlin has announced he will join the professional eating tour, although he says hot dogs are the one discipline he will avoid...
And for the record there was a 6 foot 6 guy working the drive thru at Arbys in elmhurst last night...not sayin it was Samarzjia I'm just sayin
I'm either tuning into ESPN at 8:57 tonight or waiting until I get a tweet from WaddleandSilvy or AfternoonSaloon or MikeandMike. Listening to everyone on sports radio spout off their "theories" is driving me friggin' nuts.
1. The press conference is in Connecticut, so he must be going to New York.
2. For tax reasons, he changed his address to one in Illinois, so he must be going to the Bulls.
3. Betty White said she's going to make it "worth his while", so he's staying in Cleveland.
I DON'T CARE!!!!! Let me know when he decides, and when he does, my life will still not change one iota. I'm not rushing out to buy Bulls season tickets, a number 23 Heat jersey or an "I <3 NY even better now that the King is here" t-shirt from behind the counter at Hello Deli.
Why is everyone getting so worked up over this? Does everyone think that the addition of LBJ means a championship? How many of those did he win in Cleveland?
I'll hang up and listen for your answer.
Not the best picture of Random Thoughts Hottie # 1. Whatever those things are that she's wearing are terrible! But otherwise, great post and good to know you got guys for all our sports insider info...
Nice pic but I have to agree with WriglyBill's Wife. Love the commentary.
Regardless of where LeBron goes, and I'll be glad when it's over, isn't this show a bit annoying? A 1 hour TV show to annouce! I hated ESPN before this but now... I didn't know I could hate them more. Thanks for that I guess.
And yes, MK is the "Beloved" Mad Chemist. I didn't know I achieved beloved status. Thanks!
Is there such a thing as a bad picture of RTH#1? Sounds like sour grapes to me.
I would love for all of the people who are the "experts" to be subject to a roll call tomorrow morning if they are wrong so they have to face the music. Public Enemy #1 is Chris Broussard, who I think relies on the same connections you have.
I miss the days before Twitter and Facebook, when we all just had to wait for the evening news to find out what happened during the day, back when there was some accountability.
I think you're missing one option -who cares where LeBron goes?! Self-centered loser that he is.
Love the pics by the way.
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