Trade Winds a Blowin'

With the Major League Baseball trade deadline a few hours away, a few thoughts are floating around my head...

* Good news for those of you planning on stopping by the McDonald's at 171st and Harlem this evening for dinner. It appears as though the Golden Arches will not be short staffed now that Ken Griffey Jr. is a White Sox (Sock?) and Carl Everett can man the chicken nugget machine as scheduled.

* Defense lawyers all over the Chicagoland area are disappointed. Apparently, Tony Phillips will also not be headed to the South Side.

* But, not as disappointed as the "Chicagoland Alomars Club." Every July 31, Pablo looks forward to tripling his membership with the arrival of Roberto and Sandy. Alas, it looks as though Sandy will remain the Mets' catching instructor and Roberto will stay in San Juan. At least, this way he will not have to cancel his annual "Where to Aim on an Umpire" seminar. I hear Rose from "Titanic" was going to be the special guest speaker now that she has Jack's technique down pat.

* I was quite surprised by the Sox trade for Griffey. After all, where is he going to play? Putting him in center is like asking Michael Clarke Duncan to star as a Munchkin in a remake of The Wizard of Oz. Sure, he may have been a fit ten years ago, but, it is likely no longer such a good idea now that it is 2008, Clark is 7'8, 460 lbs and Griffey runs like Paul Konerko.

* Speaking of Konerko... Well, let's just let one of the RT's most hated handle what is going on with Paulie. Hawk if you would be so kind. "He gone...

* ...to the bench."

* I would hate to see the Cubs make a move just for the sake of making a move. If they are going to do something, I can only hope that it is truly an upgrade. After all, who remembers Matt Karchner?

* For those of you who have understandably put Karchner out of your minds and promised that you would never think about him again....remember David Weathers?

* Karchner... Weathers... Felix Heredia... Shane Matthews... Dickey Simpkins,...walking out of "Ernest Saves Christmas" with tears in your eyes, muttering "That movie is so touching"... Dancing in your underwear to Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon." Great, now I have brought back all of your repressed memories. Say hello to Dr. Melfi for me.

* I just do not want the Cubs to imitate the fine folks from the Coors Brewing Company. In other words, please, no window dressing. Let's not do something just because it sounds good. Take, Coors' 4,863 recent packaging "innovations" as a example. Okay, I will give you the blue mountains. Stupid? Yes, but the concept, I suppose, is reasonable. But, the vented can? Excuse me? Does anyone out there really have that many issues with the way the beer pours when they are drinking a Miller Lite or a Bug Light or even a Hamms? Please. That has to be the worst marketing pitch since Spuds McKenzie.

* Raul Ibanez...now that's an idea.

* Finally, yes, it was I who stated my belief that the Brewers would win the division and the Cubs would battle it out with the Phillies and Mets for the Wild Card and I am not going to change my opinion. Nobody is happier than I am with the North Sider's performance in Milwaukee this week and nobody wants to be wrong more that I do, but I still believe the Brewers will come out on top in the NL Central. I very well may end up being wrong (and I certainly hope I am), but I made a prediction and I must stand by it. John Kerry I am not.

* Besides, like Smooth Jimmy Apollo said when he incorrectly predicted that that Denver would beat New England on The Simpsons, "When you are right 52% of the time, you are wrong 48%." I like to think I am a little better than that.