This Time It Counts...Just Like Last Time

After listening to sports radio for the past couple of days (by the way, is anyone else finally about to break down and actually make the trip to Northwest Indiana to check out John Chico's wide selection of dashing menswear?) , I cannot help but wonder whether I am the last person on earth who actually enjoys the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Now, don't get me wrong, it certainly does not rate as one of my favorite sporting events of the year, but I still look forward to it and make it a point to watch the game on an annual basis. I mean, who can forget Fred Lynn hitting a grand slam off Atlee Hammaker in a 13-3 AL victory at Disco Demolition Park in 1983? To put it another way, yes, I too would rather watch Yang and Lau versus Urlacher and Big Papi in a tough-as-nails badminton match, but, you've got to admit that watching Colorado Rockies hurler Aaron Cook try and get out of a bases loaded jam in a tie game in the 10th innning sure beats watching Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi stuff hot dogs down their piehole for ten minutes.

(Just for the record, Lard Ass would beat them both...)

There is no doubt that everyone's chief complaint revolves around the fact that the All Star Game is now used to determine home field advantage in the World Series. I, personally, do not have a problem with it. In fact, I kind of like it. What I have a problem with is the way the players are chosen and the way the game is managed. First, it is crucial to ensure that the BEST players are represented and, if this means taking the power away from the fans, so be it. Example #1 is Kosuke. Despite the warning regarding the limited shelf life of imports that appeared in Mondays' Random Thoughts (think Yahoo Serious), I like Kosuke. I really do. But, let's be honest here... he belongs in the All-Star Game like Cop Rock belongs on the list of the top television shows of all time. But, what can I say? Give 127 people a chance to stop trimming their Bonsai trees and put down their Poke'mon cards for long enough to log on to mlb.com and even George Steinbrenner's favorite Fat Toad, Hideki Irabu, probably would have had his moment in the all-star sun.

To problem does not just lie with the fans, however. The players and managers are also to blame. Jason Varitek is an all-star? You mean the same Jason Varitek who is hitting .218 with an on-base percentage that is lower than the aforementioned Irabu's weight. Varitek may be considered a terrific teammate and a clutch player, but the list of catchers that deserve to be in the Bronx more than Varitek simply starts with A.J. Pierzynski, Ivan Rodriguez, Gerald Laird, and Jake Taylor. Heck, why not Brook Fordyce or Ron Karkovice?

The bottom line is I simply cannot for the life of me understand how Varitek was chosen. One has to wonder what exactly the other players in the AL were thinking. Does he have incriminating pictures of A-Rod with Madonna? Does he know where Juan Uribe really stashed the gun in Santo Domingo? Did he speak with Frank Thomas' wife and realize that she has secretly invoked the "diminished skills" clause of their marriage contract? Nothing else makes much sense...

And, to heck with the "every team must have a representative" rule. What is this little league? Did Chase Utley cry when he stuck out? Is Geo Soto really only playing because he wants to go to Baskin Robbins after the game? (Man, I loved bubblegum ice cream when I was the starting second baseman for the Buffalo Grove Recreation Association's "Elks"). Is everyone mad at Miguel Tejada because it was his turn to bring a jug of grape Hi-C for the team, but forgot to after being distracted when his pregame delivery of Winstrol failed to show up at his hotel? If Giants' closer Brian Wilson and his Mike Morgan-esque 4.58 E.R.A. is the best you can do, you don't deserve to be represented. I mean, I like "Help Me, Rhonda" as much as anyone, but putting a bipolar Scizophrenic in the same dugout as Big Z may not be the smartest option. Just act Michael Barrett and his scrotal hematoma.

Oh, not that Brian Wilson? Oh, okay...

The other problem is the way the game is managed -- although it really is not the skipper's fault. He is simply doing his best to get as many players in the game as possible, but when the game can be potentially decided with Gil Meche on the mound and Freddy Sanchez at the dish (see 2007...), there is a problem. If home field advantage is to be decided by the All-Star Game than the game needs to be managed to win and the best players need to play the entire game. Period. I'm sure that all of Joe Crede's friends and family were delighted to see him manning the hot corner at the House That Ruth Built, but if you think AL fans would rather have him at the plate in a clutch situation instead of ARod than you probably think that Hellboy II is a lock for an Oscar. Either that or you thought it would be a good idea to leave Albert Pujols on the bench for the entire 2007 game.

Come to think of it, would someone please head out to Des Moines on September 1 and pick me up one of those Tony LaRussa bobbleheads. I know ultimately Chris Young, Brandon Webb and their D-Back teammates made the point irrelevant as far as the Cubs were concerned, but I would still like to smash that dang thing to pieces.

The bottom line is that I am not as vehemently opposed to having the All-Star Game decide home field advantage as the vast majority of baseball fans, but only if the necessary changes are made. Yes, there are alternatives that would work just as well (overall record, interleague record, most players who have dated Alyssa Milano, etc.), but, if you structure the game correctly, the All-Star Game is an effective solution. Albert Pujols versus Mariano Rivera with the bases loaded and two outs in the ninth and home field advantage on the line? I don't think anyone can argue with that.

(Postscript...the vast majority of this post was written in the first four innings of last night's game and, although I am certain that the cry is going to be louder than ever that it is just an exhibition game and the fact that both managers basically ran out of players proves that it should not and cannot be used to determine home field, I am not changing my mind. First of all, I do NOT want to hear anything about how the manager did not want to use certain players (i.e. Kazmir, Webb). If you are not willing/able to play, then let someone take your place who can and will. It is that simple. Second, the managers know the possibility of extra innings exists and it is their responsibility to prepare for such a situation. In fact, I would argue that what happened last night with the depletion of the rosters proves my point -- the best players have to be on the field at the end of the game. So, once again, my bottom line opinion is the same...make the necessary changes to the way the players are selected and the game is managed and it can work).

(And, by the way -- going back to the first paragraph of this post and my admission that I enjoy the game -- if you were not captivated last night by what turned out to be an absolute classic, there is a fried oyster eating contest on Fox Sports Mobile at midnight. Don't forget the Tabasco).

A few All-Star Game notes...

* A lot of eyebrows were raised when it was announced that Carlos Marmol was chosen to replace Kerry Wood on the NL squad. Although I must admit that I was quite surprised when I heard the news, it makes sense when you really think about it. It certainly seems like it was years -- instead of mere weeks --ago, but Marmol was absolutely filthy during the first two months of the season and was as responsible as anyone for the Cubs streaking out to the best record in baseball. To argue that he does not deserve to be on the All-Star team is akin to arguing that Greg Maddux should not be in the Hall-of-Fame given that his ERA has not been below 4.00 since 2003 (when it was 3.96). And, we all agree, that makes no sense.

* I can understand the argument that Marmol needs the time off and would be better spent drinking a Margarita on a Hualtulco beach, but being around the best in the game could wind up being just the tonic that he needs to recapture his stuff. Cubs' fans simply have to hope that Marmol stops for a second, takes a deep breath, looks around and realizes that he IS one of the most dominant pitchers in the majors.

(Postscript: Marmol looked like the April version in striking out two in an inning of work last night -- Wow, this may have worked out better than Cubs fans could have ever imagined if Carlos is able to regain his confidence as a result of his performance).

* The fact that the Sox did not have any pitchers in the game is an absolute joke and not the good kind... you know, the Eddie "Holy Cow Was I Funny Before I Turned Into a Talking Donkey" Murphy kind (want to bet that Don Cooper used his share of expletives when he learned that no Sox pitchers would be in New York. And speaking of cursing...Ozzie Guillen's response to an underperforming offense versus Eddie Murphy in "RAW." Discuss). In fact, I have not seen a pitching staff get this screwed since Jenna Jameson visited the 1987 Baltimore Orioles bullpen. It is unconscionable that they have the second best ERA in the major leagues, but are unrepresented. Does anyone look beyond statistics these days in making selections? John Danks' relatively low win total has got to be the only thing that kept him from making the trip and it is a shame.

* As a Cubs fan who understands that home field advantage could mean everything to a team that is 37-12 in the friendly confines, the result had me saying ugh. As in Ugh-la.

* Well, with Einstein Jones out of the league, the Random Thoughts is going to need a new whipping boy. Why hello, Mr. Ugh-la. Welcome to the RT! May your reign be long and vomit-inducing.

* Guess who made his first All-Star team? Milton Bradley! Good to see the former hot head make the AL squad. Although he has not achieved perfection this year, he has played well enough to make SportsCenter anchor Kenny Mayne shout out Yahtzee! With his infamous short temper, some scouts say that he sucks at the game of life and his poor clubhouse presence is too big a headache to deal with and will eventually be his downfall, but it appears as though his trouble may be behind him and he may be beginning to reach the summit of his career. I recommend he celebrate his selection by going to Candyland. And, unlike Eric Cartman, please feel free to buy him Ants in the Pants as a birthday gift. He doesn't want a red Megaman anyway...

* Yes, NycoMark...we all hate Chris Berman.

* Joakim Soria made the All-Star Team as Kansas City's lone representative. Soria appears to be a good young pitcher, but something tells me that George Brett, Frank White or Willie Wilson could make the team if they still suited up for the Royals. Yes, even at the age of 50-something. And, yes -- at least in the case of Wilson -- even after a night spent with Willie Aikens, Vida Blue and Doc Gooden.

* Soria's nickname is the Mexicutioner. Sweet.

And, now that you have learned something, I bid you adieu. After all, I've got a sudden desire to play Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

*** In the paragraph celebrating the all-star selection of Milton Bradley, there are 10 games referenced. How many can you name and please do not go bonkers trying to figure them all out? And, yes, they are all from Milton Bradley. Sorry, Parker Brothers, I understand your aggravation and, yes, I understand that Milton Bradley does not have a monopoly in the game market and that I am running the risk of making you really mad, but this post is celebrating Milton and not you.

****Yes, there are five Parker Brothers games in the above paragraph as well!